First time, man?
Peter had seen almost everything.
He had seen corpses.
He had seen severed heads.
He had even seen decomposed bodies.
He had seen skeletons.
Almost… everything.
But what the hell was this?
He silently looked at the man in front of him, analyzing his body with cold eyes. This man claimed his name was Deadpool and that he was a mercenary. And that wasn’t even the strangest part of the story—it was who had brought him here.
Moon Knight and Daredevil.
Peter raised his hand to his chin, contemplating the body in front of him. The man kept rambling nonstop, talking about how he didn’t need treatment, how his body regenerated on its own, and how he had survived terminal cancer as if it were a joke.
Was this even real?
He lifted his gaze from Deadpool and looked at Daredevil and Moon Knight before saying coldly, “You want me to treat him?”
Moon Knight said dryly, “Yes.”
Daredevil, clearly exhausted, also said, “Yes.”
Peter stared at them for a moment, then turned his gaze back to Deadpool, who was still chattering excitedly, and continued,
“But he’s already healing himself. From what I understand, he had cancer, but…” He trailed off in confusion before raising an eyebrow as Deadpool cut in with excessive enthusiasm.
“Ohhh! Yes, yes! I was a dead man!— Then boom! A crazy experiment, and now I’m like a video game character with no lose button! My God, can you imagine how awesome that is?!”
Peter closed his eyes for a moment, trying to process the sheer nonsense he had just heard. Then he sighed, ignoring Deadpool, and looked at the other two. “And you still want me to examine him?”
Moon Knight said flatly, “I don’t care what happens to him, but we need him for the mission.”
Daredevil sighed in frustration. “Believe me, I don’t want to be here either, but Moon Knight is right.”
Peter shot them a skeptical look. What had happened to the world for Moon Knight—the same one Peter had treated a month ago—and Daredevil—the same one who had said he would keep an eye on Peter—to suddenly become friends? And what had driven them to bring this insane mercenary to him, someone who could barely stay quiet for a second?
And above all—this man claimed he didn’t need any treatment because he could regenerate? Peter had never encountered a scenario more absurd than this.
What an interesting superpower.
Peter remained silent, his expression completely blank as he stared at Moon Knight and Daredevil.
The two seemed slightly hesitant, as if the doctor’s gaze was piercing through them, analyzing them like he would any medical case.
Finally, he spoke in a quiet but distinctly cold tone.
“If you’re worried that you owe me something, don’t be. You don’t. Compensation is only required once, and patients don’t return here if they’ve already compensated me. That’s the clinic’s policy since criminals tend to come here often—I treat them once, and only once.”
Peter averted his gaze from them, then pulled up a chair and sat calmly in front of Deadpool. “Alright, they want me to examine you. I will.”
He pulled out his medical gloves, put them on, then reached out to grasp Deadpool’s wrist, checking his pulse. He had barely touched his skin when Deadpool suddenly gasped excitedly.
“Oh, Doctor Parker, I didn’t know you were interested in me like this! Do you want to hear my heartbeat? Wait, wait, I’ll make it beat faster—just think of Ryan Reynolds without a shirt. Amazing, isn’t it?”
Peter didn’t comment. He just held his wrist a bit tighter and started checking the arteries. “Normal blood pressure… or, well, normal for someone who doesn’t die. Regenerated skin, no necrotic tissue… interesting.”
Deadpool grinned under his mask and whispered mischievously,
“You said my skin is interesting, didn’t you? Oh, Doctor Parker, I didn’t know you were into that.”
Peter exhaled slowly, then raised his hand to the side of Deadpool’s head and pressed on a point in his skull.
“Do you feel pain here?”
“Oh my God, not in front of the others!”
Peter pressed harder.
“Ahhh! Okay, okay! Yes, I feel pain, but only because you’re pressing like you’re trying to kill me—oh, wait, that’s a great idea! Want to try? Strangulation, knife, bullet, beheading? Give me your best shot, doctor!”
Moon Knight and Daredevil exchanged exhausted looks while Peter continued his examination silently.
He lifted Deadpool’s sleeve slightly, observing old wounds that were barely visible. Then he looked at his chest, where deeper scars remained, but all were nearly perfectly healed.
“This isn’t normal regeneration,” Peter muttered to himself. “It goes beyond rapid healing… this is more like a complete tissue restructuring.”
“Oh my God, are you whispering to me now?” Deadpool placed his hands on his cheeks as if he were a teenager in love. “It’s official—I’m in love with you, doctor!”
Peter ignored him entirely, then pulled out his stethoscope and placed it gently on Deadpool’s chest.
“Oooh, that’s nice! But if you’re going to examine me like this, at least buy me dinner first!”
Peter paused for a moment, then looked at Daredevil and Moon Knight with a completely blank expression. “Why am I doing this again?”
Daredevil sighed, while Moon Knight simply said, “Endure it.”
Peter didn’t respond. He just sighed and continued the examination, wanting to get it over with as quickly as possible.
Taking a deep breath, he tried to ignore every word coming out of Deadpool’s mouth and focused on his work. He pulled out a small flashlight from his coat pocket, grasped Deadpool’s chin, and tilted his head slightly to examine his eyes. “Follow the light.”
Deadpool, of course, didn’t make it easy. He started moving his head erratically, pretending to see things that weren’t there, then said dramatically,
“Oh no! I see a white light! Is this the tunnel? Is it my time? Am I going to the Disneyland train? … Wait, I see my love, Barbie, darling!!”
Peter clicked the flashlight off harder than necessary, then looked directly at Deadpool. “Do you have any vision problems?”
Deadpool replied cheerfully, “Aside from the fact that I see myself as ridiculously handsome every time I look in the mirror? No, everything’s fine.”
Peter ignored the comment and moved on to checking Deadpool’s tissues. He ran his fingers over his arm, feeling the muscles beneath the regenerated skin, before asking, “Do you feel any numbness or weakness anywhere?”
Deadpool placed a hand on his chin, pretending to think.
“Well, now that you mention it, there’s this strange feeling in my heart whenever I see that unicorn… kind of a tremble and warmth. I think they’re repressed emotions. What do you think, Doc? Is it love?”
Peter stopped, blinked slowly, then looked at Daredevil and Moon Knight as if asking for an explanation for this creature sitting before him.
“Ignore him It’s normal.”
“Just… go along with it.”
Peter sighed, then pulled out a small needle and, without warning, pricked Deadpool’s hand.
“Ow! What are you doing?!” Deadpool yelled in shock, staring at his hand. “At least warn me first! Some people prefer a little flirting before being stabbed!”
“Normal reaction. Good.” Peter noted, then withdrew the needle, watching as the small wound healed instantly.
Peter stared for a moment, then said slowly, “Instant healing… almost no remaining scar. Even normal regeneration leaves slight traces, but your body retains nothing. This isn’t natural healing.”
“There’s nothing natural about me, Doc,” Deadpool said with a grin under his mask. “And that’s what makes me awesome!”
Peter stared at him for a long moment before finally removing his gloves and tossing them in the trash.
“Alright, I’m done.”
"This is it? No X-rays? No blood tests? No fancy dinner invitation? I feel disappointed, Doc."
Peter replied dryly, ignoring Deadpool. "You're physically fine. Or at least, fine by your own standards."
Then he turned to Daredevil and Moon Knight and said coldly,
"There’s no damage in his body that would affect your mission. He can move, he can fight, and he’s alive—sort of."
"Great!" Deadpool exclaimed, hopping off the examination chair. "So, do I get free candy like kids do after a doctor's visit?"
Peter stared at Deadpool silently when he mentioned candy. His expression remained unreadable as he reached into his coat pocket, pulled out a small piece of candy, and tossed it at him indifferently.
"Fine. For being the first patient to make me not want to treat him."
Deadpool caught the candy in midair with joy, pressing it against his chest as if it were a precious gift. "OH, DOCTOR PARKER, THIS IS THE SWEETEST THING A DOCTOR HAS EVER DONE FOR ME! WAIT ARE YOU TRYING TO BRIBE ME TO LEAVE? IF SO GIVE ME A HANDFUL, AND I’LL DISAPPEAR FOREVER!"
"No," Peter said quickly, cutting off Deadpool before he could start demanding more.
Moon Knight and Daredevil said nothing—just exchanged exhausted looks.
Then Peter looked at Moon Knight and Daredevil, pointed at them seriously, and said "Don’t bring him here again."
Moon Knight "Trust me, we won’t."
Daredevil "I swear I'll do anything to avoid it."
Deadpool raised his hands mischievously
"OoOoh~ so you're admitting I was irresistible?"
Peter rubbed his forehead in exhaustion as the three finally left the clinic, dragging Deadpool along, who was whining about wanting more candy As they walked out, Deadpool waved playfully and called out,
"See you later, Doctor Parker! We’ll meet again! You don’t know it, but the readers do!"
Peter kept his expression calm despite his internal confusion.
He wish with all hus heart he never comes back..