The Pain of Duality

Tim was on a mission, and it didn't matter if it took one day, one year, or even one lifetime. He had a mission and he was going to finish it, no matter what it took. He had to, because if he failed it not only meant he was, well, a failure, but it also meant that Jason would be trapped, and selfishly he could not handle Bruce slipping back into his old ways. Damian didn't deserve to see that, to be put through the same rigorous training, the same pain, the same mental breakdowns that he did because he couldn't pull them together last time after Jason died. He couldn't do it again. Especially now that Jason had a chance at joining back in, at least he hoped he did. He missed his brother, even if their interactions were limited to in the suit. He wanted to have that connection, that mark, that sibling who would understand some of what he went through. The sibling who would stand up for what was right, no matter the cost. 

Having Jason so close, only to be torn away tasted deceptively similar to when he blew up the League of Assassin's bases. Something so close, so desperate, crawling it's way through him.

He wished someone believed him, wished someone had his back, but they all skipped straight to mourning a loss that had yet to be confirmed. 

He adjusted the numbers again, ran a trial run through the generated system, and watched his virtual little character get obliterated again. Something was missing, but what? 

“Come on” he grumbled as he set in the configuration again, adjusting the trajectory once again. A process he repeated again and again, day after day. It felt like a useless task, but he wasn't so easily swayed. 

He knew this wasn't healthy, knew the staggering pile of cans and mugs spoke to that, knew the growing pile of failed plans scrunched up in the garbage spoke to that. But that's ok, he could worry about that later. He had to focus for now, had to save Jason, had to… he needed to do something, anything to help. 

___

It was July 4th and instead of going to the park and watching fireworks paint the sky, Tim sat down in the cave, watching over his hard work. It had been 2 long months of constant studying, testing, and running the numbers, two long months with Jason trapped somewhere else and the family falling apart. Jason's reveal only watered the seeds of mistrust Bruce planted long ago into all his wards. But all those sleepless nights were finally paying off. He just… had to test it and hope it didn't rip his body to shreds. 

Tonight should be the perfect night to test it, the family was having a gala with the fireworks, mostly to be ready in case someone attacked, in case the weird balance of ease that filled Gothams streets finally decided to let up. Meaning there was no one here except Alfred to stop him. 

So why was he so nervous? 

Another burst of fireworks made the teen jump slightly before collecting himself. This was fine. This would work. It had to. 

With one last deep breath and a crack of his neck, he powered on his man-made portal and started his program to lock onto another multiversal earth. One that in theory should work, one that all the numbers aligned for. 

Tim stared at the portal in front of him. Blue sparks dancing across his vision that reminded him so much of the flames that coated the warehouse. This… this was amazing, if it truly worked. A portal that could connect two dimensions. A feat no one believed possible, A feat he managed with bare bones knowledge. 

A manic smile pulled onto his lips. Holy shit. He actually did it. But… he had no one to share it with, no one to marvel with or smile with. His family all long gone and watching the colors dance across the sky. His family all distant in recent weeks, disbelieving regardless of evidence. 

It's fine, they didn't believe him anyway. It was better like this. He was always better alone, a fact long drilled into him since he was a little child and his parents would leave on trips, each one longer and longer until he would realize he hadn't seen them in days, weeks, months, and eventually years. 

It was fine, because he would be back before they would notice anyway. This first test was just that, a test. Meant to gather data, to make sure it worked and didn't spit him out in a wormhole. To make sure it was actually the universe Jason was in. 

He grabbed his bag, full of a few sample collection containers, his camera, phone, and a journal to take notes. This was to be just a test, to see if it worked, to see if it was correct. Then he could go and find Jason, but for now a test of his hypothesis. Maybe then someone would believe him, maybe once proven he could travel back to get Jason, maybe have someone else with him to experience the wonder. 

Tim was practically giddy as he stepped through, one final jewish travel prayer leaving his lips, despite no longer practicing, before the blue consumed him. 

___

Tim fell harshly to the ground, grass his mind belatedly filled him in on. There was some screaming before a blast of sirens went off. He slowly pushed himself up and looked around, blinking as his eyes slowly adjusted to the harsh light of the sun. He was in some sort of park? 

He nearly got knocked over as someone ran into him, yelling something about another alien attack. Tim looked around, trying to focus past the tingly feeling that encompassed his entire body. He stumbled after someone, reaching out to grab their arm. “Whats going on?” He at least succeeded in going somewhere, but he couldn't say for certain if it was another Earth yet, not until he got more information, and talking to others was the quickest way. Then he could focus on collecting his samples and getting back home. 

Except… Except how was he to do that when he looked around and there was no proof of him ever getting here minus a seared patch of grass. Shit shit shit. He didnt think about that, didn't think about the fact that it may be a one way. He didn't even grab any of his plans, didn't grab anything to help him figure out a way to reverse engineer it. 

“Power to half the city just went out, kid. Don't you get those alien invasion safety courses in school still? I also hear Avengers activity has been up so that's never good” 

“alien invasion… no I haven't been in school for a bit” Tim looked around, eyes set on the sky while the person ran off. Well, that at least bode well for it being another universe, sure they had alien attacks, and he had never heard of any Avengers. That was good, that was promising. Though maybe he should have brought his uniform, then he could help if there was an attack. 

Tim watched the crowd for a moment, watching how they scattered like cockroaches when the light was turned on. Fascinating, truly, but he had more important things to tend to. He looked around before seeing an abandoned skateboard, no one around, the owner most likely having fled on foot. “sorry” he offered to no one before grabbing it and hitting the ground, pushing off towards where the crowd was running from. He had his camera around his neck, so at the very least maybe he could get a few photos of these aliens and so called Avengers. At the very least it would give him a moment to process his new predicament, give his mind a break despite the way it felt like it was on the precipice of falling apart. Maybe a nap would be in order to, he would have to see if he had any money in his bag. Would his money even work here? Or did they use a different currency? 

Later Tim problems is what that sounded like. He saw someone fly past wearing red and gold, a robot? They didn't seem to be attacking at least. Maybe scoping? A security measure? Clean up crew? 

Tim put his foot down, wincing at the scrape of his shoe. Bruce would yell at him for that one, messing up a pair of nicer shoes with such foolish behaviors. Not becoming of the new Wayne Enterprise CEO. He snapped a few pictures of the robot? Person in armour? Trying to not let his thoughts drift before kicking off again, coasting around other citizens. It was oddly nice to take this little break. He missed skating, missed just being able to glide through the world and snap photos. He hadn't had time to do that recently, between being a vigilante, holding down Wayne Enterprise, finding Bruce and then Jason, his latest promotion to the new CEO despite his age. 

Oh god, new CEO, Bruce was going to have to fire him if he didn't find his way back again. Bruce was going to be so angry, he could already practically taste his fury. It tasted oddly metallic- 

Tim's thoughts were cut off as his body suddenly jerked, gasping as it felt like every cell in his body was suddenly a light, tearing apart at the seams, but just as quickly as it happened it was over, and he was sprawled out on the ground with scraped elbows and knees. Ok, maybe he wasn't out of the danger zone. What the actual hell was that? His lungs still burned, but he pushed through. Compartmentalized that away to keep an eye on for later. Later Tim problem. 

Tim pushed up and grabbed the board, taking in a deep breath as he focused back on his task. Ok, he needed to get samples, maybe find access to a lab? Surely this world would have some genius billionaire with a knack for science, a Bruce or hell a Lex Luthor. He also had to find a place to sleep, probably something to eat, find out if his money was usable here or a way to get actual currency. Maybe there was a paper he could sell some photos to? He had done it before, when he was still observing Bruce from the shadows, when his parents forgot to leave their card for one of their trips. It was easy money when you had a good camera and a knack for editing. 

He watched as the robot person grew smaller, swooping away into the skyscrapers that surrounded the little park. If they were a hero, or a crowd control method for one, it was reasonable to assume that they probably had access to a lab. He would have to keep an eye out for them. He was used to looking up so it shouldn't be hard. 

First things first, he pulled out one of the jars with swabs and wiped down a few surfaces. He would collect more further into the city, but he wanted some from where he found himself just in case. Samples secured he started walking up the sidewalk, ducking around the people that were making their ways back out. He had plenty of practice blending in, disappearing into the shadows, but these people were different then what he was used to. The sky was brighter, the buildings more colorful. It was a bit disorienting with the taller buildings and influx of people, but still navigational. Actually, that gave him an idea. 

He pulled out his phone and powered it on, tapping his foot as he stepped off to the side, watching the logo pop up. Once powered on, he wasn't surprised to see that there was no reception, but there were wifi networks available which would be helpful. He would just have to make sure his encryptions were up to pat with this earth. 

Next step, see if his money worked here. He would have to observe for that, see if he could catch someone buying something, or risk the embarrassment of using essentially monopoly money. He shifted to add the board to his back, using the strap from his bag to Jerry rig it on. Not the most secure, but it was something. At least easier than carrying it. Now what? Oh yeah, money. Then finding a lab. 

‘ Don't forget food and sleep, can't work on an empty tank ‘

Yeah, food and maybe a hotel room, but neither worked well without money. He diverted over to a food truck, a nice test that was easily avoidable if his money didn't work. He shifted to pull out what he had on him, not a ton but enough to last a day or so, especially if he could find a hostel. He hoped to not be here for long, but he had to be prepared just in case. Once he got closer he let his eyes drift over to the board, squinting against the harsh light. Was this earth closer to the sun? Or was it just all the rain and gloom of Gotham? 

“Next” 

Tim stepped up to the window, “may I get a number…3? Please and thank you, ma'am” 

“Oh the manners, not used to that around here. Of course, that will be $12” 

Tim held His breath and pulled out a $20 from his wallet, handing it over. He was waiting for the yelling, the screaming, the shame, shame, shame. He only let it out when she easily took it and handed him change. That was good, one panic out of the way. He stepped off to the side and patiently waited until he was handed his food. “Thank you Ma'am, Have a wonderful day” she waved him off and he took his street taco and headed deeper into the city. It wasn't great, but it was food and it had every food group in it, just not what he was used to. 

Now food out of the way, it was time to figure out accommodations and money. He only had some on him, and he could bet that his card wouldn't work here given that he hadn't seen anything indicating his bank existed here. Actually, he pulled back out his phone and ducked around the next group of people, checking over his encryptions before risking signing onto one of the free presumably city wide networks. He entered his getting up to bullshit email and started his search, barely dodging another person. 

“Hey watch it!” 

Tim offered a small sheepish smile, “sorry” but immediately went back to his scrolling. There was just so much he needed to do, he needed to learn. And maybe a lot to add to his list. His head was starting to throb with the bright sun, so he should find a cheap pair of sunglasses. Sunglasses, place to sleep, money, lab. He needed to find his way back home, needed to find Jason, needed to fix Bruce, needed to handle the company, needed to get home, needed to lead his group, needed needed needed… He needed sleep. He pulled up a list of places in the area in one screen while his other went to find if any magazine or newspaper was open to purchasing pictures.

Looked like his best bet would be some place called the Daily Bugle, though they seemed to be more into Spiderman pictures. It was worth a shot at least, maybe he could find this spiderman if he was here a bit longer than anticipated. He started his walking journey in that direction and continued his search for a place he could afford, even if it was seedy. He should have slept before coming, should have brought more resources, should have planned for the reality that another portal would not be there for his return trip. Maybe should have told someone where he was going. 

But it was fine, he had this under control. If he could lead a multi billion dollar company at the ripe age of 17 he could navigate a strange city with nothing but a camera, some sample jars, his phone, and $50. Well, $38 now. 

___

By the time the sun was setting, Tim had just barely enough to get one night in a hostel. He wasn't expecting it to be over a hundred dollars, but he supposed that this was a major city so it made sense. At least he was allowed to check in, most places seemed to have a minimum age requirement of 21. 

He finally collapsed on the bed, not even taking off his bag before his eyes slid shut, exhaustion pulling him under. The bed was hard and the building noisy, but his body cried for this sleep, and hopefully it would allow him to think more clearly tomorrow. Maybe then he could actually process the situation he was in. 

___

“Hey, wake up” 

“You better not be dead” 

“Check out time, come on” 

“Wake up!” 

Tim slowly blinked open bleary eyes as he was poked again, eyes still drooped with exhaustion. “ Sorry” he finally managed out, slowly looking around while his sleep-addled brain tried to catch up. He looked around the room, bleary eyes taking it in before he got a tang of metallic in his mouth. “What…” Before a growing familiar pain filled his body, like an electric shock ripping through him, burning through every cell in his body and Tim blacked out, plunging into blissful unawareness. 

“What the fuck! You some kinda mutant?” 

The pain subsided and JJ looked around, panting as he tried to catch his breath. His eyes wide and he expected to see his daddy, expecting to be strapped to the metal table again with how quickly he was slammed into the body. 

“Get the fuck out of here you freak!” 

JJ looked up at the stranger, still gasping for air that burned his lungs. He didn't know what was going on, didn't know where he was, but he quickly pushed up and rushed out the door. He needed to get away, needed to keep them safe, needed to file away whatever happened and figure out what was going on. Did that person electrocute him? Did they work for daddy? What did he do to deserve an electricity party? 

His body still felt like a live wire was inside it, sparking under his skin as he pushed out into the crowded streets. He quickly looked around, panic rising as he tried to dig through spotty memories. He brought his hands up to his chest and looped his thumbs together, tappinoutrythmivc beat as he looked around, it helped to regulate him more, helped him to focus.

He sucked in another breath, which was thankfully getting easier before looking around the crowd, making sure he did not see any heads of green with wide smiles. Though wide smiles weren't bad, it meant the person was happy! Being happy was good! Oh, maybe if he found someone really happy they could help him, mom always said to get help when he was scared, even when she was just in his head. He bounced on his toes and tried to look around, but everyone looked so sad. That wouldn't do! Sad people usually just got more sad with him, especially Bruce and Grandpa Alfred, and actually so did most people in his life. It always brought his own mood down and he already had an upside down smile. 

Right, happy people can help, mommy was always happy to help, especially after daddy had him in the scary room. This time he got out though, even if he didn't know where he was, even if the room looked different and daddy was nowhere to be seen. He flicked his hands down to his sides, remembering how Robin told him to only do that in private. He didn't want to upset his big brother, though Robin always seemed to be sad these days, especially after Damian came into the picture. 

JJ screwed up his face at the thought, he never really met Damian, but he tried to hurt Tim a lot and made Robin upset, so he didn't like him out of principle.

What was he doing again? Oh Yeah! Finding a happy person to help and pretending to be Tim, that's what he was always told to do, even if it meant lying. He learned lying didn't always mean pain, so he could do this. He tried to straighten out his own face and began walking down the weirdly packed sidewalks, keeping his eyes peeled for a smile amongst the sea of pain. 

The first person he saw was a lovely lady with blonde hair heading towards the green park. She had a little girl with brown hair bouncing around with her, both happy! They could probably help! And she was a mom too? Double the help! He could barely contain himself as excitement bubbled up and he bounced over to them, stopping in there path and holding out his hand, just like Carrie had taught him to do in order to introduce himself. He noticed the blonde woman's smile dropping, but that's ok, he could fix that! 

“Hello! My name is JJ, or Junior” he tried to tamper down his smile again, remembering how unsettling it can be. 

“Hello, JJ, sorry, we aren't looking to buy anything” the blonde lady glanced around quickly as she stepped between him and her daughter. It was a protective move that made something not funny twist up inside him. 

“No buying, nope, none, I think Tim has lots of money. He has a big person job and everything! what's your name?” He needed to make sure they were friends so he could trust them to help. And you can't be friends without names. 

The blonde lady offered a small smile that made JJ feel his own growing. No! He had to keep it down, he had to be like Tim, oh shoot he should have introduced himself as such. 

“Pepper, is there someone I can call for you?” The lady, pepper, And ew what a gross name, it felt like chunks of muddled black scraping across his brain, with a small burst of mustard yellow bleeding in. He suddenly did not want to talk to her anymore. 

“Ew, nevermind, have a lovely day” he waved at her before ducking out of the way. Maybe he didn't need someone, if he could coax one of his siblings out instead they could help, or mom but Carrie was much harder to get out once they grew up. He just needed something to coax them, something to calm the body down from feeling like it was in danger. Oh meditation! He could do that! 

JJ ducked into an alleyway and climbed onto the dumpster lid before crossing his legs and trying to do what he was taught by a therapist, she was trying to get rid of him but that's ok, he knew most people didn't like him because of daddy. That's ok, he didn't either. 

Right, meditation. He needed to calm his racing heart and remember that he was safe here, daddy wasn't here. He laid out his legs before curling them back in and placed his hands on his knees, a position that was mildly uncomfortable but was supposed to help. He tried to focus on breathing, focusing really really hard until it started to come easier and he could feel a pressure in his head. 

___

Tim didn't know what he was doing in the Alleyway, but maybe it had something to do with that weird feeling that felt fuzzy now. He packed it away into a later Tim problem and checked that he had everything. A quick pat down helped ease him, nothing was stolen and he didn't leave anything behind, that was good. He also now had a way to get some money, knew a place he could stay if he needed another night, and had a lead on where to go, which was pretty good. Especially since he needed to get back soon, Bruce probably already noticed him missing, was probably worried sick, and he didn't need him coming through his little one way trap too. 

He unhooked the skateboard and set it down, balancing back on it before kicking off. He knew people would think him an asshole with how busy the city was, but it was a much more effective form of travel. Especially if he was going to need to catch more superhero photos and hunt down one of the more science centered buildings. A quick Google search told him there were at least a few in the area. Apparently he was right near a large science centered technical school for mini highschool geniuses, which meant a lot of buildings nearby that took on interns. 

He just had to hope one was easy to hack into, or trusting enough to let him in. Perhaps a tour as a cover? 

With a plan in mind, Tim kicked off and headed back down the road towards one of many options. He was closest to Oscorp, he just hoped they would be useful. Hoped one of the many would be useful.