Pour
Scott opened his eyes, then squeezed them shut and slammed his hand against the unfamiliar nightstand while trying to feel around for his glasses. It wasn't until he finally found them and felt the difference that he remembered he didn't need them, and squinted his eyes back open to the sunny room.
There was an angry, sleepy growl on the back of his neck, and he realized that the weight around ribs was not a heavy blanket like his sleeping brain thought it was. Logan’s arms tightened around him and his legs curled tighter into the back of Scott's.
He looked at his phone. His alarm would be going off in around half an hour.
“I'm going to get up.” Scott croaked.
No response.
“Logan.” amusement crept into his voice.
There was a tighter squeeze and a complaining growl, like a kid being woken up by their parents for school, if the kid was also a wild animal.
“You know, you're awfully cuddly when you're not worried about stabbing people in your sleep.” he observed.
A puff of air tickled the back of his neck.
“Okay, come on, big guy.” He reached back and gave him a couple hard pats on the thigh. “If anyone walks in on us like this, they're going to get the wrong idea about what we got up to last night.”
He slid out from the grasp into a sitting position. Logan had somehow made his way all the way over to the other end of the bed, forcing Scott to the edge. The other man scratched his face as he tried to wake up and stretched. Scott stood up and accidentally knocked over a glass bottle.
“Oh, right.” He bent down and picked up the half-empty bottle of whisky, the events of last night coming back with tinges of regret.
Scott could make excuses for what he did when he was pretending to be Logan's partner. He could make excuses for what Logan initiated after he knew the truth. There were no excuses for Scott being the one to grab him last night and kiss him on the mouth. Or for lying on top of him in bed while he was stripped down to his underwear, for that matter.
Jesus. Being tipsy could only account for so much.
Scott looked to Logan, opening his mouth to ask what he should do with the bottle, but he shut it again when he saw the man's face. Logan was glaring at the hard liquor with mortification, frozen in the middle of pushing himself upright.
“...I'll give you a minute.”
Scott set the bottle aside to the nightstand and entered the bathroom, sensing the man needed a few seconds alone to process. He was washing his hands when he heard a noise from the bedroom.
“FUCK!” the loud shout rang, only somewhat muffled through the door. Scott turned the faucet off and ran out without a second thought.
Logan was sitting on the edge of the bed. As Scott watched, he chucked the bottle hard at the floor with a loud THUNK . Luckily, it didn't break against the carpet.
“Logan!” Scott started to rush over, but he only made it to the foot of the bed before freezing.
“Don't.” Logan growled angrily. He hung his head and held it between his hands. his ribs rose and fell rapidly with his shallow breaths.
Scott waited for him to recover, but there was no change. He picked the bottle back up and moved it over to the dresser, out of sight.
There was a knock at the door. He cast Logan a glance, but he didn't respond to the sound. Scott cracked the door open to find Ororo on the other side.
“Is everything alright? What happened?” Her hair was messy, and she was wearing only a loose shirt of Logan's she was given as pajamas.
He glanced back at Logan, who hadn't moved from huddled position. “Everything's okay.”
“Are you sure?” she placed her hand on the doorframe.
“Yeah.” Although Ororo was probably one of the few people Logan wouldn’t mind seeing in this state, there was no need to crowd him. “Logan's just… having a hard morning.”
Reliable as ever, she gave him a look of understanding. “Jean and I will wake the others in a few minutes.”
He shut the door and turned back to Logan, wondering too late if maybe he should have traded places with Ororo. She was much better in situations like these.
“Do you remember what happened last night?” Scott asked.
Between Logan's hands, he wore a grimace of tight-faced rage. He nodded. A moment of tense silence passed while Scott waited for him.
“I'm not even-” he choked out, voice harsh. “I'm not even fuckin’ wearin’ pants .”
Another beat passed while Scott tried to figure out what to say. Before he could do anything, Logan bolted to his feet without warning and sped to the dresser.
He threw the old drawer open so hard it jammed, spurring him to violently yank at it, handles clattering in a ruckus. Everything about it seemed to only infuriate him further, until the drawer finally slammed open all the way with a bang. The way he threw clothes on the floor in his frustration until he found the jeans he was looking for was almost desperate.
“Stop.” Scott tried to tell him, forced to stand there and watch as he only made himself madder and madder. “Logan, stop.” he said again, more forcefully.
Without warning, the man ripped the drawer out altogether with frightening strength and chucked it across the room, sending its contents flying and startling Scott backwards. It hit the bed with a bounce and landed upside down on the floor with another bang. Logan watched it, completely still again, every muscle in his body tensed beneath the skin. His face was red and sweat was building on his back.
The quiet in the room was deafening. There was no sound save for Logan's heavy, ragged breathing. Scott had no idea what to say, but had a feeling that saying anything at all would only make it worse.
Apparently unable to tolerate the uncomfortable silence anymore, Logan whirled around, charged into the bathroom, and slammed the door behind himself. The shower faucet started running.
Scott had gone completely cold. To say he wasn't prepared to start his day with this much commotion was understatement.
He realized at some point the dogs had started scratching and whining at the door, and while he knew in his heart that Logan would never do anything that would harm them, even as an accident, it was probably best to keep them out regardless. They didn't need more commotion.
There was retching from the bathroom. Evidently, he didn't make it to the shower.
Unsure of what else to do, Scott grabbed the heavy drawer and started trying to line it back up into the dresser.
“Leave it.” came Logan's strained voice from the bathroom, still angry but more subdued.
“It's fine.” said Scott dully.
“I said leave it! ” he lashed.
Scott said nothing, stopped with the drawer in hand mid-push.
The bathroom door clicked open, the sound of running water filling the room. Logan looked out at him through the crack. His eyes were red and heavy. He looked at Scott's hands, but not directly at him.
“I'll clean up after myself.” He said tersely. Scott’s shoulders unconsciously slouched a little.
Logan came back out and sat down on the side of the bed, abandoning the shower entirely. He bent over and held his arms around his stomach as he rested them on his lap, like he was still nauseous.
To say Scott was used to Logan’s outbursts would be a wild understatement, but they were usually some sort of posturing, or over-dramatic arguing. He wasn't used to this. It was too real. Too raw. Too ordinary.
He ignored Logan's wishes and picked the clothes up off the floor.
“Go do something else.” Logan grumbled.
“No.” Scott said firmly.
“I want to be alone.”
“...I don't think you should right now.” he said, softer.
Logan didn't have a comeback for that. Once all the clothes were gathered off the floor, Scott started folding them.
“We're not married. You don't owe me.” Logan said with his eyes glued to the ground. There was a pang in Scott’s chest.
Scott was also avoiding looking at Logan. The task in front of him was as much for Scott’s own sake as it was for the other man’s. “I need to apologize for last night.”
No response. “I shouldn't have pushed myself on you, especially at a time like that.” Even he was aware of how detached and diplomatic he was starting to sound. “I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking clearly.”
“‘S fine. Not like it went further than that.” Logan mumbled in return.
“But you're right. We're not married. I shouldn't have been acting like that.”
“I'm not mad at you .” Logan emphasized, leaving the rest unspoken.
When Scott stole a look at him, he had a tired, distant air to him. He stared off into nothing, stuck in his own head.
When everything was put away, Scott got cleaned up and dressed. In the worst kind of way, he was almost glad to be able to keep himself busy with Logan's problems. It kept his mind off his own murky feelings swirling just beneath the surface. And he was happy to leave them there for as long as it took.
The current safety pin holding everything together was telling himself he had just gotten a little too comfortable playing his role as a spouse, and never took himself out of it. He had been doing what he thought a good husband was supposed to do. The fact that it was Logan had nothing to do with it.
While Scott was getting ready, Logan finally got into the shower. Scott started setting clothes aside to pack while he did so. About ten minutes later he was out, and Scott got the impression he was doing better.
“Why don't you just stay here? We'll go out to the cabin and take care of things.” Scott suggested while Logan put a towel on and Scott packed a bag.
Logan shook his head. “I'm going.”
“It's honestly better if you stay. We're doing this for safety reasons, so there's no reason to drag you into it. Especially not without a healing factor.” he took his Leader tone.
“You can't defend yourself any better than I can right now.” Logan pointed out as he got dressed.
Scott’s skin prickled, recalling the argument he had with the other Logan before he left. He told himself to get it under control.
“I told you, I'm going to do my best to avoid any risks or dangerous situations directly.” he maintained. “You can trust me.”
Logan looked at him hard, a heat creeping into him that Scott knew all too well.
“Yeah, and I know that you'll take the risk if you think it's necessary.” he said with an edge.
Scott couldn't deny that.
“Look,” he said, getting close. Oh boy, it was one of these. Logan's eyes narrowed. “The guy whose body you're in- the one who's only got me to look out for him right now- doesn't have any choice in whatever danger you put him in.”
“Which might not be any -” Scott started to say.
“Shut up.” He cut him off and continued. “But I do have a choice of what I get myself into. And if it comes down to a decision of what ‘has’ to be done,” he tilted his head in for emphasis, “I'm going to be the one to make it for us. Not you. Got it?”
Logan had a way of talking when he was mad where he showed his teeth a little more than usual. It always pulled at Scott's attention, but he held his gaze unflinchingly regardless. It was the only way to handle Logan in his little confrontations, though he had a suspicion it only egged the man on further.
But Logan had a right to be angry this time. All things considered, he'd been very calm about the scenario up to this point.
“Got it.” Scott forfeited after taking the pressure for a few hot seconds.
“Good.” Logan immediately backed off and loosened back up, though still carrying a noticeable weight in his shoulders.
Scott figured that if Logan was feeling well enough to make veiled threats at him now, he was doing well enough to be left on his own. He took off to check on everyone else.
The three dogs yipped at him when he opened the door, sniffing all over him to see if he was okay and wiggling past to run to Logan. The guest bedroom was already vacated when he passed it on the way downstairs.
On the first floor the living room, kitchen, and bathroom all bustled with activity. Thankfully, it seemed like Jean and Ororo had gone and made sure everyone was up and moving while Scott was handling the situation upstairs.
He went to the kitchen and poured himself some coffee, alongside Kitty and Piotr, who were separating out snacks for the trip.
“How's it going?” he greeted them, trying to mask his stress.
“Pretty good! Honestly, I keep having to remind myself we're here for a mission and not just hanging out with a cool, old Logan.” Kitty took a bag of trail mix from Piotr that she had obviously no interest in.
“It does not help that we're taking a road trip to a cabin.” said the giant.
“I hear you. I don't know the last time I had this much free time on the weekend.”
“Who knows, maybe it'll calm down after this?” said Kitty with false cheer.
“Does it ever?” said Scott, and Piotr laughed heartily.
“I don't know. Sometimes!” Kitty defended. “You never know.”
“Sure.” he said. “Who are we still missing?”
“Jean, Ororo, and Logan.” Piotr informed him.
He blew the air out of his mouth at the last name. He didn't need two Logans acting out at once.
“He’s just anxious. Same as you.” Kitty said, ever the apologist in Scott’s eyes when it came to her mentor. At least she wasn't as bad as Anna Marie about it.
“He's the one that needs to calm down, not me."
“You always say that.”
“It's always true.”
“And people say he's the stubborn one.”
She flashed him a cheeky smile, so he left to the backyard to look for the absent X-Men.
He ran into Jean in the backyard, who was walking back from the garage, likely having finished loading something into the car.
“Hey, have you seen Ororo and Logan?” He asked. She was wearing one of Logan's flannels, buttoned up. They had come to this universe in only their suits, so the shopping crew grabbed a change of clothes for everyone the day prior. The tank top they got her was a little small, so she was keeping it covered.
That meant that both Jean and Ororo had perfectly good reasons for wearing Logan’s clothes that morning, but that didn't change the fact that the optics of it were a bit strange.
“They're waiting in the garage for everyone to get ready. We should give them some space, I think she's trying to get him to talk.”
Scott shuffled impatiently. “Is he still being a curmudgeon?”
‘Curmudgeon’? Logan’s voice mocked him in the back of his head.
“He's just uncomfortable having to wait around.” she excused.
“He sure seemed pretty comfortable this morning.” he said, remembering the sight from last night and excited to make fun of him with Jean about it.
“What do you mean?”
Scott perked up. “You didn't see when you woke everyone up?”
She shook her head. “No, he was gone when I came down.”
He got his phone out, barely able to contain his smile of anticipation. He pulled up one of the photos he took last night of Logan sleeping in a pile of dogs.
A hand flew to Jean’s mouth. “Oh my god .” she gasped and took the phone to scroll between the pictures he took of him. “Send me these! This one is my new lock screen.” she held up the overhead shot of him.
Scott laughed at that. “What?” But she was already texting them to herself from his phone.
“He's going to get back at you for taking these.” she warned him playfully.
“He doesn't have to know.”
Jean shook her head at him. She finished sending herself the pictures and passed the phone back.
“Okay.” she settled. “I hate to bring the mood down, but I have to ask about the other Logan. The one you were sharing a room with.” They had to figure out a better way to differentiate the two in conversation. “What happened this morning? Is everything okay? We heard shouting and banging from our room.”
Scott took the phone back to put it in his pocket and shifted into seriousness. “I think he's doing better, he…” he sighed and tried to figure out how much Logan would be okay with telling her. For starters, it was Jean . On top of that Logan would never see her again after all this, so he reasoned it was okay to tell her.
“He was drinking last night.” he started.
“I know, I saw. Did he do something?” she tilted her head at him. Of course, this was not news on its own.
“He…” Scott hated having to deliver this news. It was depressing. “Apparently he's been sober.”
Scott watched the light leave Jean. “I don't know how long, but I got the impression it's been a while. I think he was fine at first, but got himself in a bad place mentally and caved. He was already pretty drunk when I found him.”
“Oh.” she said with a sympathetic sigh and looked away in dismay. “Oh Scott, if I'd known… We could have told them not to bring home any alcohol from the store.”
“That would mean Logan telling us about it in the first place. And even if he did, he'd probably insist we shouldn't have to avoid it because of him.”
“But still…” she said helplessly. Of course it was easy now, in retrospect, to see all the things they should have done. Even knowing it wasn’t anyone's fault directly, that didn't stop the feeling that someone should have prevented it.
“I know. He was just mad at himself this morning. I think he'll be alright, since we're getting out of town. But keep it between us, okay?” Their Logan was never a fan of people fussing over him, and Scott doubted this one would be any different.
“And what about you? Are you okay?”
That took him by surprise. “Of course, why?”
“We haven't had much of a chance to talk alone, and when we have, it's about Logan.”
“That's fair.” A small storm of feelings welled up beneath the surface. The one he'd been ignoring. “Actually, I… I need to tell you something. About last night.”
If Scott was a person with the luxury of succumbing to nerves, he might have done it then. He dreaded having to tell her what he did with Logan, but they'd left the morally dubious emotional cheating behind with marriage. Plus, there was the whole thing about not being able to hide things from a psychic.
Jean was watching him hesitate with nervousness, fixing him with a hard stare.
“I'm sorry, Jean. He was in a bad place last night, and I had a couple drinks myself…” she was tensed in anticipation of the bad news. “... I kissed him.”
She closed her eyes. The tension left her and she exhaled the breath she was holding. “Oh. Okay.”
His face scrunched and he searched her face in confusion. “Are-... are you relieved?”
There was a moment of dumbfounded silence as they stared at each other blankly.
Jean reactivated into motion and threw her hands up in defense “Okay, look-”
He took a baffled step backward and looked all around in disbelief.
“I thought-”
“What? ” he squeaked.
“I thought you were going to say you slept together!” she scrambled to justify herself as her words dealt another blow to him. “You looked like you were going to say something a lot worse!”
“Wh-...” his lips were helplessly failing to form words over and over.
“And I mean, you shared a room last night, and you've basically been glued to him since we got here- Scott.”
Jean was trying to get him back to attention, but he was dragging his hands down his face and failing to recover.
“Sorry?” she apologized obligatorily, not sounding even a little sorry. Scott took another second before answering.
“So you're not mad?” he fought past the emotional whiplash.
“I'm not happy. You kissed someone else behind my back.” she corrected, then got stuck with how to follow that up. “But it- I'm not-” she cut herself off with a sigh. Her internal conflict was evident on her face. Her anger was showing, now that the miscommunication had been cleared up.
“I'm sorry.” he knew he needed to explain himself somehow. “He was in a bad place last night. He was saying things that had me worried. I… thought I was helping. In this universe, Logan and I-”
“Are married. I know, he told me.” her voice was frustrated and tense, but she was receptive to his explanation. He felt the tickle in his mind of her gentle mental sweep, which he welcomed so that she could see his authenticity for herself. The memories of his conversation with Logan last night, as well as his distress this morning, flitted through his mind as Jean flipped through them like skimming a book. He would have guarded them to protect Logan's privacy, but honestly he hoped that Jean knowing the jist of it would help him figure out the right thing to do. As it was, he was worried that his presence was hurting more than it helped.
“I wanted to be there for him. I wasn't thinking.” he apologized.
Doubt flickered across Jean. He flinched at it.
“Look.” she asserted. “We both know things happen, living like we do.”
It wasn't something anyone talked about much, but he knew what she was talking about. When you find yourself in mortal danger, you don't act rationally. Sometimes you're a hair's breadth away from being killed, only for a teammate to swoop in and save your life, and the euphoria and adrenaline overtakes you. Or you're facing what may very well be the end with someone, and in desperation you reach for one last human comfort. Or, plain and simple, a psychic makes you do it. Each scenario had happened more than once. Under regular circumstances it would be considered cheating, but whether or not anyone decided to hold their partner accountable or just let it go was up to each individual team member and their current relationship.
At a certain point, Jean and Scott had more or less agreed to let these incidents go for the sake of their relationship, but it almost never happened anyway. It was actually usually Logan and Jean, and while it was once enough to make him doubt their entire relationship, it had happened enough times that Scott had become somewhat calloused to the whole thing. Logan kissed, like, everyone at some point, and cheek-kisses to good friends were a favorite of both Logan and Jean separately.
What Scott had done was none of the above, but those reasons were part of why he didn't feel too bad about it, and why Jean wasn't angrier.
“Is that the only time it happened?” Jean asked cautiously.
Scott was already opening his mouth to say yes when he remembered. “No, he kissed me when I first got here, before he knew I was someone else.” Oh, right. “And then again afterwards, but he was just doing that to mess with me. You know how he is.”
Jean crossed her arms and looked off. She thought to herself for a moment. “Why don't we put this talk on hold for now? We should focus on the mission, and I have some things to think about.” She was still clearly unhappy and keeping herself restrained.
“That's a good idea.” said Scott.
She turned back to him with a more forgiving air about her, but a harder stare. “We both have things to think about.” she said pointedly. “But I think you're right, the Logan in this universe needs you right now. He isn't stable, and me being around him is obviously bringing up some old pain for him. The last thing I want to do is make it worse.” she turned sad, and Scott knew she was grappling with wanting to be there for him, but knowing her presence was hurting him. This was not the first time she'd found herself in that situation with him.
“Just, please, don’t-”
“What, sleep with him?” he joked.
“Yes, Scott!” she raised her voice, not appreciating his dismissal of the idea.
“I'm in someone else's body. How do people keep forgetting that?” he argued back. “Besides, it's Logan, for god’s sake. I don't want-”
“We are all ready to go!” Piotr called out the back door.
“Okay, get everyone loaded in.” Scott hollered back.
He and Jean turned to each other. There was mistrust in her eyes that he couldn't stand.
“I love you, Jean.” he told her, trying to put the argument to rest so the ride would go smoothly.
“I love you, too.” she relaxed a bit, ready to let it go for the time being.
“Come on,” he smiled. “We've got a road trip.”