Chapter 11
The extent of the thrall, how much control a male Jinchuuriki can exert over his subordinates is a topic of interest to many, though poorly explored by those learned enough to write intelligent discourse. Philosophers and monks alike hold the thrall to be unnatural, a perversion of man's innate freedom of thought and reason. Indeed, the thrall stands in sharp contrast to much of what we know about the human will and how man relates to the other powers in the universe. Of course the relationship is one of energy and yet, because of this, the Jinchuuriki exerts a certain amount of control over things as fundamental as a subordinate's bodily homeostasis. A subordinate's blood and breath and semen follow the will of his alpha, at least to a certain extent, and so scholars wonder how far the influence penetrates. A Jinchuuriki can command his subordinates to ejaculate, to faint and to breathe. Can, scholars wonder, an alpha also command his subordinates to starve? To dream? To believe in something they otherwise would not? Would a subordinate, at his alpha's command, simply die? No one knows the answer to these questions, but perhaps the most pertinent point to make is that no one knows because such a thing has never happened. In all the thousands of years since man first learned to meld himself with the elemental demons of the world and create the Jinchuuriki, never once has an alpha commanded such a thing of his pack. I believe it is safe, then, to assume that commanding hurt or abuse is fundamentally counter to the nature of the Jinchuuriki, that the power of the creature's own will does not extend to the limits of depravity that man's often does.
-Koumyuo Sanzo, Lives and Habits of Far Eastern Demons
The hallways were dark and silent except for Naruto's own footsteps and even though the air was cool, his skin burned uncomfortably, hot with arousal unspent. He was in pain, his skin too sensitive against the silk of his clothing and his head pounding with dull agony in time to his own heartbeat. Naruto wondered if the ghosts of the Uchiha clan were watching and the thought sent a shiver up his spine even though Sasuke had told him a thousand times that being afraid of ghosts was ridiculous. The blond began humming, if just for the sake of hearing something other than his own pulse, the melody random and a bit tragic. He did not really know any songs, Sakura had always chosen their music before, she had always been the one to know the most about music. Naruto had never learned anything about music or art or cooking, he had barely managed to survive living on his own, and Sasuke's parents had considered anything unrelated to ninjitsu to be wholly unimportant. Sakura had come from different people and she knew all the things that he and Sasuke had never learned, things about how to make a life, how to make a home. Without her, their home was dark and cold and barely more than simple shelter, a decrepit shell of what it was before. Naruto never realized how much he would miss feeling like he belonged in a place. He groaned and squinted his eyes, trying to force his headache back into something manageable through sheer force of will. Sakura would have said something about the futility of that, but she was too sick to say anything much at all. Soon, if nothing changed, she would be gone and then no one would care either way about his head or anything else.
"Oh, Fox. What can I do?" Naruto asked silently into the vastness of his own mind.
"Love her. Love is never wrong." The Fox replied softly.
"Love isn't enough, dammit! I have SAVE her! We have to save her!" Naruto moaned.
"It is not within our power." The demon rumbled sadly.
"But…you are the Kyuubi! You're old! Really old, you must know a way!" Naruto exclaimed.
"I am old kit, but some problems are eternal. I cannot halt winter and I cannot thwart death, the will of gods greater than I govern these things." The Fox sighed.
"Do you think Sasuke will find a way to save her and our child?" Naruto asked.
"Perhaps." The Kyuubi said and Naruto knew that the demon was trying to be tactful.
"Sasuke is smart, really smart, we'll figure it out. It's not like this hasn't happened before, right?" Naruto said, with a strained little laugh.
"No, it did happen once before." Kyuubi replied, sounding uncertain.
"And?"
"The past does not matter, kit."
"I want to know, maybe it will help…" Naruto argued.
"You should spend what time you have left with your mate and subordinates, these moments are more precious than you might realize now..." The Fox argued.
"You aren't helping at all! What happened! Tell me, dammit! Now!" Naruto shouted, hating how young and frustrated he sounded.
"They died. My vessel and all who belonged to him died as one."
"All of them, but…How?" Naruto asked, horrified.
"An incredible will is required to survive the death of a mate, a strength beyond what any of my vessels has achieved. Even your mother did not possess such a will…"
"My mother…I don't understand, my own mother wasn't this sick, right? Why is this even happening?" Naruto demanded, close to real tears.
"There is something very unique about our child and the energy does not align with Sakura's." The Fox explained.
"Unique… why?"
"I do not know, kit."
"Well, you must know something! Didn't your other vessels do something? Didn't they even try?" Naruto demanded.
"Yes, kit. Of course they tried. Sometimes there is no victory, despite how much we might want it."
The Demon said gently, speaking as one would to an angry toddler.
"No! I don't believe it! I won't!" Naruto shouted.
"Try to understand! Time is very precious to mortal things and you are wasting yours talking to me about things that neither of us can change!" The Fox snapped, angry.
"She trusts me! She trusts me to help her!" Naruto growled.
"She is wise enough to see the limits that you cannot. You and I can both feel that she is not afraid."
"I know that, but…I…I AM afraid! Please, please…I have no one else to ask and I can't just…watch." Naruto whispered.
"You must, you must watch her now, or you may lose the chance to see her again."
"No."
"Death is not as dark as you humans seem to think, the only true pain comes from leaving the ones you love, from lost chances…" The Kyuubi urged.
"I…I'm not ready." Naruto whispered, panicked.
"No one ever is."
"It hurts, in my body, hurts to be without her…"
"Yes, you are bonded to her. It will be difficult for you to survive when she dies."
"No! No one is going to die! I can't believe you are saying this!"
"Perhaps you may survive her passing. That is the only way we can win in this, if you can find the strength to let her go. If you can live through the pain, if you can live without her and save your subordinates…" The Kistune whispered, voice suddenly intense.
"But I…I don't know how to live without her! I don't remember how to breathe without her inside me!" Naruto sobbed.
"You are stronger than the others. You are my strongest vessel. You can save them." The Fox said, somewhat proudly.
"I'm not strong without her!"
"I know, kit, but you must try. She is very close to leaving us…" Kyuubi rumbled softly.
"I can't, Fox, I can't! It…It hurts inside…"
"My poor kit, I know it will be painful, but you must try or all our lovers will die. Sasuke will die, Neji will die and Sai will be left alone again. You know what hell it is to me alone…" the Fox urged.
"I…I know, but…" Naruto cried, the tears spilling down his face.
"If it helps you, hold onto your hope." The Kitsune offered.
"I will! I won't give up! Not ever! You'll see, you stupid fox! You'll see!" Naruto shrieked even as the Demon turned away and within.
The tears were hot and painful on his face and the jinchuuriki scrubbed the moisture away with a frustrated hiss. The Fox may not know what to do, but Sasuke would figure it out. Sasuke was a genius. No one was going to die, he would not allow it, everything would be alright in the end and then he would tell the stupid demon just how wrong he was. Sakura would live, she had to, or he would not know how to keep going… Naruto bit his lip and pushed the thought away. There was no reason to even examine the possibility that Sakura could die, nothing to be gained from it. If there was a way, they would find it and losing hope now was just dumb. Even the damn Kitsune had agreed with him about that. The jinchuuriki paused and leaned against the wall, taking a moment to let the pain pass over him along with the last of his tears. Tears were stupid and Sasuke hated it when he cried. He had wanted to try and talk to his subordinate, but Naruto decided to wait just a moment so his eyes would not look so red. Lately everything had become a matter of waiting. They were waiting to see, waiting to act, waiting to talk or to fight or to even breathe, waiting for the goddamn heat to pass enough to see straight. Everyone was trapped like lake fish frozen in an early winter, waiting to move again, waiting to see if they ever even would.
Naruto grunted and began walking again. Once he would have tried to hide it, the little noises that indicated how uncomfortable he was, but the jinchuuriki could have probably screamed if he wanted. No one was paying enough attention to care, if any of them noticed at all. The house was practically a tomb, maybe that was all it had ever been meant to be, and it was hard not to imagine Sasuke's ancestors scowling at him form every shadow. Sasuke himself was in the library, manically searching for an answer in texts that they should not even have and Sakura…The jinchuuriki swallowed hard and fought the tears back once again. Neji had been right. The Hyuuga had seen it, before any of them, and he had wanted so much to ignore him. Maybe if he had just seen the problem sooner, maybe that would have changed something. He had wanted so much to believe Sakura's words and smiles, but in the end the truth was still the truth. Sai had known too, everyone had known apparently, but Naruto was the only one without anything to offer and so they had said nothing. He might have been angry, but Sasuke did not need to say that he saw her chakra failing in words to make the truth more than plain.
Naruto had known, with certainty, that something was terribly wrong as soon as the raven had turned his shargingan onto their wife. His face, it would be burned into Naruto's memory forever, an expression of such deep and childlike incredulity that Naruto had felt his heart go still in his chest. Sai had gone to Tsunade, but the matter of Sakura's life and that of their child's was out of the Hokage's capability. Tsunade had visited yesterday, given Sakura fluids and drugs and messed around with her chakra, but the girl was still fading away. If not for him and the Fox, the Hokage said grimly, she would have died weeks ago. Naruto sent a toad to Gaara, hoping desperately that the Sand Kage might know something or at least be able to send them someone who did, but Gaara had responded almost immediately with his apologies. Chakra, he said, cannot be forced.
They had come to an impass and all of them were simply left to do what they could, knowing that the chance was small, knowing that they were alone. Sai had not moved from her side in days, silently watchful and comforting in a way that was both frightening and powerful. He lay beside her and Naruto was grateful because the artist had the strength to lay with her as she died without weeping or screaming or…The jinchuuriki shut his eyes tightly and took a breath. Sakura did not need to see him so afraid and he shuddered just thinking about what she would say if she saw Sasuke. The raven was obsessed with his research, never pausing for sleep or food or anything except for the extra strong green tea he forced the staff to bring him despite Naruto's orders. Sasuke thought that there might be some kind of jutsu that could help her, hidden among the notes he had taken in Orochimaru's laboratories, research that Naruto could barely read without being sick. Orochimaru might have been a monster, Sasuke growled, but he knew things that no one else had ever learned. Naruto believed him if for no other reason than that no one had ever done the things that Sasuke's master had. So his precious subordinate bathed in the evil, trying to find something in it that would bring some good and Naruto let him because…because it was the only hope they had.
So Naruto paced and worried and tripped over the staff bringing Sasuke more of his goddamned tea. Sakura smiled at him during the moments when she was conscious and told him not to worry, lied to his face and he could not even bear to be angry. Naruto was not a genius or a doctor and so all he could do was re-tuck her blankets and hold Sai in his arms when the ink nin seemed a little too silent or still. No one had bothered to re-set the justsu locking Neji's door and in the days intervening the Hyuuga had somehow taken over the functional governance of his household. He ordered food for Sai, paid the staff extra for their silence and made sure all the small, stupid things essential to a home still happened. Bills were paid, dishes were washed, Sakura's garden was weeded and no one knew that their universe was quietly falling apart. Sasuke would have been furious if he knew that Neji had invaded so far into his domain, but the raven barely noticed the difference between night and day. He was wasting away just as surely as Sakura was.
Naruto choked and faltered, pressing his palms hard to his eyes, trying to stop the flood of searing tears threatening to spill down his face once more. Tears did not help anyone. There was time, not much, but still enough time to try to find a way to save their woman. Naruto clenched his fists and tried to breathe around the deep, terrible agony in his chest. They had to try and the others needed him to remain strong, solid and sane. The Fox had said that he was the strongest, after all. Sakura had sounded so certain, so sure that they would find a way and one of the greatest geniuses Konoha had ever spawned was feverishly searching for it. He had no right to feel so fragile, so hopeless, when everyone else was doing everything that they could. For now he had to stay strong, had to move forward and keep hope. So many times before he had only had hope and everything had worked out, but Naruto had never had quite so much to lose before.
Naruto mastered his emotions and turned towards the library, determined to make sure that Sasuke ate something, or at least make sure he wasn't just sitting in there and staring at the wall. Turning the corner he met Neji walking down the hallway, a determined expression on his face, carrying a heavy armload of scrolls. The Hyuuga's face had healed almost completely from his fight with Sai even though the artist was still badly bruised and breathing shallowly around his fractured ribs. Naruto thought it was peculiar, that one should heal so much faster than the other, but Neji was a master of somatic chakra after all and the jinchuuriki had no idea how far the Hyuuga techniques could go. Naruto raised an eyebrow and Neji paused, looking both guilty and a bit annoyed.
"For Sasuke." Neji replied in a tight whisper.
"Leave him alone. He isn't…stable right now." Naruto warned, reaching to take the scrolls from the Hyuuga.
"Let me try. These scrolls may all have relevant information and I know he is still angry about…about before and…"
"Neji, please trust me on this. Sasuke is not the type of person to be reasonable when he is upset, believe it." Naruto said, smiling a little.
"I just want…"
"Let me deal with Sasuke. You've been hurt enough as it is." Naruto sighed sadly, running his fingers along the side of Neji's beautiful, magically un-bruised face.
Neji, shivered a bit at the touch and looked away, lips a tight line except at the corner where his mouth was still a bit swollen. The Hyuuga might have been fighting towards an objective, but Sai always fought as if the match were to the death. The artist fought like a cornered dog, he simply did not understand anything else and Naruto was frankly relieved that the scuffle had not been worse. Regardless, Neji should never have been able to heal so quickly in only a few days. Maybe he had not been hurt as severely as Naruto thought, maybe the blood had mostly been Sai's that day. Not that it mattered. Mostly healed with only the ghosts of bruises, Neji was terribly self-conscious about even the faintest mark and Naruto was certain that his confidence had been badly injured. Naruto stroked the Hyuuga's face, fingers searching out the small imperfections left by Sai's capable fists, wondering how someone could feel so guilty about a few little hits. Neji clenched his jaw, tolerating the jinchuuriki's probing fingers grudgingly. Of course the artist had been mauled as well, having a terrible black eye and several broken bones, veritably covered in contusions. Sai still looked mangled, and his lip still split open when he smiled, but he seemed to wear his wounds with more pride. Neji always seemed so embarrassed, so uncomfortable, and there was no reason when he was so gorgeous. No reason at all…Naruto knew he should stop touching him, but the Hyuuga's skin was so nice, so cool against his fingers.
Naruto ran his hand lower, brushing his fingers along Neji's quivering lips, wondering, wondering how the tender skin there would feel against his own. Neji's mouth was a bit leaner than Sasuke's, but just as elegant and firm, and the blond scowled a little as he stroked the perfect line of Neji's face. Sai had not spared him a single blow and his jaw had been broken, Naruto was almost positive, but the bones under his hand were smooth and whole. The Hyuuga colored and kept his eyes glued to the floor, embarrassed. By Kami he was beautiful, nothing like the others, but beautiful nonetheless and the jinchuuriki felt his blood stir. On a whim, Naruto slipped the edge of his thumb into Neji's mouth, resting it just inside the other ninja's lips. Neji gasped, moving with a jerk to look at him and the effect was enough to eclipse everything else from the vessel's mind. Large silver eyes gazed up at him through a tempting curtain of sepia lashes, his hair falling long and luscious around the perfect oval of his face. He was too lovely and fine not to be touched and how Naruto wanted to touch more, wanted to touch him everywhere. He had been dumb before, stupid to spurn such a striking gift, especially when he knew how to make it feel good. The Hyuuga would look so gorgeous pressed against Sai's paper-pale beauty, trapped in Sasuke's unearthly grace, and if they were wrapped in Sakura's hair…Kami. Naruto groaned a little just imagining it. The Hyuuga swallowed jerkily, a hard blush coloring his cheeks as the jinchuuriki gazed upon him.
He had admired Neji, always watched when the Hyuuga genius trained and Naruto had always told himself that it was to learn, to improve his own technique. He had once felt like he might be content to watch the brunette do just about anything, but of course watching alone would never be good enough. The jinchuuriki wanted to press him into the dusky orange of his bedding, to explore the heat of his body and to map every strand of that silky hair onto his pillows. Neji was tall and Naruto knew that his height would make it easier for him to take the Hyuuga sitting up, that with every thrust he'd be able to get so deep. A flicker of fear crossed Neji's face as Naruto's claws grew long where they rested against his exposed throat and that was lovely too. Naruto breathed deep and almost moaned as Neji's scent filled his senses. He smelled like aged clove-oil and metal, of things fine and violent, sharp and intoxicating.
"It's the heat isn't it?" Neji asked, voice calm despite the fact that Naruto was practically on top of him.
He had a rich, deep voice and Naruto wondered what he would sound like when he screamed…when he came. For a brief, mad, moment the blond desperately wanted Neji to fight him again. He wanted Neji to try to kiss him as he had before so that he would have an excuse to keep touching him, so that he could respond as he should have the first time. He should have taken him then, met the Hyuuga's foolish challenge and branded himself onto every inch of that beautiful, creamy flesh. Sasuke was right. Neji was supposed to be his anyway and Naruto longed to wrap that long, mahogany hair around his wrist and hold him tight against his own flesh. The Hyuuga's eyes widened as Naruto met his lips, savoring the softness of the flesh, letting his tongue play roughly across Neji's mouth. The jinchuuriki expected aggression, but the silver-eyed nin retreated instead, acting tentative, a bit afraid, and that pleased him even more. A challenge was intoxicating, but the submission in Neji's body practically made him ache. The Hyuuga pulled his lips back, startled, but Naruto pursued him. The kiss was not gentle and Naruto forced Neji's jaw open with his fingers, drinking in the small sound of pain along with the Hyuuga's breath. He tasted just the way he smelled, spicy and metallic, exquisite. Neji was shaking against his hand, the bells on the bindings of his scrolls tinkling. Naruto moved a hand behind the other ninja's skull, pulling his head down against his own. Naruto engaged his tongue, nipping Neji's lower lip aggressively, feeling warm and a little drunk on the sensation alone. The Hyuuga winced as Naruto's tongue moved over one of the cuts Sai's fist had left on his mouth and a small spark of reason returned to the jinchuuriki's brain.
Suddenly he was very much aware of how ragged Neji's breathing had become, how the brunette was not responding, but merely letting Naruto move into his mouth. Kami. He could not do this. Neji obviously did not want this and the fact that he could even think about sex with Sakura was so ill was a sure indication that there was something massively wrong with him. With a deep breath and enough physical effort to make his fingers shake, Naruto released the Hyuuga genius. Moving his thumbs in apologetic strokes against the place where he had forced Neji's mouth, Naruto tried to summon the will to remove his hands from the man's skin entirely. He needed to apologize, he need to stop touching him. The Hyuuga took a breath and looked away. He would have new bruises in the joints of his jaw to match the ones Sai had left and the thought made Naruto feel like vomiting. Everything was so fucked up.
"Naruto I…I'm so sorry…" Neji said after a while.
"Don't…Don't you dare apologize to me." Naruto laughed tightly, looking away and finally dropping his traitorous hand, feeling sick.
"I…I don't know what else I can do." Neji replied, his voice low and tight.
"Nothing. You aren't responsible and…You don't have to do anything." Naruto replied heavily, blushing in shame and running his hands roughly over his face.
"Maybe I want to do something." Neji said, scowling.
"I'm sorry you had to be involved at all." Naruto said tersely.
"I can't just stand back and…and watch this happen!" Neji snapped, angry.
"This isn't your problem." Naruto said, crossing his arms.
"Of course it is! I'm stuck here aren't I, or did you forget?" Neji hissed tartly.
"I don't see anyone stopping you from just going. Surely a genius like you can figure out how to use the front door!" Naruto snapped, temper warming at the Hyuuga's tone.
"It isn't that simple. Not that you would understand anyway." Neji huffed haughtily.
"No one will understand ANYTHING if you don't bother to explain!" Naruto snarled, turning to face the Hyuuga.
"I can't just leave and break my marriage contract to you! I don't have the freedom to do that. It isn't how things work. You should have Sasuke explain it to you." Neji hissed darkly.
"I don't think anyone here is in any condition right now to try to stop you. Do you honestly think I have any interest in being with somebody who hates me?" The jinchuuriki asked bitterly.
"I don't hate you."
"But you don't like me either."
"It doesn't matter! What I want doesn't matter anyway. I can't leave now! Not with everything that's happening!" Neji argued.
"Why? You never seemed interested before." Naruto sneered.
"It's different now."
"Why?"
"Sakura is dying and I OWE her my life!" Neji growled.
"You barely know her." Naruto accused, his tone much nastier than he had intended. Neji scowled.
"Maybe I want to." He replied.
"You've been given plenty of opportunities, plenty of chances to get to know all of us and even getting you to come OUT is like… like…I don't know! I suppose we're just too common for you…." Naruto countered.
"That isn't it at ALL!" Neji shouted, shocked.
"Then WHAT IS IT?" Naruto exploded, feeling his temper finally break.
Naruto watched the Hyuuga, watched his silver eyes harden and his expression close. Watching Neji retreat again made him angry in a way that he had not allowed himself to feel in days. Naruto exhaled through his nose and before he could stop it the sound turned into a snarl. He was so tired of it, so tired of being shut out. No one thought that he needed to know anything or they just expected him to fucking guess. No one told him what was really happening, what they were really thinking. Neji was miserable, no matter what anyone did and he just wanted to know why. What was so wrong with that?
"There isn't anything, I just prefer to have my space. Nothing is wrong." Neji lied, looking away.
"Look, I'm sick of the secrets and the bullshit, so why don't you just tell me the TRUTH! I'm NEVER gonna guess what in the HELL you're thinking!" Naruto growled.
"You don't need to try and…"
"I NEED to know what your intentions are, dammit! NOW!" Naruto snarled.
"I intend to help." The Hyuuga replied sullenly.
"Right and after that?" Naruto pressed sarcastically.
"What do you mean 'after that'? That's all that matters!" Neji scowled, looking away.
"I'm asking if you EVER intend to be a PART of this family! I am ASKING you what the HELL are you DOING here!" Naruto shouted.
"I am here to make peace! You and I BOTH know that. The law is clear and the contract was formal…"
"I don't care about paper, Neji. I guess Sasuke might, but he is busy driving himself crazy, so there BETTER be something more to it!" Naruto shouted harshly.
"I'm your friend and even if I weren't I would never just let Sakura die!" Neji countered.
"Are you sure? If we die, you'd be free to go back home. You'd be free again…" Naruto mocked darkly, deeply angry and not completely sure why.
"You don't know ANYTHING! I'll never be free, NEVER! It doesn't WORK that way!" Neji exploded.
"It's your choice." Naruto hissed.
"FUCK YOU! I don't HAVE any choices! I can leave Konoha and be hunted down like a DOG by my OWN clan or I can stay and maybe…maybe...I CAN'T LOSE HER! You don't HAVE to UNDERSTAND!" He shrieked.
"Yes, Neji, I DO!" Naruto roared, he had never seen the Hyuuga so angry.
"You keep offering me freedom, but it's a LIE! You just don't GET IT! No matter where I go or what I do, if I'm not your slave I'll just be someone else's! You want me to go home, just so THEY CAN SELL ME TO SOMEONE ELSE!?" Neji cried, dropping the scrolls with a resounding crash.
"Maybe you would PREFER someone ELSE!" Naruto shouted.
"You want me to just ignore the fact that Sakura is DYING! If she dies I just can't…I CAN'T I…I CAN'T LOSE HER!" Neji screamed, slamming his fist into the wall.
"WHY?! WHY do you even CARE!"
"She's one of the only people, EVER, who even BOTHERED to treat me LIKE A HUMAN BEING!" Neji railed.
"She…what?!" Naruto asked eyes wide with shock.
"No one ever CARES what I think. No one even BOTHERS to ask what I WANT except for her and…and…you. No one has even asked ME before and I…I…I don't KNOW what I WANT!" Neji choked, furious.
"Neji…I'm sorry." Naruto breathed.
"Look, I know I have kept my distance, but it was because I thought it would be the BEST thing to do. I didn't want to…interfere and…well…it doesn't matter anyway! I OWE you, IMARRIEDYOU for fuck's sake!" Neji snarled.
"Oh…I…I don't know what to say." Naruto admitted.
"Well, I don't know what ELSE I can say! Moron!" Neji spat, looking away.
The Hyuuga was breathing hard, his normally impassive face red and twisted with hurt, hands clenched into tight fists at his sides. The blond sighed, suddenly feeling miserable, the anger snuffed out like a candle in the rain. The hallway was silent again and the lack of sound was both oppressive and filled with pain. Naruto stood quietly and watched him for a moment, eyes unmoving, unsure what else he could say or if he should say anything at all. Talking seemed inappropriate and awkward when Neji was standing there with his emotions raw and naked before him, vulnerable in a way that he had never been before. Naruto pressed his lips together and finally looked away from Neji's face down the yawning maw of the hallway, wondering what in the hell he was supposed to do. The Hyuuga covered his face with his forearm, trying to regain his composure, but Naruto could still see the tears streaming down his cheeks to drip off his chin. The scrolls lay in a cluttered heap on the floor, like damning evidence of his own ineptitude. Kami, he was stupid! Naruto bit his lip and wished that he had never said anything at all. The blond sighed and silently bent to retrieve the documents, trying to give Neji space if he needed it.
The Hyuuga took a single, ragged breath, wiped angrily at the tears, and joined him on his knees, moving with a jerky kind of efficiency to retrieve the scrolls that had rolled away during the argument. They shuffled about for a few painful moments while Neji cried and Naruto cursed himself in his own head. Time, heartbeats, passed and tears were still running down the Hyuuga's cheeks. It was so strange and terrible to see, so at odds with the man's personality, that Naruto felt his belly knot up into a hard ball of aching guilt. He had never seen Neji Hyuuga cry before, not like this, not like he had been saving the sentiment up for an entire lifetime. Still, the demon vessel could believe that there might be pain and fire beneath the frozen elegance of Neji's usual countenance. The silver eyed nin was usually so cold, so controlled, but Naruto had seen the true breadth of the Hyuuga's emotions once before. Neji had nearly killed Hinata for a backwards kind of insult that had singed a nerve no one even knew was raw. Unlike Sai, Neji felt things deeply, but consciously chose to hide his feelings from everyone, including himself. Without really thinking, the jinchuuriki moved close on his hands and knees, his face only a breath away from Neji's. The vessel wanted to be close, he wanted to soothe and help and do…do something to make it better. Neji met his eyes angrily, but his expression softened when he saw that Naruto had no intention of arguing further.
Maybe it was easier this way, easier to communicate when one could just move and react and respond instead of trying to find the right thing to say. Neji looked at him, silver eyes much more expressive than Naruto had once thought, filled with too many emotions. He breathed, letting his breath mingle with the Hyuuga's, testing the other ninja's acceptance of his presence in the space. The brunette sobbed a little, but made no move to pull away, his body language no longer tight and defensive. He was so hard to read and Naruto knew that the smart thing to do would be to just stand up and walk away and try to forget that anything had happened, but he stayed nonetheless. Neji's eyes were still spilling water to mix with the blood in the floor boards and Naruto was so tired of watching people he cared about in pain, helpless to do anything.
Carefully, fully aware that he may be pushing too far, Naruto let his forehead rest against Neji's, the cool steel of the Hyuuga's forehead protector a shock to his fevered skin. It was a simple touch, something even friends could do, and the jinchuuriki prayed the contact would offer what comfort it could. Touch was better, better than words anyway, and Naruto felt a shiver race over his spine when Neji tilted his face up against him. Without thinking, the vessel purred a little, a low, soothing sound that moved up from the lowest part of his chest and seemed to loosen the tightness there. All the stress and pain and uncertainty seemed to finally move out of his body, less for being shared. Neji sighed and sobbed silently, the water pouring down his face even more than it had been before. Sakura always said tears were good, tears were the body's release, and so Naruto simply stayed that way for a few heartbeats and let Neji cry. The Hyuuga moved closer, nuzzling him awkwardly with his nose and Naruto leaned a little more of his weight into the strange caress. There was affection in the touch and a bit of lust as well, but mostly it was just the simple animal comfort of skin against skin when life was too cold and harsh to bear alone. Naruto bent and lapped the salty tears from his friend's face, running his tongue in long, gentle strokes across the silver-eyes genius's flushed skin. Neji moaned softly as Naruto licked him, but accepted the strange affection without pulling away.
It was not the first time Naruto had done this with Neji, but the action seemed to mean more than it had when they were children. They were adults and a touch now had consequences. Before when the blond had found the Hyuuga injured following a battle, he had been too shocked to even really comprehend anything other than the fear. Neji's heart had been so still that day and something raw, something close to the Fox, had bubbled up from inside the blond in response. He had licked the blood away from Neji's temple and the other boy had woken at the touch. At the time, Naruto had been embarrassed and Neji had been confused and neither of them had said anything to anyone else about it. The action came from instinct, from a deeper and more truthful place than human language ever could and now it just felt...right. Naruto stood slowly, moving to take the Hyuuga by the wrist and surprised when Neji moved willingly up and into his arms. They stayed that way for a while, the closeness awkward and strange. After what seemed like a tense eternity, Neji moved to rest his cheek against Naruto's shoulder and let out a long shuddering breath.
"Is this…is this okay?" Naruto asked softly.
"I don't know." Neji replied in a whisper.
"Do you like this?" Naruto asked, running his hand down Neji's spine.
"I think so." Neji replied with a nervous chuckle.
"Sorry. I didn't know about…well I guess…I'm dumb sometimes." Naruto whispered, tightening the embrace.
"Yeah, you are." Neji sniffed haughtily, smiling against Naruto's skin.
"Not that you ever bother to tell anyone what's going on in your head." Naruto snorted.
"No one has ever wanted to know before."
"You don't hate me?" Naruto asked.
"Do you think I let people I hate lick me?"
"Um…well…"
"Never mind. I just…want everything to be okay." Neji whispered with a long sigh.
"Yeah." Naruto agreed.
"How is she?" Neji asked suddenly, straightening a bit.
"Still with us. I'd know if…if…" Naruto whispered grimly.
"…If she died." Neji finished, moving out of Naruto's grasp to pick up the scrolls.
"I would know." The jinchuuriki repeated.
"You share your chakra with her." Neji stated, as though it were a fact he already knew.
"Yeah, I know that seems odd, I guess, but it's kinda…what I do." Naruto smiled awkwardly, blushing.
"I figured. You aren't human after all."
"Uh…well, I'm not not human though, you know? I'm at least part human, or I guess I was…" Naruto hedged, laughing nervously.
"You could have fooled me." Neji replied, raising an eyebrow.
"Oh, right, that. Well, I'm sorry I touched you like that. It was weird. It's my fault." Naruto sighed turning away.
"It's...okay. Um…I mean it wasn't like…Anyway, what about the scrolls?" Neji asked, blushing hard.
"Oh yeah! Well, I guess we can…just…Come on, we'll go together." Naruto huffed finally, turning towards the library.
OoOoOoO
Itachi sat beside him, reading too quickly out of the book Sasuke had just discarded as useless and it made him wonder if maybe there was something in it that he had missed. His brother had always been able to read so fast, faster than any other person Sasuke had ever met, but he always absorbed everything he read completely. Maybe he had missed something. Sasuke flipped back through his notes and checked the formulas again. The elder Uchiha yawned languidly and flipped another page, nodding a bit to himself. Sasuke ground his teeth. Itachi was dead, he had killed him and so his brother was not really there at all. With a long breath, Sasuke tried to focus his swimming vision and ignore the apparition.
"You're too stupid to figure this out, baby brother." Itachi said, smiling affectionately.
"Shut up. You aren't real." Sasuke whispered.
"Stupid, stupid baby. You've cut yourself on the swords again." Itachi crooned.
Sasuke looked at his hands and indeed they were bleeding, the pain sharp and also aching. He needed to be more careful, the swords were heavy after all and he should not get any more blood onto his notes. The equations were difficult, but he had checked them three times, and they were accurate. He could use them if he just managed to keep the blood off the page.
"What a mess. Father will be angry." Itachi snapped, raising one of his perfect slender eyebrows in irritation.
"You're dead." Sasuke snapped.
"Maybe if you had loved me enough I wouldn't be. Everyone you love dies, don't they? So sad, but then again it is your fault. Don't you wish I were here to help you? Make all the ugly numbers go away…" Itachi purred, surveying him with his bloody, almond shaped eyes.
"You've never helped me." Sasuke whispered.
"Silly, of course I did. I killed all your enemies…"
"You killed our parents."
"I had to, Otouto. It made us stronger." Itachi said with an apologetic little pout, moving closer, his long tail of ebony hair spilling over his shoulder.
"I hate you." Sasuke snarled.
"You love me. That's why I'm dead, isn't it? You end up killing everyone you love. Silly boy." Itachi sighed, smiling.
"That's not true. I'm going to save them." Sasuke hissed earnestly.
"You're not smart enough." Itachi sighed, running his black lacquered finger nails across the pages in Sasuke's lap.
"Stop it."
"She's going to die. You've killed her just by loving her and Naruto too. You are going to be all alone again, just like before, just like I always said. I tried to tell you that this was how it would happen. Your love is like poison…" Itachi mused.
"Liar."
"You'll be mine again, Otouto. Naruto never really saved you. He can't save you now…" Itachi whispered, draping himself elegantly across the floor like a great black and red cat.
"You aren't real. You are a hallucination." Sasuke whispered, shutting his eyes tight.
"Otouto, that's mean." Itachi hissed, looking wounded.
"Go away. I hate you."
"You love me, you have to…"
"I don't."
"I'll make you. You won't have anyone else with your weak, worthless friends all dead. You're such a little disaster." Itachi laughed fondly, making the black and red Akatsuki livery draped over his shoulders quiver just a little.
"You don't know anything about me!" Sasuke snapped.
"Oh, I do. I know you better than that pretty blond, even if you let him fuck you. He wouldn't want you if he knew you like I do." Itachi whispered, licking his lips nastily.
"He loves me. You're jealous." Sasuke said, voice cracking.
"You're a little slut. I always knew you'd end up being worthless." Itachi whispered with a perversely fraternal smile.
"I'm not worthless, I'm not…"
"He won't love you anymore when she dies. He'll never forgive you for failing again." Itachi purred, the blood dripping from his sharingan eyes falling in scarlet drops onto Sasuke's notes.
"I won't fail." Sasuke hissed and wiped the blood away, writing the jutsu anew.
"Why even bother? She's weak…" Itachi, head cocked in curiosity.
"She isn't."
"You always thought so before, always spurned her because she was too weak and too silly." Itachi noted.
"I was wrong. She's strong. She will survive." Sasuke asserted.
"How can she? You aren't strong enough to save her, you never have been." Itachi hissed against his ear.
"I will save her and Naruto too. You'll see. You don't know them. You don't know anything." Sasuke snarled, turning back to his research.
OoOoOoO
Neji walked behind him down the hall, towards the pool of golden light shining through the paper walls of the library, and there was something oddly domestic about it. He felt wanted somehow, felt that if he chose to simply stop following that Naruto would turn and come back for him. It was a peculiar sensation, one that he had not experienced before, at least not since his father died. The jinchuuriki walked ahead, breathing far too heavily for the meager exercise, dressed lightly in a pair of loose silk pants and a sleeveless silk shirt. The clothing was not normal ninja attire and except when he was sleeping or wearing the Uzumaki livery, the blond almost always wore what amounted to standard nin loungewear or jeans and a T-shirt. There was something very specialized about the garb and the close way that it fit, like the clothing had been made for the vessel instead of purchased in a store. Neji cocked his head and wondered if it might have something to do with the heat. Naruto was suffering, the discomfort was obvious on his face and in his movements, and his face was flushed as if from fever. When they had leaned close together the heat from the blond's skin had been like a furnace, hot and radiant. His hands had been so scorching, so hard and inescapable…Neji bit his lip. Being in the jinchuuriki's grasp had been stirring, but also mildly terrifying. He had never felt so helpless, so totally out of control.
Emotions dangerously off balance, Neji felt himself blush as Naruto rapped softly on wooden frame of the library door. The blond turned and smiled at him a little, the expression strained, as only silence answered the greeting. The holy horror of the civilized world, Sasuke Uchiha, was in that library and Naruto was going in after him because he was worried about him. If the situation had been slightly less surreal, Neji might have laughed at the ridiculousness of it. Still, he could not really judge Naruto too harshly. The blond might be in love with a psychotic mass-murderer and a hopeless wreck of a human being, but there was a good chance he might also be in love with him. Perhaps the whole idea was merely narcissism, but Neji felt like if he left or died that he would be missed, that someone would notice he was gone simply out of intuition. Neji could not forget that Naruto had saved him, had risked his life to save him, and no one has asked him to. As usual, the jinchuuriki made him feel valuable, and not because he was strong or ruthless. No, Naruto's acceptance came from a true appreciation of the person that Neji was and not his ability as a ninja. No one had ever wanted him before simply for who he was, instead of what he could do, and that in itself held vast implications. Even if he were woefully incapacitated, badly maimed beyond all recognition, the idiot would still think he was worth something. Even when he was too old to fight or if he simply chose not to, Naruto might still cherish him even though it was stupid, even if by doing so he gained nothing... Neji swallowed hard, the traitorous tears close to the surface again.
Such pure and unconditional affection was something Neji did not believe he deserved and yet he wanted it anyway, wanted to be the person Naruto thought he was. When he had started thinking about things that way, when he had started wanting to belong to the kitsune, Neji had no idea. The fiery little vessel with his uncompromising optimism and boundless devotion was almost as magnetic as Anko had been and for utterly different reasons. Love with Naruto was not simply a word or even an emotion, it was a state of existence. Just as his sensei had told him, the jinchuuriki loved completely, loved with everything that he was, beyond the bounds of anything merely human. The sheer force of the love made Neji feel weak, made him feel exposed, insufficient and yet things like decorum and tradition suddenly became insubstantial. To be with the jinchuuriki was to be made bare in a way that was both uncanny and terrifying and yet the blond always managed to make Neji question why he bothered to hide in the first place.
The feel of Naruto's roughened, velvety tongue against the sensitive skin of his face was still sending tingling waves of heat through his psyche and Neji wondered if Sasuke was the only one driving himself insane. The raven had said something about loving Naruto being the same as belonging to him and at the time Neji had thought the sentiment was meant as a kind of threat. He had barely given the words more than a passing thought, but now he understood a bit what Sasuke might have meant. The feeling of Naruto's hands against him, strong and possessive, made something deep and instinctual in his soul tremble. Simply by being who and what he was, Naruto compelled his submission with even needing to overpower him physically. The feel of the vessel, the smell of him, the way he sounded practically brought Neji to his knees. Being held by the jinchuuriki, kissed by him was like being melted from the inside out. Naruto had asked him if he liked being held, being touched, and he had been so surprised that the jinchuuriki even cared to know… The Hyuuga shook his head. He really should have known.
"Sasuke? Are you in here somewhere, Teme?" Naruto called gently, moving into the library with trepidation.
With a deep breath to steady his nerves, Neji followed the blond and stifled a startled gasp as he moved into the room. The library was a disaster, books thrown into large piles, some marked and others merely set open to the appropriate page, others simply tossed into disarray. Something crunched under foot and Neji stepped back to reveal a half empty box of pencils that had been discarded carelessly on the floor. Naruto's expression was tight and closed and Neji knew he was very worried. Apparently the vessel had not exaggerated his warning about the raven's sanity. There was nothing in the manic clutter to suggest the cool and rather martial approach that Neji had always associated with Sasuke Uchiha's thinking. Naruto stepped delicately around a large pile of jutsu tomes and almost tripped over his subordinate. Sasuke was sitting on the floor, surrounded by at least twenty empty tea cups and two tea pots, furiously making notes in a spiral notebook already half full. He was weary a dingy t-shirt badly stained with ink and tiny drops of blood, surrounded by a scattered pencils that had been worn down to the eraser. Naruto paused, mouth a tight line, waiting for Sasuke to acknowledge his presence. The raven sipped his tea, totally absorbed, and Neji tried hard not to stare at the dark circles around his eyes or the places where his fingers were scabbed over from the constant writing. The man looked awful, even worse than when he had originally dragged him back to Konoha as an angry, half starved, feverish 19 year old.
"Teme, you need to eat something." Naruto said softly.
"I'm working." Sasuke replied with a hiss.
"I see that, but you aren't gonna get anywhere without any food or any sleep. Moron." Naruto huffed, crossing his arms.
"Leave me alone." Sasuke growled, wincing as one of the wounds on his hand broke open to drip blood onto the page.
"Teme, you're bleeding all over your notes. You need a break." Naruto said, his expression vaguely irate.
"Fuck you. I'm working." Sasuke said, sucking on the damaged finger and writing with his other hand that was only in slightly better shape.
Neji was impressed despite himself by the ease with which the raven managed to use his non-dominant hand. It was easy to forget, probably because the man was such a total head case, that Sasuke was one of the greatest scholars in the world in addition to being a homicidal maniac. The Hyuuga sighed and tried to find a place to set the scrolls containing basic Hyuuga jutsu techniques and principles of the somatic techniques. The documents were precious to him and he did not want them to be lost in the wreckage that had consumed the library.
Hiashi would be very angry if he knew that Neji had borrowed them, but the truth was that the texts were his own notes and any information borrowed from the Hyuuga manuscripts had been copied there in bits and pieces by memory. He had been forced to gather the information that way by necessity, in fragments from stolen glances and midnight glimpses at the original books. As a branch house member, he was not supposed to even read the original texts and so any pertinent information in the scrolls were things he had figured out on his own. Hiashi would still be furious and the thought of his leader activating the curse mark on his forehead as punishment made Neji's teeth tingle in remembered agony. He had been compiling the documents since he was eight, hiding them in a lock box of the Konoha public library. Most of the information contained within was conjecture and probably wrong, but maybe there was something that Sasuke could use.
"Neji brought you some more study materials." Naruto noted, gesturing towards the where the Hyuuga stood.
Sasuke grunted noncommittally and pointed towards one of the stacks of books on his right side. Naruto frowned. Neji said nothing and moved to put the books where Sasuke had indicated, thinking that Naruto may have been correct about the raven's state of mind.
"You could at least say 'thank you', Teme." Naruto grumbled.
"Thank you, now fuck off."
"You need to rest, you haven't slept in almost a week." Naruto argued.
"I'm working."
"Sasuke…"
"Naruto…" Sasuke returned, his tone dangerous.
"Come and rest. Eat. You can't go on this way." Naruto ordered.
"Go away." Sasuke snarled.
"Sasuke…"
"YOU don't understand ANYTHING!" Sasuke roared, jumping up to his feet with a sharp crack of stiff tendons. Neji's eyes widened in surprise at the outburst.
"Teme, please…" Naruto pleaded as Sasuke moved an inch in front of his face, looking maddened and furious.
"I CAN'T FIND IT! The equations are all right, but the answer still doesn't MAKE SENSE! You don't KNOW ANYTHING! You can't help her! This is all YOUR FAULT! OUR FAULT! Don't you see? We've KILLED HER, DAMN YOU, and I'm so CLOSE, but I just can't find out what…I can't…I can't…I CAN'T HELP HER!" Sasuke railed, shaking with rage.
"Sasuke…"
"FUCK YOU! YOU don't KNOW what it is EITHER! You can't HELP HER and she's DYING! I won't give up and YOU can't stop me! Itachi can go FUCK HIMSELF! I WON'T LOSE HER! He's NOT going to win this time, HE'S WRONG!" Sasuke shrieked.
"Oh, Teme…Not again." Naruto whispered sadly.
"Itachi…?" Neji asked, looked worried.
"HE'S WRONG! I HATE HIM! I HATE HIM! FUCK YOU! HE'S WRONG! I WON'T LOSE! I WON'T! YOU CAN'T STOP ME!" Sasuke screamed, beating his fists weakly on Naruto's chest.
"Sasuke: Sleep." Naruto ordered and the thrall pounded like a physical thing through Neji's awareness.
Sasuke paused, weaving on his feet, fist raised for another strike only to swoon and collapse into the jinchuuriki's waiting arms. The raven let out a deep exhale with a quiver that seemed to wrack his entire body and closed his maddened red sharingan eyes, his breathing becoming slow and even with sleep. Neji gasped, shaken from watching the true power of the thrall, his own nerves tingling from the very sound of it. A single word and Sasuke was totally unconscious. It was the most terrifying thing he had ever seen. Naruto propped Sasuke against his shoulder, moving his other arm beneath the raven's knees and lifting him easily. The traitor looked so young and vulnerable with his face relaxed and his pale feet suspended in the air, dark head tucked against the blond's throat. The most feared murderer in all the world and Naruto had put him down with a word, just a single command. Neji watched as the jinchuuriki carried Sasuke like a child, resting the man's limp weight against his own body, brushing his lips over the raven's pale brow.
"You…you can do that to him?" Neji asked in a whisper, terrified.
"Yes." Naruto replied in a whisper, looking away.
"Kami…" Neji cursed softly.
"I love him." Naruto said, as if that were the answer to everything, and carried him out of the library and into the darkness of the house.
Neji released the shaky breath he had been holding and fell with a soft thump to his knees, overwhelmed. Naruto controlled Sasuke. He controlled him utterly. The Hyuuga had clearly not given enough thought to the true extent of the thrall and what it would feel like to be so completely dominated. He shuddered. Someone as powerful, as terrifying, as Sasuke Uchiha had been tamed by the jinchuuriki and if he allowed Naruto to enter his body Neji, too, would be wholly overcome. The thought made him faintly nauseas and the silver-eyed nin pressed a palm tightly to his lips. Maybe the blond was right, maybe it would be better if he left, if he ran away to become a renegade like Anko wanted. The truth was that Naruto had never made more than a passing attempt to restrain him and no one would follow if he simply decided to go. To leave would be easier than he had originally thought and perhaps there was some kind of freedom in that. Yet, whenever Neji thought about leaving a deep, cold heaviness settled into his belly and he could hardly breathe.
He had never been alone that way and the sheer shame of running when no one had even been unkind made him feel ill. Hiashi had commanded him into this marriage, but he knew Naruto would never force him into his bed, despite how much the vessel obviously wanted to. There was more to the Uzumaki family than control even if his own clan was ruled that way and despite everything, despite being a puppet to the blond's will, Sasuke still loved Naruto. Sakura loved Naruto too and she did not seem like the kind of person to love a tyrant. Neji knew about a leader who demanded unconditional surrender and it was hard to imagine Naruto being that sort of person, even under the most desperate conditions. Perhaps Hiashi did not understand the true extent of what the thrall could do, but even if he had Neji could not shake the suspicion that nothing would have changed. He was here as a sacrifice, just as his father had been, an offering of blood to save the Hyuuga pride. The realization made him angry and for the first time Neji wondered if being an Uzumaki was no, perhaps even better than being a Hyuuga. Maybe Hinata had been right all along, after all was the curse mark really any different? The mark was a way to command obedience, just as the thrall was, but Sasuke never screamed when Naruto compelled him. Naruto never made Sasuke do something he would hate.
Neji bit his lip and wondered, suddenly feeling shaken and unsure. The stacks of Sasuke's books surrounded him like walls and Neji wondered, if he was indeed a prisoner, who his warden really was. Before he had always merely done as asked and yearned to be stronger, but strength was not freedom the way he had once hoped. Freedom, he discovered was a much more complicated concept. Neji sighed and gazed at the wreckage around him. The books, despite the mess, were organized comprehensively and the Hyuuga began to piece together what it was Sasuke was trying to achieve. The Uchiha was studying ways to refract a ninja's energy, to re-direct the chakra through unused meridians. The theory was mostly sound, since all people had more meridians channels than they necessarily used at any given time, but the flow of energy was not easily restricted for any length of time without grave consequences. Curious, Neji reached for Sasuke's notes and began to read. The procedure and equations were ambitious to say the least, far beyond anything anyone had ever even conceived before. The math was accurate, but the values were not canceling out. The Uchiha was missing a variable, some additional factor beyond the mere geometry of the chakra and the optical calculations of its flow.
Intrigued and eager to solve the problem at hand, Neji settled himself onto Sasuke's recently vacated cushion and began to read. The proposed procedure could work, Sakura could be saved, if only he could figure out what Sasuke was missing. Without really thinking about it, totally absorbed in the intellectual challenge the raven haired genius's note presented, Neji grabbed one of the pencils and began writing the equations anew.