Chapter One
From a baby pink with a hint of yellow to an almost black dark blue; pink, light grey, purple, blue, and more were all blended; the limits of a pure color and the other no longer existed as they faded into each other to create the most accurate amalgam of reality combined with the artist's imagination, trying to find the perfect balance just like the brush did with the colors, and as it stroked by, and occasionally gave mere feather-like touches, said strokes were portrayed on the canvas. The piece was beginning to take shape after hours.
Once the painting was done, it would be left there to dry, an evidence of her hard and passionate work. She would wash her hands tenderly yet dedicatedly (just like everything else she did), and the pigments would be rinsed out from her soft and well taken care hands, and eventually, even the strong scent of the acrylics would vanish, and the only remains would be the dried acrylics on her palette and her piece would be kept in a special room, since her room was full of sketches and paintings of her, or maybe it would be sold, only if she was generous enough to publish it. Even if she struggled with the money, those paintings were her life and couldn't simply let them go.
It wasn't the first and surely wouldn't be the last one. When it was about her muse, she couldn’t simply sell them all, even though she loved to spread her love for the object of her creations; there was still a possessive and egoistical part of her that wished to keep them all for her, creating and producing more and more. An all consuming need to keep “her” as close as possible, even if it wasn't really her.
How could she stop? The urge to exteriorize her devotion was so strong that it made the tip of her fingers tingle with the need to create, to try to replicate her beauty, even if she failed miserably because nothing and no one would ever be able to reach the level of ethereality that she possessed within her.
Mizi was far too gone in her own painting, completely unaware of the way her phone rang and how her roommate was knocking on the door desperately, until she heard a particularly loud thump and was taken back to reality. She blinked twice just to hear another thump on the door. She picked up her phone and saw the abnormal amount of texts and calls from Till. He had forgotten his keys inside the house for the second time in the month. Quickly answered his texts with a “going” and ran to unlock the door.
“Mizi! I’ve been waiting outside for half an hour! I was fucking freezing!” He bickered as he stepped inside, getting goosebumps from the temperature change, and threw his hoodie over a chair, not waiting for an answer, still she felt like she had to at least give him an explanation.
“I’m sorry, Till, I was painting and-” she was twirling one lock of her hair and avoiding his gaze. If it was the second time that he had forgotten the keys, it was the second time Mizi didn’t hear him knocking on the door. She felt especially guilty due to Till's most recent behavior.
If only she wasn't focusing on the tiles of the floor, she would’ve noticed his faint blush over his cheeks and ears, even before she said a word. It was always the same excuse, and he couldn't even try to stay mad at her (it's not like he wanted to either), not with that cute face of hers that formed expressions that drove him crazy, not with the way her voice sounded and how it echoed inside him, giving him chills, and definitely not with him being as whipped as he was for her. He sighed and decided to interrupt her before she kept talking and making his heart race.
“No no, It's fine- I uhm- here.” From inside his bag he took out an eyeliner and handed it to her. Now the tables had turned and he was the one avoiding her gaze “ You said you were getting run out of yours so…” The panic of his first crush never completely passed. He still got nervous when he had to give her a gift, his hands would get sweaty when they held hands, and sometimes he couldn't even keep eye contact.
“Aaww Till you're so sweet…” she hugged him and gave him a little kiss on the cheek “I know we'll be sharing it tho… don't think I’m not aware of how you get into my room in the morning and how it magically appears in yours in the afternoon.”
In their schedule, 3pm was the perfect time for a coffee. It was mostly because she felt worried about her friend and wanted to try to initiate a conversation without seeming like she was asking out of nowhere.
“So how was the uni this morning, hm?” She asked casually to break the silence that had been established between them. Even if they were comfortable with each other, Mizi could sense something off about him. And as they were sitting on the kitchen chairs, face to face, she couldn't help but notice those details that hinted that she was right; his eyeliner under his eyes was forcibly scrubbed, that lost gaze, the way his lips were frowned, afraid to say too much, how he threw away his hoodie when he entered. She tried to be a good friend for him, she knew he struggled with his life in many aspects.
She also knew he didn’t have any friends besides her, and that college life was stressful, and that was part of the reason why she took every attack against him as something personal.
With the years she developed her social skills, while Till stood there awkwardly, and it wasn’t entirely his fault, of course, again, not everyone was as lucky as Mizi. “It was… okay, I guess.” Till murmured.
He was having a streak of shitty days, even if he didn’t openly admit it. That hesitation gave her the confirmation that the current day wasn’t the exception. If she pressed too hard on him, he would isolate himself until she “forgot” or he “solved” the problem, completely ignoring his emotions. So, she took a deep breath and gave her a warm smile, placing her hand over his and squeezing it gently.
“What about your exams and designs?” “Normal.” She bit her tongue. One last try.
“Are you sure everything is fine?” she inquired, with concern dripping from her words.
He simply nodded once with that discouraged posture and expression that had been a constant that whole week.
“Alright, I trust your words. But if you ever want to deep dive on it.. or anything, you know I’m here for you Till, always and for anything you need.” They held glances for a few seconds, until he sighed and relaxed his muscles, getting more comfortable on the chair. “Thank you, Mizi.” he muttered, and with that, they ended that conversation and soon the coffees too.
They returned to their rooms and Mizi spent her afternoon editing a wedding photoshoot, and soon what was supposed to be “a quick peep” turned out to be a seven hours non-stop editing session. She only realized how late it was while eyes were dried and begging for a break. She stretched her arms and yawned, at that moment her phone buzzed. She grabbed it and walked lazily towards Till’s bedroom. On her way she unlocked the phone and read the text. She didn’t have that contact, which made sense, since she deleted her clients phone numbers around two months after they paid her, she needed the storage more than those numbers. “Hey, I’m Ruby! Giiiirl I loved so much the makeup you did for my mom’s birthday! “ “Aand recently I got the chance to get in touch with an old friend! And the conversation went on and on and turns out they were searching for a professional makeup artist! So I recommended you and they were pretty satisfied with your works published on ig and your titles. You probably know the corporation. My friend works in the model department!! You should try leaving your cv there” Okay, maybe she shouldn't have deleted that contact. But come on, could anyone blame her?
Her phone was way too old and she needed it to keep working for at least another two years.
She had spent her saved money on her computer for her jobs and works, she used it for practically everything. That computer was her life.
She sent a long thankful text to Ruby. People weren’t hiring her as much as the did last year and money was tight, not only for her but for Till too, since they worked together, and while he usually focused on the editing process, the situation had changed recently due to the stress of exams and presentations, so Mizi was desperately trying to make more income in the fastest way possible. An opportunity to work in a model agency was definitely what she needed now, a stable income and the experience, at least until she got more clients again. Lastly she asked for the name of said company. Was she desperate enough to work for a (most likely) sadistic and uncaring company for some extra cash? Hell yes, that is what the early twenties were made for, to be exploited by an evil capitalistic company and get traumatized.
Her phone lightened up the dark corridor. Just like it did with Mizi´s heart once she read the single word. A name that held so much influence, not only in the entertainment industry, but in Mizi herself. Only five letters.
“Anakt" She stood there, unable to move or react, right in front of Till's bedroom door. She couldn't believe how lucky she was. In normal situations, she would gently knock his door and ask about the dinner, but this time, all the energy that had left her body and left her shocked, resurged in a big wave and her first instinct was to stomp Till's door and yell a “look at this” as she her arms and gave little jumps, to then sat on an empty spot on his bed all giddy and excited. All that emotion evaporated to the air once she saw Till's expression with red eyes, tears that streamed over his cheeks and a damp spot on his pillow.
Neither of them tried to make a move, shocked by the other's emotions, so they just stared at each other, their breaths barely even heard, as their hearts beat so fast they felt they would throw them up.
As the initial shock passed, Mizi pulled him closer until he was completely held by her embrace. She wouldn’t give him any more chances to put more barriers over them, not this time when he wasn't pushing her back. Till being vulnerable, and letting her see it was a rare occasion, one in which a single bad movement or glance would make him retrieve and set his facade again, and it would take a long time for him to trust once more.
He buried himself on her neck and let the tears flow freely. Both of his hands were on his sides, completely limp. Too afraid to touch her, to break that perfect bubble. Mizi usually wasn’t this physically affectionate to Till, and Till avoided her touch, afraid that her touch and his body might reveal his true feelings, contradicting himself because of how he secretly craved for some of her gentleness.
But this wasn't a normal occasion, she had jumped straight to comfort him, no questions or doubts. It was what he had always wanted, and yet he couldn't grasp that pink haired source of warmness and strawberry bubblegum scent. He was desperate for some comfort and she gave it to him. She did. Everytime he needed.
Maybe it was a coincidence that she had found him in such a vulnerable state. But she had chosen to stay and he had chosen to let her.
There would be plenty of time for good news later.