I don't know how to do this
Frank didn’t sleep much that night, or any night since. He never had, not really, but lately, it had been worse. He’d lay awake in the early hours, staring at the ceiling while Karen slept beside him. He could hear the soft sound of her breathing, feel the warmth of her body close to his. It should have been comforting, but instead, it made his chest tighten with something close to panic.
He didn’t know how to do this. How to just be with someone. Every part of him was wired for war, for solitude, for survival. Karen was patient, had been from the beginning, but she wasn’t blind. She saw the way he tensed when she curled into him at night, the way he hesitated before reaching for her hand in public. And he knew, sooner or later, it was going to be a problem.
Frank woke up before Karen. He didn’t sleep well. He never had, not really. That wasn’t unusual—his body was hardwired for early mornings, for wakefulness before the sun. What was unusual was the fact that he hadn’t left the couch yet, hadn’t untangled himself from the warmth of her. She was still pressed against him, still curled into his side, her hand resting lightly on his chest.
It wasn’t supposed to feel this easy. It wasn’t supposed to happen at all. He didn’t know how to do this. How to just be with someone. Every part of him was wired for war, for solitude, for survival. Karen was patient, had been from the beginning, but she wasn’t blind. He wasn’t ready for the kiss they shared, let alone a relationship. And he knew, sooner or later, it was going to be a problem.
He could leave. She wouldn’t even wake up. It was just a kiss. It wasn’t like they made love and she would feel taken advantage of. He could slip out, hit the gym, go for a run, spend an hour or two on a rooftop somewhere just to clear his head. That would be the smart thing to do. That would be the safe thing to do.
Instead, he stayed. Because this wasn’t just a kiss. It was confirmation that what they had, was becoming real. And she wouldn’t feel taken advantage of, but she would feel hurt. And the last think Frank Castle wanted to do was to hurt Karen Page.
Karen stirred, a quiet hum in the back of her throat as she stretched slightly. When her eyes fluttered open, her gaze found his immediately. A slow, sleepy smile touched her lips.
“Morning.”
Frank swallowed. “Morning.”
She didn’t move away, didn’t shift to put space between them. The only sign that her mood shifted was the light slowly shifting out of her eyes. “You okay?”
He could lie. Could tell her yeah, that he was fine, that nothing about this was clawing at the back of his mind, making his chest feel too tight. But she’d see through it. She always did. And besides, they didn’t lie.
“Don’t know,” he admitted.
Karen’s fingers brushed lightly against his shirt, tracing over a scar near his collarbone. “You thinking about running?”
Frank tensed. “Ain’t like that.”
She gave him a look. “Frank.”
He exhaled sharply, shifting so he could sit up fully, forcing her to do the same. “I don’t—” He ran a hand through his hair, jaw tightening. “This ain’t somethin’ I know how to do.”
Karen sat cross-legged, watching him carefully. “You think I expect you to be perfect at this?”
He didn’t answer.
“Frank, I know who you are,” she said, softer now. “I know what you’ve been through. I’m not asking for more than what you can give.”
“That ain’t the problem.” He met her gaze, and there was something raw in his expression. “What happens when I screw it up?”
Karen’s lips pressed together for a moment. “Then we deal with it. Together.”
He noticed that she didn’t say he wouldn’t screw it up. Because they both knew that he could. It could be self sabotaging or a complete accident.
His hands flexed against his knees. “I don’t know how to do that either. I haven’t had to rely on anyone in a long time. ‘Together’ isn’t a concept I can grasp anymore.”
Karen’s patience was vast, but even she had limits. He could tell she wanted to say more than she was. But she didn’t.
“You don’t have to do everything alone, Frank.” Her voice was firmer now. “You don’t have to shut me out before something even goes wrong.”
Silence stretched between them.
Frank hated this. Hated that she was right. Hated that she could see through all the ways he tried to keep himself walled off. He looked away, staring at some fixed point on the floor.
“I ain’t gonna be what you need, Karen.”
She let out a slow breath. “You don’t get to decide that for me.”
He realized he was pushing her. Waiting for her to run. He was listing all the reasons why this shouldn’t work instead of trying to make it.
Frank’s fists clenched, his entire body taut. He was on the edge of pulling back, of shutting down. Karen saw it happen in real-time.
So she made a choice.
She stood up. “I need coffee,” she said simply, walking into the kitchen without looking back.
Frank blinked. He was expecting her to push harder, to keep pressing, to not let him get away with this. But she was giving him space. Not the kind he wanted—the kind he needed.
Karen knew him. She knew what he needed from her and from the world. He couldn’t grasp the idea of any women other than Maria truly knowing who he is. He’s not the same man from before. Maria knew Frank the soldier, the father. Karen, she knows something a lot darker, a lot more broken.
And that terrified him more than anything.
——
The tension hadn’t completely faded by the time Karen found something she shouldn’t have.
Frank was in the bedroom, trying to busy himself with something—anything—when he heard her voice, sharp and serious from the other room.
“Frank.”
He knew that tone. He cursed under his breath before stepping into the living room. Karen was standing by the desk, a manila folder open in her hands. Her expression was unreadable, but he could see the tightness in her jaw.
She held up the document. “You want to tell me why you have this?”
Frank glanced at it. He already knew what it was. A list of names, addresses, and transaction records—details on a shipment that tied into the case Curtis had been feeding him information on.
“It ain’t what you think.”
Karen arched a brow. “Oh? Because it looks an awful lot like you’re planning to do something reckless.”
Frank exhaled slowly. “It’s just intel.”
Karen’s lips pressed into a thin line. “Intel for what?”
He didn’t answer.
She shook her head, setting the file down. “This is exactly what I meant, Frank. This is you shutting me out. Again.”
“It ain’t your fight.”
Karen stepped closer, frustration flickering in her eyes. “That’s bullshit and you know it. You don’t get to make that call for me.”
Frank didn’t want to stop her from doing what she was meant to do, but he damn sure wasn’t going to throw her into dangers arms and pray for the best.
Frank clenched his jaw. “I ain’t puttin’ you in danger.”
Karen let out a short, humorless laugh. “Frank, do you even hear yourself? You think I’m not already in danger just by being near you?”
His stomach twisted. He didn’t have an answer to that.
Karen shook her head. “I can handle myself. I’ve been doing it for a long time. And if we’re—” She hesitated just briefly, then pushed forward. “If we’re doing this, then you don’t get to keep things from me.”
Frank didn’t know much, but he knew that he wanted this. He wanted this to work. He isn’t even sure why he kept the file hidden. She was always going to find it. Maybe deep down, no matter how much he wants this, that coward in him wants her to run.
Frank looked at her for a long moment, then down at the file.
He had two options.
He could push her away. Or he could let her in.
He still didn’t know if he was capable of the second one.
Before he could say anything, a knock at the door cut through the tension.
————
Foggy Nelson wasn’t exactly the visitor Frank had been expecting.
Karen opened the door, brows furrowing. “Foggy?”
Foggy gave her a half-smile. “Hey, Karen. Hope it’s not a bad time.”
Frank exhaled sharply. “It is.”
Foggy ignored him, stepping inside. “Yeah, I bet.”
His gaze swept over the room, taking in the slight disarray, the file on the desk, the way Frank and Karen were standing just a little too far apart. Then, his eyes landed on Frank, and his expression sobered.
“So,” Foggy said, “you two are really doing this, huh?”
A breath left Karen’s mouth but before she could respond, Frank did.
“So what if we are?”
“You do remember he’s a criminal on the run right?” Foggy said, ignoring Frank entirely.
Frank crossed his arms. “What do you want, Nelson?”
Foggy looked at Karen, then at Frank. “Just wanted to check in. My best friend IS staying with a known murder. Tends to make a guy a little worried.”
Frank’s jaw tightened. “Not your business.”
Karen snaps her head to Frank and looks at him like “you’re making this worse than it needs to be”.
Foggy sighed. “Karen, can we talk?”
Karen glanced at Frank before nodding. “Yeah.”
She points to the hallway and goes to shut the door before Frank speaks,
“Karen-“
She holds up a hand and says, “Just give me a minute. We’re okay. I’m okay.”
He hesitates and nods. She closes the door.
Frank waits in the same place. He was trying to understand what to do. He was screwing this up, he knew this. He was pushing her away and he didnt even want her to leave.
He was fucked.
When Maria was upset, the worse thing for him to do was to give her space. She hated letting things stew so they would yell and fight it out until the problem was eventually forgotten and they realized that they were being idiots.
Karen is not Maria.
What they share is a lot more quiet moments and silent conversations. It’s fragile, he had to be gentile with it. He had to trust that when she says, give me space, it actually means give her space. So he did.
After a few minutes, the door opens and he hears the last bit of their conversation,
“You know what you’re getting into, right?”
Karen’s eyes hardened. “I do.”
Foggy hesitated. “Frank—he doesn’t change. He will always be the Punisher.”
Karen’s jaw set. “I know who he is.”
Foggy studied her. “Then I hope you’re ready for what that means.”
Karen’s grip tightened at her sides. “I am.”
Foggy nods and hugs her, eyeing Frank from behind her.
“Castle.”
Frank just nods his head in reply and the door shuts behind Foggy. Leaving Karen and Frank. Again.