Blue

I sat outside tonight and looked at the stars.

It was quiet. Truly quiet, not the kind of silence that feels empty, but the kind that settles around you like a blanket. No voices. No sermons. No judgments. Just the night, stretching out endlessly above me. The sky was so vast, so endless, and for the first time in a long while, I did not feel small beneath it.

I do not know why.

Maybe because, for a moment, I stopped thinking. I stopped questioning. I stopped asking God for answers that never came. I just was.

The wind moved through the trees, rustling the leaves with a gentle hush. The grass bent beneath my tail, cool against my skin. In the distance, I could hear the faint hum of cicadas, a rhythm so steady it almost felt like a heartbeat.

And I simply sat and listened. I breathed. I existed. For once, that felt like enough.

I have spent so much time asking, Why? Why did God make me like this? Why give me faith only to make it so hard to hold? Why do I feel torn in two, never fully belonging to one world or the other?

And why, above all, does it feel like no one else has these questions?

I watch the others at the mansion, and even when they struggle, even when they feel lost, their pain does not seem to twist at the root of their identity. They do not sit awake at night wondering if their soul is at war with itself.

Faith is supposed to be an anchor. A foundation. But for me, it has always felt like a rope stretched between two cliffs, and I am the fool trying to walk across without falling.

But tonight, staring up at the sky, I thought, maybe I do not need to know why.

Maybe some things do not have an answer. Maybe some things are simply meant to be.

The sky, the water, the glow of twilight, the deep shade of mountains in the distance. So much of the world is blue, and it is beautiful. If God could fill the world with something so vast, so endless, so deep, then how could it ever be a mistake?

I placed my hands in the grass and looked at them- really looked. The same hands I have spent my life hiding. The ones I have curled into fists, folded into my sleeves, tucked away from the world.

They are blue.