I Always Knew This Was Coming

I wake with a rush.

Everything aches, but in a dull, distant way.

The room is silent, but he silent of a crowd holding their breath.

“I’m going to die.”

I can’t look over. I just need to speak now.

“I’m going to die, and there’s nothing I can do about it.”

Thick air, thick silence.

“You can fight.”

I look over to Kakashi, see his weary form and the defeated slouch of his shoulders. Gai, silent for once beside him, has silent tears streaming down his face.

I look away.

“Nothing to fight,” I dismiss. “Nothing to do. I’m going to die.”

I knew that. Deep in my bones and in the recesses of my mind, I knew that.

“She’s right,” Tsunade confirms, somewhere to my right. “She’s not going to make it. The chakra transfusion won’t last – and if we try another one we’ll just kill her faster.”

‘Faster’ meaning ‘even before the clock hits ten minutes.

I was a doctor, I knew the signs.

I was a shinobi, I knew the reality.

“Was it worth it?” Sasuke asked, voice flat. “Worth losing everything?”

“Yes,” I didn’t even hesitate. “To save you? To save all of you? Yes.”

“You shouldn’t’ve had to,” Naruto … Naruto cries.

Another one of my minutes ticked by. If I had more energy, I’d muster up the courage to be furious with how they wasted what little I had left.

“It doesn’t matter now,” He speaks – the one person I wanted so desperately to hear.

Shikamaru gently takes my hand. He’s warm, so warm.

Or maybe I was just so cold.

I mustered up a smile for him; he didn’t look like he could return it.

“I was going to marry you,” He spoke softly, just for me – but it was a room of shinobi, and nothing was ever private.

Pity.

“And I was going to marry you,” She raised a hand to brush a tear from his cheek. “I was going to get pregnant with your kid, and refuse to tell you the gender – only making jokes and references and making you guess.”

“And I would’ve retaliated by never getting your food quite right, so your cravings would drive you nuts,” He snarked back, voice cracking. “And then you’d cave six months in and tell me, just so you could see me grin.”

“I would’ve broken your hand when we gave birth,” She felt the strength in her arm leaving her. “You’d have borne it like a champ.”

“And we’d shove babysitting off on your brothers,” He laughed, voice thick.

“And have to stop when they spoiled them too badly,” She coughed, feeling her lungs fail. She circulated what chakra she did have to keep them going, letting her liver and kidney’s fail.

“Noa …” He looked at her, really looked at her. “Hisoka …”

“I know,” She smiled, feeling blood build in her throat. “You never meant to get mad like that.”

I looked around myself – at the people I loved, who I fought for.

Who I fell in love with, even before meeting.

“Don’t worry,” I felt a gallow’s laugh bubble up in my chest. “I always knew this was coming.”

No one else laughed.

Shika pressed a kiss to her temple, lingering.

“I love you, Noa.”

“And I love you, Stag,” She smiled, and from his flinch … she had blood on her teeth. “I love you all.”

And with a final flicker of chakra, a rush of pain – 

I was gone.