[B] What do we do now?
They were all sitting in a side lounge on the Eclector.
Quill was sitting on the edge of one of the couches. Looking out of a nearby window, at the remains of Ego's planet.
Gamora was sitting nearby, two arms' lengths away. Hands in her lap, looking at the floor.
Nebula was sitting next to her. Hands in her lap as well, looking at the wall.
Drax was sitting in a chair, Groot on his lap, curled into a ball against the man's stomach.
Yondu was on another couch, legs sat wide, hand on his face, slumped over slightly.
Kraglin was sitting on the opposite end of the couch, nervously keeping to himself.
Mantis had been moved to a cot near the wall, a pillow under her head, and a blanket over her. She wasn't awake.
Rocket was still in the Med-Bay. They had closed the door to it.
''He thought I hated him...'' Quill says weakly, for the tenth time now.
Everyone is quiet.
After a moment, Drax speaks. ''We have failed him. It is as simple as that.''
Quill nods. ''I'm thinkin' back to when Ego showed up...'' He looks down, sighing solemnly. ''I was sayin' nasty things, eggin' him on, and lettin' him make me mad back, and then lettin' Ego say mean things about him...''
Quill puts his hands on his face, sighing. ''I didn't give him any support whatsoever. Gamora was right, we were both just thinkin' with our dicks-for-brains. And I didn't... I didn't even get myself together enough to say anything to 'im before he was...'' Quill starts to tear up again, voice growing softer as he thinks of Rocket's body, floating in space like that again.
"We aren't even talking about what happened with Ego, you had a lot going on, Peter. Your mind wasn't in a good place when he saved you. And then you were processing what he said..." Gamora speaks softly.
"That is true. Everything going on, this is a painful mess. For everyone." Drax says, moving from a firmer voice, to a softer one. "You are dealing with many things at once, Peter Quill. That is why we all need to talk about this. All of us are hurting from this, and in addition, Rocket deserves us at our level best, so we can be sure that as his spirit is sent to rest, he doesn't feel our sorrow, our rage, our confusion..."
"All he should feel is our love. And our apologies for our failure to him. And we must hope it gives his spirit rest." Drax says, bowing his head.
"I will hold this guilt, failure, and pain in my heart the rest of my life." Drax says, staring out the window. "I will never forgive myself for failing him, like I failed my wife and child before. I will not let myself make that mistake again. I swore I would once, and yet it happened now, and I must work harder to be a better Father, a better Friend." Drax sighs. "We are a family, Rocket was a part of that, though he didn't realize. And I am ashamed that I let him think that. And enraged that all of us failed to see his pain. He deserved better from us, though I will not pretend he was without fault."
"I do not blame him, for being who he was. I blame those who broke him. The ones who, as he put it, made him into a 'little monster'. They made him feel he had to close off to protect himself. Made him feel he could no longer trust others to be close, and accept love." Drax sighs, and realizes he was shaking with rage, taking a moment to calm himself. "It is a selfish wish, on my part, but I would like to discover the ones who made him. I would like us to hunt them down, and rip them apart. I would like to make them suffer for every single day Rocket suffered because of them. And perhaps beyond."
"However, I want to work out all of those feelings before, and after whatever funeral we hold for Rocket. I do not want him to think my rage is towards him. I do not want his spirit feeling that on his way." Drax takes a breath, pausing, and thinking.
"I want Rocket to feel my love for him. The way I wanted to protect him, to guide him as a friend and father. I wanted to guard his little soul, nurture it until he could live with a smile, every day. I wanted to share in his joy, in his adventures. In his schemes and plans. I wish I had told him how much I cared for him. He felt like a son to me." Drax says softly. "I wanted him to be my son. I enjoyed teaching him the things he didn't understand, or know about. Teaching him cooking, teaching him fighting, teaching him love."
"I will forever regret every moment I could have let him know he was loved, and valued. Let him know how I saw him." Drax looks at his hands, and sighs mournfully. "He would have snapped at me, had I said I saw him as a son. He would have felt insulted, perhaps. Pitied. Babied. But maybe he wouldn't have died, thinking what he thought."
Drax sighs, and looks at the others. "That is all I want to say, for now."
Everyone was quiet.
"Lil' bastard..." Yondu starts with a sigh, "When we was makin' our way t' Ego, I realized sum'n about 'im." Quill, Gamora, and Drax all turn to look at him.
"I realized he 'n I were th' same. We push people away, we turn ourselves off t' keep people fr'm realizin' we ain't workin' right, we ain't healin' as easy as they is. Meetin' him is what made me realize I wan'ed t' do anythin' t' save ya, Pete. Made me really think about what y'all were t' me. Made me realize you was my boy all along." Yondu sighs. "I was gonna give my life, wan'ed you t'live, t'be able t' live with th' rest of yer family. Was willin' t' give mine f'r that."
"He saw my plan. An' tricked me. Sent me up. Took my plan f'r 'imself. 'Cuz he wan'ed you to keep me. Didn't think his life'd hurt t'lose as bad, I'd bet. That's what I was thinkin'." Yondu admits.
Quill scoffs, something between pain, and amusement. "Thanks, Rocket..." He says, half sarcastic.
"For the record, Yondu. Losing you would've destroyed me, too. You're my dad, realer than Ego was, for sure. You're an asshole but I do love you." Quill sighs. "I... Would rather not have lost you. Or him. Or anyone. I love everyone here, and no one here deserved to die."
"He kinda showed me that, too, hones'ly. 'Cuz seein' 'im die pissed me off in a way I ain't felt in a long time." Yondu admits. "An' it felt like seein' myself die. Just a me wit' more potential f'r changin', I think. An' he woulda been dealin' with that too. You woulda been dealin' with that..." He looks down solemnly.
"Too many people died t'day. Shouldn't a tried t' be another." Yondu says softly, holding his broken arrow.
Quill sighs, getting up, and walking over, to sit by Yondu, and give a light hug.
It's awkward. Weird. Tense.
They stop after a bit, but Yondu pats Quill's back.
"I wish I had told him we cared about him. That we valued him." Gamora says softly. "I thought my actions might prove that to him, but the more I think about it, the more I feel like that wasn't enough. He was always struggling to understand emotional things like that. He wouldn't have been as easily able to discern what actions meant. I struggled with that early on."
"And whenever we all fought, rather than calling everyone stupid every time, and trying to manage it all practically, We should have instead tried to get us all to talk things out. Instead, we would all bitterly snap at each other, close off and grumble horrible things to each other." Gamora glares at the floor. "We will get better going forward. We owe Rocket that. We owed him that patience, when he was here, and we failed to give him that. We failed to give each other that. That's how we ended up in this mess..."
"I will work to be a better part of this family, the kind of friend he deserved, in his honor." Gamora bows her head.
"When we hold whatever rites we decide, whatever funeral we deem deserving, I will bring nothing in my heart, but the love that I wish I had given him sooner. The nights he'd help repair my body, injured from battle. The days we would train together, wether combat, or cooking. The hours of time spent working together in silence, when neither of us wanted to be alone, but neither of us wanted to talk to anyone." Gamora goes on and on, looking out at the stars. "I will think of everything we gave each other, as friends, and as family. I will work to keep giving that forward, forever."
"I wish I wasn't such a dumbass." Quill says, leaning back into the couch. "Wasn't so stuck up my own ass. Maybe then I woulda noticed how upset he was. An' we wouldn't have gone with Ego, an' he wouldn't be dead."
"I wish that we had asked him how he would wanna be honored, funeral-wise. I know how Gamora wants to. I know how Drax wants to. Rocket knew th' tradition for Groot. But I never asked Rocket. Thought he would always squirrel his way outta dyin', I guess." Quill slumps down slightly. "I'm pissed off. I wanna drag him back t' life and just... Shake him around 'til he realizes we love his dumb ass, and he's a part of th' family. I wanna go back in time and beat my own ass 'til I apologize for all the times I called him a raccoon. I wanna make things right, and I just... Can't."
"And if there's any way to figure out who the fuck made him the way he is... We will, and we'll kill 'em." Quill says firmly, looking at Drax.
Yondu sighs.
"I'd offer a Ravager funeral. But I 'on' think 'e'd want one." Yondu says.
"Y'all're the Guardians an' such, right?" Kraglin interjects. "Y're all heroes an' such across th' Galaxy? Maybe y'could do one o' them Honors Funerals, what Nova does when they lose their Nova Heroes."
Everyone pauses slightly.
Quill sighs, "Those are usually done after the actual funeral. I do think we should do one, but... I don't think that's all we should do."
"What would Rocket want?" Quill asks with a sigh.
"Somethin' explosive?" Yondu says with a smirk. "Seemed like a bombshell of a guy."
"No..." Quill says, thinking. "I think... I think the thing Rocket loved most was the sky. Literally named himself after that. I never learned why, but... Maybe we could go flying somewhere, and spread his ashes in the clouds or something...?"
"That sounds like an idea, but." Gamora sighs, "I wish we could ask him. This feels like such a massive thing to do without him. Without him here to consent. To give his okay."
"You're right. It does suck, but we can't really do that anymore. And, it's important we talk it out." Quill says with a sigh. "We can't just let him sit and rot until we figure it out, after all."
Quill puts his head in his hands. "Fuck."
"He's really gone." Quill says with a sigh. "He really is just... Dead, isn't he?"
"We're never hearin' him again. Never gonna see him smile again. Never gonna get him excitedly showin' us whatever new thing he made. Never gonna pilot together, steal stuff together, save people together." Quill sighs. "I thought losing my mom would be the hardest day of my life, but now it's a fucking tie." Quill laughs, through tears that've formed again.
Yondu pats his back.
"Go getcha some water, Pete." Yondu says gently.
Quill nods, walking off, and Gamora follows.
Everyone is quiet.
"I am Groot..." Groot finally speaks up, weakly. With no one to translate, he's withdrawn into himself. He's just quietly sat, listening to everyone.
"I know, little one. I know." Drax pats his back.
Everyone looks out at the stars.
It feels emptier, with one less member of the family to look out at them with.
They'll never feel the same again.
Nothing will.