Sunday Evening - Sam
When AJ burst through the door, Sam felt like someone was breaking him out of a trance. As he and Bucky said something about being late and separate cars all Sam could think was, I am so gay. And I am so in love with James Buchanan Barnes. He couldn’t believe how long it took him to realize it. The butterflies in his stomach, the way he wanted to put his fist through drywall when he thought Bucky was flirting with Sarah, and the way his heart practically beat out of its chest when Bucky was flirting with him. It wasn’t until Bucky lifted his shirt over his head and Sam felt the overwhelming urge to get his hands on Bucky…anywhere…everywhere…that the pieces finally fit together. Somewhere, deep inside a mind that had been entrenched in so much internalized homophobia it was suffocating, Sam had probably always known. Society constantly berating him with images of what it meant to be a man. Words like sissy, panzy, pussy, and f*g being thrown around as insults on the school yard, Don’t Ask Don’t Tell. Sure, his parents were never hateful and never would have been, but they were just as complicit. Joking that he had a little girlfriend when he became friends with Suzie in kindergarten. Telling him as he got older that “girls would be lined up around the block for him” or asking when he got even older when he was going to find a good woman and start a family. Being gay was…it wasn’t the plan. But yeah…the way Sam felt when Bucky was looking at his mouth while worrying at his own bottom lip…Sam had never felt that way before. Not with any of the women he had kissed. It felt like if he didn’t kiss Bucky he was going to implode. And then…and then he didn’t. And now he is imploding but he can’t seem to stop himself as he rambles. He doesn’t realize how long he’s been doing it until they reach the restaurant.
Dinner is painful. Actually, its quite pleasant. Mark seems like a really nice guy and Paige is cute as a button. Sarah is happy. The boys are ecstatic because Mark is a huge Star Wars fan, which again, points. Bucky is distractingly beautiful wearing Sam’s shirt and looking over at him every so often with his perfect blue eyes. God have they always been this blue.
Sam starts fiddling with his collar because it feels tight, when he feels Bucky’s hand on his thigh. It sends sparks through his whole body. You good? Bucky mouths. Sam shakes his head no.
“Sorry,” Sam says standing, “I’m just going to step outside and get some air. I um, guess I’m somewhat of a light weight now because that wine really got to me.” He knew the lie was terrible when everyone looked at his glass that he had taken two sips from but he didn’t care.
The air outside wasn’t much cooler than it was inside but he felt relieved as he stepped onto the side walk and leaned against the building, taking deep breaths. He heard Bucky’s voice calling his name. He hadn’t even heard the door open.
“Sam. Look. I’m so sorry if I crossed a line earlier. I really didn’t mean to—”
Sam cut him off as he surged forward, one hand on Bucky’s cheek and the other on his waist, and pressed their lips together. Bucky hungrily returned the kiss and Sam suddenly felt his back against the cool brick of the building. Finally stopping to breathe, he pulled back, resting their foreheads together.
“God, you have no idea how long I’ve wanted this,” Bucky panted as he started peppering kisses along Sam’s jaw.
“You should have said something,” Sam responded breathlessly, “I might have figured it out sooner.”
Bucky gave up his assault on Sam’s jaw and neck and looked up, “that I liked you?”
“That I love you,” Sam answered. “Oh no. That’s way too soon. Shit—I shouldn’t have--”
“Bucky? Sam?” Sarah called. She stopped in her tracks when she clocked their position. Sam still had one hand on Bucky’s hips that he let fall. “Sorry – I didn’t mean to interrupt I was just worried.” She said smiling.
“No worries,” Bucky answered, grabbing Sam’s hand to interlace their fingers and start pulling him inside, “I was just letting your brother know how much I love him.”
Sam felt Bucky squeeze his hand as he said the L word, and Sam squeezed back.
“Finally,” Sarah said exacerbated. Which…what? Did everyone know but Sam? “Now please comeback and distract these children with stories about flying or saving the world or the great depression or something so I can have an actual conversation with this guy.”
They laughed and followed her in. As much as he could not wait for this dinner to be over so he could get Bucky alone again, he happily obliged, trying to remember his funniest Hulk stories to impress the table.