I Don't Deserve This
I roused groggily into a new, sunless world and opened my eyes. I had thought that I had given them to my friend, but somehow, this felt different. I had both eyes and I sensed that I wasn’t of the mortal realm anymore. Was the Infinite Tsukuyomi completed? For everyone’s sake I hoped not, but if it was, I wouldn’t be able to remember that being so; I’d probably be stuck in a dream with Minato-sensei, Kakashi, and Rin – my team. I was momentarily comforted by that, but I still felt a sense of dread sinking to the pit of my belly. This world wasn’t ‘right’, but there was something else, comforting and wise that seemed to flow from this space between spaces.
I pulled myself up and staggered to my feet, carefully observing this new world. I didn’t feel any pain or numbness coming from my grievously wounded body and furthermore, the wounds had dispelled into nothingness. I couldn’t help but believe I was dead, it only seemed logical, but Rin and Minato-sensei were missing and I didn’t approve too highly of the color scheme if it was the afterlife.
I sensed an enormous presence pour into existence just behind me. Goosebumps prickled over my skin, every hair stood on end, and I immediately prepared for an attack. It was similar to the goddess, Kaguya, which I had fought alongside my comrade – my best friend – and his three students.
The presence didn’t advance or lash out upon its arrival, so very slowly I turned towards the newcomer and was met with the majestic appearance of one of the most powerful shinobi to ever live, the Sage of Six Paths, just as my comrade’s students had said.
The old man levitated with a level of calm and confidence that few shinobi I knew could ever achieve. His purple eyes, Rinnegan, were trained on me, filled with eons of wisdom and experience. The fight and alarm within me melted away. In no way did I ever think that the elderly god meant to harm me or my companions who carried on against Kaguya. I was intrigued with what the god was here for, or what he had brought me there for.
“Obito,” he acknowledged, continuing to eye me as one would an opponent, sizing up a strategy. “You did well and in the end, you protected your friend and companions whom were previously your enemy.”
Guilt welled in my chest at the mention. Rin’s death, Minato-sensei’s death, Kushina’s death, Sasuke’s rage, Madara’s resurrection, the deaths of countless other shinobi, and ultimately the resurrection of the Infinite Tsukuyomi and the goddess, Kaguya.
“You helped seal away Kaguya and sacrificed your life for deep-rooted friendship and beliefs,” he remarked, “beliefs and friendships that only came to light with Naruto’s guidance.”
A pregnant silence fell between us as the guilt began to gnarl against my insides and ache. Maybe I wasn’t so ‘dead’ after all? I couldn’t find any words to say, but I knew that I was a traitor and that everything I did in my own twisted confusion was a way to save the girl I had loved and stop a terrible truth from being.
“Obito, I have seen the way you treasure your friendship and strive to pull them and yourself forward through your determination, regardless of your inner conflicts,” the god stepped onto the ground of the dark realm and held his shakujo tightly. “However, whether you had fallen prey to Madara and the Black Zetsu or not, Kaguya would have reemerged regardless.”
It was surreal how close I was to the god. I felt the need to put as much space between us as possible, but I was frozen to the spot, captivated by his presence and weighed down by the growing guilt and anxiety.
“Obito, you were brave and you became a hero, but I believe you still have ambitions as to what you could have achieved had you not been caught in the plot to ultimately resurrect my mother,” he assessed, and yes, it was true. In my mind, I could see myself as the first Uchiha Hokage, with Kakashi advising by my side. I could surely hear Naruto and Sakura bickering and fighting as there was no doubt Sasuke avoiding the spar with his stoic coolness. I could smell the nostalgic flavors and scents of my home village – the dango shop close to the Hokage building, the breeze through the woods, and the smell of spice and fragrance vendors that kept their businesses to the limits of the Konohagakure gates – and I missed it. I lost it all. I could no longer see the smiling faces of my friends, the monument of the previous Hokages as basis for my dreams as I used to admire it, dreaming of my own face carved into it, and I’d never see the people I had watched over grow and embrace a world of peace, something I could have done without having followed Madara if I had become Hokage. But worst of all, I’d never see Rin, or Kakashi, or my sensei ever again. I destroyed and laid waste to everything and everyone around me.
I-I was not a hero, I wasn’t even close because only monsters do such terrible things and claim that it’s for the greater good. I wasn’t even myself anymore and I had only seen that near death.
“Monsters do not realize their wrongs, Obito,” the god answered, startling me because I was aware that I hadn’t spoken aloud, however, I wasn’t surprised. At that point, nothing was going to surprise me. “Realizing your wrongs is one of the most important teachings to learning to move forward and make a better future, that’s why I’m going to give you another chance at this life.”
My eyes widened in disbelief, “What?”
The Sage nodded. “Obito, the future has been written in this world and this war has been won, but your battle has not.”
I furrowed my brow and frowned at the god, apprehensive understanding dawning on me. How would I be able to not make the same mistakes and keep the ones I love from meeting the fates they had succumbed to?
“I’m willing to give you a chance to correct your mistakes and be with the people you loved before you made the wrong choice,” the Sage emphasized further.
I took a deep breath and lowered my gaze, exhibiting the same behavior my teammate had always reprimanded me for, and tears flowed freely down my face. “I’m sorry, but you got the wrong guy. I am Obito Uchiha, but I can’t change my past, because,” my lip quivered, a shaky breath came, and I wiped tears out of my grieving eyes, “I don’t want to make the wrong choice again and see my friends and companions die.
“I can’t make the wrong choice again, old man!”
The Sage’s sharp, wise eyes were trained on me as though I was the most intriguing creature of this world, “Only someone that knows what they’ve done wrong can create the right future. I believe you are ready, Obito. It’s time to say good-bye once again.”
The god pointed past me with his shakujo, forcing me to turn and focus on the unending darkness and I must have blinked or shut my eyes, because when I opened my eyes again and found myself face-to-face with the girl I loved, and an airy world created by spirits and chakra swirling around us. Her young face was marred with a disappointed pout.
“You’re leaving again, aren’t you,” she asked, a young version of myself being the recipient. I knew then that the Sage was not letting me have a choice in this matter.
I nodded in affirmation. “Heh, yeah. I… forgot something else that I need to do,” I answered, making an excuse.
Rin gripped my hands tight, causing the cheeks of my adolescent avatar to blush a powdered pink. “Alright,” she sang softly and met eyes with me, her purity soothing the pain and guilt I felt deep within. “But promise you’ll be back, but not too soon!”
My emotions got the better of me and I sniffled again, my lip quivering, “Rin…”
“And don’t forget Obito, I’ll be watching you, and Kakashi,” my teammate assured me.
I threw myself at her in a hug and squeezed her tightly. “I’ll see you soon,” I whispered, not knowing whether that was true or not. We broke from the hug and I took a step back, finding the Sage beside me, waiting for my farewells to find a close. Whirls and patterns of blue chakra began to wrap around us and I watched as Rin waved as she began to fade from our view.
“Take care, Obito. Be safe,” she cried as she melted into the spirit world and away from view, but little did I know that that was the last time I’d hear her voice for at least two decades.
And that brings us to here, but at what cost?