Blue Christmas

She's not sure how it happened but Maya Bishop is sitting on a gurney with a sleeping child in her arms. 

After the surprisingly exciting conversation with the 5-year-old, the interns finally came to take them for the x-ray. She asked for them to go together, for both Lucy's and her own sake. She's normally awkward around kids, but something about the little girl feels different. Their connection is so strong. Maybe it's this new version of Maya that is more open and vulnerable. 

Once they were back, Maya finally noticed the time. 12:39 am. It was already Christmas and the lieutenant could only sigh. No wonder the girl was so tired. While they waited for the results and the follow-up of the doctors, Lucy somehow found herself in the firefighter's arms and fell asleep.

That's why Maya is resting on the gurney while Lucy sleeps soundly. They have been like this for the last 20 minutes. The firefighter barely moved a muscle during that time, very focused on not disturbing the little girl even the slightest. Lucy is completely relaxed, unbothered by the loud sounds of the emergency room. And Maya is amazed that she was able to calm the girl and take care of her. She's a little proud of herself actually. 

Maya can't help but wish Carina was there to see this. The blonde remembers how the Italian's eyes would always soften and spark when Maya interacted with Pru. Ever since they decided to be mothers, they would exchange knowing, loving looks as they imagined how it would be like to take care of their own child, of their own little human. 

Unwillingly, however, her mind takes her back to their fight on the roof. "I can't have a baby with that." Those were the words uttered by her wife that day. And it is like a knife cut open her chest all over again. 

Does Carina even want to have children with her anymore? She is not even wearing her wedding ring. Maya noticed that when she went by the apartment to get the shampoo. Does she even want to stay married? 

Her racing mind gives Maya a pang of longing, guilt, and pain. She feels her eyes watering, so she pushes those thoughts away. She needs to focus on the girl, on getting her safely to her family. She then will need to take care of herself and make sure she is healthy to fight to win back Carina.

She takes a deep breath. One day at a time. One step at a time. 

She tries to relax a little too. The blonde is completely exhausted. And she still has to take that damn CT. Kwan has already come over three times to apologize for the delay, but according to the intern, they have more urgent patients. Three MVCs arrived while she was there, so she understands. 

More astonishingly, she doesn't mind staying there. Sure, it wasn't her plan to spend the night at the place where she had stayed against her will for 72 hours, alone, staring at the damn ceiling. But Maya still hasn't heard anything from Ford about Lucy's relatives and she is getting increasingly concerned. She doesn't want the little girl to spend Christmas at Child Services. 

So a hospital gurney sounds good enough right now. 

As if summoned by Maya's thoughts, Ford appears in front of her. The young firefighter looks as exhausted as the blonde. The woman smiles at the scene though, and looks at her lieutenant curiously. 

Maya decides to ignore it and goes straight to the point, whispering so as to not wake up the little girl. "Have you found the parents?"

"Yes, a neighbour helped us. Dad was drunk and forgot she was home, apparently. We have no idea where he is. The mom is coming though. She should arrive later tonight."

Maya nods, clenching her jaw. A rush of anger threatens to wash over her, but Maya focuses on the girl. Being angry right now will only wake Lucy and make her more upset. But hell, the lieutenant really wants to punch the man in the face. He forgot about her and left her behind. In a fire. How could someone ever do that to their own child? 

Maya then notices that people are looking at her. Nurses, doctors, technicians. And it makes her blood boil and her heart sink.

There it is. She's been expecting it. She's been expecting the side eyes and gossip ever since she came through the doors of the ER. They finally realized who she is. It was only a matter of time, really. She was probably delusional thinking she would get to Grey Sloan and not be surrounded by whispers. After all, she screamed so loud and desperately the last time she was here, she had to be sedated. The crazy wife of Dr. DeLuca. 

She is annoyed, hurt, and angry. Her 5150 should be old news by now. Couldn't they just get over it? 

She is about to confront the nurse that has been staring so openly, but the woman approaches her. 

"You were the one who rescue most of these people, right? They've been talking. We just wanted to thank you. Well, I wanted to thank you. My niece lives in the building. You rescued her. She just came out of surgery, and she is okay. I…" 

The nurse starts crying, and Maya is left speechless, caught completely off guard. She really did not expect that. It takes a while for her to respond, but she gives the nurse a shy smile. 

"I was just doing my job. I'm glad your niece is okay."

The nurse nods, returning the smile through tears. She shakes Maya's hand and excuses herself, leaving to check on her niece. The blonde's eyes roam around the ER and she realizes now that the looks are of gratitude and respect. The nurses, doctors, technicians, patients. They are all smiling at her now. And she gets a little overwhelmed. 

Maya Bishop hates when people call her or treat her like a hero. She really doesn't think of herself as one. She means it when she says she is just doing her job. It is undeniable, however, how good it feels to be able to help someone, to save a life. 

And for Maya, right now, this feeling means so much. Because for so long, she felt useless. And when she wasn't feeling useless, she was reckless and dangerous. Her focus was entirely on the losses. 

So she allows herself to feel good about the wins. She allows herself to feel a little proud of what she has done. She has brought herself up from a deep, dark, hollow hole. She was great at her job today. She helped people. She made the little girl in her arms feel safe enough to fall asleep in a chaotic emergency room. She was honest about her injuries. 

And she is sure Diane wouldn't like the analogy, but still, those are all wins. Big, important wins for Maya. And she will value them. She will hold on to them for a little while. 

One day at a time. 

Her thoughts are interrupted by Ford. "You were amazing today in there, Bishop. I'm glad I was able to finally work with you."

She gives the young woman a nod and a smile, a little surprised to be honest. "You are a very good firefighter, Ford. It was great working with you."

She's about to say more when a person standing behind Ford catches Maya's attention, and she feels her heart skip a beat or two. 

There, in her black scrubs, is Carina. Her Carina. Her wife. And she is looking at Maya with an indecipherable expression.  

Ford turns around to see what has caught the lieutenant's eyes so fiercely. The firefighter recognizes the woman and moves silently away from the gurney. Everyone in the station, from all shifts, knows about Carina DeLuca and her work in the clinic. 

Maya's eyes are still locked with Carina's. She is completely speechless. She is not sure what to say, how to greet her wife. And although she is terrified, she is also incredibly happy to be looking at Carina. It's all she wanted from the moment she woke up. God, who is she fooling? It's all she ever wants since the day they met at Joe's. 

Carina is just standing there, with that same unreadable look on her face. 

The day's events give Maya an extra push of courage and she is the first to speak. 

Her voice is low, still mindful of the sleeping child in her arms. "Hi."

Carina doesn't respond but takes a few more steps so she is right in front of the gurney, so very close to Maya. She looks at the little girl and then at Maya, still silent.

"There was a fire earlier today… well, yesterday really. I found her by herself in an apartment. I got her out of there but she is all alone. She's been so scared and I was able to calm her. I know it's crazy right? Me getting along so well with a kid. But her mother is on her way and I don't want her to be alone. It's Christmas and she shouldn't be alone…"

The blonde is out of breath by the end, having to stop so she doesn't pass out. So fucking smooth, Bishop, she thinks. She is making a fool of herself in front of her wife and she still cannot read Carina's expression. She can't believe she is fucking up this great unique opportunity to talk with the Italian. 

Maya takes a deep breath. "I am rambling. Sorry."

The OB only hums before turning her head to the side ever so slightly. 

"Are you okay?"

Maya's heart does a full somersault inside her chest at the tenderness in Carina's voice. Unexpected, but oh so very welcomed.

"I'm still waiting on some exams, but I think I'm okay. A few bruises and a mild concussion…" She hesitates for a second about telling Carina about her ankle. Her damn, stupid ankle has been a topic of many arguments. But she can't hide anything from Carina. She doesn't want to do that anymore. "I probably hurt my ankle as well, but I'm not sure yet."

Carina just nods, her eyes moving to the bruised ankle. She frowns and chews on her cheek. She is about to say something when Dr. Kwan approaches the bay, his eyes glued to the tablet, unaware of the OB standing there. 

"Lieutenant Bishop, good news. Your ankle is not fractured. So really just a sprain, nothing too bad. Just make sure to rest. No running into buildings for a couple of weeks. I'm still waiting for CT to be cleared so I can take you there."

"You haven't taken her for a CT yet? How long has she been waiting?"

The intern snaps his head away from the tablet to look at the OB, his eyes wide in surprise - and panic.

"Dr. DeLuca, I didn't know… umm… you were here. We've been packed and umm… we had other urgent patients."

Maya feels a little bad but also almost wants to chuckle at the man's nervousness. She is so very glad she is not the one at the wrong end of Carina DeLuca's anger. 

"Are you telling me that you're not prioritizing one of our own? One of our firefighters? Do I need to tell you about the dangers of not identifying a brain bleed early, Dr. Kwan?"

The blonde's heart once again flips, this time over the protectiveness of her wife toward her. She tries very hard not to read too much into it. 

"No… umm… Not at all, Dr. DeLuca. I will… umm… take her up right now."

When he doesn't move, Carina huffs. "Then go grab another gurney because she can't do a CT with a child sleeping in her arms, Dr. Kwan."

The man nods nervously and quickly runs to do what the OB said. Under her breath, the Italian mumbles, clearly annoyed. "Dio mio, dove troviamo questi stagisti?"

Carina turns her attention back to the firefighter and there's a small little smirk on her lips. The Italian lifts her finger in warning. "Stai zitta."

For a brief second, it feels like them, their usual banter before things got dark. But it doesn't last long, unfortunately. Maya can see a shadow cross her wife's face, a pang of hurt. 

It reflects on Maya as well but before she can say anything, the little girl in her arms stirs. 

Carina watches as the child is tense at first, looking around the room, but soon settles calmly once she realizes she is with Maya. She also notices how her wife's eyes are so very bright, clear and welcoming. 

"Hey, Lucy. Are you okay?"

The little girl just nods, rubbing her eyes, so clearly sleepy. 

"I'm gonna have to go away quickly to do another test, but I'll be back soon, okay? Don't worry." 

Lucy's eyes go wide and her little hands grasp tightly at the firefighter's shirt. Carina watches closes as Maya's brows furrow with concern. Before she's even aware of what she is doing, the Italian steps up. 

"Hi, Lucy. I'm Carina. I'm Maya's… friend. I can stay with you while we wait for her."

The girl looks at the brunette, who has an encouraging smile on her face, and then at the blonde, who is completely in awe staring at Carina, her eyes shining with love. 

"You'll come back?" Her voice is so small that it makes Maya want to hug the girl, to protect her from anything. 

Maya's expression is so pure and caring, her smile so honest, that Carina needs to look away. 

"I will. I promise. I'll be back before you know it."

The child looks at the Italian then as if studying her, making a decision. Whatever she sees must be good, because the girl nods and slowly sits on the gurney, away from Maya's arms. 

The blonde almost chuckles when a breathless Dr. Kwan arrives with the gurney, avoiding the deadly stare of the Italian doctor. 

As Maya hops to the new one, she sees Carina taking a seat next to Lucy, extending her hand to the girl, who shakes it timidly. Lucy tenses up once again as she sees Maya moving away. The blonde notices immediately. 

"Why don't you tell Carina about your favourite stars and planets, Lucy? I think she will like to hear that. I won't be long." 

The lieutenant gives her a gentle smile and nods toward the brunette to encourage the little girl. 

As Kwan carries Maya away, the blonde watches the girl relax and talk animatedly to Carina. And it doesn't surprise Maya how quickly Lucy is comfortable with the doctor. The Italian is pure magic. She has the power of making people feel safe around her. 

On her way to the CT, Maya is taken by how strangely similar Carina and Lucy look. She noticed in the fire how the girl's eyes were so alike to the doctor's but now it is even clearer. 

Her heart once again does multiple somersaults inside her chest as she daydreams about future DeLuca-Bishop children.