Something wrapped all of my past mistakes in barbed wire
Silvia never was good with words. For the past 15 years the words would get stuck in her throat and create a sour taste in her mouth, creating the urge to puke.
Maybe it was the guests their fault; The old men that kept looking at her disapprovingly and the snobbish women with their scratchy voices. Maybe it was just the situation, or that’s what she hoped.
It should be the situation, because everyone feels like they’re going to faint and throw up at their friend's funeral, right?
Silvia had to do this, she had to give the speech, not only for Padmé but also for Anakin, Obi-wan, and Ahsoka. She had to honour them here even if she felt like throwing up.
This was it, she knew it would end here for her. With heavy feet and harsh breaths she finally walked to the stage.
--
Silvia was late again, she should’ve arrived at the training hall ten minutes ago. Yet here she was running through the halls of the Jedi temple trying hard not to hit anyone.
Having become accustomed to seeing her run like this often, the people she passed no longer gave her strange looks but just made way and greeted her with a small smile or a wave.
Walking around the last corner she slowed her steps, now jogging in an attempt to calm down her heavy breathing and to prepare herself for the scolding she was about to receive from her master. Her master, Mace Windu, was quite an intimidating man. Because of his stern look, and lack of patience, younglings and padawans often didn’t dare to look him in the eye.
Walking through the door Silvia immediately felt her master's disapproving gaze on her. The silence in the room changing the adrenaline that was coursing through her veins to dread. She was fucked.
“You are late, again”, scolded her master as she arrived by his side. “You can not keep doing this, if you want to be a jedi you must be able to follow orders, and you clearly cannot do it! When you are planning a mission-”
Silvia looked down, as her master went on with his scolding. The patterned tiles that decorated the training hall had never looked so interesting. She was almost done with seeing imaginary faces in the tiles beneath her feet, when she got shocked out of her daydream by a familiar giggle. Quickly looking up, she met eyes with Ahsoka Tano, her best friend. Even though the Jedi code disapproved of it, the two young padawans could not seem to stay away from each other.
They had met six years ago on Illum. Silvia had gotten lost in the cave; the million possible paths making her nauseous, and the thought of being left alone there making her body shake. The only light she had was the soft glow of her kyber crystal, the reason why she got lost in the first place. Silvia had been ready to go back to the entrance of the cave, when she suddenly saw something glimmer. The force had lured her into many dark side paths, and when she finally got the crystal she did not remember how she got there.
Then Ahsoka had found her. The Togruta too had found her kyber crystal and used the glow to navigate through the complex system of paths. When she saw Silvia’s distraught look, the young padawan immediately tried to calm her. Putting a soft hand on Silvia’s shoulder to try and scare the girl the least.
“Are you alright”, the Togruta said in a hushed voice, fully realising that it was a stupid question. The girl on the ground seemed far from alright, but Ahsoka had to get her attention somehow.
Finally Silvia got down from her daydream. She whipped her head around, shock evident on her face. “Someone found me, you found me. Wait, you do know the way out of here right?”, she asked with a hoarse voice. Quickly swallowing multiple times to get her voice to stop doing that.
“Yes, I do”, Ahsoka replied, a smile finding its way to her face. Extending one of her hands to help Silvia stand up. “Come on, let’s get out of here.”
And so their friendship started. From then the young women were inseparable, whenever they could they would be together. Silvia’s room became filled with things from Ahsoka, and Ahsoka's room got filled with Silvia's stuff. They knew the Jedi code forbade it, yet they kept getting closer.
Silvia was brought back to the present when she heard her name being called
“... understand? Silvia are you even listening?” Getting out of her daydream and looking around she was yet again met with her master’s unhappy stare.
“Yes master, I heard what you were saying. I understand what I have to do?” She replied, her voice going up at the end of the sentence making it sound like a question. She coughed trying to play it off and started to look around sheepishly. Master Windu was about to scold her again when he got interrupted. Silvia quickly looked up trying to find out where the voice came from and made eye contact with Master Skywalker.
Master Skywalker was something else. If you were to put all the jedi masters in the same room the first one you could pick out was Anakin Skywalker. Wherever he went he seemed to stand out. Maybe it was his dark robes or his confident walk or maybe it was simply the fact that he was the chosen one. The one said to bring balance to the force. The one to remove a disease that plagued the universe called the sith. Silvia couldn’t quite place her finger on it, but something about him was off.
“Master Windu, with all due respect but I think you are underestimating our abilities. We have done this before with an even smaller group. As long as we keep to the strategy we will be fine.” Anakin Skywalker said, with his typical drawl. Skywalker always seemed to radiate confidence and in Silvia’s eyes his confidence was blue. Thick blue swirls would surround him, the colour coming close to the one of his lightsaber. Following him everywhere and cascading over the people next to him, most often people he cared about. Although he’d never admit that.
Sometimes when something had gone wrong and Anakin was overcome by emotions the blue was joined by red, blood red, sith lightsaber yet. Whenever this was the case Silvia avoided him in an attempt to not stop her mind from painting him out to be evil. Because the sith were red, no matter how they tried to mask it, their aura would always be red.
A person’s aura often matched their lightsaber colour, it was basic knowledge. The way of living and their loyalty made a person’s soul, and the lightsaber would reflect that. As a child this was hammered into her brain however one addition was always made: “The soul can change but a lightsaber can not. An alliance can switch but the lightsaber will remain. The lightsaber represents your soul, a carefully crafted and dangerous weapon. Don’t lose it.”
Silvia didn’t understand this until late in her life. When the alliance had already switched, and the force no longer seemed to be on her side.