Erik sat at the window, with one leg crossed on his knee. He’d woken up in Charles’s bed that morning, with Charles wrapped around him like an octopus. He’d quickly disentangled himself and escaped to his room. He had promised himself he wouldn’t do anything with Charles. Promised himself he wouldn’t even think that way around him ever. Wouldn’t let his own closely guarded secret even flitter across his mind. He didn’t like the idea of Charles’s brain prodding in his. He knew that he would never be able to recover anything close to a coworker dynamic let alone the friendship that had grown over the time they had spent together. Erik didn’t even know how that had happened. He didn’t know how he had let that happen. He knew better than to trust himself with that much responsibility. The amount of restraint that he had to exhibit in order to keep himself from doing something so many times. One time Charles had sat with his legs in Erik’s lap while he read to him, and it had taken him a full ten minutes to find his voice again. Or bring his shoulders down from his ears for that matter.
He’d noticed how Charles had forgotten to do up the first four buttons of his shirt for the last several weeks. That or criminally tight pants with the sweaters he wore when the manor got to cold. Erik had been struggling to even have a conversation with Charles, let alone keep his thoughts fixated on the situations at hand and now the way that his hair was falling in front of his face without regard for Erik’s sensibilities.
Last night after a heated argument over chess about if the pieces could feel pain when they died -Erik had been in the camp that they suffered, Charles had teared up over it- Charles had grabbed Eriks hand. Erik hadn’t pulled away, but he ended up losing the game, because he hadn’t been able to think about anything else. When he’d stood up so had Charles, and he’d pulled Erik in for a kiss without hesitation. It had frozen him in place. He couldn’t so much as breath. Charles had just grinned at him and shaken his head, making intense eye contact. Charles had pulled his hand and Erik had gone. He’d been afraid to touch him. Afraid like he might crumple apart, that Erik could lose all of this.
He’d never seen a more attractive person in his entire life. His hair, his eyes, the way his teeth sparkled in the light of the candle he lit at dinner that he made everyone have every night. Well- more like every other. The other nights Charles would lounge on the sofa and eat cookies for dinner. Or ‘biscuits’ as he insisted. They fought about that also, Erik had always said you should go by the name the country you are in would call it, to erase any evidence of you being a foreigner. Charles on the other hand had chosen to die on the hill that the actual name for them was biscuits, and that anything else was wrong.
Everything about that man ruined Erik. He was short. Shorter than Erik had thought for a while actually. He came up about to his shoulder. He’d never noticed because Charles was so incredibly charismatic, all you could think of while around him was the gravitational pull he had on everyone in the room. Erik had assumed when he first met him it was his powers that did that, but he’d learned more about them from Raven and he to his shock realized that he was actually just that charming. Erik’d never had a poison like him before to ruin his carefully constructed ruse.
He hadn’t thought that there was any possibility that Charles might be… like him. He’d never looked at women the way his peers had. He’d never even had a crush on one. But he figured that he was broken in some way. That there wouldn’t be any chance he could fine a guy with the same mind on things, and even if he did, he certainly never thought it would be one as incredible as Charles. Charles was so much. His words were strung together beautifully. He wore nice clothes and talks about nice books he read at his nice places. He made jokes that reminded you he was still a school boy at heart. He commanded every room he was in, and was the life of every party.
Erik had nothing even remotely valuable he could give back in return for even being friends with the man. He was cold and quiet and sulky. He was barely controlling his anger and his lust for blood was overwhelming and poorly timed most often. He’d get flighty around Charles and had resorted to being a raging dick to him in a attempt to keep some level of professional relationship.
That went out the window last night.
He was so deep in thought he didn’t hear Charles enter the room, just jumped out of his skin the moment he felt a hand on his shoulder. He whipped around, but smiled when he saw Charles standing there with a cup in his hand.
“I brought you coffee.”
Fuck Erik was in trouble. His hair was messy and in his face. His cheeks were pink and flushed. He was in Erik’s shirt and his running pants. He had a hickey where his neck and shoulder met and Erik had to look away, clearing his throat and accepting it from him.
“Thank you.”
“Would you like to come back with me?” Charles asked, yawning. “I think I am going to go curl up I’m pretty cold.”
“Sure.” Erik said. He stood stiffly, turning and looking at him for only a half second. Charles smiled at him and held out his hand. Erik hesitated, almost not taking it, before he eventually did, giving Charles his most casual smile he could.
Charles lead him back, and Erik was hyper aware of his body as they did so. Erik held onto his coffee with a death grip and took a small sip the moment they got inside so he could ignore Charles stretching in his shirt. He waved Erik over and he settled next to him.
Charles immediately grabbed his hand again, leaning over and kissed his cheek.
Erik froze.
He’d never really done any of that with someone. He had no interest in a women, and he hadn’t even thought of seeking it out with another man. A hookup was one thing- a life ruining one that he was deeply regretting, but it was one thing -but to have Charles touching him like this. Holding his hand and kissing his cheek. He didn’t know how to behave in this situation. He was going to fuck it up somehow he just knew.
But he knew he didn’t want it to stop.
Slowly, like a robot, he put his arm over Charles. His whole body felt like it was wound up tightly, and he almost felt like he was shaking. Charles looked up at him with a beaming smile and Erik felt his stomach drop. Charles gave him a slightly concerned look, grabbing his other hand and sitting up a little.
“Are you alright darling?”
Darling
Erik was in too deep.
“Yes I’m okay.” Erik said robotically. Charles let go of one on his hands and smoothed his hair away from his face. Then he reached up and brushed the hair that had fallen in his eyes away carefully. Despite himself, Erik leaned into the touch a little, and Charles gave him a warm smile.
“You’re like a cat.” Charles said in a painfully kind warm tone. The soft kind of affection usually saved for small children or babies.
Charles let his hand fall away and it took everything in Erik to not follow it. He’d gone so long since he’d let someone be this close, he didn’t want it to go away now. Didn’t want to lose it by being to much. But he couldn’t let it just stop. Forcing himself to ignore the fear pounding in his hears and his heart, he tightened his grip on Charles’s shoulder miniscule, and Charles leaned into him, resting his head against him. It made him feel sick.
“You seem on edge?” Charles observed. Erik shrugged and Charles tightened his grip on his hand. Erik squeezed it back. In a low, careful tone, Charles spoke again. “Are you alright with this?”
“Yes.” Erik replied to quickly he realized when Charles giggled next to him. He looked over and saw a light in his eyes. “Sorry I mean- I don’t do a lot of like…”
“Hookups?” Charles aksed. Erik shook his head.
“No that’s not- well no not that either but just like… this is… I like this.” he lifted their intertwined hand as he spoke. “I just don’t always uh- I don’t know exactly how to behave.”
Charles looked at him with gears turning in his head. Erik resisted the urge to fidget as the baby blue eyes bore into his soul. He wondered if Charles was using his powers at the moment. He looked like he could see Erik’s essence of being without even trying. Like his core humanity had been laid bare. Erik bit the inside of his cheek, hoping Charles wouldn’t notice.
He seemed to have come to some conclusion, because with a alarming amount of confidence, Charles leaned in and wrapped both of his arms tightly around Erik.
“What are you doing?”
“Hugging you.”
Charles said in plainly, but it felt so much more than a hug was supposed to. It felt like his entire body was wrapped in something safe and warm and entirely novel. Erik was frozen in place, entirely unsure of how to act. He wanted to reciprocate but he didn’t know how. He lifted his hands but put them back down, hoping Charles didn’t notice.
“Is this okay?” Charles asked. Erik lifted his hands again, wrapping his arms loosely around Charles.
“Yeah.” Erik said. “Sorry just… unfamiliar.”
“It doesn’t have to be.” Charles held him tighter, hooking his chin on Erik’s shoulder. Erik allowed it, still holding himself tightly. “I like hugs.”
“I suppose I do to.” Erik said after a minute. He bit his cheek harder this time, blinking a bit. He couldn’t remember the last time he had allowed someone to hug him, but he was sure he got stabbed in the back.
“Why don’t we just lie here together for a while. There isn’t anything for us to do today.” Charles said. “And I can put a record on?”
Erik stopped and looked at him. Charles looked hopeful, pulling away just enough to make eye contact. Erik wanted him to come back, and before he had time to tell himself not to, he burrowed his face against Charles’s shoulder and held him tightly.
“I would like that.” He said. He didn’t know if he was doing this right, but he didn’t want Charles to go. Charles chuckled softly, bringing a hand up to his hair.
“I don’t want to go either love, let me put some music on.”
As he disentangled himself Erik watched with bated breath.
“Have you been reading my mind?” Erik asked, feeling suddenly very exposed.
“Not intentionally. I am so sorry my dear I don’t mean to you just think so exceptionally loudly.” Charles said. Erik looked away. “I do try to avoid it for you.”
“It’s alright.” Erik said. “You have your tricks, I have mine.”
He couldn’t think of anything more embarrassing than how he had behaved already.
Charles moved easily about the room, turning on the record and crawling back over to Erik. It was the Beatles- of course it was, Charles loved them. Erik found them to popular for his taste, but he allowed Charles to play them near constantly. Charles wrapped his arms around Erik again and flopped down, dragging Erik with him.
Erik licked his lips, looking at Charles briefly, before propping himself up on a elbow.
“I rather enjoy this.”
Charles threw his head back and laughed at him. But for some reason it didn’t make Erik feel anything other than affection. Normally someone who had done that- especially when Erik was being so vulnerable, would have been impaled many times over. But Charles just tucked himself against Erik and closed his eyes, basking in the warmth.
“I like this as well my friend.” Charles said. “Now shut your stupid mind off and lay with me will you?”
“I- yes sorry.”
Erik laid down and Charles wrapped himself around him again. This time, Erik didn’t pull away.