The cold cup of coffee and tears in her eyes
Karen’s life would never be easy. It would never be a quiet and simple one. And she hated him for it. She could never get married and have beautiful kids that were equal parts her and the love of her life. And not because she didn’t want to. She wanted that life more than almost anything. But whenever she imagined a future for herself, she saw the one person she can never have it with. The man who has invaded every single cell in her body and shaped her in ways he doesn’t even know. That life with those kids and that man would never happen. Because the real love of her life, the man she secretly breaths for, is gone. And no, he’s not dead like his family. But he left her with a broken heart and a brain that can never forget him. Hands that can’t help but reach for him every time she feels scared. Eyes that can’t help but scan every diner she passes, hoping to see that stubborn look on his face in every one. She hates him for it all. Because no matter how many dates she goes on, no matter how many people Foggy sets her up with, she will always hope he runs into every restaurant and take her with him. So she sits here for the third night in a row, almost crying into this nasty fucking coffee, praying that someone grants her the balls to move on.
Frank Castle had an incapability of accepting anything. Not help, not care, and definitely not love. But now as he sits on the same damn rooftop looking at the same damn apartment, he can’t help but wish he could. He wishes he could leave the shadows of this fucked world and just go to her. To be with her. To love her. But he knew he wouldn’t. As strong of a soldier as he was, Frank was a coward. Probably the biggest you would ever meet. Because for the third night this week, he is watching the most perfect person on the planet almost cry in her cold cup of coffee and praying that someone grants him the balls to go. To run to her and hold her and wipe those pointless tears away. To comfort the woman he loves because he can accept that fact. Because he can allow himself to be loved without the chains of his dead family hanging in between them. But the gods haven’t heard his prayers in a long time. And nobody was granting him anything other than an ache in his stomach and a shutter in every breath he takes.
Frank spent tonight as he spent most nights for the past 6 months, sitting on this cold and rancid rooftop. Honestly he felt his nose hairs burning every second he spent here and yet, he comes back every single night. He would trek through worse waters than this for that girl, and frankly, he has. Because no matter how many times she said she was done with him, no matter how many times he pushes her away, Frank Castle’s one constant was her. Now he didn’t have some ridiculous notion that Karen was his soulmate, that was Maria through and through. He’d never find a woman that loved him like she did. And he would never love anyone the way he loved her. But, Karen was different. The first time they spoke, Karen ripped him in two and refused to tape him back together. No. No, she made sure that every tendon and nerve in his body was separated from each other and made him look at himself. Raw and broken and half a human. She forced harsh and bitter truths down his throat until he couldn’t stomach anymore. Once she was done, she gave him everything he needed to build himself back into some semblance of a man. She gave him the manual and watched and waited. He knew deep down it’s because she knew. Someone had tore her apart and left her alone with no choice but to build herself back. She had no guide, no help. He saw the look in her eyes when they were together. She knew. She hid in dark closets as a kid trying to escape from something dark. Some demon he wishes he could rid her of. Because no matter how much time went on, her past still lingered on her like a dark cloak. But she held the weight alone and pushed through. Karen had no choice but to. But Frank was a coward. No matter how many bodies he had on his register, no matter how much blood he spilled, he was the biggest coward on the planet. Because she could put herself back together and be that perfect human being he sees everyday. And he’s too scared to even think about a life after. A life without the bloodshed and bodies on that damn register.
Karen sat on her balcony, looking at those flowers he stole for her with tears in her eyes that she refused to let fall. In that moment, Frank thought 2 things:
1: Don’t shed a single tear over me
2: I feel it too
Frank didn’t care if he sounded like an idiot, he KNEW those tears were for him. And he knew she felt it too. That invisible pull that kept him coming here every night. That kept him leaving small gifts on her balcony every week. That kept him in this god forsaken city. If he’s being honest with himself, he could find criminals anywhere. There would be drug dealers and rapists in every city and in every continent. He knew this. But he stayed here. In the city that would recognize him the most. In the place he was most in danger in. And he did it for her. So she would know that he was here. And that she was always on his mind. Which she was. If Frank wasn’t sulking about his dead family or killing more people than necessary, he was thinking of Karen.