Bruce is over it by now, his dear cousin wouldn't drop the subject of his friend's virginity. He's been trying to hold back on saying something about it because he doesn't want to out Steve, he isn't really sure if his friend wanted his relationship to be public knowledge but Jen was starting to really annoy him now that she was tearfully slurring about Steve Roger's 'virgin' ass.
Virgin his green ass, Bruce knows for a fact that there is nothing about Steve Rogers that is a virgin and he learned that the hard way on one dreadful afternoon in the Tower. He had been slightly sleep deprived after a whole 30 hours in his lab, when he finally crawled out of his cave, he went off to the common floor in search of a little substance and a pot of coffee but, as it turns out, The Avengers are a bunch of monsters who finished all the coffee grounds and left the can in the pantry, leaving Bruce with no coffee and a caffeine-withdrawal-that-might-have-been-a-sleep-deprivation-migraine, so Bruce thought of the most logical solution: go to one of his team members' floors in search of caffeine and the first team member he could think of was none other than Steven Grant Rogers who, when Bruce arrived to the kitchen(!), was rather busy on the kitchen island with his best-friend-and-roommate, Bucky Barnes.
Bruce still couldn't get the image of Captain America naked on a kitchen island with the Winter Soldier between his legs... copulating, in less technical terms out of his head. It had taken a whole week of avoiding the couple for Bruce to be able to look them in the eye again.
A sob broke Bruce out of his train of thought and he couldn't help letting out an annoyed sigh at the fact that his cousin was still talking about the subject.
"It's just so sad, Steve Rogers did so much for his country and he never got to experience sex..." She let out a sob, Bruce looked at her with a straight face. "Did you see that ass, that ass did not-" another sob. "deserve to die a virgin-" she hiccuped. "It's like, so sad." Bruce couldn't do it anymore, he couldn't believe he was about to reveal this to Jen but the woman had not stopped talking about the subject for the last hour and a half and he had truly reached his limit on just how much drunk-talk he could hear about his friend's virginity and 'perfect ass'. He sighed before speaking.
"Steve Rogers is not a virgin." he rolled his eyes. "He lost his virginity in 1941 to Bucky" he said it in a defeated tone, he couldn't fathom the fact that he was sharing the information he learnt years ago in a, admittedly childish, game of truth or dare they had in the Avengers tower, when most of them still lived there. Jen gasped.
"I knew it!" she didn't sound drunk anymore, Bruce looked at her in surprise and disbelief, did she really pretend to be absolutely wasted to get that information out of him?
"Capitan America fucks!!" She yelled out in celebration. Okay, maybe she was a bit drunk. When she finally stopped yelling, she seemed to realize something and looked to Bruce.
"Wait a second..." She sure sobered up quick, Bruce thought while raising his eyebrows at her.
"Yeah...?" She seemed to be really thinking.
"Did you say... Bucky?" Bruce nodded unamused. "As in, like, the Winter Soldier? That Bucky?" Bruce was getting tired of nodding in a judgmental way, he was hoping to shut his cousin up with that information, not activate her lawyer mode.
"Steve went to war for the man. Did you really think it was all for a platonic friend?"
"I mean... When you say it like that, it seems obvious." Bruce could see all the questions gathering in Jen's head, he sighed in defeat.
"Wait, you said he 'is not' a virgin, not that he 'was not' a virgin. Is there any reason why you're talking about a supposedly dead man in present tense?" So much for being drunk, now she went all lawyer on him. He sighed for what seemed to be the millionth time during this conversation, he knows he won't be able to lie to his cousin.
"Jen..."
"He's alive, isn't he?" Bruce looked away, closed his eyes and asked Steve for forgiveness in his head before nodding once.
"He decided to retire, and to make it harder for people to try to contact him for every little fight, we told people he'd went back in time to return the stones but that he never came back. Which isn't entirely a lie, because he did take a bit too long to come back, but then he did and the two of them decided they wanted a more peaceful life."
"Together?"
"Yeah, I mean, Bucky still goes on some stealth missions from time to time but for the most part, they decided to take a step back from everything, even the country!" Bruce had a small smile on his face at the reminder of his two friends living just a couple of miles away from his own little house. The come over to the bar sometimes and they go on their morning runs along the relatively small beach they share. Jen still had her calculating lawyer look in her eyes as he scanned Bruce.
"... Huh." she finally let out. That couldn't be good for Bruce, now he really needed to ask Steve for forgiveness.
"The live around here, don't they?" she narrowed her eyes at him.
"Stop lawyering me, Jen!"
"No, nope. You got to science me, now I get to lawyer you. Fair's fair, Bruce." They were in a staring contest now and Bruce about to lose. After a moment, he finally blinked as his cousin celebrated.
"Fine! they live a couple of miles that way!" he pointed to a random direction and looked away from Jen, he already knew that she was about to beg him to meet his friends. "And before you ask, no! We are not visiting them!" he really needed to learn to push back more often.