Where Are We? Pt4
“Why didn’t you tell me about this?! You had this – this, what did you say? Dissociative disorder? This is serious. Bucky!”
Oh goody. I guess Bucky finally gave in and now he’s coming back here to escape the wrath of the mother hen Rogers. Yay for my ears…
“I didn’t tell you because it didn’t fucking matter Steve!”
“Didn’t matter? How can you say that?!”
“Steve, I just – Could you just give some space please? I promised Clint we’d hang out tonight.”
I fully support this lie. Soon as they actually get through the door I’ll complain about him forgetting to order the pizza. That’ll be convincing.
“After. Buck, I… How long has – Can I talk to my best friend please?”
“The hell am I? You weren’t complaining yesterday when we worked out together.”
Ouch. Wrong turn Cap. Throw it in reverse and apologize to the metaphorical stoplight you just hit.
“No, I – I just meant. Well you said there are alters right? Other personalities? And you said you aren’t the core personality which I have to assume is my best friend. I just wanna talk to him, straighten things out. I wanna hear his side.”
…
Silence?
“You’re not talking to him.”
Oh… That’s an angry Bucky. Should I…?
“Why not? He’s my friend. I just want to talk to my best friend, the real one.”
Aw, Steve, why? Why did you have to throw out the “real” card again? That’s just rude.
“I’m real as anything, pal, and you’re gonna have to deal with it, ya punk. James hardly ever comes out. Not since the fox holes. Not since the lot of his fast made buddies got blown up while he was out stealing a couple packs of crackers for em on a dare,” Bucky seethed.
Well… That was… Damn. I never knew that.
I moved closer to the door, opening it slowly when the following silence didn’t let up. Steve noticed me. Gave me this haunted, caught in the headlights look. Bucky though, he didn’t turn a bit to acknowledge me.
“We’re real,” he bit out, clenching his fist tighter. “You’re stuck with us.”
I watched the rubber band snap in Steve’s mind. All that haunted regret dialed up to a horror that flipped up a couple degrees to horrified anger.
“No.”
Bucky tilted his chin up. “Yep.”
That got a vigorous head shake from Cap. “No. No, the programming is gone. The Winter Soldier doesn’t exist anymore.”
Ah… This could get… tricky.
“Actually –”
“S’okay Clint,” Bucky cut in, finally looking over his shoulder at me. “I got this.”
I nodded. Because I mean, what else was I supposed to do? Argue?
Not a chance.
“He prefers солнце.”
“Sounds Russian,” Steve replied skeptically.
Bucky laughed. “Well, the guy was around a lot of Russians back in the day. So was обнимать.”
“Wait. There’s – There are two winter soldiers?”
“Not really,” I answered without thinking.
The comment got me a disapproving scowl and an amused smile. Bucky reached up to ruffle my hair fondly.
“How the hell do you know?” Steve accused. “Why did he get to know about this and I didn’t?”
“He’s my boyfriend, Steve.” He rolled his eyes. “He met солнце first. Had to explain what was up when I’d had some counseling and we starting stepping out together.”
“I miss him. We should hang out more often.”
That got me a kiss on the cheek. And a squawk of protest from Steve.
“Don’t encourage this, Clint! This is a serious problem. If the Winter Soldier is still –”
“Still what, Stevie?” Bucky asked in that low threatening way of his.
He pulled me in close, tucking himself into my side. I stroked his arm in sympathy. Rose a brow at Cap in solidarity, challenging him to make another fuss.
All that righteous aggravation bled away. Finally Steve sighed, dropping his shoulders into a defeated slouch.
“I’m just worried, Buck. I mean… I thought things were finally getting better. I thought…”
Bucky leaned into me. I squeezed his shoulders in reply.
“Things are getting better, Stevie. I just didn’t feel like sharing this. I don’t have to share everything with you.”