They've been sitting in the tea house for a good fifteen to twenty minutes now, silence heavy and awkward between them.
"You're pregnant," Shisui finally blurts out.
"Yup," Naruto says, lifting his cup to take a sip of his tea.
"Aw, hell," Shisui sighs. Naruto just nods along, setting his cup back down on the table. There's another long, awkward silence before Shisui opens his mouth. Naruto cuts his partner off before he can get a word out.
"I'm not going to be the one to tell Sasuke," Naruto says quickly and then looks down at his beverage.
"Aw, man," Shisui groans and lets his head drop down onto the table with a quiet thunk. Naruto hums and nods his head again.
Sasuke glares down at the garish object on his bed, placed almost perfectly in the center. It's a birthday card, colored a bright red with blocky, neon yellow text outlined in light blue printed on the front that says, "Happy Birthday!" The happy birthday text is scribbled out, and written under it in an ugly shade of neon green are the words, "Congrats, you're gonna be an uncle!"
It's awful to look at, and for a moment he wonders why anyone thought those colors would make a good combination. Shaking his head and pushing those thoughts away, Sasuke closes his eyes and lifts a hand to pinch the bridge of his nose. Might as well open it, he thinks, and with a wince, he reaches down to grab the card.
His eyes scan the words written on the inside a few times, his knuckles turning white as he grips the edges of the card tightly. The whole right side of his face twitches, and he takes in a large breath, then exhales slowly and roars, "HE DID WHAT?!"
Naruto senses Sasuke coming before he sees him. His best friend's chakra is a rolling mass of rage and fury, and Naruto only turns to look at Shisui beside him on the bench they're both occupying, one eyebrow raised in question. Shisui is pointedly not looking at him, head turned in the opposite direction and one hand scratching sheepishly at the back of his head. Sasuke comes barreling down the street and skids to a stop in front of them, something crumpled and red clutched in one hand.
"You," he snarls at Shisui, shoving an obnoxiously colored card in the elder Uchiha's face, "what did you do?"
"Hmm?" Shisui turns his head toward Sasuke, faux surprise coloring his face. "Oh, hey Sasuke. Didn't see you there," he chirps. Sasuke splutters, and his face, Naruto notes, is turning a shade of red very reminiscent of a tomato. His whole body is shaking now, practically vibrating with anger, but he doesn't attempt anything. Naruto takes the opportunity to pluck the card from Sasuke's outstretched hand and look it over.
"Congrats, you're gonna be an uncle," he reads aloud in a monotonous tone, then opens the card and reads what's written inside. "I had sex with your best friend and got him pregnant. Love, your cousin Shisui." Naruto turns to stare at Shisui with a blank look on his face, but there's a tiny hint of a smile playing at the corner of his lips. "Really," he deadpans, and the older man coughs and rubs a hand over his face. Sasuke's hand falls back to his side, hanging limply.
"Please tell me this is a joke," he says with a strained voice.
Naruto shakes his head. "No. I really am pregnant with your cousin's kid."
Sasuke lets out a strangled noise and presses the heels of his hands over his eyes. "I—You—He—You had sex with my cousin."
"Yes." Naruto sounds almost sympathetic. Sasuke lets out another string of garbled noises, and Naruto reaches out to pat him on the arm. Silence falls between the three of them, and Sasuke takes the time to try and calm himself, taking in a few deep breaths and relaxing his body. Shisui eyes him suspiciously.
"You," he hisses at his cousin.
The older man shifts in his seat and says warily, "yes?"
There's a burst of light and the sound of electricity crackling, and Shisui's eyes go wide. He hauls himself up and over the back of the bench just as his cousin howls and lunges for him. Shisui takes off in an impressive burst of speed and makes a break for the forest with Sasuke hot on his heels and Chidori in his left hand.
Naruto hops to his feet with a sigh and jogs after them to make sure no damage is done.