***
Sam walks over to the makeshift office at the training center and leans against the nearest cluttered desk. He folds his arms and stares at the floor ahead. Joaquin makes his presence clear as he shouts off into the distance. Doesn’t faze Sam as he burns a hole into the floor.
Drudging towards him is Bucky. He comes over to the desk and mirrors Sam’s stance and viewpoint. No hey. Or hello. Just peaceful existence. Well, not so peaceful at one end though. Sam briefly glances at Bucky and looks back down. Bucky helplessly looks over at him wanting to say stuff. But he has a feeling Sam has something that’s eating him up a little bit more. So he stays put, waiting on Sam to speak up.
“We’ve had quite an ugly week huh?” Sam quips a little louder than expected. That snaps Bucky out of his daze. “Huh?” Sam looks up at him with those beautiful eyes. Bucky retorts, “Oh yeah. Sure. Yeah. Ugly.” He smiles a confused smile. Sam is endeared and smiles back.
They fall back into silence for a minute or two. A little more comfortable now.
Sam starts “So…” Bucky decides he wants to stare at Sam a little more. “I was meaning to ask…when you plan to come over...” Bucky squints and tries to process this. “Come over…? Where exactly?”
“Home.” Bucky looks in Sam’s direction, ‘o’ mouthed and interested but cautious. “Oh. Home.”
Sam smiles the biggest smile yet “Yeah. Home.” Almost rolling his eyes. “Sarah…the boys were asking about you. You know.”
Bucky felt his air supply cut off mid conversation. “I was supposed to visit the other week. But that was an ugly week too. Not as bad as this week…” He points to the floor as Sam nods with his eyes closed, “…but you know…I didn’t want to impose.”
That makes Sam look over at him again.
Bucky sees it in his eyes, fighting back to say something but stopping short of a confession? Or maybe he’s reading too much into it.
“Impose? Man you no longer a guest!” fighting back a smile. “Your couch days are over. You getting a room of your own. You’re a big boy now.” Bucky wants to smile but he decides against it.
“It’s yours…until I’m staying over too.” Bucky stills, trying to hide his disappointment.
“Cos we’ll be sharing. The room. The bed…I could do a mattress bed thing happen if…” Bucky interrupts a little too fast, “….no need for that. I’m good. I mean to share. ”
“Alright then. That’s settled.” Sam says shyly. Bucky runs his hand through his hair and decides it’s best to be of use. Get back to work before he has to lie down to process this new development in his life.
Sam watches as Bucky turns away from him and is compelled to speak up. To say something that’s been eating at him for the last few days? Or weeks? Months. He clears his throat to signal Bucky to stop or maybe turn around. Bucky turns around, making more eye contact than he wants to because he was expecting this?
Sam sags his shoulders as if he was conserving energy to say what could be detrimental to his wellbeing.
“I don’t say it much. Not even to the boys. Or Sarah. Unless I go onto a shitty mission that scares me to death. And I don’t scare easy, not about dying atleast, but I’m only human….” Bucky listens intently. Sam feels he has veered off topic and hesitates. Now would be a good time to stop. Or deflect.
Instead, “I love you.” Sam confesses. “Buck.” Bucky looks back at him. “I might’ve said it to someone a lifetime ago. And I’m not ready to say it to someone else at the end of my lifetime. When it’s too late. Cos I know what this job asks of me. Every day I try to do my best, but sometimes even that is not close enough to being good enough.” Sam’s eyes are fogged up with tears that threaten to pour down any second and he hates it. Hates how small he feels in this moment.
Bucky’s heart races ahead. He doesn’t know what he is feeling but goosebumps prickle his skin, his throat is on fire for some reason; and all he wants to do is hold onto Sam and never let go. Instead he’s frozen in spot, staring at the man that loves him. He could feel his heart pull at him, making him feel light headed. It must be because his heart just grew a little bit bigger or was it heavier?
Sam is a little off-footed. Was Bucky not into him. Did he just make a fool of himself? All these thoughts and he doesn’t realize the tears couldn’t hold off any more. They pour down, his head hangs low.
When he looks up, Bucky has moved much more closer to him. “I love you too you know.” He continues shakily, “I don’t know since when and all that…but…I said it to you a few days back...”
Sam is a little bit annoyed,” Buck, that was months ago. And you slid in buddy at the end. Real smooth.” Sam finally acknowledges his own tears and wipes them off. “I just thought. Good for him. Therapy is doing wonders for him. He has expressed his love for me as a friend. Honestly, my heart skipped half a beat and then I was just pissed off.” Bucky smiles big, his first genuine one of the last four months surely.
Sam lifts his hand and gives a slight pinch to Bucky’s chin pulling him the closest he could to himself. Looks up at him and then back down to his lips. And says as softly as possible, “I think I’m taller.” Bucky blushes and smiles mid-pout “You wish, Cap.” Sam makes his move and swoops in for a kiss. Bucky is nervous but melts into it. Sam deepens the kiss and puts his arms around him as Bucky lifts his hands to Sam’s neck. Sam pulls back shyly as Bucky pulls his ear. “That’s enough now. I got to go to that thing that Joaquin said he’d be happy to take me to. Some charity event. “
Bucky puts his hands behind his back like a dutiful student and looks beyond Sam to Joaquin. “He loves the attention doesn’t he? Reminds me of another Falcon, from a long time ago.” “Does it now?” Sam retorts. “Yeah. Smug guy. Great smile though.” Sam blushes some more. Bucky pecks Sam on the lips. And then another one at the side of his mouth.
Hands still behind himself, he takes two steps back.
“Get a move on then. I’ll see you at home.”
“When?”
“Friday. I promise.”
Sam slowly walks backwards away from Bucky. His heart and his eyes lighter than ever before. “Ok. Bye buddy.” Winks and walks away.
Bucky sticks his tongue out and taps himself on the head. He feels giddy. Like a teenager on his first yes to the school dance. He shakes his head and goes back to work. Best Fucking Day of this century if you ask him.
*** THE END ***