It was a beautiful morning in San Francisco. The sun streamed through the windows of a small, shabby apartment, warming the inhabitants of the kitchen. Eddie and Venom were making chicken-head pie, and as usual, they were arguing over the chicken-to-pie ratio. Although Eddie couldn’t really taste the disgusting “food” that his symbiote/lover ate, it still disturbed him to be eating straight chicken heads, so he always tried to get Venom to add more pie crust.
“C’mon, can’t we at least add a base to the pie?” Eddie pleaded. Instead of responding, Venom tossed the bowl of floury dough across the room, where it shattered against the wall. Eddie sighed. “As polite as usual, Venom.”
As they proceeded through the “recipe” (it was always mostly just making messes in the kitchen and then making out), the TV caught the couple’s attention. It was a news program.
“...investigating a recent string of murders. Warning: the following images may be disturbing,” warned the anchor. On the screen, a series of pictures of dead bodies lit up the screen. Unfortunately, Eddie and Venom were used to seeing corpses, but these were especially upsetting: they were all drained of blood, pale and gray in the face.
Venom turned their head to Eddie. “I’ve seen this before, in another universe. This is a vampire,” they said. Eddie’s stomach dropped.
“Uh oh,” he said scaredly.
Suddenly, there was a knock at the door. Eddie and Venom went over to open it. In the hallway, there was a man with long, oily dark hair and a pale face.
“Hello,” the stranger said, sticking out a hand to shake. “I am Dr. Michael M. Morbius.”
Before Eddie could shake his hand, Venom whipped out a tendril and wrapped it around Morbius’s throat, pulling him into the apartment and up against the wall.
“Venom! What are you doing!” Eddie yelled.
Venom turned to him and hissed, “This is the vampire!”
There was a gurgling sound next to them, and they turned. Morbius was frantically waving his hands for air, and he was turning purple in the face. Venom loosened their tendril, and Morbius gasped in a breath.
“I’m not the vampire doing the killings! I’m here to stop them!” Morbius called out. Eddie and Venom looked at him suspiciously. “I came to your universe to stop my greatest enemy… The Anti-Morber.” His expression turned grave. “I drove him out of my universe, thinking it would stop his bloodthirsty killing spree. But it only let him get here. So now I have to stop him, and you two are the only ones who can help me.”
Eddie and Venom considered his words for a long time. “Wow, Dr. Michael M. Morbius,” Eddie finally said. “You’re such a good and moral person. You’ve probably never done anything wrong, and even if you have, I’m sure those people were criminals and so it’s fine.” Venom nodded beside him. “We’ll help you stop the Anti-Morber.”
Morbius smiled, and his sharp teeth glinted. “Good. Thank you. But first, there’s something else we need to do.”
And then they HAD SEX!
The End