Matt, Foggy, and Karen went out to eat in celebration of a case they had. It was just supposed to be some simple drinks. As the alcohol slid down Matt’s throat, it stopped tasting like wine and more like… he didn’t know. But probably something he shouldn’t have. An hour later he was stumbling backwards with his hands pawing desperately at his best friend’s clothes. Karen was nowhere in sight as Foggy kicked the door shut. Matt wrapped his hand around Foggy’s tie and pulled him quickly to the bedroom. Well if you could call it that. It was two mattresses stacked on top of each other that barely had a sheet covering it. He pulled the tie off as he took his hand away, scrambling to undo the buttons on the other man’s shirt. He tossed him down onto the bed as his hands slipped beneath the few undone buttons.
”Matt…” Foggy whispered, there was barely a slur to his words, “I don’t know if this is a good idea…”
”It’s okay. It’s fine.”
He repeated that over and over again, softer each time. Matt climbed on top of his friend to gently pull his shirt off as he kept whispering those few words against his ear. It was starting to sound more like he was trying to convince himself that sleeping with his best— and really only— friend when he was wasted, probably had a bit more than just alcohol in his system, may not have been a great idea. But at the moment he was only focused on the way Foggy’s pale skin felt under his own. Foggy was heavier set than most people but that never once deterred Matt from the occasionally flirty comment or indecent joke about his friend’s body. His hands guided down slowly, lightly holding Foggy’s sides between his hands. Matt started to trail kisses very slowly down the center of Foggy’s body.
The mix of hesitation, desire, affection, admiration, and plenty of other things coated Foggy’s eyes, causing them to glisten made Matt’s head spin. Something about foggy being so willing to do whatever Matt wanted— it seemed that way at least— was so very exciting to Matt. He was always in control in the bedroom, even with the men he dated. Nobody knew he dated men. That was his secret. He’d started going to confessions more and more each time he left a restaurant with the promise of a second date he knew he’d never fulfill.
But back on topic… sometimes, he liked a change of pace. Not this time. This time he had to be calling the shots. That’s what felt right. Telling Foggy what to do and turning him into a complete mess sounded like Matt’s dream. He had been thinking about Foggy like this for a while. It started off sweet. Romantic even. Thinking about asking him out and holding his hand. Buying him some flowers too. Which was weird. Matt wasn’t really the type to buy flowers. But something about the way Foggy’s blonde hair rested against his chubby cheeks made Matt really want to give him some.
But then the thoughts got more… intimate. He started thinking about touching him. Tasting him. Having Foggy taste him. But the biggest thing was taking him. Rather it be when they’re talking to a client and Foggy is wearing his favorite suit that just sits perfectly against every single roll of his stomach and every other part of his body or when they’re having a movie night with Karen and foggy is wearing casual clothing. His brain never shuts off.
He’d tell Karen about it and she’d tell him to make a move. But Matt didn’t mean it like that. Well he did. Of course he did. But he always tried to make it seem like nothing more than a friendly pass to Karen. Usually Matt would listen, he never had a fear of rejection. But Foggy? Foggy was more than just another guy he liked. Matt wanted to make that known tonight.
His lips trailed even lower before the met with the waistband of Foggy’s jeans. The rough fabric scraped his lips and he was ready to rip these stupid jeans off. But he thought and he thought. He thought of what would make a prettier sight. What would really get him going. So he stopped. Matt pulled back, sitting himself on the edge of the bed as he pulled Foggy onto his lap. Their eyes locked but for a second, Matt could see the cross that hung on the wall a few feet away. He really hoped God wasn’t watching right now.
”Climb down onto your knees,” It was supposed to be a suggestion but it left his lips like a demand.
And of course, Foggy complied. He was weak to Matt, he didn’t need alcohol to prove that. The way he let Matt boss him around every time they had a case and the way he practically stood on Matt’s heels any time they went anywhere. It was obvious. It was obvious for Matt too, he just dismissed it more. Matt always seemed mad when someone asked about his sexual orientation. He wasn’t gay or bi or anything. He just liked dick. He wasn’t a homophobe either. He knew Foggy was gay but he didn’t care. He just wasn’t.
Foggy’s hands met with Matt’s belt and immediately his jeans were gone. Foggy’s skilled hands careful removed his boxers without touching any of the sensitive skin at all. He was already hard. It usually took a ton of teasing and empty promises and sweet but dirty words to get Matt even half hard. Especially when it came to girls. But Foggy… he was special. He always had been.
Matt entangled his hands in the blond hair of the man on his knees, a smirk on his face as he looked down at him. This was just a perfect sight. He’d take a photo of it if he could. But Matt knew he wouldn’t want to see it tomorrow, when he had sobered up. He had started to say something but Foggy’s pretty pink lips wrapped around his tip and he let out a deep moan before anything could leave his mouth.
He was fucked.
————————————
The next morning, Matt woke up in that same ruined bed as he did every night but something felt off. Maybe it was his jumbled clothes or the extra pair of shoes beside his bed or the man beside him. Wait. The man? Matt’s head was throbbing and he couldn’t remember a single thing. That was until he glanced over at the bigger man next to him. Matt would know him from anywhere. He immediately scrambled to fix his clothes and put the rest of them on.
He charged to the bathroom, fixing his appearance however he could before running down the sketchy stairs of their apartment complex. Matt’s shoulder bumped into a familiar blonde woman who had that look of mischief plastered on her face.
“Have a good night, Matt?” She said with a grin.
”That wasn’t funny. I have places to be,” he spat, his voice sounded weak from the headache.
He arrived at his destination. A 24/7 church. Well services were Sundays and Wednesdays, but it was always open for confession. The priest was leaned against the wooden box, probably mumbling some scripture. He heard Matt’s feet slamming against the ground. The priest didn’t even need to hear Matt’s words, he just stepped into his side of the confession booth.
Matt did the same, taking a deep, deep breath before he spoke, “forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.”
“You know our lord is forgiving,” the man dressed in mainly black replied. The light pinned directly above him brought attention to the wrinkles in his bald head, “what happened?”
Matt rambled. And he rambled. And he rambled. He talked about the case, then the drinking, then the fact he might have been spiked, and then the part. The bad part. The reason he had ran all the way from his apartment complex to the doors of this church. Finally he finished, a long sigh escaping his lips, “I don’t deserve our lord’s forgiveness.”
“Everyone deserves forgiveness, Mr. Murdock. Our Lord knows that the alcohol plagued your thoughts. Next time, refrain my consuming any beverages like that. That will keep you away from being the devil’s puppet.”
“Thank you, Father,” Matt said, tightly closing his eyes before exiting the confession booth.
That didn’t help him. Not at all. Usually he could at least convince himself it did. But not today. He didn’t do any kind of formal farewell to the priest before he was already out of the door. He couldn’t go back home. That wasn’t an option at the moment. Foggy was there. And so was Karen, the reason this all happened in the first place. He didn’t know for sure if she was the reason the wine tasted stronger or if that was something else. Maybe there was nothing wrong with the wine and Matt just needed an excuse for the sins he committed. He needed something to fall back on.
He walked the streets of Hell’s Kitchen, the sun had barely even peaked out from the horizon before he made it down here. There wasn’t much to do honestly. There never had been. But it was his home. That didn’t matter. He was gonna make his way back home, he was just going to take every possible detour he could. He took his time. He walked along every single crosswalk he could find, turned down alleyways, stopped to listen to the unnecessarily loud vehicles. An hour ish had passed and he was at the door of his apartment complex again.
He shut the door behind him, the drawn sign of “Nelson and Murdock” hung slightly slanted on the door. He wanted to turn around. To go back outside. But Karen peaked her nosy little head around the corner with a smile.
“Morning, Matt! Go on a coffee run without us or something?” She asked, propping her foot up against the wall.
He didn’t say a single thing. He stepped into the kitchen, pouring himself a cup of coffee. He didn’t really like coffee. The bitter taste was multiplied to a hundred because of his heightened senses. But he needed something that would wash out that weird, sensitive feeling in his mouth. He leaned back against the counter, sipping from the mug as his finger traced along the rim of it. Foggy had stepped into the kitchen, rubbing his eyes as he subconsciously headed for the coffee machine.
“Morning, Matt,” he mumbled.
He didn’t have nearly the same energy he always had. His voice was hoarse, probably from sucking so hard last night. The way he said “Matt” was nothing like the way he had the night before. The way he screamed and moaned replayed in Matt’s head again and again.
“Morning.”
That was Matt’s only response. He couldn’t do this. Foggy looked so tired and it didn’t look like he remembered the events at all. He did. Matt knew he did. He probably recalled them better than Matt could. He just looked so damn pretty. Matt gripped the cup tighter, his teeth holding down against each other. Boys weren’t supposed to be pretty. Not to Matt.
He seriously wasn’t a homophobe. He had been so helpful when trying to get Foggy a boyfriend. He always pressed for his friend to go out and try and meet guys. Karen always said Matt was trying to get Foggy a boyfriend so he could get rid of his own feelings. She was right. Probably. But she wasn’t supposed to know. Matt had done everything he could to hide his feelings. He always heavily downplayed them or made them seem completely platonic.
But Matt could tell you that they weren’t. There was nothing platonic about the way his eyes travelled down Foggy’s body or the way he admired Foggy’s eyes all the time. It was hard not to. Foggy was confident, in his sexuality at least, he was funny, he was a great lawyer, he was really sweet too. And he was hot. Maybe not conventionally attractive but he was hot.
He circled around the back of the kitchen island to sit his empty coffee mug in the sink. He circled back around and walked into his bedroom. It really wasn’t a bedroom. He barely had a bed. He sat down on the end of the bed, pulling his glasses off of his face. His eyes shifted around but it’s not like they were looking for anything. He dug the bottom of his palms into his eyes, falling onto his back.
He could hear the pattern of slow and light steps heading for the room. It was Karen. He had grown to recognize how she walked and the way her steps sounded. He dropped his arms over his stomach as he waited. He heard the front door shut and he perked up, turning his head to the side as he listened. He could still hear Karen walking towards him so it wasn’t her. Did Foggy leave? As soon as he heard Karen’s feet take the last step.
“Did foggy leave?”
“Yeah your boyfriend left. He—“
“He’s not my damn boyfriend, Karen. I’m not gay,” he interrupted, his sightless eyes shooting up at her.
”Right. Having sex with your best friend is a straight thing?” She crossed her arms over her chest with a smirk on her face.
”My God, Karen—“
“Doubt God had much to do with those events,” she spun around to sit beside Matt, “and that’s okay. Liking guys is okay.”
”I know it is. I don’t care if someone is gay. I don’t care that Foggy is gay. But I’m not.”
”You’re right. You’re probably bisexual.”
”Karen I’m not into men. At all,” his voice was low and quiet. Like a whisper. Almost as if he didn’t want anyone to hear him. It was the truth. Partially. Actually, no he wasn’t. He was lying. And he knew that.
“You gotta realize it on your own terms. But I see the way you look at Foggy,” she stood up again, walking over to the door before turning back to him, “everyone sees the way you look at him. He looks at you like that too.”
”Like what?” He was curious. How did it look to others? He hadn’t really noticed the way Foggy looked at him, he could just tell Foggy was.
”Like you two are the only thing that matters. Like you two can’t even see anything else. It’s cute.”
Then she was gone again. The bedroom door was less of a door and more of a gate with the missing section on the top. It wasn’t completely gone, but it made the door look weird. There wasn’t a door handle, it was just a whole to slide your hand through. But he appreciated that she shut it anyway. He leaned back against the ruined mattresses, dragging his hands down his face.
Matt knew being gay wasn’t a problem. He knew he was bisexual. But he just couldn’t say that. It wasn’t a thing he could do. He wasn’t supposed to be, and he knew that too. He couldn’t get the events of last night out of his head. Why was something so beautiful and so right considered a sin?
The events replayed over and over again and he felt his jeans start to tighten around his lower body. Fuck. Not again. He rubbed his eyes, forcing them open and trying to push the thoughts away from his mind. The front door opened again and he could hear Foggy’s large but soft footsteps. His high pitched voice rang throughout the house, “I’m back, Karen,” there was slight musical tone in his voice.
Matt was trying to listen to their voices, to the sound of Foggy’s steps but he couldn’t tell what was happening. The pressure in his pants was making him less aware and he hated that. One more time. That’s it. No alcohol this time. Just to get rid of these feelings. Sober sex always got rid of whatever feelings he had for the guys he’d sleep with. This wouldn’t be any different.
He fumbled for his phone, opening Karen’s contact. He clicked the new message button and began typing. Go to the store or something. I need you gone. He clicked send, he didn’t care how desperate he sounded or if there had been any errors. He just needed her gone. One last time with Foggy to get rid of whatever feelings he had.
Matt heard Karen say some lame excuse to Foggy and the door shut again. That door had been opening and shutting a lot recently. He stepped out of the room, quickly and quietly. He met Foggy face to face in the kitchen and his headache came back again, reminding him of the events again. His jeans tightened even further. It felt like the button was gonna pop off.
“One more time,” it wasn’t a question this time either.
His hands met with Foggy’s sides as he pulled him into a kiss. He led them backwards once again, pushing open the weak bedroom door with his back. He tossed Foggy onto the bed, sitting down beside him without ever separating their lips. His hands guided up and up and up until they were on the sides of his face and he realized.
They were fucking kissing.
Matt never said it explicitly but kissing was always off the table. Kissing was something real. Something that meant more than just a quick fix. Sex was something he’d do with anyone. It didn’t really matter to him. But kissing did matter. He pulled away from him, heaving and panting slightly as he stood up. He drug his hands down his face again.
“Fuck. I don’t do that.”
”Don’t do what?” Foggy asked, his thumb tracing over his bottom lip. He could still feel Matt’s lips on his own.
”Kissing. I don’t kiss guys.”
”Maybe it’s ‘cause you like me. Really like me,” his voice was soft and teasing but it was serious too.
Obviously Matt knew he was right. But he didn’t want Foggy to be right. But the way he was sitting; leaning back on his elbows, his legs spread and his shirt slightly messed up. It was so damn hot. And it was so hard for him to pretend he didn’t want him.
Matt didn’t care if God was watching anymore. He just wanted to finish what he started, “maybe I do...” He mumbled, he barely heard himself. His voice was soft and quiet as opposed to his usual cocky attitude. He landed back down beside the other man, pulling him into a second kiss as he climbed on top of him.
This felt so, so right.