Tony clears his throat, wincing at the pain, sipping a glass of water carefully.
“Stark, are you alright?” Thor asks. “You seem to be uncomfortable.”
“It’s nothing, buddy. I just have tonsillitis,” he assures him. At his bemused look, he continues. “It’s like… an infection in your throat?”
“I see. I wish all the best for you,” Thor says, gravely, placing a hand on his shoulder. The seriousness of his expression is laughable.
“Relax, big guy. It’s not deadly or anything. Just annoying."
Thor brightens. “I propose we watch a movie with hot chocolate! I shall prepare the beverages.” He bustles around in the kitchen, accidentally dropping a mug and not seeming at all remorseful. Though, considering the amount of kitchen utensils broken by the team on a weekly basis, it isn’t really fair to judge him for it. Tony considers going up to clean the mug but decides not to. He's ill. He has a free pass off chores, no matter what Clint tries to say.
Tony settles on the sofa, picking out a movie as he waits for Thor to come back with drinks. Judging by the yelling that can be heard in the kitchen, he's not making decent progress.
“Stark is suffering from a grave illness! We must help him!”
“It’s just tonsillitis, Thor, it’s really not a big deal—”
“How dare you accuse Stark of faking his disease?”
He chuckles at Thor's antics on the sofa, though he's about 40% sure the god is acting clueless for laughs at this point. Eventually, the three of them (finally) settle down, watching a Christmas movie — Thor had practically begged and though Tony thought he should have movie rights (he's ill!), he graciously allowed Thor to pick. A decision he is now coming to regret, listening to the bells and carols and peppy voices of annoying little children.
“So, Steve, have you found a lady friend yet?” Tony says, clapping a hand on Steve's shoulder. He's decided to join Nat in her not so friendly bullying of Steve and his lack of romantic partners. “Or dare I consider… you fancy a gentleman?”
A blush forms on his face. “No thanks, Tony. Not much space for finding romance with everything we’ve got going on, y’know.”
“Hang on, does anyone here have a partner? Or are we all destined to live and die as virgins?” Tony asks. He knows he’s had partners before (many) but he’s curious to Steve’s predicament. Loath he is to admit it, but Steve’s hot. Tall, blonde and handsome — Steve's practically the white poster boy for innocence and good looks, plus he has a good ass. A good ass never hurt anyone. If he wasn't dating Rhodey, he would flirt with Steve, no question. Tony would definitely hit that.
Clint raises his eyebrows. “I doubt any of us here are virgins, dude.”
“Steve is a virgin. He radiates chastity.”
Everyone turns to look at Steve expectantly and he turns even redder, if possible. "Look, between fighting Nazis and then fighting aliens, there's never really been time for..." The super soldier trails off and a wave of laughter closely follows his words as he scowls, not a big fan of the attention. "Hey, what about Bruce? I can't imagine he's... experienced."
"Oh, Bruce is plenty experienced! I can testify to this myself," Thor announces, the attention bouncing to him, eager to let everyone know about their sexual adventures, apparently. TMI, Tony thinks.
The man is question groans, nursing a cup of tea in his hands. Tony wrinkles his nose at the sight. "That was one time!" Natasha and Clint exchange looks, clearly doubting the validity of this statement. "Why don't you all mind your own business? What about you, Tony? You got a girlfriend?"
"Isn't he dating Ms. Potts?" Steve asks, politely, also holding a cup of tea. What is this, England?
Quickly snapping out of his inner tea-hating monologue (which was incredibly justified by the way), he processed what he had asked. "Nope. We're just friends." Steve burns bright red, the colour matching the blush on his face before (this man really needs to relax — chill out a little, Rogers!) and he begins profusely apologising, mortified, eyes wide. Tony lets him go on for a few more seconds because hey, it's funny, before cutting him off. "Relax, dude, it's fine. I don't have a girlfriend."
Tony doesn't miss the surprised look that flashes on all of their faces (except maybe for Bruce, who's rather occupied staring at Thor's arms) but if any of them wanted to say anything, they didn't.
It’s Thursday. Rhodey is coming back from his latest military mission today and usually, Tony would’ve probably lost track of the date or time but this time he wants to surprise Rhodey, not the other way around.
Besides, it’s Valentine’s Day. Call him a sap all you want, but he’s going to make this Valentine’s Day so perfect it resembled a soppy rom-com.
“JARVIS, do I look okay?” he asks, checking himself out in the mirror, fiddling with the collar of his baby pink shirt.
“You look brilliant, Sir,” JARVIS responds. “I especially adore the colour scheme; pink shirt and white suit.”
He brightens visibly, flashing himself a grin in the mirror. “Thanks, J. When’s Rhodey coming?”
“He’s in the lab, Sir. He’s been waiting for 10 minutes.”
Tony curses, grabbing a small buttercup and tucking it into his blazer pocket, completing the look with pink sunglasses. He runs his hands through his hair once more, and pushes the glasses up his nose. "Why didn't you tell me, J?"
"I did."
When he enters the lab, Rhodey is looking through some blueprints on the holograms. Tony takes a few seconds to admire his boyfriend and all but sighs like a teenage girl in an early 2000s coming-of-age Cinderella reboot over her handsome Prince Charming, who probably took the form of a sexy jock. Tony thinks about Rhodey dressed up as an American footballer and spends a few more unnecessary moments fantasising about it, licking his bottom lip. Yeah, Tony wouldn't mind being his Disney Princess.
“Hey, don’t look through my stuff,” he says, before Rhodey notices him, though there’s no true bite to it. “Sorry I’m late, by the way.”
Rhodey chuckles, not turning around yet. “Did you forget again?”
“Nope.”
“Somehow I find that hard to—” He turns around and stops, eyes widening, a grin breaking out of his face matching Tony’s. “Well, now I feel underdressed.”
“Don’t worry,” Tony says, striding over to him, placing his hands on his chest, fiddling with the buttons on his shirt. “Pretty soon, you’ll be undressed.”
Rhodey laughs breathlessly, grabbing his face and kissing him. Tony makes a muffled sound of surprise, pulling away (rather reluctantly, but responsibly). “Hello? You don’t want to kiss a sick guy!”
“I’ll be fine,” he says, rolling his eyes.
Tony tuts but continues. “I’m starving. Let’s go get cheeseburgers. We can fuck later.”
“You’re picking cheeseburgers over your boyfriend?”
“You’re not as important as cheeseburgers, honey bear. Don’t act like you didn’t know this.”
“I’ll always come second to your one true love, won’t I?”
“Exactly. You’re getting it now. Quick learner.”
In the car, Rhodey negotiates that Tony can drive if he actually wears the seatbelt. He hits the gas and whoops as Rhodey encourages him to go faster.
They buy four cheeseburgers; two to eat then and two to save for later. Probably after they’d had sex (no oral, on Tony’s insistence) and worked on something in the lab. They also get a milkshake for Pepper, stopping by her office before going back to the workshop.
“Get me some cereal, would you?” Rhodey grumbles, voice hoarse, sitting at the island in the kitchen.
“What’s the magic word?” Tony sings, despite already going to pull the Cheerios out of one of the cabinets, standing on his toes to reach. Name brand cereal — perks of living with a billionaire.
“Get me the damn cereal.”
Tony laughs, pouring the cereal and milk into the bowl together, one container in each hand. He glances up at the TV screen, only to wrinkle his nose when he sees that Clint is watching Twilight of all movies. How terrible.
Steve’s mouth drops open. “Jesus, Tony. You don’t put the cereal in first?”
“It’s milk first,” Clint argues, looking up from the TV.
“Wrong, suckers. Together,” Tony says. He shoves a spoon into the bowl, using his sleeve to mop up some of the spilt milk. “Did the rest of you have breakfast?”
“Yeah,” Steve says, as Clint and Natasha voice their agreements. “I had cereal too.”
“Good to hear, Cap’n Crunch,” Tony responds, smirking at him. The others huff out a laugh but Rhodey remains glaring at his breakfast. “What’s up with you, Eeyore? Cereal not to your liking?”
Rhodey rolls his eyes. “Throat hurts. Like, really hurts."
Tony tuts. “Get that checked out,” Tony says, holding his face gently, thumb brushing over Rhodey's cheek. He smiles at him softly. “Anyway, I’m going to go up to the penthouse. Think I left one of my screwdrivers up there. Come to the lab when you’re done eating.”
Clint abruptly sits up, exchanging a look with Natasha. Steve glances at up, bemused and Tony leaves, oblivious to the two spies.
There’s a short silence until Rhodey finishes his cereal and dumps the bowl in the sink and goes to elevator.
“Oh, my God!” Clint bursts out as soon he’s gone.
“I know, right?” Natasha mutters, seemingly irritated with herself.
"Did I miss something?" Steve asks, perplexed, standing up to wash the dishes, taking Clint's mug as he goes.
Clint throws his hands up in the air, frustrated. “How did we miss it? We’re spies! The best spies!”
“I think it’s because Tony’s so… Tony. If it weren’t for the tonsilitis…”
“Okay, seriously, what am I missing?” Steve asks, furrowing his eyebrows.
“They’re dating! Rhodes and Tony!” Clint snaps. “Did you see how flirty he was being, with his hand on his cheek?”
“Tony’s like that with everyone.”
“Yeah, but Rhodes’s throat is sore. Tony had tonsillitis a few days ago. Tonsillitis can be spread through kissing,” Nat explains, which Steve doesn't think has any relevance.
“Yeah, and also by sharing food. Tony’s always stealing everyone’s food," he points out. The spies both look doubtful. Steve has to admit that the two of them do give major couple vibes — the question is whether it's any of his business, and it isn't. “Alright, you have a point. But if they wanted us to know, they would’ve told us.”
The other two consider this before nodding begrudgingly. This didn’t stop them from surveying Rhodey and Tony more closely after that morning, eager to spot more clues as to whether or not they were dating, pointing them out to Steve ("Steve, did you see that? Steve, he just touched his hand. Steve, are you listening?"). Unfortunately for them, Rhodey left the next week on another military trip, to Steve's great relief. Maybe they'd give him a break now.
“Cap, duck!” Tony says, aiming a repulsor at his head. Steve ducks immediately and the repulsor blasts hits one of the purple slimy creatures that had crawled out of the river. How utterly disgusting.
“Thanks, Iron Man.”
“No problem, Cap’n Crunch.”
“Stop calling me that.”
“No can do, honey.”
“Don’t tell me you’ve been calling other men pet names in my absence, Tones,” Rhodey says. The others cheer at his abrupt appearance and Natasha and Clint take a small break in their killing rampage to share a calculating look. Steve rolls his eyes and continues to fight the grotesque creatures, throwing his shield to decapitate three of them in a line-up.
“Rhodey! I would never,” Tony responds. “When did you get back?”
“No names on the comms.”
“This morning. Thought I’d come to help out,” he answers, the both of them ignoring Steve.
Thor swings his hammer. “It is good to see you, Rhodes.”
"No names on the comms, guys."
Rhodey nods, distracted from responding by a close hit from a few creatures that had merged into a giant one. Everyone ignores Steve again. “Gross.”
“Ain’t that the truth,” Clint mutters. “At least we’re winning.”
Before anyone could say anything else, all the irritating little creatures form one massive monster, staring down at them. If it had a face, Tony was sure it would be smirking righ tnow.
Tony huffs. “Good going, Hawk—” he begins to say, sarcastically, cut off by the creature swatting him out of the air and into a building. He shoots straight through the walls and comes out the other side. He goes through three more buildings.
“Well, shit,” Clint says in the silence, before the fight resumes more charged than before.
“This is the most boring debrief of my life,” Tony says. He says this every debrief, so Steve just ignores him fondly. “How come Rhodey doesn’t have to be here?”
“He’s not an Avenger, Tony,” Steve responds, exasperation laced into his tone. “We’re nearly done anyway.”
“What about Bruce? He’s an Avenger.”
“He wasn’t even in the fight.”
“Stark took quite a hit today!” Thor says as Tony tries to argue that he wasn’t that hurt and he’d suffered worse so it really wasn’t that big of a deal. “I say we let him leave in favour of returning to his paramour.” Tony abruptly stops protesting his strength and begins protesting his weakness, a look of hope on his face. Steve ignores this as well. Nice try, Tony.
Clint furrows his brows. “His para-what?”
“His paramour!” Thor booms. “His lover!”
“Tony has a lover?” Clint says, gleeful, hoping his and Natasha’s theories were correct. Natasha straightened in her chair, leaning forward ever so slightly.
Steve speaks up then before Tony can say anything, disapproval clear in his tone, hands on his hips. If they'd just stay focussed, they'd be done with the debrief in ten minutes and then nobody would be complaining but no, they had to make each debrief three times longer by not staying on track, and then they had the audacity to complain about how long they took! “Guys, come on, it’s a debrief. And we shouldn’t out Tony like that. If he wants to keep it a secret, he’s well within his—”
“Hang on. A secret?” Tony looks perplexed. “I’ve been dating Rhodey for, like, years.”
“What?” Natasha and Clint say, together.
“Er, no way. No way. Me and Nat just figured out a week ago!” Clint argues.
“Are you really arguing with me about my relationship?” Tony says, astounded.
Natasha seems to consider this. “This seems like something you would do for a prank.”
“You know, you’re not wrong there,” he agrees. “But I’m kind of concerned that two of SHIELD’s best agent-spies hadn’t noticed our relationship. And we weren’t even trying to hide it.”
Steve interrupts Clint’s indignant denials, smiling at Tony. “Congratulations, Tony! I’m really happy for you and James. But I’m not letting you skip out on the debrief.”
“Asshole.”
“Rhodey! Get me a bag of popcorn, please. We’re watching The Hunger Games,” Tony calls, plopping down onto the sofa.
“Get it yourself!” Rhodey calls back, but they all hear the sound of the microwave beeping.
“Clint absolutely adores this movie,” Tony informs Steve, a serious look on his face. “He relates to the main character a lot.”
“Shut up, Tony,” Clint jibes. “She’s good, I guess, but I’m a better shot than she is.”
“If you say so,” he says, easily, smirking at him. Rhodey sits down next to him and shoves a bowl of popcorn into his hands. Tony pecks him on the cheek. “Thanks, buttercup.”
The two of them share a fond look and Tony grabs at his hand, revelling in the casual touch. Loving Rhodey would never get old; he's been with him through thick and thin and maybe he wasn't with him during some of those times, but it didn't matter to Tony. What mattered was that he knew Rhodey always had his back, would always support him, would always be there after a bad night and be there in the morning when he awoke from a nightmare. Rhodey was his only constant, along with Pepper and Happy, and he could count on them.
Bruce grins. “I can’t believe you thought it was a secret. They’re not really subtle about it. Look at him, he's love-struck.”
Clint groans. “I can’t believe you knew before me.” He sounds positively depressed, his head in his hands. “How can I even call myself a spy anymore?”
Tony laughs, patting him on the back. “It’s alright, Legolas. If it makes you feel better, he didn’t put it together himself. He walked in on Rhodey and I making out in one of the workshops.”
Clint fake-retches as the movie starts and Tony takes the chance to throw a piece of popcorn into his mouth, watching him choke in glee. Thor thuds him on the back to try and help, and succeeds in pushing him off the sofa and onto the floor. There's a round of giggles as Clint gets up, mockingly disgruntled, and asks Rhodey why he was dating this absolute bully in the first place. This is nice, Tony thinks as he cuddles into Rhodey's side, a kiss pressed on the top of his head.