Chapter 9
"Wie fühlen sie sich?"
The man's eyes opened slightly but didn't look toward the voice speaking an unfamiliar language so he closed his eyes to fallback asleep.
"How are you feeling?" The voice said a few minutes later when he opened his eyes once again. That was a language he knew.
"Hgnh," he tried saying but his throat ached like he had been screaming.
What was going on? Everything hurt like hell or felt numb, but he could feel what was under him. He was lying down on something soft. A bed.
The man took a look around finally. It was a sterile white room. Maybe a medical room? A hospital. Maybe that's why he felt numb, he was on heavy drugs.
A woman stood in a pale blue outfit her hair pinned back into a bun.
"I asked, how are you feeling?" She asked again.
He tried to speak but his throat protested.
The woman who he guessed was a nurse walked over and held a paper cup to his mouth for him to drink water.
He cleared his throat, "Where am I?"
"You're in a hospital," she kindly smiled then she continued seeing his confused face, "Can you tell me your name and what year it is sir?"
He was taken aback when he realized that he didn't know any of those answers.
"I- I don't know," he replied with a sickening feeling growing in his stomach.
"You don't know?" She asked her face calm and reassuring.
He shook his head, "I don't know anything... I can't remember,"
He couldn't remember anything. Not even his own name, let alone why he was there in the first place.
"I'll be right back," she turned quickly and closed the door behind her.
What was am I doing here?
Then he noticed he couldnt feel his left arm but at the same time it felt tingly, something felt wrong. He went to look at his arm under the blanket only to find nothing there.
Pulling the blanket off his entire left arm was gone. Nothing was left, only a small stump jutted out of his shoulder. It was wrapped in haze and bandages, and was dotted with dark blood stains.
Taking a look at himself he saw an IV stuck into his right forearm and a nasal cannula around his face. His body ached everywhere. His entire right leg and foot in a plastered cast, and his left knee had a brace but under it he could see a giant red scar with so many stitches he could even count. Everything hurt.
What the hell happened to me.
He stared at his missing limb in shock his eyes wide and body frozen. The door clicked open and the nurse from earlier came in with a doctor in white.
"Hello sir, Im Doctor Wagner. I know you must be confused and afraid right now," he said calmly in an Austrian/German accent, "And I know you were telling nurse Eder that you can't remember your name? Is that correct?"
The man nodded.
"What's the last thing you can remember? Can you try and think?" Dr. Wagner asked standing at the foot of his bed.
The man blinked trying to recall his last memory but his mind was a blank slate wiped clean. Nothing came up.
"I can't think of anything, I can't remember anything,"
The doctor scribbled down on his clipboard and flipped the page.
The man glanced back to his missing limb his mind swirling trying to put the puzzle together. But the puzzle had no image all the pieces were blank.
"What... happened to me?" He asked looking back to the doctor.
Dr Wagner looked up from his board. He gave a soft smile then handed the clipboard to the nurse.
"Some cross country skiers were up in the Alps training when they came across you. We don't know how you survived especially up in the cold and from our evaluations it seems you had fallen from further up in the mountains. Your arm was already a lost cause due to your impact after the fall. You suffered many other injuries and have had a couple surfeits done already. But you have been in a medically induced coma for five weeks. And now from what you've been telling me, it seems you have Retrograde Amnesia. This means due to your injury you've lost all your old memories, but can still make new ones." Wagner explained. Then he continued on with the man plan for recovery and what to expect with amnesia and the amputation.
Later he lay in the hospital bed staring at the ceiling, he felt empty not knowing anything, not knowing who he was.
Then the door softly opened and the nurse Eder came in. She smiled and turned the lights up, "Hallo. I forgot to mention this earlier but..." she placed down something small and heavy onto the bed, "This was on you when you came in, I thought you'd want it," she smiled.
The man reached out and grabbed the round brass object. Over the top was the name, 'James' engraved into the brass. He clicked it open to see it was a compass with a little note engraved into the inside and at the end were the initials, 'J + S'
"James," he said quietly. Closing the compass and rubbing his thumb over the name.
The nurse sat down in the chair at his bedside, "Maybe it's your name?"
"James..." he let the name rolled over his tongue, "It feels right,"
The nurse smiled once again this time with her teeth, "Good, now get some rest James,"
James recovery went by in a blur, he was numb and scared. Even though he'd given himself a name he felt empty.
Three months of recovery in Austria was long enough for him. Then they were able to find a way to send him to America with a passport or ID.
The kind Austrian doctors even set him up with a place to stay. It was a care facility for patients who needed a little help or had no where to go due to their injuries and past.
Once James landed in New York he was greeted by a woman at the airport. She was short, thin, and blonde hair cut in a short bob.
"Hi! You must be James, I'm Cassie!" She greeted with a large grin.
James shifted nervously in his feet and tried shouldering his bag with his one existing arm, "Hi," he replied in a small voice. His shoulders hunched and his long brown hair fell in his eyes.
"Alrighty! Let's get a move on!" Cassie motioned to a taxi waiting for them.
They both climbed into the yellow taxi and she quickly started talking to the driver.
The city was huge, it just made James feel even smaller than he was. The city had a sense of unfamiliarity but at the same time felt like it was his home in some ways even though he'd just gotten there.
Soon the taxi came to a stop and pulled in front of a - story building made of red brick and a fire escape snaked its metal stairs down the side the building.
"So this is the Home! We just like to call it the Home as many of our tenets have called it over the years and it kinda just stuck!" Cassie says cheerfully, "Would you like for me to take your bag?"
"Oh, no. It doesn't really have anything in it," James shrugs.
"Okay, let's head inside then!"
Up the concert stairs they went and into the building or the Home as Cassie called it. When they first entered she told him it was the lobby and towards the back was where all the doctors were and many of the medical related rooms.
Then she explained that the second floor was recreational facilities and where the cafeteria was. Then the top floor was just the rooms.
They went to the top floor and Cassie opened a door and allowed James to go in.
"This will be your room. According to your paperwork you're pretty independent and won't need high supervision. I trust you! But if you ever need help there's a call button right here!" She pointed out a red button on the wall, "I'll let ya get settled, but I'll be back tomorrow to go over some things with you, and here's a map just in case you wanna look around," with a smile she left him in the room.
James looked around his room. It had a full sized bed with plain navy sheets and pillows, a small closet, its own bathroom, one lounge chair, and a window looking over Brooklyn.
Sighing James dropped his bag and flopped onto the bed which ended up being softer than he imagined.
Reaching into his pocket he pulled his mystery compass out and rubbed the name with his thumb then clicked it open. He read the note over and over.
Who are you 'S'?
Who am I?
-
The next morning Cassie came just like she had said the day before.
"I brought you breakfast!" She held a tray with a cup of juice and two muffins.
"Oh... uh thanks I guess," he took the tray from her placing it on his nightstand.
"Alright let's get into business!" Cassie took a seat in the lounge chair.
James sat at the edge in his bed after taking one of the muffins and biting into it.
"To start... you'll have to go to physical therapy to regain more mobility and personal independence. So you can relearn to do everyday things. Check ins with your assigned doctor is important and once every month. And I will be helping you with your memory for a few days every week," she smiles.
James noticed she did that a lot. Smile.
"And I personally suggest you attend group therapy. It's not as bad as it sounds! But it does help many people get through their tough times. Sometimes all you need is to talk to someone," she started to get up.
"Thank you for breakfast," James says quickly as she neared the door.
"No problem! By the way, there's a group session in about an hour down in the rec center if you'd like to join us," she says then waves goodbye and leaves James to eat his breakfast.
-
James had decided to head down to the recreational center and try this 'group' therapy.
He was wearing the same shirt and pants as the day before, never having changed beside a brown zip up jacket and had its left arm pinned up to the shoulder to keep his missing limb inside the jacket.
The rec center was not what he expected. There were people of every age there. TVs, tables with card games, ping pong, he could keep naming the things there it was huge.
Over in one corner near the row of windows he saw Cassie and a group circled up in plastic folding chairs.
"James!" Cassie motioned him over.
With a sigh James stalked over his expression never changing from its nonchalant mask.
He took a seat and shoved his hand into his jackets pocket feeling his compass sitting inside.
"Okay! Let's get started everyone! This is James he got here yesterday," Cassie introduced him.
James nodded acknowledging the group they all greeted him.
"Let's introduce ourselves to our new friend!" Cassie exclaimed, "I'll go first. I'm Cassidy but everyone calls me Cassie. I work here as an assisting nurse,"
The man sitting next to her cleared his throat, "I'm Marc. I'm here because I have DID, dissociative identity disorder. My other identities are Steven and Jake."
"Hi, I'm Terry, I lost both my legs in a motorcycle accident and I'm living here because my family lives to far to help me,"
"I'm Suzan and I have COPD, chronic obstructive pulmonary disease and I moved in here to be close to doctors and live outside of a hospital but in a place I can call home still,"
"And I'm Wade, a badass bitch with cancer," a man with no hair said with a laugh.
Cassie scowled at him then he groaned, "ugh and I guess I have manic, hyperactive violent tendencies,"
James was next he shifted in his seat, "I'm James. I fell from a mountain, so I was told, and lost my arm and memory. I have no memory of who I am or my life before.”