Blinded

The following days had been stressful for Hashirama. He did his usual business as the Hokage from monitoring the village's progress to solving even the most menial matter. He had so many things to do, so many things to solve, yet he found himself staring into a document full of details but his thoughts were definitely somewhere else.

He was alone in his office when a low knock from the door forced him to get back in reality.

"Hokage-sama," It was Touka's voice. "We have a visitor."

Curiously, he tilted his head and think for a moment if he ever he was scheduled to meet with someone today. "Alright," he stands. "Who is it?"

"Uzumaki Ashina-sama from Uzushiogakure."

Hashirama was surprised and at the same time, he was strained. He was just about to send a letter to the Uzumaki leader with regards on their current dilemma and Morito's fate when Ashina had decided to come. His throat dried as the old man appeared behind the door together with Touka.

"It's been a while, Hokage-san." Ashina greeted calmly. Hashirama could not find the right words to say. Apologize? Definitely, considering what happened to his grandson.

"Ashina-sama, I..I'm sorry, I have failed you." He said with nothing but sincerity in his eyes. Ashina nodded, fully understanding the air around Hashirama.

Touka after sensing what was happening, excused herself and left. She did not forget to remind Hashirama to call her for any assistance on which the Hokage gave a curt smile as she leaves.

"I know what you're thinking, but worry not for I am not here to put a blame on you. We are shinobis and we are expected to die in one way or another. Morito is no exception and I am really proud of him." The old Uzumaki stated, his soft eyes that were mixed with pride and sorrow slowly closed, reminiscing his last memories with his grandson.

Hashirama on the other hand was out of words. Of course he knows it. Being a man who grew up around cold blood, he hated it, the inescapable life of a shinobi. One of the reason why he wanted to build the village was to prevent unnecessary deaths and bloodshed, and that is why it frustrates him whenever he fail to protect his people. But Morito was not just another member of his people, he was his childhood friend, a close blood relative and it makes things worse.

"However," Ashina continued. "I hope you understand our situation."

"Ashina-sama, please have a seat." Hashirama understood what the old man meant by that and how that decision will greatly affect Konoha's condition. He gathered his thoughts and sat again on the Hokage seat while Ashina sat on a chair in front of his table.

"Please," Hashirama begged. "I am really sorry for what happened. It was my fault and yes, I completely understand the situation of Uzushio. I wanted to apologize for everything, I dragged you into this mess, I should be the one to blame."

"Hokage-sama-"

"But Ashina-san, please do consider this." Hashirama sighed, he looked like he was about to drop something that the Uzumaki won't be able to resist yet in fact he had nothing to offer. He bit the side of his cheek, the incident had pushed them to their limits. He is a leader and it is his responsibility to do everything and anything for the sake of his beloved village.

"Give me another chance, don't pull Mito and the others just yet, please, I'm begging you. Let us keep our village together if that is the only thing your people will continue helping Konoha. We'll do everything in our power to protect Uzushio, you have my word. Just please-"

"Hashirama," Ashina raised a hand, asking him to pause. "I get it, calm down." The Uzumaki said and sigh, getting tensed of all the words Hashirama had been sputtering.

"Personally, I still do want to continue the support we've been giving you. Things do happen, accidents and unexpected events are normal and I do not blame you for anything and anyone's death." Ashina cleared and Hashirama had a small light of hope not until the old man's eyebrows furrowed worriedly.

"It is our people that is stopping me to continue. Most of us are not battle type shinobis and you are aware of that. The percentage of us surviving an enemy attack is severely low." He explained.

"That is why I am offering you a full protection. Konoha and Uzushio can make a perfect combination. I am confident that we won't fail to protect your village." The Hokage answered almost abruptly.

Ashina stared into the young Hokage's eyes and nodded "I know that, that's what we wanted the most. Protection coming from a strong village. But I am a leader, Hokage-san, and I should listen to my people." he said sadly and bowed his head. "We cannot risk the whole village's safety."

They paused for a brief moment until Hashirama broke it off.

"Is there any other option?" he asked in the middle of quietude, the look that he gave to Ashina was desperate. The old man wanted to help but he cannot decide it alone. He had to consider his people's thoughts as well.

"Anything, to give your people an assurance that Konoha won't break its pact to protect them. I am sure there is." Hashirama's desperation was obvious since the start of their conversation and it made the old man pity him. Ashina looked at him straight in the eyes with a little hesitation to continue.

"Well, there is…"

"Tell me!" Hashirama stands, his palms meeting the flat, wooden surface of his table. "Anything, I will do anything."

The old man paused as his eyes wandered. Hashirama became confused at Ashina's uncertainty. Judging from the way the Uzumaki avoided his eyes, this solution might be something hard for him to give. Regardless, he decided to take the risk. If this was the only way to save his precious village.

"Marital union." Ashina mumbled hesitantly.

"Eh?" Hashirama flinched, his confusion sky rocketed the moment he realized its meaning.

Marriage was the oldest and most likely the strongest bond that's being used to strengthen unification of families and villages alike. Hashirama was taken aback and blinked. The old man had expected his reaction beforehand. He did not want the Hokage to cross the line of desperation but there was also nothing he can do about it. Especially if he's begging too much, vowing to do anything on his power for them to stay.

"It's the only way," Ashina said. "To convince the people of Uzushio."

-xxx-

Tobirama coughed loudly as the rice got stuck in his throat. His usually calm demeanor was utterly destroyed upon his brother's words. He was simply having his dinner when the older arrived from his office. The albino grabbed a glass of water and quickly drank it.

"E-excuse me?" he said, after gulping the whole glass, his red eyes wide as a saucer. "Marriage?! You?!" he screeched.

Hashirama who was standing in front of their kitchen table still with his Hokage robes rolled his eyes.

"Listen,"

"No, no," Tobirama shook his heads and hands. "You listen."

"Tobirama, you know I can't-" he was cut off by Tobirama wagging his pointing finger.

"Stop right there, brother. He said it's the only way." the younger Senju firmly stated.

"But I..I can't do it!" Hashirama whined.

"You told him you will do anything and now this?" Tobirama argued. "What's gotten into you? You finally have the offer and if you ask me, it's a win-win situation. You will marry Uzumaki Mito, the village will have an immortal bond with Uzushio, problem solved. Case closed!"

Hashirama stared at him "I cannot marry her! This is just...too much. Also, we have no feelings for each other."

Tobirama rolled his eyes, his hands on his waist. "Since when did feelings matter on arranged marriages? C'mon brother, even our parents dealt with that."

"But I don't want to!" Hashirama barked.

"And who should do it? Me?!" the younger one hissed. "You are the strongest man alive."

They stared for awhile as Hashirama's thoughts was all over the room.

"Actually, it was the right thing to do." Tobirama continued. "Your influence is a guarantee to the people of Uzushio. Besides, they are our blood relatives. I cannot see a negative side on that."

"Well, I do." exasperated, Hashirama spun his heels towards to exit of the kitchen when Tobirama called him out.

"Is there a particular reason why you're saying no to this?" the younger Senju asked, suspicion was obvious in his tone. His brother halted, not saying a word. Of course he had known, he knows why his brother was adamantly rejecting to marry a different woman. Tobirama clicked his tongue and stared keenly at his brother's back.

"You're so selfish, brother." he said, bitterly.

It hit Hashirama hard.

The village was always on the top of his priority list. But Hashirama have his personal desires. He bowed his head as Tobirama's words struck him. He was right, to put his personal feelings get in the way in a surefire benefit and safety of the village equates on him being selfish. He had nothing to argue with that for it's the truth.

And it left him powerless.

-xxx-

Hashirama was alone in his room. The only sound he can hear was his own breathing but his mind was nowhere silent as his thoughts. Deep within him was a scattered what ifs and multitudes of questions without clear answers. He was known as the strongest man, the god of shinobi , but tonight, he's no one but a man with critical dilemma. An ordinary human being. It was the hardest decision he had ever encountered.

He closed his eyes and wiped his face with his hands. Hashirama groaned, his whole situation just became worse.

Well, at the very least, it was not. He still had the choice so he can stop the Uzumaki troops from pulling out the mission. It was the main problem and Ashina already told him about the only thing that can stop them from leaving. However, the solution was not what he had expected.

Hashirama realized that going on a war, killing your opponents, planning how to defeat the enemies on a battle was way easier than battling against your emotions and personal reason. Sacrificing yourself for the sake of your own village, the people who entrusted their lives and fate into your hands was a Hokage's responsibility and he is the Hokage, the only one entitled to do it. Stress creeping through his body and mind, he felt vulnerable. Powerless against a choice he had to make or else he'll lose everything they had started.

Hashirama stands after he decided to let it out from his chest.

-xxx-

The cold breeze around the Uchiha compound did not bother him. He considered being out of his mind (which he is) upon finding himself in front of a familiar house.

"What are you doing here?" Madara asked suspiciously as Hashirama stood at the entryway after she sensed his presence all the way going to the compound. She was wearing a light colored kimono. Her messy hair tied in a side ponytail. It was late at night and clearly, the woman was about to get some sleep when the Senju arrived.

"I uh, my feet directed me here so…"

The Uchiha turn around, giving no craps about what Hashirama was saying.

"Madara, wait!" Hashirama ran forward and managed to hold the door before she finally close it.

"What?"

"I need to talk to you."

She raised an eyebrow. "About?"

"Something's been bothering me so-"

"Five seconds." Madara said hastily.

"No, I need ...more time."

Madara glared but nevertheless allowed him to enter her house. As they get inside, she remained cautious of him and kept her distance away from the Senju. Hashirama sensed it but said nothing. She had been distant since Izuna died and it was understandable. However, he cannot stand it. The strain in their relationship after the unfortunate incidents, the thought of her being like that for the rest of their lives was killing him. The thought of not being able to get close to her like before was painful than any other wound he had ever received in his life.

"Finally got your answer?" Madara asked, her back facing him. "Are you going to make m-"

"Mara," he called softly, Madara slowly turn her head on her side. "I am here for a different reason."

Teeth gritting in irritation because why can't the man just give her what she wants? Was giving her the title Hokage too much even after losing the most important person to her? Sure, Hashirama gave his all for the village, but her, she gave everything and even lost it.

"Then get out." She growled and marched leaving him when Hashirama swiftly held her wrist.

"Please," he begged "listen to me."

Madara halted, her back facing Hashirama. They fell on an uncomfortable silence for a moment until the Senju slowly pulled her wrist and instantly, he was met by glare coming from the Uchiha.

Instinctively, Hashirama prepared himself to take a shout or a slap but neither one of them muttered a single syllable nor move an inch. He can feel her anger,disappointment and adamant determination to retaliate. Their distance also allowed him to have a clear look of her face. Despite the scowl and the absence of femininity due to her day to day garb, Madara was truly beautiful. And the only he wished, the only thing he desired since the day they met on the river was to put a smile on her face. On which he ultimately fail every time he try.

Hashirama felt useless. The known god of shinobi, the most powerful man in and out of Konoha felt he was a failure. From the outside, people see him as a very successful man. Everyone loves him, adores him, follows him, respect him. He achieved his dream to build a village of his own and leads it. Konoha was a promising village and sooner or later, it will bloom into a prosperous village under his leadership. That was never a question considering the support he gets from the other powerful clans that willingly joined them. He's a man on top. That's how most of the people saw him. A happy, successful man.

But he was not.

"Everyone thought I have everything." he started, breaking the stillness between them. Madara tilted her head at his words, confusion takes over when Hashirama started to pull her wrist again. She was caught off guard, eyes so wide she almost consider jumping in surprise. Before she realized, they were standing face to face that they can feel each other's breath. Madara stepped back, only to be stopped by Hashirama upon putting his strong arm around her waist while his other hand was holding her wrist.

"What are you-"

"..that I am happy, that I am strong." he continued with urgency, His eyes locked into hers and that's when Madara realized that Hashirama was acting different.

The Senju Hashirama that she met on the river years ago was a stupid bowl cut haired boy, her friend that became her enemy, her rival in power that made a promise to build a village with her. The Senju Hashirama that she agreed to made a pact with was the boy that he met on the river, the same person from her childhood. The Hokage, her unbeatable opponent. But this, was the first time she had heard him use a different tone. His eyes alone was enough to force her to listen once and for all. She could not explain it, she could not understand it.

"What are you talking about?!" she snapped, forcing to maintain an intolerable eye contact with the man. It felt awkward, it felt unreal, it was...indescribable that even a genius Uchiha like her cannot fathom what was happening. Not even a sharingan can foresee what's on his mind.

Hashirama gulped, the tense was killing him. His heartbeat never calm down since grabbing her waist. His mind was currently in chaos, he do not know where to begin, he'll probably blab some nonsense tonight but at the very least he had been honest with himself, honest with her. To finally let it out of his mind and heart.

"But I failed you, so many times. I'm sorry."

"..."

Madara fell silent. From one moment she thought she had misheard him but at the same time, from their close proximity, there was no way it's possible. Hashirama apologized and she can feel that it was from the bottom of his heart. He was always an honest man, but this time, his honesty was mixed with a different vibe. Something… that terrifies her.

"Cut it out and just give me what I want!" She pulled her wrist forcefully to escape Hashirama's grip. "I lost everything. Someone who had never lost everything cannot understand what I'm feeling. Don't give me that crap."

Hashirama looked at her dead in the eyes and she would never admit it but brought shivers into her spine.

"Go," Madara commanded. "Before I drag you out, get out." once again, she tried to leave but deep inside, Hashirama's actions worries her.

"Ten years years ago," Hashirama said and once again, she faced her back at him. "I've met the only person who never laugh at my stupid dream. To build and run a village. Both of us were tired of the neverending war, we desired peace." He continued.

Madara paused and listened.

"I was so happy, so happy that someone agreed with me when no one else did before." Hashirama smiled at their memories. "And with that I said to myself, I will make that person the happiest girl ever, by building our village. I will protect her happiness even if it cost mine."

The Uchiha turn around with a confused reaction. "What's with this all of a sudden?" she asked.

"Madara, I care for you, since we were children. Since the day I met you, you're still my precious friend."

Madara opened her mouth but does not know what to say.

Hashirama exhaled and stepped forward. The air around them was far from when he had arrived.

It's now or never.

"My feelings had changed from since then," He continued.

The Uchiha stood still as she look at him.

"I'm in love with you." Hashirama whispered.

"What?" she snapped.

"I love you, Madara."

Three words were enough to stop her mind from functioning. Madara gaped like a fish that came out from the water as she process Hashirama's words. She searched his eyes in hope to find something that could explain what's going on.

"What?" she repeated, almost a hiss. "You love me?"

"Yes, since.." he was cut off when she angrily stomped her feet towards him.

"Are you," she bit her lower lip and shook head.

"ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?! AFTER ALL I'VE BEEN THROUGH? SACRIFICE ANYTHING FOR MY HAPPINESS EVEN IF COSTS YOURS? BULLSHIT! HOW MANY TIMES DID YOU EVER STOLE MY HAPPINESS INSTEAD, HUH HASHIRAMA?! DON'T YOU REMEMBER?!" She lashed out, not caring if the whole compound heard her yelling. Anger, bitterness, surprise, it was all over her face. Hashirama did nothing, said nothing, as if he had expected it.

"YOU STOLE THE HOKAGE SEAT FROM ME, YOU AND YOUR FILTHY BROTHER STOLE IZUNA FROM ME, WHAT ELSE?! WHAT ELSE DO YOU WANT TO TAKE?! AND HERE YOU SAY, YOU- YOU LOVE ME?!" she shouted at the top of her lungs. If some random clan mate bothered to peek in her house, she won't hesitate to gouge their eyes out.

Madara swipe her hair annoyingly. The urge to strangle him was getting strong each and every passing second. But somehow, there was a little voice inside her mind that was saying her to do the opposite of what she wants to do.

"I'm sorry," Hashirama muttered after a brief silence. Disarrayed mind, desperation and hopelessness were what pushed him. But he did not regret it. His only regrets was failing her in so many things, no more, no less.

The Senju's downcast gaze suddenly troubled her. He quietly turn around to leave and said nothing anymore. He confessed what he had to and it was the only reason why he came in the first place.

Madara was left dumbfounded, when Hashirama was gone, she lets out a breath she had no idea she's been holding. Few moments later, guilt flooded in her. She could it deny to anyone but she definitely cannot lie to herself. Madara subconsciously held her chest.

"Why am I hurting?"

At that time, Hashirama was left with a confirmation. He threw his head upward to see the starless sky. He smiled bitterly at his own pathetic self.

"She could never love me."

Tears started to fell from his eyes.