Modern Love

The music is loud, and the air is thick with the smell of alcohol as they enter the crowded party. Alicent feels a mix of nerves and excitement as they try to lose themselves in the crowd. Rhaenyra stays close by her side, and they both grab drinks and start to dance.

Alicent steals glances at Rhaenyra, who looks stunning in her new outfit, and feels a pang of jealousy when she sees other guys trying to hit on her. She tries to push the feeling aside but it lingers in the back of her mind.

The alcohol starts to take effect, and they both begin to let loose on the dance floor. Alicent feels herself getting lost in the music.

Eventually, they both need a break from the loud music and crowded dance floor, so they make their way outside to the backyard. The cool night air feels refreshing on their skin, and they both take a seat on a nearby bench.

They sit in silence for a few moments, neither of them knowing what to say. Alicent desperately wants to bring up the fight from earlier in the week, but she doesn't know how. She also wants to know if Rhaenyra feels the same way she does, but she's too afraid to ask.

Finally, Rhaenyra breaks the silence. "I'm sorry about the other night," she says. "I didn't mean to upset you."

Alicent feels her heart skip a beat at the sound of Rhaenyra's voice. She looks over at her, taking in every detail of her face, and feels a sense of longing wash over her.

"It's okay," she says, trying to sound nonchalant. "I just wish you would have told me."

"Told you what?" Rhaenyra asks, looking confused.

Alicent takes a deep breath, feeling the weight of the moment on her shoulders. "About Laena," she says. "I had no idea. I’m supposed to be your best friend."

Rhaenyra's expression softens, and she reaches out to take Alicent's hand. "I'm sorry," she says. "I didn’t know how to bring it up. And I thought Laena would have told you…Ali..you’re..well you’re you and I don’t always do or say the right things around you. I know you’re my best friend but it..it’s more than that.”

Alicent's heart is racing. She doesn't know what to do. She wants to kiss Rhaenyra so badly, but she is too afraid of the consequences.

Suddenly, Rhaenyra's phone beeps. She pulls it out of her pocket and frowns.

"Ugh I’m sorry," she says. "I have to call my Dad. He is blowing up my phone. I’ll be right back.."

Alicent feels a pang of disappointment. She wants to spend more time with Rhaenyra.

Alicent is trying her best to enjoy the party, but her mind keeps wandering to the conversation she had with Rhaenyra earlier that day. She doesn't know how to fix things between them, and it's weighing heavily on her. As she stands alone, a girl named Dany from her biology class comes up to her.

"Hey, Alicent, right?" Dany says, flashing a bright smile.

Alicent is taken aback. She doesn't really know Dany, but she has seen her around class before. "Uh, yeah, that's me. Do we have class together?"

Dany laughs, "Yeah, bio 101. You always sit in the front row, and I sit a few rows behind you."

Alicent feels embarrassed for not recognizing her, but she tries to play it off. "Oh, yeah, that's right. Sorry, I'm not great with names."

Dany smiles again, "It's alright, I definitely remember you though. Would you want to get a drink and talk for a bit?”

Alicent is surprised but flattered, "Sure, I'd love that."

As they talk, Alicent doesn’t realize that Dany is flirting with her. Dany touches her arm gently, and at one point she even brushes some hair behind Alicent's ear. But Alicent is oblivious to the signals.

Meanwhile, Rhaenyra is watching them from afar, feeling a pit in her stomach. She has never been good at hiding her feelings.

Her friend Aegon approaches her and tries to console her, "Hey, it's okay. You don't know if Alicent likes Dany. Maybe she's just being friendly."

Rhaenyra shakes her head, "No, you don't understand. Alicent is so oblivious to this kind of stuff. She won't even realize that Dany is flirting with her. And even if she does, she probably won't be interested. I'm just being stupid."

Aegon puts a hand on her shoulder, "You're not stupid, Rhaenyra. You're just human. It's okay to feel things. And who knows, maybe Alicent does like you, but she's too scared to admit it."

Rhaenyra smiles weakly, "Thanks, Aegon. But I highly doubt that's the case."

Rhaenyra can't help but keep an eye on Alicent and Dany. They're laughing and chatting, and Dany is still touching her arm occasionally. Rhaenyra feels a pang of jealousy, but she tries to push it aside.

Eventually, Rhaenyra excuses herself to go to the bathroom. As she washes her hands, she looks at herself in the mirror and sighs. She doesn't know what to do about her feelings for Alicent, and it's tearing her apart inside. She splashes some water on her face and takes a deep breath before returning to the party.

Rhaenyra leans against the bathroom counter, her heart racing. She can't believe what is happening. All these years, she has been hiding her feelings for Alicent, pretending like everything is normal, and now it seems like it’s all coming to a head.

As she looks at herself in the mirror, Rhaenyra can see the frustration and confusion etched on her face. She had always known that she was different, that her attraction to women is not something that her father would understand or accept. And yet, she still doesn’t full accept the way that she feels.

The memory of junior prom suddenly floods back to her, and Rhaenyra closes her eyes. She can still feel the warmth of Alicent's body pressed up against hers, the softness of her lips as they almost touched. Gwayne's interruption had felt like a cruel twist of fate, a reminder that she could never have what she truly wanted.

Rhaenyra felt giddy and warm as she danced with Alicent at junior prom. She took a sip of the peach brandy they had stolen from her dad's alcohol cabinet and felt bold enough to move her hands lower on Alicent's waist. She felt Alicent suck in a sharp breath and she smiled to herself. She moved her face close to Alicent's, pushing her forehead against her forehead.

"Ali" Rhaenyra whispered, feeling her heart race.

Alicent looked back at her with wide eyes, her cheeks flushed. "Yes?" she whispered back.

Rhaenyra breathed heavily, her face so close to Alicent's that she could feel her breath on her lips. "I have something to tell you” she admitted, her voice barely above a whisper.

Alicent's eyes widened even more and Rhaenyra could see the shock and confusion on her face. "What is it?" she asked, her voice shaking.

"I um..I think that I..well no, I know that I…God, I’m not saying this right." Rhaenyra said, feeling her heart race even faster.

Alicent's eyes flickered down to Rhaenyra's lips and then back up to her eyes. Rhaenyra felt her own eyes flutter close, her lips so close to meeting Alicent's. But before she could close the gap, Gwayne interrupted them.

"Hey, you two! You look like you're about to eat each other's faces off," he joked, laughing loudly.

Rhaenyra pulled away from Alicent, feeling embarrassed and frustrated. She had almost kissed Alicent, almost told her everything she had been feeling for years. But Gwayne had ruined the moment and she knew that she couldn't risk telling Alicent how she felt. Not when her father was so strict and disapproved of anything that didn't fit his traditional view of the world.

The memory faded away as Rhaenyra stared at herself in the bathroom mirror, feeling a sense of longing wash over her. She wished that she could go back to that moment, that she could tell Alicent everything and that they could be together. But she knew that it was impossible. She sighed heavily and headed back out to the party, feeling the weight of her unrequited feelings pressing down on her.

That night, Rhaenyra felt embarrassed about her feelings for Alicent and tried to hide them. She went looking for Harwin, and when he kissed her, she kissed him back. Harwin's father was a business partner of her father's, so it was a safe choice. But it was never like it was with Alicent. Rhaenyra still loved Alicent deeply, but she couldn't bring herself to confess her feelings.

But Rhaenyra was also conflicted about being obvious with her feelings towards women. She knew that if she told Alicent about her hook up with Laena back a few months ago, it might ruin her chances with Alicent, if she even had any semblance of a chance. But she also knew that she loved Alicent and wanted to be with her. She just didn't know how to navigate her own feelings and the expectations of her family. Rhaenyra sighed and looked at herself in the mirror, wishing that things were simpler.

///

Alicent smiles politely as Dany chats about her latest lab experiment in Biology class, but her mind keeps wandering to thoughts of Rhaenyra. She scans the crowded room, wondering where she has disappeared to.

"So, have you thought about what you want to do after college?" Dany asks.

Alicent shakes her head, "Not really. I'm still figuring it out."

Dany continues to talk about her own plans for the future, but Alicent only half-listens. She keeps replaying the moment earlier when she and Rhaenyra were dancing, their bodies pressed close together, and how she almost leans in for a kiss before being interrupted.

It's a moment that sticks with her, but she has always assumed she misinterprets Rhaenyra's actions. After all, Rhaenyra goes on to date Harwin for the next two years, only ever talking about him.

But then Rhaenyra broke up with Harwin, and something shifted back to the way it was before, lingering touches and flirty conversations. Alicent was too afraid to bring up her feelings though, afraid of ruining their friendship. And then there is the incident with Laena apparently, which is still news to Alicent, and she has no idea how to feel about it.

Alicent tries to push the thought away, reminding herself that Rhaenyra is not into her. Rhaenyra is confident and if she wants to be with her, she would have done something about it long ago.

Dany pauses mid-sentence, noticing Alicent's distraction. "Is everything okay?" she asks.

Alicent clears her throat and forces a smile. "Yeah, sorry. I just remembered I have to make a phone call. Excuse me."

She makes her way through the throngs of people to the bathroom, her heart racing as she thinks about Rhaenyra.

Why is she so drawn to Rhaenyra? They have been best friends for years, but lately, Alicent can't shake the feeling that maybe Rhaenyra feels the same. She remembers Rhaenyra telling her she lost her virginity to Harwin years ago, and the jealousy she felt. She couldn’t bring herself to talk to Rhaenyra for days.

She wants to be the one to make Rhaenyra laugh, to hold her close, to kiss her.

As Rhaenyra leaves the bathroom, she spots some girls from her business class and decides to chat with them. After a few minutes of small talk, she remembers she wants to find Aegon and smoke with him in the backyard. She searches the crowd for Alicent but can't seem to find her. Feeling a little disappointed, she decides to text her.

"Hey, where are you? Want to meet up outside for a smoke?"

As Rhaenyra waits for a response, Alicent is just about to leave the bathroom when she feels her phone buzz. She sees that it's Rhaenyra and can't help but smile. But then she notices a text from Laena and feels her heart sink.

"Hey Alicent. I’m so sorry about sleeping with Rhaenyra. I don’t mean to hurt you. You mean so much to me. You’re my family and after it happened, I feel so guilty because of how you feel for her. I know it’s shitty of me and I have no excuse.”

Alicent's brows furrow in confusion, and she starts to feel panicky. She texts Laena back, her fingers shaking.

"What do you mean you slept with her? I thought you said you only made out."

When Laena confirms that they made out the first time they hooked up but that they had indeed slept together the second time it happened, Alicent feels a wave of emotions hit her all at once. Shock, anger, and betrayal all swirl inside of her.

Alicent starts to feel her heart break. She knows it's petty, but she can't help the way she feels. She texts Rhaenyra back, her fingers shaking with anger and hurt.

"Sorry, I'm busy with Dany upstairs. You can head home without me. I think I’ll be with her tonight for a while."

Even though it's a lie, Alicent knows how Rhaenyra will interpret it. After all, why would she care about spending time with someone who doesn't like her back? As she slips her phone back into her pocket, Alicent can feel the weight of her emotions settling in her chest.

As Alicent leaves the party, tears stream down her face, she quickly hails a cab and gives the driver Criston's address. She needs someone to talk to, someone who will understand. When she arrives, she finds Criston sitting on his couch, engrossed in a book. He looks up and is immediately concerned when he sees the look on her face.

"Alicent, what's wrong?" Criston asks, setting his book aside and standing up to greet her.

Alicent collapses into his arms, sobbing uncontrollably. Criston holds her close, letting her cry it out. After a few minutes, Alicent finally speaks.

"She slept with Laena," Alicent chokes out, her voice thick with emotion.

Criston's eyes widen in shock. "What? Rhaenyra slept with Laena? That can’t be true.”

Alicent sniffs and wipes her eyes. "It’s true.”

It doesn't make any sense to Alicent though. She didn’t even realize Laena likes girls either. This is just too confusing.

Criston rubs her back gently. "I'm so sorry, Alicent." He really thought Rhaenyra was in love with Alicent. He sees the way Rhaenyra looks at her. Maybe sleeping with Laena was just a mistake.

Alicent nods, tears still rolling down her cheeks. "I'm so stupid. I thought maybe, just maybe, Rhaenyra liked me back. But she doesn't. She never will. I'm just pining after someone who only sees me as a friend."

Criston hugs her tightly. "You're not stupid, Alicent. You can't help how you feel. But you deserve someone who will love you back the way you deserve to be loved."

Alicent sniffs again, trying to compose herself. "I just don't know what to do now. I can't keep pretending like everything's okay. It hurts too much."

Criston nods sympathetically. "You don't have to pretend, Alicent. You can take all the time you need to heal. And I'll be here for you every step of the way."

Alicent smiles weakly. "Thank you, Criston. You're a good friend."

Criston hugs her again. "Always, Alicent. Always."

A few hours later, Alicent walks back to their dorm, feeling a sense of emptiness. She has been so close to telling Rhaenyra how she feels, but she has chickened out.

When she gets back to the dorm, Rhaenyra is already in bed, asleep. Alicent lays in her own bed, staring up at the ceiling, wondering what the future holds for her and Rhaenyra.

As she drifts off to sleep, she makes a silent promise to herself to figure her shit out.