Five year old Merannda was hiding behind her mom's legs. Her mom was speaking with another mom, on the first day of school. A little girl comes up to Merannda and introduce's herself. Then become friends immediately. Playing tag whenever they got the chance, even if they didn't have the same kindergarten teacher. But both of them had secrets. Both of them had a reason not to have a sleepover.
First grade was practically the same thing. Although they only saw each other once over the summer break, they were both still the bestest of friends. 1st grade offered new stuff to get into. Being at the age to have fake wedding's that are taken seriously by your friends, from all grades (and teachers bcs they wanted to play into something that got spread practically all through our school) Merannda and a guy had a wedding. C was Merannda's bridesmaid. Her best friend.
But soon, things changed. Over the summer between 1st and 2nd grade, something happened (something she doesn't want me to share as it's very private to her.) and her along with her family had move- kinda. They stayed in the same state, only maybe ten minutes away from their original house, but C had to move schools. So she did. They're moms weren't exactly on good terms at that time, so they didn't talk. At all.
~~~~~~~~~~~
"It's been a long day, without you my friend"
Fast forward to 3rd grade. C was living her life at a new school, K-12th grade. Merannda was living her life in the public school only twentyish minutes away. Despite being so close, they were so far. It was like the small town grew into states apart. They never ever saw each other. Once the whole time they were apart.
"And I'll tell you all about it, when I see you again"
Despite this, despite them growing up, having new friends, new teachers, new everything they still longed- wished to see each other.
The first day of kindergarten they took a picture. The first day they met. After that single day they were already so close. They stood outside there primary school, in a hug. Their mom's posted with their phones out next to them. C, with short light brown hair, that was so- so messed up, her green eyes (I dont agree with Merannda on the fact my eyes r green. There more blue then anything 😐) and a dress on.
Merannda on the other hand, hated dresses, so she had on a shirt and jeans. Her dark brown hair was in a ponytail and her hazel (I swear she's color blind, she's having me write her eyes r hazel but their brown- like straight brown.) eyes barely opened for the picture.
They had that picture printed out. They both loved that picture and kept it with them.
"We've come a long way!"
C quickly became hyper, and slightly aggressive (although she'd never say she was- is.) to her new classmates. So so different from her sweet caring natured just two years beforehand. She got into makeup and nails and stuff like that way to early. And she quickly had her first sleepover, learned how to ride a bike, swim and her speech, although not really that bad to begin with, improved.
Merannda, grew up to fast but in a different sense then C. In third grade she knew way more then a third grader should. She and her friends on the bus, would cuss regularly, and just soon after her friends we're throwing middle fingers up. She disregard anything to do with being a girl. Instead she played in the mud and tackled the boys. She'd cheat on tests and could lie through her teeth without a flinch.
"From where we began"
Merannda lost her memory of C. Their picture long gone In either a donation box, trash can, or simply lost in the forever messiness of her room. She still remembered her name, but there was no reason to talk about her. She wasn't gonna see her again, so why even think she would?
C in the other hand, never lost that picture. It was in a frame on her nightstand. No matter how many friends, sleepovers, moves, rearranging of her room, it remained with her.
"Oh, I'll tell you all about it when I see you again."
C barely looked at that picture in fourth grade. She was starting to just fade away from not only Merannda but her old life. She rearranged her room one day, and the picture somehow ended up on her desk instead of of her nightstand. She was almost never at her desk to begin with, she never really did the homework, as it was so easy it gave her a headache. (C's lying right there- but I'll let it slid.)
But every now and then, she'd look at the picture. The games of tag, the wedding, the hugs, between the two. It wasn't often, but enough to remember their friendship.
"When I see you again"
Time flys, and fifth grade was approaching. C, kept looking at the picture, not really anything behind her looking at it. Covid had already started and she was a little bit scared of what school was gonna be like during a pandemic. She had already been told their was supposed to be two knew people in her grade, which wasn't a big thing- but one was a girl. Was it Merannda? No- no way. She looked at the picture again with hope. Maybe?
M didn't know what to expect. She had a argument with her parents two months earlier, and they kept on and on until she said yes. New school. She didn't know anyone there- at all. Maybe she'd know on or two people from public school- maybe. But overall she was gonna be alone. Not like she had trouble making friends- it was just nerve racking.
"Damn, who knew? All the planes we flew, good things we've been through"
Memories was the only thing going through C's mind when she looked at the new girl. She looked so much like the girl in the picture yet- different. She couldn't place it. The girl she remembered, always had a smile. Always helped out, with everyone no matter if she knew them or not. But here she was, as C dropped her opened backpack to the floor. saying "sorry I'm late!" Merannda just sat there, with a slight scoff as she looked away.
Merannda didn't recognize C just yet. She did look slightly familiar, but I mean- she did know everyone in this group of her grade. (Covid was weird, out school split us up into two groups that beginning of the year. So I, Merannda didn't meet all my classmates till later that year). One boy, she recognized as a cheer friends older brother, another she met when she used to do piano, and this girl also looked familiar.
"That id be standing right here, talking to you?"
"Merannda?" C asked in disbelief. Just the night before she stared at the picture hoping to meet her again, and here she was. It was a miracle.
Merannda hated the fact she didn't recognize her, and didn't have the heart to say she had no clue who she was so she just nodded and said "hey!"
"About another path, I'd love to hit the road and laugh"
Not long after that day, M finally recognized her in a conversation where C mentioned the picture. That same day at lunch, so many stories about kindergarten, and first grade came up. C learned some stuff about Merannda, and Merannda found out some stuff about C. They both laughed their butts off that day.
One thing worth mention, is J. J, was C's new best friend since 2nd grade. They were each other's first sleepover. First swim lesson. First cheat buddie. Best friends. And C is the one who technically introduced them both to each other (???)
The school was still in two separate groups. So they resorted to basically pen pals. Each student in the grade, had a bin. So Merannda and C wrote a note to J. When group A, had school and J saw the note, she wrote back. For weeks that's how they communicated.
Eventually, the school decided to put the schedule back to normal. Merannda met J first- as C was always late. They became friends, but Merannda could tell something as soon as
C got there. She immediately dropped everything to hug J. Like hug hug her. It made Merannda jealous. Really. Really jealous.
"But something told me it wouldn't last."
And it didn't. The year came to a close, and they kept in contact. 6th grade started but there was a problem. C wasn't talking to Merannda- like at all. Not long after C started making snid remarks and insults towards Merannda, expecting the same navie crybaby girl to come out from kindergarten and first grade. (My words to M. 😔 Hate that I said em)
But little did she know that Merannda know had a backbone. She said stuff right back. She didn't know why C was acting this way, but she wasn't just gonna take it.
"Had to switch up- look at things, see the bigger picture."
In a argument C yelled something (neither of us came remember what it was) along the lines of "Well stop calling me a bitch!"
Merannda had never called her a bitch. Brat, yes. Attention seeker, yes. Pick me, even! But never ever, a bitch. She wouldn't stoop down to what she thought was C's level. She thought C had called her a stuck-up-brat, and a crybaby. But neither was true. And Merannda immediately told her she never called her them words.
Through a very (funnily enough) serious convo at lunch, they found out J had been lying to them. J was telling them both things the other had "said" behind their backs. Despite this C still considers her, her friend, her best friend. It made Merannda think C was dumb- but she wasn't gonna say it aloud.
But that was the bigger picture. J was telling C lies. (And still does honestly.) And C believe(s)d her.
"Those were the day. 'hard work' forever pays"
7th grade.
Merannda doesn't know when it started. Maybe it was a one of things that turned into every single day but she gave C the answers for a homework assignment. Then again. And again. And again.
And Merannda tried her hardest to not become a navie, credulous (that's one of our vocab words rn 😁) pushover again. But it happened. She couldn't find herself to tell C stop. And C couldn't find herself telling herself to stop either.
Merannda did all the hard work for herself, and C. As C now copied so many answers. If she couldn't, she'd say her and Merannda did it on facetime. But they rarely ever face timed, if they did, the time certainly wouldn't be spent on homework of all things.
"Now I see you in a better place"
Despite them both BEING friends, they stopped sitting together at lunch. They were in middle-high in their school now. They were no aloud to sit with the older kids, anywhere they wanted too. And they ended up in different friend groups.
C went with J, and her baseball friends.
Merannda could see C wasn't at all happy with them, but didn't complain. If C wanted to follow J around like a list puppy, Merannda wasn't gonna say a thing.
C could see that M gained real friends. They didn't care if she said a more...serious joke then what she would to her. She laughed, smiled, and got louder more. That's what caused C to transition between both of the friendships. She'd spend half the lunch period with J and her friends then with Merannda and her friends.
"Ugh. How can we not talk about family? When families all that we got."
8th grade.
Family is blood related. - C
She was close with her mom. So much so, that she called her by her real name when she was mad at her. So much so she wore her clothes, and stole her makeup and hair stuff. So much so that her mom knew her crush's, her best friends, her favorite stuff. She let C watch Harry Potter, Percy Jackson, even if she didn't necessarily want her too. She let C say bad words and blast music and C decorate her room however she liked. She was close with her dad too. Same rules as before apply.
Her cousins, and other family members were also close to her. Way closer then any friend, maybe besides J could be.
Her "friends" from either group wasn't as close to her as her family was.
Family is who you choose - M
She was closer to her friends then her family. Maybe she was born to late to be close to her brothers. Maybe she was born to late to experience her dad being able to play tag or any other game with her, but her friends? They, even if they were all over ten, offered child-like banter. They were like her family. They all agreed on that too! Calling one person in the group "mother!" A lot, became a normal thing.
She wasn't close with her mom. All her mom wanted was for her to be a girl- not that she wasn't one, but she didn't ACT like one. Merannda hated dresses, makeup, nails, hair accessories, and jewelry. And she did pretend to like it for a while to get her mom to talk to her, but after while she gave up. It wasn't worth it, after all. Her "mother" liked her more then her actual mom did.
Her dad was the same way. She didn't know one thing about either of them unless she heard it from her older brothers.
Her friends were closer to her. Her friends knew more about her. They knew her favorite color, show, movie, food, drink and everything else. meanwhile her mom only got one correct. Not then, not now. (not even lying- I quizzed mom, dad "mother", and three other friends. My dad got, 0, my mom 1, and my friends all got 6-9 answers correct.)
"Everything I went through, you were standing by my side."
Sure. It's true that their families were with them through thick and thin but their was difference.
C could talk about it. C could explain her emotions, without any sort of negative emotion in return.she didn't have to hide emotions!
Merannda did though. At least, from her biological family. Her REAL family didn't mind when she let down her guard. It was rarely ever as she didn't like to cry in front of people but nonetheless she was okay with doing it in front of them.
Together though?
Neither of them know how to explain it. It's like their closer then both their friends and their family, yet...there still so. So. So. Far away from each other. No matter how much they talk, how many things they talk about, no matter what they cry, and yell, and get off their chest, it's just...not the same.
Our friendship is different.
No matter what anyone says.
We're frenemies, and a situationship that can never happen.
"And now your gonna be with me for the last ride."
(9th grade. This is gonna be different, as that all ↑ was wrote on a different app during 7th -8th grade. This all is just me, and my feelings for her CURRENTLY.)
"It's been a long day."
Without you.
"Without you my friend."
Friend?
"And I'll tell you all about it"
ALL?? Mhm. Sure.
"When I see you again."
Tomorrow? No you won't. I know u.
"We've come a long way"
We have...but in a good way?
"From where be began."
But has it gone, and turned out for the better? I honestly don't know.
"Oh I'll tell you all about it when I see you again."
Are you really gonna tell ME, or r u gonna tell J, with me in the background overhearing?
"When I see you again"
Yea, sure. But see me as what? A friend? Enemy? Side chick? Girlfriend? I need answers C.
"First you BOTH go out your way"
But did we? We ended things yea. Even our friends, family, and teachers all think we hate each other, yet we still couch and say we Face timed each other on different assignments. Or well, I say that. You can't lie. At least, no when it comes to me, apparently. Last time you tried, we both got into trouble. And y'know how that all ended. Right? It's the wholeeee reason why you decided to pretend to hate me at school.
"And the vide is feeling strong"
It is. Maybe? Idk. You won't say, and I can't tell my feelings for you apart.
"And what's small turned to a friendship"
I miss our simple friendship. All those years ago. Kindergarten, first grade? Hell, even fifth and sixth grade was easier then now! U didn't know your sexuality, and I hadn't told anyone. Of course our dynamic back then was different.
"And that friendship turned to a bond"
Yea, it definitely did. But what kind of bond is what I wanna know.
"And that bond will never be broken"
God, but what if was better if it was? Would it be? If I switched schools again....if I went back. Would it make you suddenly want out bond back. Or would you just want me back for answers?
"The love will never get lost."
But would it be so bad if it did? Yes...it would. But maybe it wouldn't? Idk. U keep saying you don't like me then flirt with me. And sure it might be flirting with me like- in a friend way but there's a difference from when you do it with me, then J.
J is in public. Best friends. Not at all serious. And she does it back.
I'm in private. In the comfy of our Snapchat. What r we? Your completely serious. And I do it back sometimes
"And when brotherhood comes first"
But we let it become second. Didn't we? we did.
"The the line will never be crossed"
But it was. The second you said you liked me in 7th grade. The second I said I liked you back. The second someone figured it out and blabbed. The second your mom found out. And sure she's supportive, of you. But not me. You could never be with me.
"Established it on our own"
But did we ever establish it?
"When that line had to be drawn"
There was a moment, that I know both of us felt it. Where we both could lay down some boundaries. We both could talk about REAL, GENUINE emotions for a second...yet we didn't. We didn't draw that line, we didn't establish it.
"And that line is what we reached"
There's no line, but if there was one, it's safe to bet we've reached it.
"So remember me when I'm gone"
I'm seriously thinking of moving school y'know- wiat. No you done actually. Cause I'm just some answer key. Some pup dream you want to be your girlfriend for one night, then say we're over the next day (actually happened btw)
What would you do if I left? You have my number would you call? You have my Google meet, would you text? You have my snap chat, would you face time? Or would I just still be some random person that you play emotions with?
"How can we not talk about family, when family's all that we got?"
Do a have a actual family anymore? My bio family is already definitely not my family.
Your not my family.
J's definitely not my family.
The friends I called my family doesn't really seem like my family anymore. I can't explain it. Yea, we're having a Christmas friend party. But am I really going to like being there or will I rather want to be alone like i do at actual Christmas family party's.
"Everything I went through, you were standing there by my side."
Yes I was. I was there when your Grandpa passed. Where you there when mine passed?
I was there when you experienced breakup with a guy.
Where was you when I broke up with my then girlfriend?
I. Was. There. When you had failing grades cuz I set a fucking boundary.
Where tf were you when I was stressing out about grades!?
I. was. there! When you! Went through a tough time and experienced mental breakdown down after mental breakdown after mental breakdown. Even at 2 in the morning. Me risking getting in serious fucking trouble just to keep you at bay.
Where. Was. You. Where was you when I called you at 11pm crying, cause I knew you wouldn't be asleep at that time?
"And now you gon' be with me for the last time"
No you won't. Even if you want to be now, it's over. It's done. I can't take! You figuring everything out. Over you "figuring it out" I've lost all interest in you. As a gf, a friend, even as a enemy.
"So let the light guide your way, yeah"
Go ahead and go towards god. Go ahead and tell me it's wrong to not believe in him. Go ahead and tell me it's wrong to do the middle finger and say goddamn. GO AHEAD. It's nothing new to me. Everyone around me has said it my whole goddamn life, and I'm just not having it anymore- at least not at school if I can help it.
"Hold every memory as you go"
Oh. I am! Every memory of us. The good, the bad, the flirty, or the awkward moments we've had is in my mind. And I'll go. I might not leave the school, but we're done. Even if I still have to talk to you everyday we're done. Your no longer my friend. Your no longer getting the answers, idk if you fail. Say goodbye to me offering you a place to sit at lunch, even if my friends tolerate you for me, they all hate you and will have no problem not letting you sit with us.
"And every road you take"
Away from you. Away from my fake friends that I'm sure talk behind my back. Away from my dumb family. Thank the non existent god. Away from this town, this county, this city, this state, these four states around us!
"Will always lead you home"
I hope not. I do not wanna come back here after I leave. Not unless someone was dying.
"It's been a long day without you my friend"
My friend..my old friend. Your old self....
"And I'll tell you all about it when I see you again"
Maybe this little thing I'm going through will end up with me just going right back into your stupid manipulation. Maybe I'll tell you all about how I made this, and published it, and you'll get mad and yell at me, and then I'll remind you that you helped write the beginning of it last year, and you'll say you don't remember. And I'll be stuck.. trying to get you to realize that you did Infact help. Try to get u to realize what we are, that I don't wanna deal with your bull shit anymore.
"We've come a long way"
And I wished we'd stay the way we were. You here. Me in public school. Different lives. Different friends.
"From where we began"
I wish that the thing that happened, happened earlier and I never met you. Or that when you left I instantly forgot you and just carry on with my life. But no. We had to re meet. We had to coincidentally end up in the same school.
"I'll tell you all about it when I see you again."
I told you everything about our time apart. Did you?
I don't really think you did. Your such a mystery to me now. Between the "pookie"s, glares, "Lit HW pls", and the "gn ❤️"s I don't know how to feel about you.