Peter sighed as he looked at himself in the mirror. The afternoon sun shone through the window, framing his face, which was untypically pale.
He was actually going to do it. He was going to break up with MJ. Not because he didn’t love him anymore — no, he would always love this man.
Peter just couldn’t be selfish anymore and keep MJ by his side, not when he was a burden and a threat to his lover.
Firstly, that man was studying while also working three underpaid side jobs to keep the roof over their heads, while Peter was busy trying to keep one job while also being Spiderman, a very time-consuming and unpaid side hustle. Sure, MJ had reassured him a million times before that it was fine; he was saving the city, he was sacrificing so much that paying for their crappy apartment was no big deal to him, but the brunette felt awful about it. Utterly awful.
And secondly, the city had become louder again — more than usual — and he was just waiting for the next villain to drag the city down into the next crisis. Vultures, lizards, scorpions, hunters, perhaps another alien. Maybe even a mix of all of them. It was all getting too much for Peter. It was becoming more unsafe than usual. He tried to overlook it, but it simply didn’t work. He was putting MJ at immense risk by being with him. It was a luxury he could no longer afford. If just one villain found out his identity, his boyfriend's life would be more at risk than his own.
The burden of losing him would simply crush him. It would be too heavy for his shoulders.
So he had to get away from him.
MJ was too good for him, too precious, and too important to be in a relationship with him. Besides that, he was barely home, nor did he take him on any real dates, so you could add “terrible boyfriend” to that list as well.
The brunette’s heart sank to the bottom of his body when he heard the door to their apartment open. One last look was thrown into the bathroom mirror, in which he scrutinized his life for the last 40 minutes before stepping into the small living space. MJ's head snapped up as he was taking his shoes off and dropping his book-filled bags on the floor.
“Oh, hey Pete. Didn’t expect you to be home.”
The kiss pressed on his cheek made him feel like throwing his organs up. Oh, for a normal, relaxing life with him.
“Yeah, uh, hi. How was your day?” was all he could press out. God, he was pathetic.
“Fine. Tiring, but fine. How was yours? You seem a bit pale,” the man asked as he grabbed his water bottle from his bag, walking into their small kitchen. With dreading steps, Peter followed him.
“I... I actually think we should talk. I was doing some thinking.”
“Yeah? What’s up?” MJ asked, taking a sip from his bottle.
Didn't he even have a suspicion after hearing such an obvious thing? Peter stared at him. Was his boyfriend really so sure of their relationship that he didn’t even consider the possibility when he said something that would send most people spiraling?
Just get it over with, Parker. Just be an asshole and get him to safety, far, far away from Peter Parker and Spiderman.
“I don’t think we should... continue this relationship... anymore.”
There. There it was. Goodbye, love of his life.
He could see the color draining from MJ's face as he set his bottle down on the kitchen counter. He licked his dry lips before speaking up.
“What?”
“I can't give you what you deserve. I'm hardly ever home; you manage three jobs at once while I can't even manage one. I just think you deserve better, as cliché as that sounds and as stupid as the excuse is.”
“I don’t want better. I want you!”
The expression on his — well, sort of ex-boyfriend — was killing him. Hurt, pain, sadness. But it was better than seeing him dead because of him, even if it hurt like hell.
“It’s just not going to work out anymore, MJ.”
“Why? What's changed? Why now?”
MJ ran a hand through his hair. His heart was racing. It simply couldn’t be true.
“I thought we were doing fine- seven years, Pete. Were those seven years really for nothing?”
“No, no, of course not!”
He cherished those years with MJ more than anything. He loved him so much, so deeply. His heart yelled that he was throwing everything good in his life away, but his brain was louder. Staying with him was too dangerous for the other.
“I... I just don’t think we are compatible.”
“Not compatible?! Peter, I left my family behind for you. I was abandoned by them because I loved a guy! Because I loved you! I stitched you up so many times, I listened to you every time you opened up about your struggles — I try my best for you! And suddenly, we’re not ‘compatible’? What the fuck?!”
Tears streamed down the man's face, which he wiped away with shaking hands.
“I dreamt about marrying you, you moron!”
Another hard punch into Peter's gut finally set tears into his brown eyes.
Growing old with MJ... a little dream that seemed too good to become reality. And now it certainly wouldn’t. He felt like pulling his skin off. He needed to stay strong, to not give in when he had finally made up his mind, when he finally convinced himself that it was in fact the smarter thing to do. It was best for MJ, and that was all he wanted, even if it meant that his heart would weep. He couldn’t give in.
Oh, MJ.
He would never forgive himself for this.
“I thought we were doing fine.”
“... it’s dangerous, MJ-”
“I don’t fucking care! I don’t care if I won’t live my whole life if it means spending it with you! I understand that there’s a risk, but I’ll gladly take it!”
Keep calm, Parker. Don’t give in.
“I don’t wanna lose you!”
“Then why are you breaking up with me? I love you, you stupid bastard, get it in your head!”
Peter didn’t even feel it when tears finally found their way out of his eyes.
“I love you too. I love you so much that I’d rather break up with you so you’re out of danger! I love you so much, really, I do, but I couldn’t take seeing you hurt or even dead! A life with me will put you in danger. I can't have that; I won't.”
He balled his fists as he took a step closer to MJ.
“I don’t care! You’re all I have!”
“You do not get to say that!”
Another step.
“I care!”
Another one.
“And I will do everything to protect you, and if that means leaving you, then goddammit, I’ll do it!”
He reached for MJ's hands and pressed a gentle kiss onto them. His hands were cold and wet from wiping his tears. Then he threw himself against Peter. The brunette could feel tears staining his grey ESU shirt, but he was also violently sobbing into his boyfriend's hair.
“Please don’t leave. Please. I’ve got nobody but you — Pete, please.”
For a while, only the muffled cries of each other were heard before Peter pulled away, gently wiping the tears from his lover's face. How could he leave him? He heard his brain yelling, but his heart was screaming. Peter knew that it would be the wiser decision to let MJ go, but — no. No, he couldn’t do that.
“Why not be with someone that can love you properly —”
MJ didn’t let him finish his sentence.
“I don’t want anyone but you. You’re perfect to me, even if you can’t pay rent or if you’re out being Spiderman most of the time. All I want is you. I can't do this without you. I... I don't care if you're barely home, and if I have to work seven jobs at once, it will all be worth it in the end.”
“I can’t be so selfish...”
The drying tears on MJ's cheeks made his face glitter in the sunlight. He was so beautiful.
No, Peter. You can’t. It’s better to let him —
“Be selfish for once, please, please, please... I’ll give you everything...”
He knew his heart had won in the battle against his brain. He wasn’t going to let MJ go. He couldn’t.
“I’m so sorry I did this to you,” he said, tears swelling back into his eyes. “I just want you to be okay, and I thought it would be better if I let you go.”
“Stay. Please.”
“I will. I will MJ. I’m really sorry.”
His lover crushed him into a hug. A few left-over tears fell down his cheeks, that Peter kissed away gently. The other man pressed their lips together into an ugly kiss, raw and emotional.
"Promise you won’t ever do something like this again.”
"I promise..I love you so much and I can't put into words how sorry I am..."
“Good. I’ll hunt you down if you’re gone tommorow.”
“Okay.”
Peter smiled weakly, as did MJ. Their faces still felt sticky and tight, but it would be gone soon enough. If he ever came up with such a stupid idea again, he swore to himself that he’d punch himself. Breaking up with MJ...as if.
“I’m so sorry.”
He muttered as he kissed his boyfriend, and he did at least another thousand times for the next few days.
Peter was glad to have somebody like MJ by his side.
They were perfect together.
Even if he was an idiot for doing stuff like that and MJ an idiot for still putting up with him. He really didn’t deserve him, but he was glad he had him.
Somebody who would put up with him. And being so loving while doing so.