Reguluses p.o.v
He hadn't meant to stalk James Potter, he didn't mean to end up everywhere he was (atleast not conciously) but here he was before the sun had properly risen in the courtyard, watching him. James was fiddling with something, his entire being concentrated on the thing between his fingers. He hadn't noticed Regulus hiding in an alcove with his cloak pulled over him and his hair tucked back into it. Regulus didn't sleep well, when he did manage to sleep it was with the aid of dreamless sleep and even then he would awake randomly with no memory of any dream but his heart all but beatinf out of his chest. The Black house had ruined him really, unable to sleep, unable to eat properly in fear that he would never see another meal. He often forgot to eat, having gone days or a week without it at home. Whenever his mother was displeased with him, it was kinder than most of her punishments.
Regulus was stalking James, it was something he kept pushing out of his head, but subconciously he always looked for him, his feet seemingly taking him straight to the other boy. (Like a moth to a flame) he couldnt stay away from the burning inferno of James's sun.
He was only barely aware when his feet decided on their own accord to walk Regulus to James's side, just out of arms reach. From here he could see what he was doing, rolling one of them marajuana cigarettes that he always has stuck behind his ears. The same ones that he usually shares with anyone whos near him.
The sun was cresting into the sky now and the way its colours lit up James Potter shouldnt of been possible. Tanned skin lit up like a beacon, turning every inch of him golden (like the sun) it cascaded through his hair, reflecting on the golden strands that had been sun bleached.
His fingers worked methodically, pinching, rolling, bringing it to his mouth to lick. It was a special sort of torture regulus thought, to be this close to the object of your deepest desires and be unable to taste them, to take them, to have them. Cigarette smoke curled around his head, causing a sort of haze when it played with the sunlight, Regulus had never seen something so beautiful. Someone so beautiful, the only thing he could relate it too would be standing before a greek god, all tanned skin, sinew, veins, muscle and light.
Before Regulus could react, James spoke. He didnt look up, he didnt waver from the task in his hands but he spoke.
"Good morning Regulus" Merlin his voice could do things to Regulus, it was deep, seductive almost. It was like he knew it was Regulus who had been observing him this whole time, but he'd never lifted his head to see. He just knew, like some instinct.
"Good morning James" His voice sounded wrong to his own ears. There was no malice, no snark, as much as he wanted it to come out with an edge to it, around James it would seem Regulus had no control over his own body (treacherous thing it is) He was actively staring at James now, watching the way the sun played with his skin, dancing through the shaddows. He hadnt meant to say what came out next, he had a simple task, give back the jumper and get the hell out of there.
"Walk with me?" The minute the words left his mouth he knew he was in trouble, he knew James would follow him, he knew that he could lead him anywhere. All at once James's hands stopped their methodical movements and he looked up at Regulus, Preserved amber eyes met silver and he could of sworn everything around them ceased to exist.
Would it always be like this around James? would it always be as though the rest of the world just didnt exist? That nothing else existed except this tether between the two? James stared at him long enough to almost make him uncomfortable as those blazing eyes roamed over his face, leaving a caress he would feel for weeks in their wake. He was looking with no shame, no fear, wholly unconcerned and somewhere deep inside of regulus it flicked a switch.
A long dormant part of him reared his head, James was looking at him and fuck it all if it didnt send all of Reguluses blood south. There was something in his gaze though, something that told regulus he was looking at him the way that one might look upon a statue of a god. Something akin to awe or worship? He didnt know.
Then all at once the connection snapped and faster than he thought possible James was packing everything up, dropping the joint hed been working on into a little tin and moving to stand. He wasnt prepared for how much James Potter would tower over him, he actually had to crane his neck up to see his golden face, only emphasised now by the sunlight that washed over him even more fully.
Without a destination in mind, without anything really in his mind other than how unfair it was that James looked like he was carved from stone. He began to walk. A brisk pace, trying for force his blood back up to his lungs rather then to another appendage. They winded through the courtyard, through abandoned corridors until eventually regulus recognised where his feet were taking him. The lake came into view, it was beautiful in the early morning light. The sun bouncing off the surface giving it a dim green sheen to it, it was quiet here thats why Regulus liked it so much. People didn't come snooping around the lake all that often, well unless they were looking for Regulus who would happilly admit he spent alot of his time here, especially in the summer. Books around him in a circle as he studdied.
As he reached the banking he dropped gracefully to the floor, making himself comfortable and facing forward. He felt more than anything James drop to the grass beside him, legs crossed but his gaze was on Regulus.
He could see him, in his peripheral vision; he could feel the other boys eyes as they scorched a path across him. They sat there for a while, no words were spoken, it took Regulus a while to realise that James wasnt fidgiting the way he usually did when he watched him in the halls.
He and Pandora had talked about it, late at night because James was only ever still with Regulus. She had wondered outloud, spouting nonsense until her intelligent eyes lit up,
"Maybe hes doing it puposely for you?" Shed asked
"I doubt it, he doesn't even know me " Regulus had signed, leaning back into the couch.
"Maybe its because you're quiet?" shed asked, hed shook his head.
"I dont shut up around him, I say things without even thinking about it, Its not like i weigh the risks and then throw them away; they dont even enter my mind"
It was his admission that he didnt shut up around James that caused the sparkle in Pandoras eyes, he knew the second he'd said it that he shouldn't have. People thought she was wacky, weird; odd they called her. Regulus knew better, Regulus knew her; she was his bestfriend afterall. He'd known even in their first year, in their different houses that Pandora Rosier was nothing like her Brother. Evan was loud, stern, terrified of his parents but Pandora wasn't. She didn't need to be, shed crafted a persona so perfectly that even her parents thought her odd.
It was no surprise to them when Evan was sorted into Slytherin but it didn't surprise them about Pandora being in Ravenclaw either. They were softer with her, gentle almost but Pandora was a force to be reckoned with in her own right.
She was no less a Ravenclaw than Regulus a Slytherin but they had confided in eachother, late one night, that they were each given the option of the other house and had chosen where they went.
Pandora was Loyal, Witty, Inteligent, Observant and Cunning. She would of made a wonderful Slytherin but there was very little she didnt notice.
"I think, its subconcious. I think it's because there are no outside perspectives, no preconceived notions about the other. I think subconciously your souls recognise eachother, one forced to always move and the other forced to always still. Together you move at the right pace." It was a breif moment if clarity for Regulus, well before shed started spouting how their auras were complimenting and then Regulus simply nodded along. Too far gone in his thoughts to participate.
"I thought you might like your jumper back" Regulus began, he didnt turn to face James, he simply pulled the worn, warm fabric that smelled just like him out of the bag and handed it to James.
"I...Thankyou?" He'd said stuffing the fabric into his bag.
"You didn't have to give it back you know?" James had moved to recline on the glass, propped up on his elbows.
"You didnt have to give it to me" He sighed "You got me out of there, Dorcas said you recognised a ptsd flashback and you got me out before the smoke could reach us"
"I did and I do."
"Why? How?" Regulus asked
James sighed and pulled himself forward so he was sat crosslegged next to Regulus, so close he could touch him. "I've been friends with your brother for a long time. I've held him through many a flashback, I've healed many a wound. I know what they look like because he has them too. A single word, a random noise can triggor them, even a smell and suddenly he isnt Sirius. He is, he always will be Sirius but in those moments his mind, his body they dont belong to him. In those moments hes the older brother, hes the heir to house black, he is 10 years old or 9 or 8 or 11 or 12 and he can't fight back. He cant make it stop. In those moments he both is and isn't himself. He sleeps for a while after them too you know, but only if we're there with him." James spoke softly and Regulus was surprised to find out that Sirius suffered in the same way. He had always figgured that because hed got out he didnt suffer in the same way that Regulus did. It was almost soothing to know that their wounds were still matching in a way.
Regulus turned, now facing James, His eyes searching Reguluses. He did his best to keep his mask in place, to feign disinterest. An illusion, always an illusion Regulus missed his brother, missed him the way an amputee misses their limb. It could cause them pain but life wasnt the same without them.
"I should of thought of that" James said, his eyes watching the lake as the sun moved. His voice was soft, like he was resisting the urge to run a frustrated hand through his hair. James had given him something, something he didnt even know. It was only fair that Regulus offered up a piece in return. He took a steadying breath and quietly spoke
"He always got the brunt of it. Always pushing them so they wouldnt see me, always taking the blame even when he knew the concequences." Regulus paused, memories flashing behind his eyes of Sirius sprawled on the floor, of him pushing Regulus to the side and taking the punishment for him. Of sirius locking Regulus in his room when their mother was on a rampage, he remembered the muttered pritection spells, spells hed been doing without a wand for years. They werent permitted their wands at home, not unless they had permission. They were defenseless against them.
Regulus remembered the flashing red from under the drawing room door, the screaming, Siriuses screams as he took another cruicatus curse for Regulus. He remembers.
"I never hated him, Surely he must know that? His antics are childish, silly; but ive never hated him. Even when he ran and I didnt, I didnt stay because i hate him. I didn't stay out of love for our parents either. I hope he knows that" Regulus said,
something sprung to life in James' eyes and he knew he had said too much again (Stupid Regulus, stupid) With the intention of changing the subject he spoke again, grasping James's attention the second his mouth opened.
"Thank-you for the use of your jumper." Reguluses voice was low and quiet, it was unsual that he had people to thank for quiet kindnesses.
"Why did you give it back?" James asked
"I needed an excuse to see you, its the same reason you gave it to me isnt it? The excuse of getting to see eachother outside of a classroom?"
"Now that is a brilliant idea, but sadly i didnt come up with it. I gave you the jumper because you were freezing, shaking. You only began to stop after being in my arms, so i gave you the jumper. Something of mine and something to keep you warm." James was toying with the sleeve of the jumper as he spoke, Regulus could see an idea forming before he pulled it out of the bag, and placed it in Reguluses lap.
"Keep it. I have more" He winked. Regulus took the jumper, it still smelled like James, like weed and that aftershave he always wore. It was comforting to Regulus, in an odd sort of way, having this little piece of James sort of meant he had a tiny piece of Sirius. Something shifted in his gaze though, something he could only relate to the gaze of a predator as the jumper was stuffed back into Reguluses bag.
Without warning he moved, Leaning forward and giving Regulus a view of a very toned back (Fucks sake did he have to look like a greek god?) James shoved a hand into his bag and yanked a joint out of the little tin he had seen earlier. He placed it between his lips before conjuring a tiny flame to light it. It should be criminal regulus thought, to look that good; with a spliff hanging out of his mouth.
James inhaled once, holding the smoke in his lungs, before holding it to Regulus.
Regulus had had weed cigarettes before, it usually lead to some decisions that he wouldnt class as his best. His mother would be furious if she ever found out.
Regulus studied James for a moment, the openness of the gesture, the simplicity, the implication it could cause. He weighed the pros and cons in his mind of taking it and once he had decided it was a bad idea, Regulus decided something else. Fuck it.
He plucked it from James's waiting fingers and raised it to his mouth, Slotting it between his teeth and breathing it in.
The effect took a few moments to arrive but all at once Regulus was calmer, more relaxed as he looked over at James.
He looked at James through the eyes of someone who was sharing a joint with their supposed enemy. James was gorgeous, James knew he was gorgeous, he wasnt immune to the way he looked either. It was the personality that was sucking Regulus in, the excited constantly moving, the joker was all the exterior. Under that was a person who was kind, who didnt think twice about sharing something, someone who didnt care about what other people thought about him. But what really intregued Regulus was the thing he had only glimpsed at. The thing Dorcas had mentioned also seeing.
"He's difficult to read, that Potter" She had said, settling next to Regulus on the bed.
"Hes gorgeous for one, and arrogant about how he looks but theres something else. Something that doesnt slot into place when you talk to him you know?" Dorcas always did love trying to pick people apart.
"He was genuinley concerned for you, you know?" Shed said and Regulus had just shrugged. He was comfortable and warm wrapped in his duvet, holding the jumper with his left hand, it smelled of James.
"He knew what was wrong before I mentioned it, Oh dont give me that look you know i had to say something he carried you out of that classroom. He knew something was wrong" Regulus shot her a glare but eventually relaxed again. So James Potter knew he was having a PTSD induced panic attack. So what.
"He really carried me out of there?" He asked. Dorcas nodded.
"I went to try to explain, to ask him to keep his mouth shut and hex him if he said he wouldnt. But i didnt need to say anything, he said he knew. That he understood and wouldnt say anything. He was smoking while he said it, im not convinced he'll remember"
"Mm, he smokes alot." Regulus had said.
"Theres something else Reg..." She took a breath.
"He was explaining how he knew and he got this look in his eye. It was like every mask fell away and he was showing me the REAL James Potter in that moment. And what I saw Reg, It was scary." She looked down. Very little scared Dorcas. She was Gay, Openly gay, her parents had all but disowned her about it a year ago.
Reguluses head snapped up, studying her.
"It was his eyes, the way the air charged around him, his whole demeanour changed. From prey to predator. And get this Reg, he was talking about how he wants to tear your parents limb from limb"
Hiding in James potter was a predator ready to pounce. Regulus wasnt aware of how much time had passed with them passing the joint back and forth. What he was aware of is it was significantly stronger than the stuff hed smoked before and he was high as fuck. At some point they had turned so they faced eachother, he could feel the way that James traced his features and maybe it was the drugs but Regulus did it back. Cataloguing the way the sun kissed his features, the flecks of gold in those amber eyes, the way his teeth shone a bright white in the comparison of his tanned skin. They were framed with brown lashes, they fluttered on and off and absently he wondered if he was doing it on purpose. His hair had steaks of everything in it, it was short and wavy and complimented his cheekbones and the strong set of his jaw. There was a dusting of stubble along it that he had to resist the urge to touch.
All at once James moved, Regulus had been watching the war within him, and it seems one side had won as a calloused hand moved up to cup his jaw. He was gentle about it but Regulus could feel the power in his grip, he almost relaxed into the warm touch. (the safe touch). His thumb stroked along Reguluses jaw, his eyes burning as the thumb traced the shape of Reguluses lower lip.
They were inches apart, he could smell the smoke on his breath, the Jasmine clinging to his clothes. So close. It would take barely a thought to close the gap between their mouths.
His head emptied as silver met gold once more, (Merlin please kiss me) James was hesitating, pink tongue wetting his lower lip. It was that that all but sent Regulus over the edge, Concequences be damned
"Please" he whispered.