It had only been around a month since Peter started his break, and by god was it hard. Every time he heard about a crime he was itching to go and stop it. He knew Miles had everything under control but, Jesus, he felt so so useless.
It wasn’t everything though. He was able to give more to MJ now. They have dinner together almost every night, they play games together, they are able to watch full movies without him having to leave because of a crime on the other side of the city. He was able to be Peter Parker, but he still didn’t know who Peter Parker was without Spider-man.
When he voiced his uncertainty to MJ, she sat thinking for a very long time.
“I don’t think you and Spider-man have to be completely separated, Pete,” She eventually said, “I mean, you’re taking a break, not retiring, not unless you want to,” she sighed, taking his hands into her own. “You’re Peter Parker, you’re smart, and kind, and loving, and the textbook definition of good. Spider-man is also all of those things, but Spider-man also takes from Peter Parker. Right now, Spider-man needs to give Peter a break.”
“Think of how much better you’re already doing. You sleep better, and longer. You smile more too, Pete,” He felt himself smile as he looked at her, even if it felt a little sad. He did feel better. He felt more rested, he felt happier, he felt better. But he still just…just didn’t. He was filled to the brim with guilt, with grief, with… he didn’t know. He hated himself for this, but Peter missed the Symbiote. Everything felt so easy with the suit
He hadn’t felt that rested or that powerful in an entire decade. He knew he was an absolute asshat when he had it on, but he just felt so tired. The feeling doesn’t even go away with the Anti-Venom suit. He’s still able to use it when he needs it, but it doesn’t feel the same.
“What are you thinking Tiger?” MJ said, interrupting his thoughts.
“I just… I-I don't know. I just… some part of me… wants the uh… the symbiote back,” Peter said, shrinking in on himself in a weird mix of guilt and shame. His eyes dropped down to his hands that were still cradled in MJ’s, half expecting her to remove her hands from his. But she didn’t. She held his hands and kept looking at him.
“Peter, look at me,” his eyes remain down, “Peter. Look at me,” he closed his eyes and took a breath. Finally, he looked up and saw such kindness and compassion in MJ’s eyes. God he loved this woman.
“Peter, it sounds like Venom was like an addiction. When I was Scream, I felt like all of my problems went away, I felt free. I can only imagine how it felt to have it for longer.”
“But I… I mean, you're right, or at least I think you are, but… what does this mean for Peter Parker?” He felt so uncertain.
“I don’t know Pete, but I do know that you’ll be okay. You’ve given so much attention to Spider-man for the last decade, I think that you just need to catch the non-superhero parts of you up. It’ll take some time, but you’ll be okay. I know you will,” she finished, giving him a soft smile. He smiled back.
“What would I do without you?”