Remuses P.O.V
Remus spent alot of his time nose deep in a book, he spent even more time pining over Sirius Black. Thats what he was doing this morning sitting at the table in the great hall, he was reading and pining. He was so engrossed that he barely noticed James sitting down till he got an elbow to the rib.
"Hey Moons" Oh no, James sounded sheepish, this could only really mean hed been off doing something he probably shouldnt be and Remus would get caughtnin the aftermath.
"James, Youre up early" He answered, he didn't look up right away, he stayed staring into his book deliborating his life chocies before he tilted his eyes up.
James was staring across the room, towards the slytherin table? Remus satcup straighter, he squinted and tried to follow James's line of sight.
well fuck James bastard Potter was staring rifht at Sirius's younger brother Regulus. He was staring unabashedly and completely obviously, watching the slightly younger boy talk with Dorcas Meadows. Remus rolled his eyes. It's one thing for him to be hopelessly pining over a Black, its another for James to be doing it.
Remus looked for a few seconds longer, he supposed he could understand, Regulus was a pretty guy, he had the same trade mark eyes as sirius and his hair was slightly darker and curlier, but his lips werent the same shape and his cheekbones were higher. Regulus was the oposite of his brother, when standing side by side they could be twins but Remus knew Sirius better than he knew the scars covering his own body.
Regulus was cold, aloof, dazzling and never failed to look absolutely perfect. He was a quiet kid, hung around with Dorcas Meadows, Barty Crouch and Evan Rosier. He rarely laughed, he rarely smiled, actually it was rare anything crossed his face.
Sirius was the opposite he was loud and bright and his hair was dark but almost golden in sunlight and there was warmth behind those signature eyes. He was rugged and chose to wear muggle clothes and dressed more like a rockstar than anything else. He was funny too and sweet and cute and kind and all the things that Regulus wasnt. Objectively Remus could understand why James was drawn to the younger one, he liked a challenge, he liked strong minded, intelligent, people who he could argue with and then make up (or makeout) with. He liked everyone and he loved so deeply and without shame. Remus could understand but also Remus knew that getting involved with Regulus would be a bad move, it would be a betrayl to Sirius. So he took a deep breath and said quietly
"He is very pretty" Remus heard the sharp intake of breath and knew because he knew his bestfriends the best that James hadnt known he was openly staring.
"Listen Prongs I get it, the Black brothers look like something out of a book all dark hair and pale eyes and lean muscle." James nodded
"Theyre definatley not something i could dream up in a daydream thats for sure moony" He laughed, james laughed too and then Remus lowered his voice tovjust a whisper
"You can't touch you know as much as you want too, you can't Sirius would loose his shit and then youd loose him." James's eyes snapped to Remus's, he looked very sheepish and nodded anyway. It was at this point that Remus decided he would be keeping a closer eye on James; especially when it came to Regulus Black.
James spent the rest of the day in a mood, Sirius spent most of the day trying to bring him out of it really.
Remus watched as the two that really were meant to be soulmates in some form sat in one of the empty halls near the courtyard, Sirius's fingersnpressing into James's skin. There was no personal space around Sirius, he would appear out of nowhere and drape himself over one of the other boys like a cape. He did it most with James, the pair could be found at any given point of any day draped over eachother, coiled so closely together that it was impossible to tell where one began and the other ended. Sirius needed touch, he needed kindness and warmth Remus remembered trying to quell the jealousy that was rising within him. It's so easy for James and Sirius to he like this, causal touches, gentle contact, it was something Remus fought with.
But Remus wasnt like James, he wasnt like Sirius or Peter, not down at his core. He was a monster, a monster who didnt deserve even the friendship he had found in the three. He didnt deserve to be able to touch Sirius the way that James could. Remus was angry, he was tightly coiled power within his muscles, he was pretty good at magic but he lacked ballance. That was the wolfs doing, the wolf was power, dark and vicious. It paced in his chest with every touch Sirius and their friends shared, with every smile or crinkle of the eyes it roared and thrashed willing Remus to let it out.
The only issue was that Remus was so painfully and irrevocably inlove with Sirius that even their friends touching him gave him a giant wave of jealousy.
Remus was about to go to dinner when Sirius came flying past him, almost bumping right into him.
"Oops, Sorry Moony" Sirius shouted as he came to a screaching stop.
"Sirius, what the fuck?"
"Going to get James's meds" He shrugged. Wow James must really be having some internal issues if he's agreed to take his medications from the muggle doctor.
Sirius had been taking his, but Sirius really did need to take them more often than not. He was even more difficult when he didnt, prone to even more mood swings, prone to lashing out. Sirius had told Remus when he had started taking them. It was back just after the "Prank" that had nearly killed Severus, and nearly landed Remus himself in azkaban just for being a dark creature. It had taken them time, so much time to sort it out and Sirius was so sorry.
It took alot of out James fitting the pieces back together and never having a spare moment. James understood why Sirius had done it right from the moment it happened but it had taken Remus nearly a year to calm down enough to forgive him. Eventually Sirius wrote him a letter in that elegant black script explaining the diagnosis, explaining the medication and what had caused him to do such a thing. That he understood how angry Remus was with him and eventually the pieces James was holding into place so hard slotted back and things were better.
Remus walked to dinner alone, Pete was in the greenhouse, and Sirius was seeing to James. they hadnt been too long but Remus was worried.
He pulled out their map, the one that usually resided with James and looked for them.
They were still in the courtyard, but so was Regulus. Regulus wasnt far from them at all, judging off where they were and where regulus was he was sitting in an alcove, and either he was watching them or he was oblivious. Remus was about to leave the hall when the names started moving towards him and Reguluses moved away.
Odd, very odd.
But then they were there, in the hall with him laughing and something in Remus released. He was smiling and watching them, his two best friends in the whole world. Sirius with his cleaning eyes, mischievous smile, and merlin he wasnt wearing a shirt. Muggle tattoos on display, they littered his porcelain skin and Remuses mouth went dry. He'd seen Sirius naked before but seeing the lean muscle move under the skin, the tattoos marring that perfection, the leather jacket thrown on. Remus wanted to sink his teeth into the tendons holding Sirius black together and tear them apart, the wolf within him whined and roared one word on repeat over and over
"mine, mine, all mine"
It took Remus almost everything to reign it in, eventually it settled but the feeling remained.
Remus would pay just about any price to be able to sink his teeth into Sirius Black, anything to be able to brand himself onto his soul the way that Sirius is branded into his.
No price would be too high, but Remus was a monster, a selfish, angry monster that writhed in his own skin and he would take whatever pieces Sirius would throw him. Like a dog begging for scraps at the dinner table he would take them and he would be happy about it.