Orochimaru sneered at ANBU Detective Sai Lestrade."You would never solve a case if not for me!"
"And me," said Kabuto, exasperated by Orochimaru's lack of consideration for our feelings.
"I believe you are confused," said Sai. "Half of the cases you solve are ninja that you murdered yourself."
"You don't have any evidence," said Orochimaru.
"They all died of snakes or zombie Hokages. It wasn't subtle."
"And then he's going to destroy the moon!" said Orochimaru.
Kabuto pushed his glasses up and stared deep into the purple slashes beneath Orochimaru's plan. "That's a terrible plan. Are you sure that's an actual plan?"
"Yes I'm sure, I'm a genius!"
"Why doesn't he just pretend to be going to kill everybody and suddenly stop because he gets bored? That would be a better plan, in comparison."
"This is why you'll never be the criminal mastermind, just the mad scientist."
Madariarty cackled, "And then I'll destroy the moon!"
Orochimaru hissed, "Told you."
"I, I can't deny it anymore! I love you Orochimaru-senpai!" said Kabuto.
"Oh my delightful greynette scientist, I am so happy to hear those words! I would have deduced it, but I have a blind spot for love."
"I know. That's why I said it. Aishiteru."
"Aishiteru koi."
Then, they kissed. Orochimaru put his tongue to good use that night. And the nin that tried to attack them under the cover of darkness died by mysterious snakebite of unknown origin.
"You killed him," said Sai, staring at the body.
"No, he died of mysterious snakebite of unknown origin," said Orochimaru. "Just a wild snake. Dangerous animals, snakes."
"Don't accuse my Orochi of murder!" pouted Kabuto.
Sai frowned. That is, his expression didn't change, but he felt something a little like frowning inside. "Ah, Orochimaru must top," he said. "Sorry about your small penis, Kabuto."
"Mysterious snakebite of unknown origin, right?"
"Right."
"You know, we'll lose our reputation as detectives who always solve the case at this rate."