Tumblr Prompts!

Lightning struck in the distance, sending a burst of flashing light throughout the kitchen. You held the knife poised to continue cutting the fish and paused, bracing yourself for the thunder. Your hand on the knife tightened and you closed your eyes, feeling the rumble come from a long distance away and into your home. It shook the ground, causing a chill to run down your spine. You shook your head, putting the knife down.

Not now, you told yourself. You swallowed hard, your face and neck beginning to burn. You shook your head, trying to distract yourself. You walked out into the small living room you and Kakashi shared. You frowned, realizing the feeling wasn’t going away.

Kakashi wasn’t home. And he wasn’t due to be home for another 20 minutes. When you felt panic like this set in without reason, you feared it would be quite awhile before you could bring yourself down. You didn’t want him to see you like this. Despite the fact that the two of you had been dating for over 2 years, you always hid your panic attacks from him. You didn’t want him to see you in such a weak state.

You swallowed again, leaning against the frame of the door as you crossed your arms over your chest. Your ears were burning with heat and your chest began to ache as you tried to use all the oxygen you could left in it. You opened your eyes, your vision beginning to tunnel. Quickly, you slid yourself down to the hardwood floor, the sides of your hands beginning to turn numb in the process.

You were shaking now and you couldn’t stop yourself. You began to cry because you knew there was no coming back now. Once you reached this level of anxiety, you couldn’t bring yourself back down without the help of medication. But getting up right now would require you to stand up, and you weren’t sure your legs to take you that far to your stash you kept hidden from Kakashi.

You felt bad for keeping such a secret from him, but you didn’t want him to leave you. You had previously had men leave you for that very reason, seeing you as weak and needy. This time, you couldn’t bare share such a shameful thing to someone who loved you as much as Kakashi did.

Tears wet your cheeks as you leaned your head back against the wall, trying not to faint as you began hyperventilating. Your nostrils ached under the heavy burden you were putting them under.

Thunder sounded again in the distance, the sound of heavy rainfall on the roof filled your ears as blood rushed through them. You put your head between your knees, pulling them closer to you as you wept in shame. There was no reason to be like this. No reason to feel such sudden anxiety for no reason. And yet here you were, trying not to faint because you were cooking dinner and the thunder had startled you.

In the distance, you heard the outside door open, the sound of rain pouring itself onto the earth filling your ears again.

“I’m home!” you heard Kakashi yell into the empty house. You were going to stand up, but you couldn’t risk it. Your stomach churned with nausea from both your anxiety and now the fact that he was about to see you like this.

“[y/n]?” he called out to you, his voice sounding tired.

“[y/n],” his eyes landed on you, pale, crying and shaking on the living room floor. His tired voice quickly turned to concern as he dropped his bag to the floor with a thud and knelt down next to you.

“What happened?” he quickly asked you, his single visible eye overwhelmed with concern. “Are you okay? Did something happen?”

You shook your head, closing your eyes as you flexed your hands to try and get the feeling to return to them. Your chest ached as you tried to breathe more heavily. You wished your heart would stop pounding, for he could probably hear it.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, his hand hovering over your shoulder as if afraid to touch you. “Are you okay? Do you need me to call someone?”

You shook your head quickly, your eyes snapping open as you looked up at him, helpless. The last thing you wanted was to be sent to a hospital where they could tell you that there was nothing wrong with you, as you knew. That is what everyone in your family was used to doing so they didn’t have to deal with you.

“Tell me what’s wrong,” his voice cracked a bit, exposing how concerned he was for you in this moment.

“I’m nervous,” you managed, swallowing hard as you looked away.

“Why?” he asked, “did something happen?”

You shook your head, biting your lip as you tried not to cry again. Your chin quivered.

“Alright,” he nodded, looking around the room as he let out a breath. “Uh, is there something I can do for you right now?”

You shook your head, unsure of what there was to do.

“Just stay with me,” you managed again.

Kakashi looked down at you, nodding before arranging himself on the floor next to you. You could feel how tense his body was next to you.

“Nice weather we’re having,” he tried, leaning against the wall next to you. You smiled at him, nodding your head.

“Today I filled out some paperwork,” he tried to make conversation, distracting you from yourself. Just his words seem to ease your tense muscles. Next to you, you could feel him relax also.

“About what?” you asked, your voice shaking
.
“Ah, the usual. Mission acknowledgments, payments, letters to the other Kage’s,” he tilted his head side to side with each word, his voice sounding cheerier than usual.
“Sounds like fun,” you tried to smile.

“Yeah, it was great,” he chuckled softly. He looked down at your hands as you continued to flex them. Carefully, he reached over and took one in his hand, his fingers moving in deliberate motions into your palm.

“Did you do anything interesting today?” he asked. Your breathing was calming a bit just hearing his voice.

You shrugged your shoulders, “I tried to cook dinner for you.”

“Ah,” he smiled, “a noble effort. What is it?”

“Broiled saury,” you told him. He smirked beside you.

“My favorite,” he murmured, leaning over and planting a kiss on your temple. He stayed there, his lips hovering about the skin of your temple as your heartbeat fell. You could feel his nose nuzzling your hair, and carefully, he let go of your hand and wrapped his arms around you. You exhaled softly, feeling exhausted as you fell into his chest. He kissed the top of your head, rubbing your shoulder with his calloused fingers.

“I’m sorry,” you whimpered into his chest. You curled up in his arms, feeling yourself begin to cry again.

“There’s nothing to be sorry for,” he told you quietly, “everything is fine.”

His legs were tangled with yours and you had to imagine his position was uncomfortable for him. And yet, he stayed there, holding you.

“I didn’t want to tell you,” you told him. “I didn’t want you to see me as someone who can’t control their emotions. It makes me look childish and weak and-”

“[y/n],” he pulled you away, looking down at you, “why would you think I would feel that way?”

You averted your eyes from him, peering into the kitchen at the dinner you left unattended to just a few minutes ago. Your body was still buzzing with anxiety, but just Kakashi’s presence had reduced it significantly. Your heartbeat finally stabilized as you looked back up at him, unable to answer his question.

“Does this happen often?” he asked, frowning behind his mask.

You nodded sadly, your chin quivering again.

“Don’t cry, baby,” he frowned again, pulling you closer to him. You clung to his torso, letting him hold you as you sat on the floor crying. You always felt so angry after these things happened to you. You were so upset that you even had to deal with them, and now you had given the burden to him.

“I want you to know, that things like this don’t bother me,” he told you once you had quieted yourself against him. His fingers traced a circle around the base of your spine, and you breathed in his scent, letting it linger in your mind before exhaling a shaky breath.

“I’m sorry,” you told him again, “I don’t want to deal with this either.”

“There is nothing to be sorry for,” he assured you. His voice was genuine. “I wish you had told me sooner that these things happen to you. Maybe I could’ve helped. I hope I helped you now.”

You nodded, lifting your head and looking up at him, “thank you.”

He smiled, hooking a finger under his mask to pull it down. Carefully, he planted his lips to yours, letting them linger for a moment before pulling away.

“My pleasure.”