It had been some time since the Avengers were last called to duty and Thor was getting somewhat restless. There was peace in Asgard for the moment and carousing with the Warriors Three and Lady Sif was losing its appeal for him. He had not visited Midgard since their clash with the sentient robot of Stark’s creation and he was feeling the draw to walk among it’s people once more, particularly those few mortals he called friend.
He recalled the last time they had been together as friends instead of fellow combatants and chuckled to himself as he wandered the halls of his father’s palace. He remembered fondly the good natured jibes and jests as his companions attempted to lift Mjolnir. Most failed, but he was certain Captain Rogers could lift it and had chosen not to for some reason. His humbleness in pretending to fail like the others brought a smile to Thor’s face as he reflected that the very same quality played a large role in his worthiness.
He stopped dead in his tracks in the middle of the hall as it occurred to him that one member of their group had refused to even attempt the feat, stating that they didn’t need to know the answer to that question. Thor disagreed.
“I must know.” he said aloud, and made haste to the Bifrost. He must speak with Heimdall.
Upon arrival at the Bifrost gate Thor quickly spied the man he was seeking. He approached with purpose and greeted his old friend warmly.
“Heimdall!” he called “How do you fare this day, my friend?”
“I am well,” Heimdall replied with a rare smile “Your demeanor is one of a man who has a pressing question weighing on his mind.”
“Indeed, you are perceptive as always.” Thor said “Have you kept watch over my mortal companions as I asked of you?”
“I have,” Heimdall confirmed “What is it you wish to know of them?”
“Tell me,” Thor asked “How fares the Widow of late?”
“She is well.” the sentinel replied “She is currently recuperating from her latest endeavor at the home of her shield-brother.”
“Yes, a wonderful place.” Thor stated firmly “I see why the archer was so keen to keep its existence hidden.”
“Indeed.” Heimdall replied with a solemn nod, waiting for his friend to continue his questions.
“Her skill in battle continues unabated?” Thor queried
“She is as fierce a combatant as ever.” was his answer “But I suspect that is not the question you truly have.”
“No, it is not.” Thor said “You have also noted the small acts of kindness I spied when she thought she was unobserved?”
“I have indeed.” Heimdall told him with an amused expression “She presents a cold exterior, but the heart within is warm. As you well know.”
“Yes, I do.” Thor said, his gaze drifting across the cosmos visible from this vantage.
There were a few moments of silence as Thor gathered his thoughts. Making a decision he turned towards his all-seeing comrade.
“You know the question I ask myself.” he told Heimdall “Do you think it possible?”
“Perhaps.” the watcher answered with a thoughtful expression “What is your plan?”
“Send me to her.” Thor requested “I must know the answer.”
The sun was setting on the Barton house and its occupants were relaxing after a long day. Laura and the kids were in the living room watching a movie while Natasha helped Clint wash the dishes from dinner.
“So how was the last op?” her best friend asked with a raised eyebrow.
“Wasn’t too bad.” she answered with a shrug “Got in, got out. Couple scrapes and bruises. No big deal.”
“At least you didn’t get shot this time.” Clint said with a smirk.
“Excuse me?!” Natasha exclaimed incredulously, giving him a shove in his shoulder and a mock glare, “Who was it that ended up in medical so often he knew all the nurses on every shift by name?”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Clint insisted with an innocent look “You must be thinking of someone else.”
Natasha kept up the glare for a few more seconds in the face of the exaggerated innocent expression on Clint’s face. It finally cracked into a smile, which soon gave way to a laugh. She didn’t know how he did it, but Clint had always had the uncanny ability to get her to relax when no one else could. She cherished the time she spent at the farm. Here she could leave the Black Widow at the door and just be Natasha. The five people in this house were some of the only people she felt comfortable being herself with. Steve was another, but even with him there were some parts she kept hidden.
But Clint was the first person to ever look at her and see something more than the monster the Red Room had created. He was sent to kill the Russian assassin who had racked up over ninety confirmed kills, and had ended up bringing home a lost and frightened teenage girl whose humanity had been stolen. She had no social skills that weren’t useful for manipulation and had no real idea how to be a person instead of a weapon. The kindness he’d showed her confused her at first. She suspected it to be a trap, because the Red Room had often done such things to weed out the weak ones. She didn’t understand why he seemed so sad when there were things she didn’t know and he had taken it upon himself to teach her “how to people”, as he put it. He was patient with her when she struggled with making choices for herself because she’d never been allowed to before. Natasha had spent most of her life being manipulated and abused, and it was Clint who slowly taught her how to trust. It was Clint who stayed right by her side the entire time SHIELD worked to undo the conditioning she’d been subjected to her whole life. And it was Clint who was the first person to ever comfort her after she woke up screaming from a nightmare. All the pain and fear that she had shoved into the back of her mind for years came spilling out all at once, and Clint just silently held her while she sobbed helplessly. And he never said a word about it afterward.
She was disturbed from her reverie by the man she owed everything to waving his hand in her face.
“Nat?” he said “Hello, you in there? Whatcha thinkin’ about?”
“Nothing important.” she replied with a small shrug “Just memories.”
“You good?” came the somewhat concerned response. He knew how she could get lost in bad memories and sometimes trigger another nightmare.
“Yeah, I’m fine.” Natasha assured him with a small smile “Better than I’ve been in a while actually.”
Just then the motion sensors at the edge of the property went off, indicating that something larger than a deer was approaching. Natasha and Clint glanced at each other and started heading for their equipment in unison.
“Everything okay?” Laura called from the living room.
“Yeah, babe.” Clint called back “Motion sensor went off. Me and Nat are gonna go check on it. We’ll be back soon.”
“Okay,” came her reply “Just be careful.”
“I always am.” Clint said, ignoring Natasha’s “Are you kidding me?” look. “C’mon, let’s go.”
They headed outside with bow and gun at the ready and made their way in the direction of the sensor that had been tripped. It had only been a handful of minutes when they were stopped by a familiar voice ringing out of the darkness.
“Well met, Archer and Widow! Your weapons are unnecessary. I am a friend.”
Clint and Natasha looked at each other and shrugged, lowering their weapons while they waited to see what Thor wanted. As he stepped into the light their practiced eyes noted that he didn’t seem troubled by anything, so his visit was likely not an emergency.
“Hey, Thor.” Clint called as Thor strode toward them.
“What’s up, Point Break?” Natasha put in with raised eyebrows and a smirk.
“It has just been some time since we last spoke and I felt compelled to visit my friends.” Thor explained. I will be seeing Stark and the good Captain as well before I return home.”
Both of the spies sensed he wasn’t telling them everything, but his demeanor suggested whatever he was hiding wasn’t bad so they let it slide.
“Come on in the house, then, Thor.” Clint told him “Laura’s watching a movie with the kids, but she’ll be happy to see you.”
“Thank you for welcoming me into your home again, Clint.” Thor said as he extended his arm for a warrior’s handshake. After greeting Clint he turned and greeted Natasha the same way. It always amused her that the most archaic among them saw only a warrior and made no distinction between her and the guys because she was a woman. That had won him her immediate and lasting respect.
As they walked to the house he turned his head to address her.
“How fare the new recruits?” he asked seriously. “The little witch in particular. Is she still plagued with guilt for her actions and grief for her brother?”
“Yeah, Wanda’s struggling a little.” Natasha admitted “She’s okay around Rhodey, Vision, and Sam. But she’s skittish around me and Steve. She feels guilty for messing with our heads. Steve and I have both told her we don’t hold it against her, but I don’t think she believes us.”
“Yes,” Thor said in a grave tone “Sometimes the knowledge that you have done harm carries more weight than the forgiveness that follows.”
Natasha didn’t have a response for that. Sometimes she forgot with Thor’s boisterous personality how wise he could be sometimes. His words stirred up a few memories she’d rather leave buried and she spent the rest of the walk thinking about how they applied to her while Thor inquired about Clint’s life in retirement.
When they reached the house Clint opened the back door and called into Laura that it was a false alarm and Thor was here to visit.
Laura came into the kitchen to greet their visitor and was immediately swept up into a surprise bear hug by the exuberant Asgardian, spun around in a circle, and gently set back down.
“Greetings, Lady Barton!” Thor said cheerfully “I trust your recent childbirth has left you well?”
“Yes, it has, Thor.” Laura replied with a laugh “Just tired from having a baby to take care of at all hours of the day. If Nat wasn’t here I wouldn’t get any sleep at all.”
“Yes, so I have seen on my last visit.” Thor said “Lady Natasha cares for your children as if they were her own.”
“They do love their Auntie Nat.” she agreed immediately.
They spent several hours talking about the things that had transpired in heir lives since they were last together. After the stories had been shared and the kids were in bed Thor looked at Natasha with a meaningful expression.
“Lady Natasha,” he began “Do you trust me?”
Natasha and Clint glanced at each other, both guessing that this question was likely related to whatever Thor had been being evasive about earlier.
“Of course I do, Thor.” Natasha said with a puzzled look “You’ve never given me any reason not to.”
“Can you do something for me?” Thor asked “Tis a small thing, but I would be grateful.”
“I suppose.” she ventured “What’s going on, Thor? It’s not like you to be cagey,”
“All will be revealed soon.” he promised “There is something I must know.”
Clint just looked back and forth between the two with curiosity on his face. He wanted to know what Thor was getting at too, but felt it best to stay quiet for now and see where this went.
“What I need you to do is stand up, close your eyes, and hold out your hand.” Thor instructed “That is all.”
“Okay.” Natasha said with a confused frown before doing as Thor requested.
Thor stood up and walked into the kitchen, having retrieved Mjolnir from where he had casually set it on the counter when he arrived. He made his way over to Natasha and stood in front of her. Clint started to get some idea what he had in mind and started to get a little concerned. He shot Thor a quick look with an ‘Are you sure about this?’ expression. Thor met his eyes and gave him a meaningful nod and a gentle smile.
Thor hesitated for a moment. He was secure in his knowledge, but what if he was wrong? It would undo all the Widow had worked for in erasing her past.
Finally, he turned Mjolnir around so he was holding it by the head and placed the handle in Natasha’s hand. Clint held his breath in anticipation, certain that when Thor let go the hammer would plummet to the floor.
Thor let go of Mjolnir.
It didn’t move.
Clint felt his jaw drop and couldn’t do anything to stop it. She was worthy.
“As I suspected.” Thor breathed, and then continued in the gentlest tone Natasha had ever heard from him “Lady Natasha, open your eyes.”
“Suspected what?” Natasha asked, opening her eyes “What are you up to Thor? Is this some kind of prank? Are you in on it?”
At the last bit she gestured toward her dumbstruck partner with the hand Mjolnir was in and froze when she saw what she was holding. She turned to Clint with the most lost and confused expression he’d seen on her face in fifteen years. She tried to speak but all that came out was a wordless sound as everything she believed about herself was just proven wrong. The seconds stretched into nearly a full minute as she tried to process what just happened. Finally, she found her voice.
“What?” she breathed, utterly shell-shocked. Her words came out in a rush as she tried to deny it “It’s not possible. I’m not. I can’t be. You’re playing a trick on me. This isn’t funny, Thor!”
“It is no trick, Lady Natasha.” Thor assured her with a proud grin “Mjolnir is never wrong. You are worthy.”
Clint was still awestruck, but he knew his best friend well enough that when her knees gave out from under her he was right there to grab her and guide her toward the couch. He squeezed her shoulder to get her attention and when she looked at him his heart clenched. She looked more distraught than he’d ever seen her before. She really couldn’t believe she had worth, even after he’d told her as much for years. She had started to come around, but it was clear that deep down she had never really accepted it. He found himself getting angry at the assholes in the Red Room all over again for what they had done to her.
“How?” she whispered brokenly “I’ve killed so many people. Done so many terrible things. How could I possibly be worthy? It doesn’t make any sense.”
Clint realized that his reassurances would do no good here. He had told her, as well as showed her, how much she meant to him over and over. The Red Room had beaten any sense of self assurance Natasha might have had had out of her. She always pushed herself harder than everyone else. Accepted the most dangerous missions. All because she was desperately trying to atone for what they had made her do. And because she considered herself expendable, despite how often she was told otherwise. She had gradually let a few select people close to her, but only Clint knew how insecure she really was deep down. He knew she pushed herself as hard as she did because of the last remaining vestiges of her conditioning. A lesson drilled into her for as long as she could remember: If she was useful, she had value. That was why she had such a hard time accepting that Laura and the kids cared about her. The only use she had to them in her eyes was watching their husband and father’s back so he could come home to them.
She was still clutching the hammer. Unable to believe it was real but equally unwilling to let it go just yet while she tried to wrap her mind around it. Taking note of her state, Thor stepped around the table and sat on the couch next to her. The shifting of the cushion snapped her out of her daze and she turned to Thor.
“Thor?” she pleaded “I don’t...I can’t even....just... Help? Please, help me understand?”
Those last four words tore at Clint’s heart. He had heard those exact words many times in the first few months after she defected. She looked more lost and unsure of herself than he had seen in a very long time, and he hoped Thor would be able to put her mind at ease.
“Lady Natasha,” he began.
She interrupted him immediately, trying to grasp some kind of control in a situation that was completely beyond her to comprehend.
“I’ve told you not to call me that, Thor. I’m no one’s lady.”
“On the contrary, Lady Natasha. You have met Lady Sif, have you not? On Asgard, Lady is a title one earns. It is not obtained through an accident of birth. And you have more than earned the title, methinks. Mjolnir seems to agree with me.” he said with a smile.
“You do not understand how you could be worthy with the blood you spilled in your past.” he told her more seriously “Look to myself. Do you believe that in fifteen hundred years I have never spilled blood?”
“But you fought in battles against people you were at war with.” she denied “I’ve killed innocents and done so many horrible things the nightmares haven’t stopped in almost twenty years!”
“Indeed.” Thor confirmed, to her complete surprise “The nightmares of atrocities you committed are ample evidence they were not the choice you would have made had you been free to decide. Tell me, did you do those things of your own will, or was your hand forced?”
“I was a weapon.” she admitted “I never had a choice at all. I was what they made me.”
“Then the blame does not rest on your shoulders.” Thor said with confidence “When you were free to decide for yourself, did you not take the skills you acquired during your torment and choose to employ them for good instead? Do you not make it your first priority during battle to be assured that innocents are not in harms way?”
“Yes to both questions.” Natasha said with some trepidation.
“Do you not seek to perform small acts of kindness whenever you can, when you believe no one is watching?”
Natasha looked at him in surprise.
“How do you know about that?”
“I have a friend who sees much.” Thor said with a chuckle “I asked him to keep watch over my friends on Midgard when I cannot be here. He told me of your deeds.”
“But it still doesn’t make sense!” Natasha insisted “Why me and none of the others? Why not Tony?”
“Stark has a good heart” Thor explained “But he has ever been vainglorious. He has a need to be seen doing great deeds. And a desire for the adoration of the people who witness them. That was my own downfall when I was deemed unworthy myself.”
Clint remembered that, now that he thought about it. The first time he had laid eyes on Thor he struggled to lift the hammer with no more success than Tony had. He had tried to pick it up himself in the Tower before Ultron and it was like it was attached to the Earth itself.
“The difference between you and Stark,” Thor continued “Is that you have done great deeds and sought no recognition for what you accomplished. For you, the deeds, doing something to help, is reward enough. That humbleness, in addition to your combat prowess and the kindness you bestow, is why Mjolnir deems you worthy of my power.”
“Was no one else really worthy?” Natasha asked.
Thor’s only response was an enigmatic smile.
“I have tarried here too long.” he said, quickly changing the subject “I have others to visit this eve.”
With that Thor stood back up and gazed at Natasha with an amused twinkle in his eye.
“Might I have my hammer back, ‘o worthy one?” he said in a teasing tone.
Natasha held up the requested object numbly, still staring at it in disbelief. It was going to take more time for her to process and accept this new information, Clint knew. And he’d be there for her through this too. As Thor left the house heading back the way he came from Natasha could do nothing but sit on the couch and stare at her hand.
Clint settled in next to her and held his arms open. Nat resisted the urge for a few moments and then collapsed into the hug he was offering.
It wasn’t the first time he’d held his best friend while she cried. But this time he did it with a smile on his face. Because this was the first time they were tears of joy.