She looked up from her book when someone walked up to her with a cheerful smile, a combination of her favourite seasons, spring and autumn. The woman comfortably settled down next to her, radiating nothing but joy and eyes fully filled with excitement and adventures that she wishes to explore one day. “Hey you.” She melted at the lovely voice of the woman, a voice that would put her to sleep at any given time. She closed the book as she exhaled sharply at the sight of the beautiful woman. She smiled in response since there weren’t enough words left in her to describe how magnificent the woman was.
“Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Classic.” The woman leaned in closer, taking a peek at the book resting on her lap. She glanced away when she felt the woman’s warm breath brushed against her skin, her heart was running laps all of a sudden. On the outside everyone perceived her as Dr. Jekyll but her own self knows the truth, she knows she was Mr. Hyde. Dr. Jekyll was merely a facade, a shrine that her parents worshipped, the version that she wished she was. Mr. Hyde was her truth, the truth that she never wanted anyone to see, especially the woman sitting next to her. Oh she would rather burn the whole world down before she gets paraded on the street as a sinner. She knew she was a sinner the moment she laid her eyes on the woman, her best friend, her everything. She knew she would be hanged for desiring her best friend.
“Thinking hard Beatrice?” The woman chuckled, tucking her few strands of hair behind her ears revealing her crystal shaped earring. She stared in awe, again.
“No…you’re…” She paused for a millisecond, collecting her last remaining thoughts, “...you’re beautiful as always Ava” She shamelessly admitted knowing what meaning the words carried.
“Ah! I am? Thank you Bea. I wasn’t expecting to hear that.” Ava softly replied, leaning back on the bench. “How’s work?” She asked a moment later, after silence settled in. She could see two elderly gentlemen playing chess on the table across their bench. They were so immersed in their game that they had even forgotten to take a sip of their drink. She smiled remembering back when she and Beatrice used to sit at the exact same spot and play the exact same game, where she loses ninety-nine percent of the time and that one percent she would win by cheating.
“It’s good. Nothing much really.” Beatrice answered, her fingers flipping the pages simply because she couldn’t content her nervousness.
“Okay.” Ava nodded, looking straight ahead. “You don’t want to know about my day?”
Beatrice remained quiet, she hated herself for feeling this way. She wanted to hear every little detail about Ava’s day but she couldn’t take the risk, not again. She knew she should stay in her lane, that she shouldn’t cross the line. A line that she drew by herself so that she wouldn’t jeopardise their friendship for her selfish desires. But they were more like strangers with memories now, was it worth it? She couldn’t tell.
“You’re not gonna ask me aren’t you? That’s okay.” Ava felt a sharp pain in her chest as she said the words. She could feel her heart getting heavy every second the silence got longer. She knew that the moment she got on that train, it was all over and ended. Was it worth it? She couldn’t tell.
“How was your day Ava? How’s your husband? How’s your daughter Isabella?” Beatrice finally spoke, she could feel the bitterness in her mouth. The words almost choked her. It should’ve been her, it should’ve been them.
“He’s good. Bella asks about you alot. When are you coming to see her? She wants to see you.” Ava leaned forward and turned to see Beatrice, who was still looking at the book on her lap.
“I’m busy.” Beatrice said, lied, to be precise. She was never busy, never busy for Ava at least but that was in the past, when they were best friends, when it was just them both against the world, when they ran across the field holding hands, when they listened to the same song, when they laughed at horrible jokes, when they kissed each other goodbyes before heading home, when they leaned on one another every time things got tough and then they realised, then they failed to admit, and then they hesitated, and then every phone calls turned to text messages and every text messages were marked as read and then they stepped back, and then it was too late when one of them decided to get on the train and the other decided to stay behind. Despite the differences in their decisions one thing remained constant, regret, so much regret.
“Oh. Got it.” Ava weakly smiled. Tears were already forming but she quickly turned to the other side before Beatrice could catch a glimpse of her reddened cheeks.
“It’s getting late. You should go home.” Beatrice advised, looking up from the book to see Ava and her reddened cheeks that she tried to hide. She wanted to hold Ava closer to her, if she could she would’ve pulled Ava into a tight hug and begged her not to go. She couldn’t, she would never.
“I know, Bea.” Ava sighed, taking a deep breath as got up from the bench. The sun was already setting, the birds were chirping in the distance, the gentlemen were long gone. She wanted to stay a little longer but as soon as she realised she wasn’t very welcomed by the person whom she considers the most dearest to her, she decided it was really the time to leave, to actually leave and not turn back.
But she turned around one last time, “Goodbye Beatrice.” She smiled, tears streaming down her cheeks, she let them. I love you, was what she intended to say. It was too late after all.
“Goodbye Ava.” Beatrice smiled back, holding onto the book so tightly as she watched Ava walk away and disappear into the evening. Seconds passed by and Beatrice gathered up some courage to say it out aloud, to say the thing that has been haunting her heart for many years, “I love you Ava. I hope you stay.” And finally, finally, she broke down, she wailed, she could hear her own heart breaking, the pain was unbearable. She cried and cried and cried until she couldn’t cry any longer, until her eyes swell, until she couldn’t breathe, until her heart gave out. Maybe it was really too late.