Chapter 1
Steve can’t help but wince when Tony helps him out of the front seat. He bites back a groan and holds onto his husband for support, thankful Tony is by his side. He never doubted for a second that Tony would ever abandon him, especially after giving birth to their first child, but he’s still grateful and considered himself blessed for finding a good man in this decade.
“I got you; just lean on me,” Tony says, helping Steve keep his balance. “I need to get the munchkin. Give me a sec, okay?”
“I think I’m okay,” Steve assures, but Tony doesn’t let go of him. “I’ll be alright. Is he still asleep?”
“Out like a light. Maybe you should get some sleep once we get inside.”
“I need a shower first.”
“I’ll help.”
Tony leads Steve inside their home, his arm still around his waist while he balances the car seat with the other. Steve assures him that he’s okay, but he knows his husband is stubborn. Tony also made a promise while Steve labored that he would hover just to make sure both Steve and the baby were okay.
Steve carefully lowers himself down onto the sofa, hissing out in pain from the tenderness brought on from the birth. The long hours of labor had been brutal, but nothing compared to actually pushing the baby out. Despite the serum running through his veins, he still felt every bit of agony that comes with giving birth, including tearing. Helen assured him his body would heal, but for him to take it easy.
Tony catches the pained expression on Steve’s face and he frowns. “I’ll get an ice pack. I made sure to keep a few pads with witch hazel in the freezer too.”
“Look at you all prepared for postpartum. I think you’re handling this better than me.” Steve tries to smile, but it comes off weak and forced. His body felt foreign to him in ways he couldn’t explain. The soreness in his muscles and the heaviness in his abdomen was something he hadn’t expected. He had fought wars, been in battles and suffered injuries that should’ve made recovery easier, but nothing compared him for this.
“You’re handling it the best way you can,” Tony replies, kneeling down beside the couch. “You just gave birth. Your body’s been through hell. It’s okay to rest and take it easy.”
Steve looks up at Tony, seeing the patience and kindness in his eyes. “I guess I just don’t like feeling so…weak.”
“You’re not weak,” Tony says firmly, and he brushes a strand of hair from Steve’s face. “You’re healing. You just did something so incredible and amazing. It’s not easy, but you did it because you’re so strong. Don’t rush this, okay? I promise I’ll be here every step of the way.”
Steve smiles, and this time it’s more genuine because he believes what Tony is saying. “Thank you. I don’t think I could do this without you.”
“You won’t ever have to. I’m gonna unbuckle the kiddo and you can shower.”
“Actually, I think I need to pump again.” Steve frowns and looks down at his shirt, noticing the two stains. “I’m leaking.”
From the car seat, Peter begins to stir, his face scrunching up in displeasure and tiny hands balling into fists. Steve makes an attempt to get up, but when he’s not able to, Tony steps in, freeing Peter from the car seat and bringing him over.
“I think he can smell the milk. Kid’s like a shark once it gets a whiff of blood.” Tony laughs and gently lays their son in Steve’s arms.
Steve chuckles and adjusts Peter to make sure he’s comfortable, then with Tony’s help, he tries to get Peter to latch.
After a few minutes of being unsuccessful, Steve makes a noise of frustration. Between Peter’s high pitched crying and his chest leaking, it’s becoming too much. He still wants to shower and get comfortable, or as comfortable as his body will allow him.
“Why won’t he latch on? He did fine at the hospital.” Steve frowns.
“I don’t know,” Tony replies, though he doesn’t appear as stressed about it. Of course he wasn’t. He didn’t have to worry about feeding their son. He didn’t just have a baby. He didn’t deal with a pregnancy and pushing out another human being.
“Damn it,” Steve murmurs when Peter still refuses to latch onto his nipple. “Come on, Petey. Please eat. I know you’re hungry.”
Peter fusses and wails, his own frustration becoming evident. Steve heaves out a loud sigh, his eyes burning with tears. Why does he want to cry all of a sudden? Nothing was wrong. And yet at the same time everything felt wrong.
“Here, let me.” Tony steps in to help. It takes a few tries, but finally Peter latches on and begins to take his fill. Tony smiles. “There you go, kiddo.”
Steve stares down at his son, watching silently as he eats. Now that he’s gotten what he wants, Peter is calm, the room filling with the sounds of his gentle suckling.
“If you’re okay here I’m gonna get your shower started,” Tony says and he rises to his feet. He ducks down to kiss Steve’s head, then he makes his way up the stairs.
Steve tries not to panic now that he’s alone. He reminds himself he did just fine during his stay in the hospital, only for that annoying voice in his head to bring up the extra pair of hands he had to help with the baby. He didn’t have that now. Sure Tony was around to help care for their son, and he’s sure his friends would offer help if Steve needed it, but this was his baby and he needed to learn how to be alone and just fine with his son.
“We’ll be okay, right?” he says softly as he strokes Peter’s cheek. He smiles down at his son, his heart bursting with love for the little boy. “I think we can handle this. Just you and me together.”
But deep down he worries and fears the worst. What if he’s not cut out for this sort of thing? Could he really be a good father?
A single tear rolls down his face. He’s never felt so weak and pathetic in his whole life. Maybe be couldn’t do this.