spark of lighting
Hatake Kakashi knew the Genin team he just passed were nine kinds of fucked. The new Team Seven was worse than his own, except where normally a sensei could interact with his genin, Kakashi could not. His own trauma interferes with,, the bonding of sensei and students. He knew, right then and there, that they'd end up mirrors of the former Team Seven; dead and useless, dead unless he did something. Unless he made them into monsters; Monsters, murderers, spies, operatives... Shinobi.
Kakashi knew how to turn shinobi into monsters. Itachi had proved that. Kakashi was good at making monsters. Genma and Tenzo, and maybe it was time to pull his beloved kohai out of Anbu to help him with this endeavor, showed he was good at making monsters that were hard to kill.
As far as Kakashi could tell Sasuke Uchiha couldn’t see past his grief, nor his trauma, but was skilled enough. As an Uchiha he was valuable enough a commodity that those flaws didn’t matter in the Academy. His obsession with Itachi, and the fact he was driving himself into an even earlier grave by over-training, working himself to the bone because there’s no one at home to care because it’s the only way to block out the silence. it was like his own childhood but worse - he’d had comrades and Minato-Sensei, Sasuke had no interpersonal relationships besides a half-volatile rivalry with Naruto… which frankly was immensely worrying.
It was a twisted, cruel version of Kakashi’s own rivalry with Gai when the two were younger and far less experienced. Naruto trying his best to meet Sasuke’s emotional needs and trying to help Sasuke, despite Sasuke putting in no effort to meet Naruto's, leaving Naruto with nothing but the cold ashes of half rejection. Sasuke would burn his teammates alive in order to achieve his - frankly suicidal - goals and Kakashi would be able to do nothing but watch. Ri-The girl, the girl was going to let Sasuke burn the heart and life out of her, all in of some misguided attempt at young love.
Naruto was loud, he was resolute, and had an unshakable presence that would not be denied. He was Kushina-nee and Sensei, all wrapped up in one stubborn, sunshine-filled package. He was the only one Kakashi had left, and even within that base need for pack and family, Naruto only knew of Wolf-nii as the ANBU who taught him to cook and read as best as Kakashi could offer.
Here was the part he hated, the part that haunted Kakashi, the part that deep down made him hate the Sandaime. Naruto, when things were said and done, was never just a shinobi. If anything, Naruto was a kunoichi at heart. Not like the little girls he had attended the Academy with. No, a real kunoichi. The dark, cruel edge of destroying a stronger enemy with only honeyed words and slow acting poisons. Of taking down a fortress with messages hidden in flowers and incense. Of knives hidden beneath painted nails - meant for those who called a gentle mask ‘friend’ or ‘lover’. Kakashi had been a honeypot on more than one occasion, had learned to thrive on looking beneath the underneath, but the training to smile sweetly and betray in the same breath had given him chills. Even now Kakashi would tense and look for the nearest exit when a kunoichi smiled at him a little too intently. He was the only one of his closest compatriots not fully versed in such training - if ROOT was ever good for anything it was being unexpected. Naruto grew up in the heart of the Akasen. Naruto grew up in the heart of Sin and Vice and all of the things Kushina never wanted, had told the newborn infant to avoid. But the Akasen was the only place aside from ANBU that cared for him, that loved him. That showed it loved him, even in its own way.
Haruno Sakura was weak. There was no other way of putting it. Haruno Sakura, as of now, was a civilian through and through. But, regardless, it was a fact she had intelligence scores to rival the Nara heir. Not only was she weak, though, she was also a fangirl. However he wasn’t sure if that was her in truth or a facade. The facade of a lady, perhaps? The perfect civilian lady. There was evidence that, despite all that, Sakura was steady. That she was Earth and Water, Wood, instead of Earth and Air, Dust. He could tell she tried to be the kunoichi that civilians thought of. The ones Naruto learned from and could be. But she wasn’t meant for that, it wasn’t her nature. Shinobi was what she would be, a peerless juggernaut of a shinobi warrior. In the way that Sasuke could never be. Kakashi didn’t know what made him think that. He just knew he would make it a reality, or destroy her trying.
And if the Hokage was going to give him things to care for, then by the Chidori, he’d make sure that they’d survive. Not just survive, but thrive. He couldn’t - wouldn’t - lose anyone else, ever again. First things first, though, he knew that he had no idea what to do. Kakashi knew that he was a man whose hands were scarred, a man whose scars let others know how good he was at breaking things, not building them. After all, not just anyone gets the title ‘Friend Killer’ so easily. And Kakashi earned his name a thousand times over.
-~~-
The word “ Monster,” was a word Naruto Uzumaki knew better than his own name. Sometimes he thought he’d forget his own name if he wasn’t loud enough. If he didn’t scream to the heavens “I’m Naruto Uzumaki, Believe it!” But it was never enough, because not even Iruka-sensei had noticed that Naruto’s sun was shining a little dimmer in the weeks leading up to graduation. That, between Mizuki’s truth and the Hokage’s avoidance, it was as if Naruto was suffocating on dry land. everyone had looked at naruto and focused on the wrong things.
-~~-
To bring about a team as he wanted, he needed advice. Kakashi knew only one man who could help him, who could understand him. Gai. Steady, steady Gai. Even when Death and Chidori had come for everyone else he was close to, from his father to Minato, it stayed away from Gai. Gai was earth, his safe port, Gai was fire, a hearth. Gai would understand why Kakashi needed to break them first. Gai would chase the storm from his tongue and heart and mind. Would keep him steady, so steady. The others wouldn’t. Not anyone who had never been in ANBU. Not Mitarashi, not Umino, and certainly not his fellow jounin. His fellow senseis most of all. The Hokage wouldn’t care, even for Naruto. The Hokage wouldn’t care so long as his desired results were reached. Monsters made flesh.
Most of Konoha would never understand. Most of Konoha could never understand. They couldn’t and wouldn't content in the Leaf propaganda that, they were the ‘nice’ village. That they did their best to let kids survive. But beyond that there was one truth Kakashi internalized; all good shinobi are broken, and all great ones were shattered. Then he knew what he had to do, where to look... Gai would know and understand, Gai would help. Gai had taken a girl and turned her into a multifaceted weapon. Taken a broken Hyuga and polished that gem like a God. He stood from his desk and went searching for Gai. Gai would fix this. Gai always fixed Kakashi’s mistakes.
-~~-
Sasuke still sees blood everywhere. Sasuke hates this house and hates being alone. Hates the pity. Hates the fangirls. Hates his brother. Hates himself. He misses his family, he always does in an ache that never fades. He didn’t know why, but he’d take it all back for his family. “Itachi, please, give me my family back. Please. Please!”, he sobs on nights where he can stand to speak the Traitor’s name. On the days Sasuke ponders, was it his fault? Did he do something wrong?
-~~-
He finds Gai at his regular training ground. He sees that Mini-Gai is still here after his teammates have left. He knows Mini-Gai isn't ready to see the steady Gai, the Gai so soaked in blood that the smiles he gives are actually warnings. Insidious warnings, warnings that are to remind all that in other species, baring teeth is a threat, and that Gai isn’t afraid to tear out your throat if necessary. Mini-Gai wasn’t ready for that and to become that. But Gai would make sure he would.
“Yo,” he says in greeting, forgoing the usual peace sign. He looks at the Mini-Gai, then turns to Gai himself. “I need a favor.” His back curves in to show Gai that he isn’t a threat to his ‘kid’. That he could trust Kakashi around Gai’s young, that nothing Kakashi would do would bring them harm.
“My eternal rival, of course, I will help you with a youthful favour!!!!! Yosh!” Kakashi fucking hates the ‘springtime of youth,’ fucking hates how fucking loud Gai can get. How it grates on Kakashi’s Clan-enhanced hearing. And the migraines Kakashi gets from his Village-friendly facade. But Gai’s facade, his reputations, cements Konoha’s reputation as well.
“Wow, Sensei-" Mini-Gai’s cut off rudely.
“Gai, alone, please.” Kakashi pleads, ready to beg. Despite popular opinion, he was in fact taught manners - even many different types, but Kakashi was of the personal opinion of ‘fuck manners’. Gai gives a look. He gives a different look back, a pleading look. One that says ‘I fucked up again. Please, I need you to be steady again. I need this Gai. Gai, please’, he begs quietly. Mini-Gai takes Kakashi in. Mini-Gai may not be ready for steady Gai this night, but soon. Soon Mini-Gai will be able to be steady Gai himself.
“Very well, good night, young Lee!!! We shall train in the youthful light of dawn!!!!” Gai booms, moving to support Kakashi with a hand at the base of Kakashi’s spine. Steady. Steady. Steady. Gai.
“Of course, Gai-Sensei!!!” Lee races off into the twilight distance, to the orphan district of Konoha. It was a mess, but unfortunately was a necessary evil in a shinobi village. In Konoha, the Orphan district was on the edge of the Akasen.
Gai sat down in the dim twilight, looking expectantly at Kakashi, his voice quiet and soft. “What did you do, ‘Kashi?” His grip tightens around Kakashi.
Kakashi took a breath. “I passed my genin team.” Kakashi once again feels the weight of panic on his shoulders. Gai hears what Kakashi means. ‘Gai, I gave myself people to care for.’ ‘Gai, I found people to die in place of.’ ‘Gai, I’m sorry but the world widened again and I’ll die before I break this time.’
Gai stiffens, knowing full well Kakashi would probably die if something happened to those kids now, and Gai, Gai couldn’t handle the man he loves so fiercely, so entirely, leaving him like that. It doesn’t mean Kakashi would take Gai. Steady Gai with him. Just Gai’s happiness, his joy, the shattered remnants of his humanity.
-~~-
Sakura was a lady. Sakura was delicate. Sakura was a civilian. Sakura was a child. Sakura hated being all these things. Sakura chose to be a Shinobi and that was nearly taken from her. By a stupid crush, a stupid boy from a stupid clan, a stupid boy like her and a…. Jounin. Sasuke her freedom and near prision... Sakura was going to break the world, she swore it… for her family's sake, for their sake, Sakura will earn the title of Godbreaker... so fucking help her.
-~~-
Gai looks at him, not the 'are you kidding me' look of earlier. This look is understanding, and Kakashi looks at him, scared shitless. These kids... They are one part mirror and one part legacy. Kakashi needs these kids to grow from mirrors, shattered twisted cruel mirrors to his legacy. Kakashi raised monsters, not friend killers they need to say - will say. Kakashi will bleed for a legacy that Minato died for.
“Gai, how do I do this? I-” He’s interrupted by being pulled into Gai’s arms. The familiar green spandex is a comfort to Kakashi. Brings him back to himself, stops him from breathing too fast, stops him from sparking up like he sometimes does in the night while he’s shaking. Keeps the storm he’s accidentally built in his veins at bay. But it doesn’t keep the blood and ozone off his tongue. Nothing will. But Gai is steady. Gai is earth and hearth. “Gai what do I do?
“I’m afraid I’ll break them.”
“After you break them ‘Kashi, you’ll build them back up. It’s difficult, but be patient, and be there. Always be there for them. And they’ll live.” Gai says, petting his hair and assuring Kakashi’s fears. Knowing that in this instance their fears are the same. “It’s like pottery. Be gentle, thicken the sides. Thicken the base. Build the foundation.” Kakashi breathes, and they stay wrapped in each other’s arms. Kakashi finds the truth of it all. Gai pets Kakashi’s hair, allowing Kakashi to stay curled up in Gai’s arms. Kakashi is steady. Gai is steady. Kakashi is ready to build. Kakashi is ready to be steady and make gods out of mortals.