What freedom feels like

On repeat, the soft hum of Dreams was still drifting through the attic when Vi stirred. Her brow furrowed, and she shifted under the covers, the lingering weight of sleep making it hard to open her eyes. The faint scent of lavender - Caitlyn’s perfume - tickled her senses, and for a fleeting moment, she thought she was dreaming.

Her eyes fluttered open, blurry at first, and then they landed on Caitlyn, sitting beside her on the bed, her expression soft but filled with guilt. Vi blinked, her mind struggling to catch up.

“Cait?” she murmured, her voice thick with sleep. She squinted, her body still heavy with exhaustion. “are you… really here?”

Caitlyn smiled faintly, her hand still gently resting on Vi’s blanket. “yes, Vi, I’m really here.”

Vi sat up quickly, her groggy confusion giving way to a jolt of disbelief. “No,” she muttered, her voice shaky. She pushed herself off Caitlyn and stood, stumbling a little as her legs woke up beneath her. “No, you’re not. You’re not real.” She started pacing, rubbing her hands over her face. “This isn’t happening.”

“Vi,” Caitlyn said gently, standing as well. “It’s me. I’m here. I promise.”

Vi stopped mid-step, her chest rising and falling sharply. “No,” she whispered, her voice a mix of anger and hurt, “you don’t get to do this! You don’t get to show up here like nothing happened!” Her words grew louder, though still hushed, as if she feared her family would hear. “Do you have any idea what you put me through, Cait? You just vanished! No texts, no calls - nothing!”

Caitlyn swallowed hard, her shoulders sagging as Vi’s words hit her. She didn’t argue. She didn’t interrupt. She just stood there and let Vi yell, her face open and vulnerable.

“I thought…” Vi whispered harshly, shaking her head. “I thought I screwed it all up again - that I’d pushed you away like I do with everyone else.” She ran a hand through her hair, pacing again. “And what’s worse is that I let myself believe it could be different this time. That you-” Her voice cracked. “That we were different.”

When Vi finally stopped, she turned to face Caitlyn who just took everything without refuting, chest heaving from the force of her emotions. Her gaze narrowed as she took in Caitlyn properly, and for the first time, she really looked at her.

“Hey,” Vi said, her voice quieter now, laced with concern. “Have you been eating?”

Caitlyn blinked, surprised by the sudden shift. “What?”

“You look like shit, Cait,” Vi said bluntly, though there was no bite behind her words. “Seriously. Have you been eating?”

Caitlyn gave a weak laugh, brushing off the question with a wave of her hand. “Have you been eating?”

Vi didn’t respond. Her lips pressed into a thin line, and Caitlyn’s heart sank as she realised the answer.

“I-” Vi started, then shook her head. “Why? Why did you just disappear like that?”

Caitlyn exhaled slowly, her guilt crashing back in waves. “Family stuff,” she said hesitantly. “Big, complicated… Family… stuff. But it doesn’t matter. What matters is how I handled it. I left you in the dark, Vi, alone, and that’s on me. I should’ve been better – I should’ve been there for you.”

Vi sat down on the edge of the bed, the fight slowly leaving her. She stared at the floor, her voice calmer now. “So, why are you here now?”

Caitlyn lowered herself onto the bed beside her, close but not touching. “To apologise,” she said softly. “Not to ask for forgiveness. I don’t expect that, and frankly, I don’t deserve it.”

Vi turned to look at her, the anger in her eyes finally ebbing into something softer - something Caitlyn couldn’t quite name.

“You don’t have to do that,” Vi murmured.

Caitlyn shook her head. “Yes, I do. You mean too much to me, Vi. I had to come back. I couldn’t let you think I walked away because I didn’t care.”

Vi’s expression softened fully now, and without thinking, she reached out. Her calloused fingers brushed against Caitlyn’s cheek, lingering there as she tilted her head just slightly. Caitlyn froze, her breath catching as Vi’s thumb grazed her skin.

“I forgive you, Princess,” Vi said quietly, her voice barely above a whisper. “I don’t think I can live without you now.”

Caitlyn’s eyes widened at the confession of sorts, her heart stumbling in her chest. The confession was so soft, so vulnerable, that it felt like Vi had cracked herself open completely. For a moment, neither of them moved, Caitlyn’s gaze locked on Vi’s. Then, slowly, Caitlyn leaned into her hand, her eyes glistening as tears threatened to fall.

“I’m so sorry,” Caitlyn whispered, her voice breaking.

Vi smiled faintly, though it didn’t quite reach her eyes. Without hesitation, she pulled Caitlyn into her arms, holding her tightly. Caitlyn melted into the embrace, her tears finally spilling over as she buried her face in Vi’s shoulder.

“I should be the one comforting you,” Caitlyn mumbled through her tears.

Vi let out a soft chuckle, her fingers running through Caitlyn’s hair. “I had the best sleep in days in your arms, princess,” she murmured. “We’re even now.”

Caitlyn let out a wet laugh, clutching Vi a little tighter as if afraid she’d disappear again. The record player crackled faintly in the background, Dreams still playing softly through the room.

And for the first time in a long while, Vi felt something other than numbness. She felt seen.

“I missed you,” Caitlyn whispered, her voice muffled against Vi’s shoulder.

“I missed you too,” Vi replied softly, pressing her chin against the top of Caitlyn’s head.

They stayed like that, wrapped in each other, as the song played on, the weight of their pain slowly giving way to something lighter. Something hopeful.

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The crackle of the record player softened as Songbird by Fleetwood Mac began to play, its gentle melody filling the attic like a quiet exhale. Vi lay back on her elbows, her gaze drifting to Caitlyn, who still sat cross-legged beside her on the bed, her posture a little stiffer now. Vi couldn’t help but smile softly as a joke formed on her lips.

“So,” Vi started, her tone playful, “you know you’re gonna have to meet my family now, right? You’ve got some explaining to do, princess. You’ll have to tell them - you’re the reason I’ve been in a mood all week.”

Caitlyn froze, blinking at her but ultimately deciding it was the best thing to do, She knew her family was very important to her. “Well, if that’s what it takes…” She stood up abruptly, smoothing out her shirt like she was preparing for a royal engagement, force of habit. “Lead the way.”

“Wait, what?” Vi sat bolt upright, startled.

“What?” Caitlyn said, her face unreadable for just a moment before her lips quirked into the faintest smirk. “I owe them an explanation, don’t I?”

Vi’s heart jumped, and before she could stop herself, she reached out and grabbed Caitlyn’s hand. “Kidding, princess,” she said quickly, her voice softer now. She tugged Caitlyn closer, pulling her into a gentle hug.

Caitlyn let out a small laugh, the tension in her shoulders melting as Vi’s arms wrapped around her. “You’re insufferable,” Caitlyn murmured, but she didn’t pull away.

Vi grinned against her shoulder, swaying slightly as the music filled the space between them. “C’mon, humour me,” Vi said quietly. “It’s a slow song. We’ve gotta sway to it.”

“‘cause I feel that when I’m with you…”

“…It’s alright, I know it’s right…”

Caitlyn huffed a reluctant laugh, rolling her eyes even as she let herself relax. Slowly, the two of them began to sway to Songbird, Vi holding Caitlyn close, their movements gentle and unhurried. The energy in the room shifted, calm and intimate - like the music was building a shield around them, protecting them from the world outside.

After a moment, Vi’s voice broke the quiet. “Are you coming to school tomorrow?”

Caitlyn hesitated, her movements faltering for just a second. “I can’t,” she said softly.

Vi pulled back slightly, just enough to look at her face. “Why not? Is it that bad with your family?” the concern grew more pressing with each word.

Caitlyn stared at her, confusion flashing in her eyes.

Has she really not seen the news? 

 The pit in her stomach deepened, but she didn’t know how to explain it - how to lay out the full truth of everything that had happened without dragging Vi into it.

“It’s… family stuff,” Caitlyn finally said, her voice quiet. “I’m in trouble. Quite a lot of trouble, actually. It… happened a while back.” She huffed slightly, looking anywhere but Vi’s uneasy blue eyes.

Vi frowned, concern settling in her expression. “Cait… you can tell me anything, you know. I’ll be here for you.”

Caitlyn smiled faintly, touched by the sincerity in Vi’s voice, but she shook her head. “I know… thank you, truly. But, can we drop it? Just for now?”

Vi studied her for a moment before relenting. “Yeah. Okay.” She reached for a lighter tone, trying to ease the weight in the room. “So, then, what would you like to do”

Caitlyn turned to face her, raising an eyebrow. “I’d appreciate your help with the homework I missed, I tried to keep up, but I’ve been on a London time zone schedule – Facetiming my, uh, parents”

Vi’s face flushed slightly as she rubbed the back of her neck, suddenly sheepish. “Uh… about that…”

Caitlyn’s smile fell, her expression crumpling into one of mild horror. “Vi!”

“What?!” Vi said defensively, holding up her hands. “You think I’ve been doing homework the past week? I’ve been too busy wallowing in my feelings, thank you very much.”

Caitlyn sighed, her frustration quickly turning to guilt. “I’m sorry,” she said quietly, her voice wavering. “This is my fault. I handled everything so poorly, and I-“

Vi cut her off with a wave of her hand. “Nope. Don’t start. I forgave you, And I’ll schedule an earlier session with Olivia, I need to improve on my coping mechanisms.”

Caitlyn shook her head with a small, disbelieving laugh. “You know, you’re the most resilient person I’ve ever met.”

Vi grinned, nudging her playfully. “And don’t you forget it.”

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As the record clicked softly to a stop, Caitlyn stood by the attic window, glancing down at the trellis below. “Alright,” she said, brushing her hands on her jeans. “I’d better head back before they send a search party for me.”

Vi followed her to the window, leaning against the frame as Caitlyn swung one leg out. “So, when will I see you again?” she felt embarrassed by how needy she sounded, But ultimately decided she didn’t care anymore – they both knew how much Vi wanted Caitlyn near her all the time.

Caitlyn paused, looking back at her with a smile. “I’ll meet you here for lunch. Even if I’m not at school.”

Vi smirked triumphantly. “Deal.”

Caitlyn flashed her a soft look before climbing down, her movements more confident than they had been the first time. Vi stayed by the window, watching her carefully until her feet hit the ground and she disappeared through the back fence. The attic fell silent, and for the first time in days, Vi felt like she could breathe again.

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Vi didn’t waste any time. She practically bolted down the attic steps, her boots thudding softly on the creaky wood. She bypassed the kitchen entirely, heading straight for Powder’s room. The door was ajar, and when Vi peeked in, she found Powder sitting cross-legged on her bed, scribbling into a sketchbook.

“Pow-pow,” Vi said quietly.

Powder looked up instantly, her blue eyes wide with surprise. Before she could say anything, Vi walked straight in and pulled her into a tight hug.

Powder froze for half a second before clinging to Vi just as tightly, her small arms wrapping around her sister. She buried her face into Vi’s shoulder, her voice muffled as she whispered, “Are you okay? I was so worried about you-“.”

“Yeah,” Vi said softly, holding her close. “I’m okay now, I’m sorry.”

Powder gripped her harder, trying to make up for the lost time, how she missed her dearly. For the first time in a week, Powder’s shoulders stopped trembling. And for the first time in a long time, Vi didn’t feel alone.

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The dinner table had turned sombre this past week, a quiet they were all adjusting to. Again. Vander sat at the head, his strong hands resting on the edge of the table as he surveyed the meal before them. Powder sat to his left, occasionally glancing toward the door with a flicker of hope in her wide blue eyes. Mylo and Claggor were already seated, exchanging quiet jokes that didn’t carry the usual energy.

But then, to everyone’s surprise, the attic door creaked open, and Vi emerged, walking down the stairs with a calmness none of them had expected.

Powder’s eyes lit up instantly. “Vi!” she exclaimed, nearly knocking over her glass of water as she bolted out of her chair.

The room went still as Mylo and Claggor turned in unison, their mouths falling open. Vander stood slowly, his expression caught between relief and disbelief.

Vi, clearly not expecting the fanfare, scratched the back of her neck awkwardly as Powder rushed over to hug her.

“Violet,” Vander said, his voice soft but steady as he stepped forward. “you’re out.”

Before Vi could reply, Vander wrapped her in a bear hug, his large arms engulfing her. She froze for a moment, then relaxed into the embrace, closing her eyes as the warmth of her father figure’s presence eased the weight she’d been carrying.

When Vander finally released her, he patted her shoulder firmly. “Come sit,” he said gently. “Dinner’s waiting.”

Vi nodded, her throat tight, and made her way to the table. Mylo and Claggor were still staring, wide-eyed as if they couldn’t believe she was actually sitting down with them.

“Well,” Mylo said, breaking the silence, “this is a surprise.”

Claggor grinned, though it was softer than usual. “A good one, though.”

Vi gave them a half-smile and started filling her plate. The usual buzz of dinner conversation resumed slowly, everyone easing back into their usual rhythm. Vander watched Vi carefully, noting the small changes in her demeanour - she was quieter, more thoughtful, but there was a steadiness to her that hadn’t been there all week.

As the meal went on, Vander leaned forward slightly, his tone casual but deliberate. “So, Vi,” he began, “mind telling us what was going on this past week?”

Vi stiffened slightly, her fork pausing mid-air. “It’s… nothing big,” she said, trying to sound nonchalant. “Just had a misunderstanding with a friend. Got in my head about it, that’s all.”

Vander studied her for a moment, then nodded, letting her keep her privacy. “And how are you feeling now?”

“Better,” Vi admitted, setting her fork down. She hesitated, then added, turning towards Vander, “I think I need to set up another appointment with Olivia. Like… soon. I need help figuring out how to deal with stuff like this better.”

Vander’s expression softened, pride evident in his eyes. “That’s a smart move, Vi. I’ll call Gray first thing tomorrow and get it set up.”

“Thanks,” Vi said quietly.

“I won’t lie, though,” Vander continued, leaning back in his chair, his voice warm. “You had us all very worried.”

Vi’s chest tightened, guilt flickering across her face. “I’m sorry,” she murmured.

“Hey,” Claggor said, waving his fork at her, “No. We’re just glad you’re back.”

“Yeah,” Powder added, grinning brightly. “It was too quiet without you.”

Vi couldn’t help but smile at her little sister, the weight in her chest easing slightly.

But then Mylo leaned back in his chair, a mischievous glint in his eye. “So, this ‘friend,’ huh?” he said, waggling his eyebrows. “You gonna tell us who they are? Or should we start guessing?”

Powder’s face went still – she knew not to press Vi on this mysterious friend, as curious as she was herself. She kicked Mylo in the shin under the table slightly, wide-eyeing Mylo to ‘shut the fuck up’. Mylo just shrugged not seeing the big deal.

“What? I’m just curious!” Mylo said, his grin widening. “This friend of yours—are they, like, special special? Or just—”

Vi groaned, covering her face with her hand. “Mylo, please don’t.”

Claggor elbowed him in the ribs. “Cut it out, man.”

Vi peeked through her fingers, glaring at Mylo, though there was no real heat behind it. “It’s none of your business,” she said firmly, though her ears had turned slightly pink.

“Fine, fine,” Mylo said, raising his hands in mock surrender. “I’m just saying, it’s nice to see you smiling again. Even if it’s ‘cause of some mystery person.”

Powder giggled at the sight of a clearly flustered Vi, and Vi couldn’t help but roll her eyes, a small smile tugging at her lips despite herself.

As the conversation shifted to lighter topics, Vi felt the tension in her chest ease a little more. She wasn’t ready to share everything, not yet. But for the first time in days, she felt like she belonged at this table again - and that was enough.