Hiraeth

“Gaara, come down to the kitchen please,” he heard Temari call up from downstairs and he squeezed his eyes shut in frustration. He had just been about to text Sasuke. Grumbling to himself he lifted himself up off his bed and made his way downstairs, standing stiffly in the doorway when he saw his brother and his sister both sitting at the kitchen table and looking up at him. There was a stretch of silence as he made no move to sit down and Kankuro sighed tiredly.

“Just sit down already.”

Gaara, deliberately slowly, walked over to the table and sat down, hands placed on his knees.

Temari smiled kindly at him. “How’s your hand?”

He shrugged. “Healing.”

“That’s good.”

There was another stretch of silence before Kankuro chose to speak up. “Look, remember a couple of years back when we got dad to let you go to therapy for a while?”

And when he found out you were sicker than he wanted stopped it?

Gaara nodded and was sure he knew where this was going already.

Temari looked at him carefully. “And remember all those tests you had to take? The written ones and the ink blots?”

He frowned. “Yes.” He had hated those with a burning passion, finding them pointless and irritating.

“Do you remember what those tests said?”

“That I had schizophrenia.”

“No,” She sighed, resting her cheek in her hand. “You have schizoaffective disorder.”

“Same thing,” he muttered, beginning to play with his bandages and belatedly remembering he was supposed to change them the day before.

He heard Kankuro make a small noise of agreement and Temari slapped him on the shoulder harshly. “It is not!” she hissed as Kankuro grabbed his shoulder.

“You’re damn strong when you want to be, you know that?”

“Yeah, actually I do.”

“Is there a point to this conversation?” Gaara asked, breaking them out of their banter. Temari looked away from Kankuro and towards her younger brother, nodding.

“Yes. Gaara, listen. We know you don’t want to, but we really think it’d be a good idea if you started taking something.”

Kankuro didn’t say anything, just slid a pill bottle over to Gaara who looked down at it blankly.

“That’s latuda,” his older brother said evenly. “It helps with mood swings and your other... problems.”

He said nothing and felt the air in the room grow uncomfortable.

‘You’re seriously considering it? You don’t need it, you know you don’t. You can’t survive without me.’

“Look, can you just try it?”

‘Taking it means admitting you’re crazy and other people will think you are too.’

He was about to agree with Shukaku, about to throw the bottle on the ground and stand up, about leave and barricade himself in his room.

But then he remembered the several conversations he had had with Sasuke on the subject the past few weeks and paused.

“What’s so wrong with being sick?”

“You are deserving of help.”

And Sasuke seemed to always know best.

“Okay.”

Temari and Kankuro both looked at him in surprise. “What?”

He sighed and picked up the pill bottle, regarding it closely. “I said okay. I’ll try it.”

He was wholly unprepared for the hug his sister attacked him with and even more unprepared for Kankuro to wrap his arms around him soon afterwards as well.

“Thank you, Gaara,” he heard his sister whisper, and he allowed his arms to snake around both her and his older brother.

“You’re welcome.”

She drew back, wiping at her tears and Kankuro followed albeit with much drier eyes.

“So, anyways- wait, Gaara, is that a hickey?”

Gaara felt his body tense at his older brother’s words and at Temari’s gasp.

“Oh my god it is.”

Gaara moved to pull his turtle neck back up only to have his hand intercepted as Kankuro pulled his collar down further.

“Goddamn, there’s at least like eight of them!”

Gaara wrenched his hand away, pulling his collar up successfully but it was too late. He groaned as Temari looked scandalized and as Kankuro began laughing, slapping his back appreciatively.

“Who would’ve known our dear little brother had so much game?”

Temari’s hands were covering her mouth, the look in her eyes torn between concerned and amused. “Gaara...”

“Who did it?”

Gaara looked up at Kankuro, who had asked the question, and felt the now familiar and unwanted feeling of guilt creep up once again. “My boyfriend.”

Temari’s hands fell from her mouth and she smiled brightly. “Oh Gaara, you got a new boyfriend?”

He nodded, because she wasn’t wrong. Something was still gnawing at his chest.

“Kid named Lee,” Kankuro supplied, and Gaara looked up at him questioningly.

“How do you know him?”

“Met him and this blonde chick outside your school a while ago.” He looked up at the ceiling, thinking. “She’s damn fine too.”

Temari squawked at his last sentence, clearly about to tell him off before stopping. “Wait, why were you at his school?”

Kankuro stilled and tugged at his ear sheepishly. “Business.”

“You were selling drugs at a high school?!”

Gaara watched as his sister began hitting his brother, a warm and fond feeling growing in his chest, and at that moment he realized he cared for his siblings.

It was a more than welcome realization.

Suddenly Kankuro stilled and whispered something in his sister’s ear, her eyes widening before nodding solemnly. They turned towards Gaara who felt the fond feeling fade away and be replaced with unease.

“Anyways,” Temari said tentatively. She seemed to struggle with the next sentence, turning to Kankuro for help.

“Anyways,” He picked up, sighing and crossing his arms. “Dad’s coming to visit next week.”

Gaara swallowed thickly, nodding his head. “For how long?”

His brother bit his lip. “A week.”

“Oh.”

There was a silence and Gaara felt a sort of panic take over him. Usually their dad only came by to stay for a night or two and Gaara was able to lock himself in the attic, more than able to survive up there without sustenance for 48 hours.

He was used to it.

But there was no way he could do it for a whole week, he’d starve to death or die of dehydration. He found his fingers creeping up to upper arm, digging into his skin through the fabric of his sweater.

“So we think you should probably find a place to stay while he’s here.”

Gaara looked up at Temari in shock who pursed her lips sadly.

“I would let you stay at my apartment but there’s not enough room and there’s no way my roommates would go for a guy staying with us,” she continued. “So if you can, find a friend to stay with. Okay?”

He nodded, pulling his hand away from arm and using it to grip his other wrist.

——-

He lay in bed that night staring at the dim light of his phone screen, contemplating.

It was a choice between Sasuke and Lee, his only other real friend being Ino who was a girl and thus probably wouldn’t be able to house him anyways.

Lee was great. He was sweet and respected Gaara’s boundaries, trying his best to make him happy and to understand him even when he couldn’t.

Sasuke was also great. He was passionate and made Gaara feel things he didn’t know were possible, and since they had finally met up the feelings he felt for him had only increased in intensity. He had known Gaara the longest and just understood him.

Sasuke had said he was the only one who could understand and care for Gaara, after all.

Who was he to disagree?

The longer he thought on it the easier it was to decide and he groaned, making a split second decision to press his thumb down and select the contact.

“Sasuke? I have a favor to ask.”