part one
PART ONE – LETTERS
You stared at the pamphlet at the therapist’s office and sighed, folding it up and sticking it into your purse as the door to your therapist’s office opened.
“(Y/N)?”
Your head snapped up, and you locked eyes with your therapist, giving her a tight smile, you stood up and followed her into her office, taking a seat on the couch across from her chair. She, Bethany, smiled at you and grabbed her notebook and pen and scribbled something at the top of the page she was on. “How are you today, (Y/N)?” She asked, and you shrugged, sipping at the coffee that was clenched between your hands. “I’m fine, just like I was last week, and the week before that.” You replied, putting the cup on the ground, neglecting to use the table just beside the couch.
You were normally a very nice person, kind to a fault. Yet, therapy wasn’t your idea, and you really didn’t want to be here. It was ordered by the psychiatrist who had released you from the psych ward a couple months ago. There were a couple conditions on your release; you attend weekly therapy, your check up with the psychiatrist, Dr. Ross, who released you, every month, and you had to attend group therapy bi-weekly as well. You were less than happy with these conditions but thought that it was probably better than being locked back up in the ward.
“Glad to hear it! How have you been sleeping?” Bethany asked, writing something in her notebook and staring at you. She looked at you like she could see into your soul, and it made you wildly uncomfortable. You shifted in your spot, coughed, and shrugged – she wrote something else down after you did that. “It’s been okay I guess; I get nightmares a lot, but they aren’t as bad as they were before.” Grabbing the cup from the ground, you chugged the remainder and grimaced when it burnt the back of your throat. “And what are the subject of these nightmares normally?” She asked, and you shrugged again, looking anywhere but her.
“I can’t help you if you don’t talk to me, (Y/N).” She said, leaning back in her chair. “I don’t think I need help, but since everyone is so determined to give it to me, fine. The nightmares are normally about St-,” You choked up a little, shook your head, and started to talk again. “They are normally about him. What he did to me, where he kept me. Sometimes my parents are there, they are always laughing at me while he hurts me. Nobody ever comes to help me.” She was quickly writing down everything you had told her, her brows furrowed, and she looked upset. “I’m sorry you’re having to relive that, (Y/N). How about we cut this session short, okay? We can pick up where we left off next week.” You had no problem with that, and as you stood up and glanced at the clock, you noticed only ten minutes had gone by. “Sure, Doc. See you next week.” You said as you walked out of her office, chucking your empty coffee cup into the bin just outside of her door.
She said something else, but you didn’t hear her as you had already made your way out of her office.
As you were walking home, you pulled the pamphlet out of your purse and read it over again.
‘Send packages to the brave men & women overseas fighting for our freedom!’
Below that was an address, and you contemplated it a little bit, reading over the rest of the pamphlet before you tucked into the grocery store that was on the way home from your therapist’s office.
As you perused the shelves, you contemplated what you thought you would need if you were actively fighting a war overseas, thousands of miles from home. Tampons! That thought stopped you in your tracks, and you came to the realization that you had no idea if this package was going to end up in the hands of a man or a woman, and ultimately decided just to grab things that were gender neutral.
After you bought everything you needed for the package, you stopped at the post office and picked up a box for everything. Eventually, you ended up at home and unlocked the door to your apartment. Your cat, Ralph, who was a scrungly looking fellow that you had found in a dumpster outside of a local pizza joint, meowed up at you and rubbed against your leg as you made your way into your apartment, dropping your bags, keys and purse on the tiny island in your apartment. “Hi Ralph,” You mumbled, leaning down to pick him up and press some kisses into his fur. He nuzzled up against you, licked your nose as you giggled at him, and meowed. “Yes, I know, it’s dinner time for the big dumpster baby.” You laughed at him, moving into the kitchen and grabbing a tin of wet food from your designated Ralph cupboard.
As Ralph munched away on his food, which you had to admit, was foul, you grabbed everything from your island and brought it down to the floor with you as you put the box together on your coffee table as you sat criss cross applesauce on the floor. You dumped the bags onto the floor and sifted through everything, trying to picture how you would fit it all into the box.
Toothpaste, toothbrush, toothbrush protector, a couple tubes of lip balm, a travel sized shampoo, conditioner, and body wash, a compact hairbrush, foot powder, a little zip up bag that you filled up with travel containers of Q-tips and floss picks, hand cream, a couple packages of Kleenex, a box of those drink powders that you add to bottles of water, a couple packs of mints, some licorice and other various hard candies.
After you had gotten everything into the box, having to reorganize it multiple times, you grabbed some paper from the shelf attached to the bottom of the coffee table and a pen, and got to work on the letter you were going to include in the box.
Hi there!
I am not fully sure how to start this off, but I really hope you enjoy everything in the box. I have never known anyone deployed so I didn’t have any firsthand knowledge of what they needed when they were overseas, but I just thought about what I would enjoy if I was deployed – anyways, I hope you like everything included!
A couple times over the last couple years, I have had the good fortune of having some very kind Samaritans go out of their way to help me, and some of them even saved my life. I never really got to thank them or pay it forward in any way so I thought that this could be a way for me to repay that kindness.
I have no idea what to write without sounding like a total cornball, but thank you for your service, genuinely.
Please be safe!
My cat and I are very grateful for your existence.
Sincerely,
(Y/N) (Y/L) & Ralph
You grinned at yourself before you folded up the letter, tossed it into the box and taped it all up before scribbling the address in the centre of the box. You were about to cap your pen before you decided to include your address as the return address – who knows, a pen pal could be fun!
-
“Mail call!”
Billy glanced up at the Private who was carrying a bundle of letters in his hands, and had a few packages at his feet, who had started to read off the names of the people who had received mail, then glanced back down at the book he had been reading.
“Roberts! Henderson! Castle and Russo!” As the last few names were called out, Billy frowned, he never got mail. There was nobody back home to send him anything, and in the deployments he had been on, he had never received anything before. Frank, on the other hand, received something every time there was mail, and so he jumped up and grabbed his and Billy’s, dropping the latter on his bed.
Billy furrowed his brows as he picked up the package, it was fairly heavy and he cast a glance at Frank who was excitedly ripping into the letter that had no doubt been sent by Maria, his wife. “I never get mail…” He muttered, as he read the words on the top of the package – he quickly noticed that this was the address that those send mail to soldier’s overseas companies used and he scoffed before he flipped out his Leatherman and took out the knife and sliced into the tape holding the package together.
A couple of the guys in his unit had received packages from this address before, and the contents were always hardly useful for a deployed person, and there was always, without fail, a Beanie Baby in the package – Billy didn’t want a Beanie Baby.
When he finally got into the box, whoever put it together taped it like a grandmother at Christmas, he picked up the letter that was at the top and opened that before he started looking through the box.
The handwriting was swirly and like halfway to cursive, so he assumed a woman had sent it. He quickly read through the letter, chuckling at the end bit about the woman’s cat. “Hm, Miss (Y/N), what have you got for me today?” He muttered to himself as he put the letter down and started going through the contents of the box.
When he finally got done looking through it all, he was pretty taken aback at how useful everything in the package was – it was exactly the kind of stuff he wished he could have from back home while on deployment. He popped open one of the tubes of chapstick and lathered some on his lips before tugging open one of the hard candies and dropping it into his mouth.
“What have you got there, Bill?” Frank asked, looking through the stuff on Billy’s bed and scoffing at him. “You lucky bastard, clearly someone researched what kinda shit we want.” Frank said, grabbing one of the packages of mints and pocketing it – “Tax, because I grabbed your mail for you.” He said, winking at Billy and showing him the pictures Maria had included in her letter. “Nah, ‘parently she just thought about what she would want if she was deployed.” Billy chuckled and reopened the letter and read through it again. He made a humming noise, and then asked Frank if he had any extra paper and a pen. Frank raised a brow at him but tossed some his way anyways and laughed at him. Billy figured she included her return address, which most people didn’t do, because she wouldn’t mind if someone wrote back.
Billy turned onto his stomach and started writing.
Hi (Y/N) & Ralph,
Thank you for your package.
My buddy was immediately jealous of everything in it, and all the guys in my unit have been looking at me like wolves since opening it so I think it’s safe to assume they are pretty jealous too.
What you would want on a deployment is pretty much exactly what you need on a deployment – everything in here was amazing and I immediately ripped into the candy.
Ralph is an interesting name for a cat – it means vomit, no? If not, I am sorry if I offended your cat. Ralph, I’m sorry.
It’s good to know that there are still decent people left in the world – you and the people that helped you.
It would be nice to hear back from you, but no pressure of course.
Billy Russo
He read it over a couple times before grinning and rummaging around in the makeshift bedside table him and Frank shared for an envelope, a stamp, and quickly scribbled your address onto it, and his return address in the upper lefthand corner before jumping up and handing it to the private who had been chatting with one of the guys from his unit.
He had no idea if he would hear back from you, but still, it was nice to receive the package regardless and he had already read the letter over at least four times since he first opened it.
-
You sighed as you walked up the stairs to your building, grabbing your mail key and opening up your mailbox and grabbing the various flyers and envelopes that the mail man, Carl, had stuffed into your box. You started to flip through them as you walked up the multiple flights of stairs to get to your unit and raised an eyebrow at the one sent from a William Russo – you didn’t know a Russo, and you double checked to make sure it was addressed to you before you shrugged and looked through the other things in the pile.
When you got home, you fed Ralph, changed into some sweats and a t-shirt that you were pretty sure belonged to an ex-boyfriend at some point, and grabbed the stack of mail that you had tossed onto the coffee table when you had gotten home. You flipped through them before you landed on the one from William Russo, and you chucked the rest of them back onto the table before ripping into this one.
You scanned the contents of the letter, and your eyebrow raised when you noticed it was from the soldier who had received your package – which you had almost forgotten about because you sent it around a month ago.
You read it over a couple times before deciding to write back, grabbing some more paper and an envelope from your coffee table.
Hi Billy,
I’ll admit, when your letter turned up in my mailbox, I was very confused because it has been a month since I originally sent it, and I just assumed I wouldn’t hear back – but it was nice to get your letter and thank you for taking the time to write me back.
Ralph is very offended, but he forgives you. Well, I forgive you and he’s currently attacking a string that he pulled out of my carpet with alarming ferocity, so we’ll just say that we both forgive you.
He isn’t named after throw up, but that’s kind of on the nose given that I found him in a dumpster and there was DEFINETLY some puke on the side of it. He just looks like a Ralph, not sure what else to tell you.
I’m glad that everything in the package was to your liking!
I could always send you another one, do you have any requests? I’ll include some extra candy & small things for the guys in your unit if you’re feeling generous and like you want to share with them.
I know you didn’t ask but if we are going to be pen pals, and I am just assuming we are because we have each already sent a letter so by definition, we are pen pals, here are some things about me.
I’m a librarian, I’ve only had Ralph for a couple months, but I would die for him, I’m originally from Canada, shocking I know, but I left Canada for a long list of reasons, and I don’t really see myself going back anytime soon, and my favourite pasta shape is bow-tie!
I feel as though those are the critical facts about me so now you basically know everything about me – your turn!
I hope to hear from you soon.
Stay safe,
(Y/N) & a very disgruntled Ralph
Satisfied, you shoved it into the envelope and hopped up and walked down to the post office where you mailed it out.
You grabbed your phone from your purse as you walked home and opened up the Safari app, quickly typing in Billy Russo in the search bar – quickly replacing Billy with William. Nothing really came up, and you shrugged, not surprised.
Life went on as usual after that. You went to work, to therapy on the weekends, fed Ralph, blocked the numerous unknown numbers who called you throughout the week, ate, and then did it again.
You wouldn’t say you were lonely, not really, more cautious. You had become used to the loneliness since you left Canada, you felt safe in it, comforted by the fact that nobody here knew you, nobody was trying to get to you – at least, nobody that could.
There was obviously a void in your life, the lack of friends, family, any loved ones at all really – and sometimes you felt that void in your chest, pressing down on your lungs until you were forced to confront the reality that you truly had nobody. Forced to confront the fact that now, you were the reason you had nobody, you were too afraid to let anyone get close to you. Before, he was the reason you had nobody, but now, it was all you. You’d ignore the pressure on your lungs, ride out the panic attack, give Ralph a kiss on the head, and lie down for a nap.
When you left Canada, well, when you fled Canada, you had absolutely no idea what you were doing, where you were going, or what to do. You had applied for a US visa in secret on the days where he wasn’t around as much, and when you finally got accepted, you waited for your chance to get out and you took it as soon as you could. You packed as much as you could into your car and drove across the border into the state of New York and you just ended up staying. You hadn’t originally intended to end up in New York, it was just the closest border to you at the time, and when you got there, you felt that in a city as big as this one, it would be nearly impossible for him to find you, and so you found one of the cheapest apartments you could in a very unsafe part of Hell’s Kitchen, well, like any part of the Kitchen was safe, went into even more credit card debt than the amount you had amassed when you were trying to get away from him, and eventually found a job, and shortly thereafter, Ralph.
That was all around a year ago, and since then, you had a short stint in the psych ward after a psychotic break following a pretty heavy nightmare, and then you were mandated to all that therapy stuff – and now you’re here.
Here being rooting around in your mailbox, hoping you had gotten a letter back from Billy. You sighed mournfully as you got to the end of the stack with nothing from Billy and were walking away from your mailbox before you heard Carl yell your name.
You turned around and gave him a brief smile, Carl was a kind man in his 50s, short and stocky, with a graying beard and soft eyes, you were reticent to talk to him at first, as you were uncomfortable around all men at this point, but he never made you feel uncomfortable and so you formed a tentative friendship with him – well, as much of a friendship that one can make with their mailman. “Don’t you go running off on me just yet, kid! I’ve got some things for you!” He said, pulling out a stack of letters and flyers from the bag on his shoulder and handing them over to you, smiling at you before he started unloading some other letters into various people’s mailboxes. “Thank you, Carl.” You smiled. “No problem, Miss (Y/N), you have a nice night now.” He said as he walked out of your building.
You walked into the stairwell and shuffled through the new stack of mail, grinning excitedly when you saw that you had something from Billy. You quickly ran up the rest of the stairs, got into your apartment, gave Ralph a quick kiss on the head and ripped into the letter from Billy.
You paused before you started reading and quirked an eyebrow at yourself. You had heard from this man once, where was this excitement coming from? You eventually just concluded that it was something fresh and new in your life, and you had been lacking any of that lately.
Hi (Y/N),
It was great to hear from you – thank you for getting back to me.
Yeah, the mail truly embodies the saying ‘snail mail’ doesn’t it? I’ve concluded that it takes about two weeks for mail to get to where I am, and then two weeks to get back to the states. So, all in all, about a month-long process for a simple piece of paper.
There has to be a more efficient way to communicate with people.
Everything you sent last time was amazing, so I’m sure anything you decide to send this time will be just as great! I do request some more chaptstick & lotion though. All the guys have been using mine since they figured out that I have some, and I am quickly running out of it – a couple tubes of chapstick and a bottle of lotion shared between 12 men is pretty revolting, I’m not going to lie.
I may have to kill them.
You can send whatever you want for them, but I can’t guarantee I won’t keep your kindness all to myself ;)
I would also be honored to be pen pals with you! I just assumed that’s what we were doing too.
I’m a Lieutenant in the Marine’s, I’m originally from Albany, New York but I never stayed there for long, and my favourite pasta shape is penne – boring, I know. But I like to try and get each tine of the fork its own individual piece of penne.
Canada, huh? I’ve always wanted to go – see the mountains in Alberta, maybe go really far North. Where abouts in Canada are you from?
How is being a librarian? Did you always want to be one?
I’m looking forward to hearing from you – say hi to Ralph for me!
Billy Russo
You grinned and reread it a couple times before looking up and telling Ralph that Billy said hello.
Some chaptstick and lotion – you could do that.
You switched your phone on and checked the time – 6:06 pm. You quickly jumped up and fed Ralph before grabbing your keys and wallet and running out of your apartment and to the grocery store just down the road from you.
It felt nice to be helping someone, it felt nice to actually be talking to someone. Since you moved to New York, you were extremely hesitant to get close to anyone given how it went the last time you did – and so you stayed pretty much by yourself, until you got Ralph. You were friendly enough with your coworkers, there was this one guy who kind of rubbed you the wrong way at work, but you just tried to avoid him, and you knew some people at different coffee shops and grocery stores, but that was kind of it.
You hadn’t really spoken to anyone the way you spoke to Billy since way before you moved to New York, and maybe you were so comfortable speaking to him because you knew that he would never get close to you – you didn’t have to worry about him hurting you, not when he was thousands of miles away and this whole pen pal thing was bound to fizzle out eventually.
Regardless, it was nice while it was happening and so you decided to enjoy it as much as you could.
-
When a package was dropped on his cot, he looked at it with a raised eyebrow and then found himself grinning when he saw your name scrawled across the top of it. It had been a while since he last heard from you, and he was excited to see what was in this one.
He quickly sliced the tape open, and greedily grabbed the letter at the top of the box.
Hi Billy,
I told Ralph you said hi, I think he understood because he started climbing up my leg like a monkey of some kind – it was cute when he did it when he was a kitten, now it just hurts, and I am always at risk of being pants’ed by my cat. I think that would be really humbling.
There are plenty of more effective ways to communicate with someone, but I am not sure what all you have access to so I’ll let you suggest something, and I am sure I could figure it out – or have access to more things than you do, sorry.
Yeah, having to share those things with eleven other men must not be pleasant – I included some stuff for them, but feel free to keep it to yourself if you’re feeling greedy. Glutton.
I have never been to Albany, well, not really at least. I crossed through there on my way to the city, but I never spent much time there – it was pretty, from what I remember. You bounced around a lot as a kid then? Funnily enough, I do that with penne too! I do think that penne doesn’t even come close to bowtie but I can respect the choice.
I’m from southern Ontario, so not as cool as New York, but decent in its own right. You should go if you ever get the chance – as hesitant as I am to go back, I do miss home, and Canada really is a different type of beautiful.
I love being a librarian! I am a massive book worm, and spend a lot of my downtime reading, and so it just made sense to go into a profession where I am consistently surrounded by books. What about you, did you always want to be a Marine? I have always wanted to do something with books, but my real goal is to eventually own a book shop – I am not sure how I will ever accomplish that in this economy though.
As I write this, Ralph is climbing on top of my fridge and he looks like he’s trying to get into the vent – oh shit, he’s trying to get into the vent.
I got him out of the vent. Anyways, on that note, I must go put my cat in air jail.
Before I finish this though – some questions for you because I am curious about who I am talking to. How old are you? I have just been assuming that you’re a man, but maybe I am wrong, so, are you? Do you have any siblings? Do you live in Albany when you’re back in the states or some other state or place?
I look forward to hearing from you, please stay safe, I’m not sure what I would do without my mysterious pen pal.
(Y/N) & Ralph (he’s mad at me)
For some reason, Billy was overjoyed. He ran his finger over your name at the end of the letter and grinned to himself. He put the letter down, but not before he scanned it over a couple more times and started to go through the box.
She had included more snacks this time, some toothpaste, more foot powder & floss picks, and at the bottom of the box were two zip lock bags – one was filled with chapstick, the other with travel size lotions. Below the bag of lotions was a big bottle of lotion with a note stuck to it – here, there is enough chapstick for everyone to have one, and for you and your closest buddy to have three each. I also included a small bottle of lotion for everyone, and a big one for you (:
He thought he might be in love with her.
“Oooh, another package Mr. Russo?” Frank grinned, chucking the football he had been tossing around at Billy. Billy just let it hit his shoulder and turned to Frank and laughed.
“She included a lotion and chapstick for everyone because I told her I was having to share. She also included three chapsticks for my best buddy.” Frank raised an eyebrow and leaned over onto Billy’s cot and peeked into the box. “You’re kiddin’ right? She a God send or something?” Frank asked, grabbing the chapstick’s that Billy was holding out for him. “She’s gotta be, the guys are gonna freak.” Billy replied, dumping out the bags of lotion and chapsticks onto his cot, grabbing his three and stashing them before he called the guys over to come and grab theirs.
“These from that chick you’ve been sendin’ letters to?” John, a newer member to the unit, asked, raising an eyebrow at Billy as he grabbed his lotion and tube of chapstick. Billy nodded at him, and Thomas, the guy beside John let out a laugh. “Hm, maybe I’ll need to start writing this girl of yours, see if I can’t make her do what I want, if you get what I’m saying,” He said with a wink, and Billy was up and out of his cot in an instant, grabbing Thomas’ collar and pulling him into him.
“You even think about her again, and I’ll make you wish your mama aborted you.” Billy said, letting Thomas go and pushing him away from his cot. Thomas stumbled backwards and scoffed at him before turning around and walking away.
When Billy sat back down, he noticed that Frank was staring at him with a raised eyebrow. “What was that, Bill?” He asked, nodding over at Thomas. “You heard what he said about (Y/N), pissed me off.” Billy replied, slowly calming down. “You realize you’ve exchanged, like what, four letters with this girl, right?” Frank said, still looking at Billy curiously. “I know that, man, but there’s something about her Frankie, I like this one.” Billy said, grabbing a sheet of paper from Frank’s stack and a pen, starting to write his reply.
“I can tell.”
–
Time went by slowly, it always did.
There was something about waiting for the man you escaped from to find you again that made time pass by at a molasses like pace.
You made sure that you never stuck to a certain routine, you changed things up as much as you could. You took a different route to work every week, tried to never frequent the same place very often, you didn’t hang out with people, and you tried not to get too friendly with your neighbours – if anybody asked them, you wouldn’t want them to remember you.
You had a lapse of judgement once, a little bit after you got out of the psych ward and found Ralph, and the name of this lapse of judgement was one Karen Page.
You met Karen at the library you worked at, she was looking for a book and you helped her find it – and you guys got to talking about said book and formed a tentative friendship.
It’s not like you guys ever really hung out outside of work, she had been by your apartment maybe once or twice, she had met Ralph and brought him a toy this one time, but when she did come by the library, you always enjoyed your conversations with her – you eventually got her number and sometimes you guys would exchange funny little texts, but it never went deeper than that; it was never an actual friendship.
That is, until she found you sobbing outside of your apartment building, trying to find the key to get into the building.
“(Y/N)?” You heard from behind you, and you let out a small gasp, dropped your keys and turned around to find Karen Page staring at you, concern etched into her features. “(Y/N)? Are you okay?” She asked, walking over you and grabbing your keys from off the ground and finding the one for the building, and pushing it into the lock.
When the door unlocked, she led you inside with a hand on the small of your back, and you just broke at the contact. The sobs you let out were body racking, and she quickly pocketed your keys before pulling you into a hug. You sobbed into her neck, and she rubbed her hand over your back, murmuring kind words. You cried into her arms for what felt like forever but was probably only a couple minutes.
“Come on, let’s get you home.” You let her lead you up the stairs into your apartment, and she unlocked the door and gave Ralph a quick pet on the head before quietly closing the door behind the both of you.
She led you over to the couch and sat you down before getting up and grabbing you a glass of water from the kitchen. She pushed the glass of water into your hands and told you to drink some – you took a shaky sip from the cup and put it down on the coffee table in front of you.
You guys sat in silence for a couple minutes before you let out a breath and turned to her. Your eyes were red, and you looked a mess. “I’m sorry, I saw someone who looked like someone else I know, and it just set me off.” You explained, reaching out for the glass of water and taking another sip. “It’s okay, don’t apologize. Do you need anything?” She asked, and you shook your head.
You guys talked and hung out for another couple hours before she eventually had to head home, hugging you one last time before stepping out.
After that, you and Karen got closer. You met up for coffee frequently, and she visited the library often when she had the time.
That lapse of judgment of yours ended up being a pretty good one.
You were still constantly anxious when you were out with her, as you were scared that someone would use her against you, and you were also scared that she would turn against you. But you were slowly getting more used to the idea that someone could care about you and not abuse you for it.
Your whole life, everyone who got close to you, family, friends, partners, they eventually ended up doing you so dirty. Not just in the gossip, missed out on your birthday kind of way – in the violate you as badly as they can kind of way. So, getting close to anyone wasn’t something that you were overly keen to do anymore; but Karen, well Karen was different.
There was something about Karen that was just so inherently good – maybe it was the kindness and compassion that was consistently in her eyes, or the way she respected every single one of your boundaries, never asking questions, or maybe it was the way she hugged you as you sobbed into her hair and never once complained.
Karen was just one of the few people that you had any faith in at all; she might’ve been the only person.
So, when there was a knock on your door, you grinned to yourself and hopped up, checked the peep hole and let her in. She smiled at you, gave you a quick hug before handing you your mail.
“How on earth did you get my mail?” You asked her, completely bewildered. “Oh, yea, about that. I may have flirted with Carl for it.” She said, smiling at you before dropping her purse on your table and getting to her knees and petting Ralph. You chuckled at her before shutting the door closed and locking it.
You perused through the mail she had handed you, a lot of it being past due bills and random flyers, before you came across a letter from one William Russo. You grinned, dropping the assortment of envelopes and flyers on your island, greedily tearing into the letter from him.
“What’s that?” Karen asked, looking up at you from her spot on the ground where Ralph had taken refuge in her lap. “I’ve been mailing letters back and forth with this Marine who’s deployed – his name is Billy! I did one of those things where you can send deployed people packages, and he actually wrote back to me – isn’t that nuts?” You replied, looking back at her.
She just quirked an eyebrow. “You? You have a pen pal? You who is scared to talk to the barista at Starbucks?” She said, smirking at you. You smacked her head with the letter, and walked over to your couch and sat down, reading what Billy had written you.
Miss (Y/N),
I will admit, your letters and packages are probably the only good things in my life right now – keep them coming, I beg of you.
You would not believe how grateful a tent full of grown men can be for a tube of chapstick – spoiler, it’s really freakin’ grateful. All of them say thank you. Frank especially, I am not sure if I mentioned it before, but he’s my closest friend here – this is the eighth year we’ve done together, so he got the three tubes. You’re a God send, (Y/N).
I grew up in the foster system, so I bounced around up until 18 when I aged out of the system and immediately enlisted. I stayed in a lot of homes, some group some not, and spent a lot of time in a lot of different states. I never really lived in Albany, just from there.
I didn’t always want to be a Marine, but I knew that I always wanted to be in the military – the Marine’s just kind of stood out to me and so I went with it. I think you’d made an excellent book shop owner! I have plans to own a business too, whenever I get out of the Marine’s, I want to try and open up my own business, I think I want to be a private military contractor. Give vets and other people a chance at a better life after they get out – I am not really sure on all the details just yet, I just know that vets deserve a chance at something better than what they are given, their skills shouldn’t go to waste just because this country has no respect for them.
Sorry for the tangent there.
Did Ralph enjoy air jail?
I’m 27, and yes, I am a man, and no, I’m an only child. I live in the city as well when I’m back home, but sometimes I’ll stay with my buddy Frank and his family, his wife Maria and his two kids, when I’m back home too and they live on the outskirts of the city.
I’m asking you all the same questions you just asked me.
We could always email if that works for you? We’re getting a computer tent here soon, in about a month or so, so whenever that happens, I’d be happy to switch to email, a lot more effective than waiting two weeks to hear from you again. If you give me your email, I can send you one when the tent gets all set up? Totally up to you, whatever you’re comfortable with.
You’re abouts the only good thing in my life right now.
Billy
He wanted to email? You could do that. You grinned to yourself as you reread it, smiling at the last line like a loon.
Karen walked over and snatched the letter out of your hands, skimming it quickly, and raising an eyebrow at you. “This man, who you have never met, is full blown flirting with you, and you’re eating it up!” She said, laughing at you as you quickly grabbed a sheet of paper, a pen, and an envelope. “Shush Karen, go be annoying somewhere else.” You said, picking Ralph up and placing him on your lap on the couch.
She turned around, walked into your bedroom, and came out carrying your polaroid camera – which never got any use. “Smile!” She said, and you looked up at her, and quickly grabbed Ralph and hugged him close to your face and grinned at the camera. She snapped the picture, and took it out of the camera, shaking it a couple times before leaving it on the island to develop.
You moved down to the ground and started writing your response, and she came over and took a picture of the both of you and Ralph, leaving that one to develop too.
She stayed for a couple more hours, you guys made pasta and binge watched Supernatural before she headed out for the night – Karen made you feel like life could be good, as long as people like her existed.
-
Mail call was starting to become Billy’s favourite thing to hear. Mail call meant hearing from you.
When the letter was dumped onto his cot, he immediately snatched it up, tearing into it and grabbing the letter inside when something else fell out, face down.
It looked like a polaroid from behind, he picked it up and his eyes widened. “No way this is her.” He said, staring at the photo in awe. She was beautiful – genuinely the most stunning person he had ever seen.
She was holding a cat, Ralph, he figured and was grinning at the camera. She was sitting on a couch, and he could see his letter beside her – he smiled, so this was taken very recently. He spent probably five minutes just staring at the photo, committing every little bit of it to memory.
She was wearing jeans, and he thought a chunky black sweater, but it was kind of hard to tell given that Ralph was covering most of it – wow, he was scrungly looking.
He was massive, and extremely orange. His fur was very all over the place, and he kind of looked like a Maine Coon but not really – he couldn’t really place what Ralph was.
She was so so beautiful, and he thought then and there, that this person, this lovely, gorgeous person, was someone he wanted around for the rest of forever.
He smiled, softly, rubbing his thumb over her face and then keeping the picture between his fingers before he opened up the letter.
Hi Lieutenant!
Please excuse the picture, my best friend Karen took it of me right after I finished reading your letter and told me I should include it, I said no, and then after a lot of begging from her, I eventually conceded. Anyways, that’s me! And Ralph!
Sometimes I want to strangle Karen.
Figured it wouldn’t be too bad for you to have a face to connect to the name of the crazy person who sent you nearly 20 tubes of chapstick. On that note, I am so glad everyone enjoyed it! Please let me know if there is anything else you or anyone needs, I am happy to help.
Foster care, huh? Did you have a decent experience in the system, or horrible like everyone else? Is that insensitive to ask? I’m told I am not great at social cues or reading the room.
I also think I am pretty desensitized to the topic of bad childhoods given that mine was actually torturous, literally and figuratively, not to trauma dump on you, so I don’t really see anything wrong with talking about bad childhoods, but I know that that is not the popular view.
He paused his reading, rereading that last sentence at least twelve times before it clicked – someone, her parents, had hurt her. He all of a sudden had this urge to kill someone he had never met. This feeling was new, he had never cared enough about a person, especially a woman, to want to harm someone for them.
He had never been a particularly sympathetic person, and he had always been known as someone to sleep with a woman, never care about them, never even like them – but this, this woman, he liked this woman. He wanted to protect her, keep her safe, keep her within his line of sight at all times – he was shocked with himself. For a while, he wasn’t even sure he was capable of feeling romantic affection for someone – he was always just after pleasure.
He was also struck by the knowledge that he had no idea if you were single or not. A flash of possessiveness and jealousy ran through him, and he thought that he would probably be willing to kill whoever you were with if it meant he could have you.
That’s a really cool business idea and the inspiration behind it is really honourable! I think you would also make an excellent business owner – you seem like you could get a business up and running with no problems, I think you would be very successful.
Ralph NEVER enjoys air jail; he always gets so mad at me afterwards and hides under the couch or my bed until I bribe him with treats. He’s kind of a slut for them.
Copycat! Be original! I’m 25, a woman, I have a couple of brothers, but I am not in contact with any of them for a variety of reasons, and I live in the city too! The world is so small, isn’t that crazy? But I am sure you already knew that given I have been sending you letters with my address on them for a couple months now.
I would be more than willing to email! That would be great! And also, much better for the environment so yes of course! Here is my email – ***************.
Where all did you bounce around to when you were younger? What was the best place you visited or lived in?
As always, be safe! I look forward to either a letter or an email from you.
With kindness from me, and a blank stare from my cat,
(Y/N) & Ralph
P.S. Karen says hi!
He smiled, reading it over a couple times, and looking at the picture again.
He was struck by the desire to know everything about you, every single one of your thoughts, feelings, opinions. He wanted to see every inch of your skin, found out what made you tick, what brought you joy and what you hated.
He wanted to know everything about your past and wanted to be in every part of your future.
He stared at the picture a little more intently, bringing it close to his face, studying it. It was hard to make out anything overly discernable just given that it was a polaroid so the quality was subpar, but he thought he could see a thick scar peeking out from under your sweater, but he thought that it may have just been the grainy camera quality.
“Frankie, look, its (Y/N) and her cat, Ralph.” Billy said, leaning over his cot in Frank’s direction and handing him the picture. “She’s a cute girl, Bill.” Frank said, taking a quick glance at it before handing it back – Billy knew that he was just being nice, Frank never showed any interest in anyone that wasn’t Maria. They barely existed to him. Billy grinned, taking the picture back before hopping up and grabbing a picture of Frank and him that had been thumbtacked to a cork board a couple months back.
He thought it was only right that he return the favour and show her what he looked like.
-
When you finally got Billy’s letter, it had been almost a month since you originally sent yours and you had almost forgotten that you included a picture of yourself, but every time you were reminded of the fact, you were filled with trepidation over what he thought of you.
Would he think you’re ugly? Oh Lord, what if he thought you were downright hideous, and he just never replied to your letter?
You hadn’t taken that close of a look at the picture but what if you could see some of your scars in it? This train of thought made you panic, and you shut it down immediately, busying yourself with other tasks around your apartment.
When you checked your mail the following week, you were happy to see that you had finally gotten a letter back from him, and you couldn’t even be bothered to run upstairs to read it, you needed to know the contents of it immediately.
(Y/N),
My God, you are beautiful.
You’re unbelievably gorgeous, and Ralph is EXTREMELY scrungly looking, I am happy to know that you were not lying about that.
I keep looking back at the picture you sent, and grinning to myself – please thank Karen for me, for taking it and for making you send it to me.
I think we are getting computers soon, so right when we have them, I’ll email you. And yes, I noticed that you live in the city too, hopefully you’ll still be there, and you haven’t moved elsewhere by the time I’m back.
Foster care was just kind of medium all around, I never had any horrible, awful homes, but I never had any that actually felt like a home, ya know? Every place I lived in was just a house to me, and I was never in any houses with people who actually cared about me – a lot of them just had foster kids for the extra money the government gave them. I was just a cash cow to most of them.
No, I don’t find it insensitive, but I can see how other people would – but maybe they need to toughen up a little.
I’m sorry you had such a horrible childhood, I assume you probably hear this a lot, but I am always open to talking if you want to.
I bounced around a lot of places – I’ve lived in around 15 states, and my favourite was probably Colorado, it’s very beautiful there and I would like to go back whenever I am home.
Given that you sent me a picture of you, I thought it only fair to include one of me! The big guy to my right is my buddy Frank, and I am the one on the left.
Funnily enough, that is the most recent picture of me – it was taken two years ago on one of my last tours, Frank and I have done nearly all of our tours together, not really sure how I would get through them if it wasn’t for him.
In my opinion, I still look pretty much the same – Frank would say I look like I’ve aged 10 years, but I beg to disagree.
You’ll most likely get an email from me in the near future.
Again, you’re stunningly beautiful, and I am so glad to know you.
Billy
You gasped as you hadn’t even realized there had been a photo in the envelope, you quickly pulled it out and gasped one more time, immediate looking at the man on the left.
He was a bit taller than the man beside him, Frank, and leaner. His hair was so dark it looked black, but that didn’t even compare to his eyes which honestly looked like a void.
He was stunning. He was probably the most attractive man you had ever seen.
You quickly flipped the photo over, reading the back of it.
Billy Russo & Frank Castle, Afghanistan, September 2012.
No way this was the man you had been exchanging letters with. This man was stunning, he was completely out of your league in every possible aspect – you were suddenly acutely aware of every scar that was marring your skin.
You tucked the photo and letter back in the envelope, and slowly walked back upstairs to your apartment, in a daze of some kind. You unlocked the door to your apartment, greeted Ralph with a quiet hello and put the mail on your island, making your way to your bedroom and shutting yourself in.
This man would want nothing to do with you if he knew how you looked under your clothing, if he knew the kind of things that had been done to you – if he knew how broken of a person you were, how flawed, how fundamentally wrong your existence is.
After an hour of laying in the dark on your bed, you slowly got up and fed Ralph who had been meowing outside of your door for the past ten minutes.
As Ralph ate, you grabbed your laptop and sat on the stool at the island and checked your email – there were a couple new ones in your inbox, but one really grabbed your attention.