My eyes will search for you.
He was lying in bed, sheets strewn across him again, his blanket tossed onto the floor and his hands curled into fists under his left cheek.
Unintelligible words and whispers left him as the night passed, to join the twinkling of several wind chimes heard through the open window.
His legs pulled up and he curled into a loose ball, knees near his stomach and back bowed in, his breathing seemed to still before coming back quick and harsh.
The twinkling of the wind chimes softened, a quiet steady beat, as his frame became overcome with tremors. His head shook into his pillow, wet marks left in place after each quick toss and turn. His legs shot straight, hands coming up as if to brace himself from an unseen threat.
He stilled, the wind chimes suddenly silent in the too quiet of the warm summers night, his arms still remained raised and his breathing evened.
Slowly, his arms lowered and his eyelids opened.
Chestnut brown eyes shone brightly with unshed tears from the light of the moon coming in from the window, opposite of his torn apart bed.
He rolled his head to the right, the clock on the floor read 3:55, and the rest of the room remained shrouded in darkness.
A cats’ meow echoed into the room, before the sleek shine of moon soaked black fur entered in through the window. Soft paps followed as the cat jumped down and sauntered toward him. He moved his right arm out and his hand palm up.
Cool fur stroked gently against his hand before trailing up his arm and coming to a stop by his chest. A paw touched down onto his chest and waited.
He inhaled through his nose with purpose and held it. The cat climbed onto him and moved to sit comfortably on his sternum (circling once, twice) before lying down, and then he exhaled through his mouth.
He held on for several seconds, breathing in before lightheadedness could strike, and vibrant green eyes (glistening with curiosity) came into view and locked with his own.
The cat laid it’s head onto its front paws and chirped once at him. The cats ears twisted and perked and its tail swished on in what seem like a carelessly and pleasant manner.
He closed his eyes and laid back more comfortably, and rubbed his hand down from the cats ears to it’s tail several times.
Outside the window the wind blew lightly and the sounds of wind chimes singing softly rose into the room again.
-------
When he opened his eyes the second time the room was still dark, the window was still open, and the cat still stationed on his chest. The cats face was covered by its tail, and a paw over its eye.
He groaned and stretched his arms out straight above his head and tried not to jostle the soft sleeping ball of fluff.
A knock sounded from the window and only then did he notice the lack of chimes in the air, he locked up and across his bed to the shadow as it perched on the windowsill.
He couldn’t see an expression on the others face as they spoke, a twinkling soft sound in the quiet, “Where’d the cat come from, y’know?”
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“FUCK!” His fist slammed against the shower floor.
The water was hot against his back, hotter than usual and felt so nice in the dark. It burn away the imagined touch, the fingers dancing across his shoulders and down his arms, tenderly, toxic.
He had tried to pretend it wasn’t coming, wasn’t threatening to break through the surface.
“Why?” Rage floated to the surface as tears streaked down his face. “FUCK!!! FUckfuckfuckfuck…”
His breath was ragging, in and out, water filling his mouth and not nearly enough to drown him. His screams weren’t quieted in the confines of his clenched teeth and sobs kept bursting through to steal his attempts at calm.
“What the fuck is wrong with me!?”
A hiccup rose, and he heaved after it, feeling the stomach bile burn and tear at his esophagus. He coughed and haphazardly rubbed at his mouth with his right hand, his left bracing him as he lent back to sit on his legs.
“WHAT the f-uck is y-y-your PROBLEM, Sasuke!? … Get a FUCKING grip!”
The water was still hot, but it didn’t burn his skin anymore, and he turned, into the stream letting it hit his face.
His lips quivered, and he bit into his lower lip, harder and harder. The metallic tang of blood spread across his tongue and he tried to focus on it and the pain. A sting of new tears threatened to come back full force and he punched himself in the sternum.
“Haaah.” Heated blossomed through his chest and tingled near his arms.
His mind just barely quelled, just enough to be worth it. The grip of a hand on the back on his neck, dulled of its harsh, razor sharp quality. The deceptively deep loving voice speaking grandiose nothing's.
He punched again, harder. “Fa-fuck.”
Of hands that held onto this hips, to the pressure of another body pressed against his back.
And again.
Eyes closed and he could hear the soft smile on sinister lips, that pleaded and promised.
And again.
The feel of goosebumps raising to meet the tongue that slid down his trapezoid, the delicately light pressure on his shoulder that he mistook for teeth, before the pain started.
Andagainandagainandagain.
He fell back on his ass and let the water rain down pleasantly cool on his chest. His hair slid into his face and he pushed it back with his left hand, to behind his ear. He trailed his hand down and rubbed at the thickening stubble and scratched at his chin briefly.
He rubbed at his eyes with both hands and rubbed up against his nose. “That’s enough.”
He stood stiffly and palmed at the wall to save him from crashing back down, and focused on breathing evenly before he shut the water off and stepped out of the shower.
“You’re never gonna change me.” He whisper to the reflection in his mirror as he reached for the towels. He threw one around his shoulders and covered his hair with it. He looked away sharply and wrapped himself in the other towel.
He headed for the door turning the light off on his way out.
--------------
The shadow stepped out from their hiding spot in the corner of the room and followed behind and up the stairs.
He was in his room sitting crossed legged on the floor. The towel on his head hadn’t moved an inch and his glazed eyes stared off blankly. When the shadow entered the room, making sure to be as obvious and as non threatening as possible, he didn’t even blink.
They made their way over and knelt in front of him, lifting both hands --entirely visible, and started to dry his hair. When they finished they gripped the towel and pulled it off his shoulders and softly rubbed it against his face and eyes. One and then the other.
When they pulled away his eyelids were drooped and deep brown, red rimmed eyes had locked onto their movements. The towel was set down and the shadows hands reached back up. Fingers combed through his hair pulling out any knots.
Quietly at first and slowly gaining volume they whispered to him. “Your hair is really getting so long, would you like me to braid it?” Their fingers pulled through the strains that reached to the base of his shoulder blade as if to emphasis.
His dark brown eyes closed softly, and he sighed while his shoulders seemed to lift from under some invisible weight.
He didn’t reply, just turned his head to the side slightly and lent back.
Their shoulders hitched up twice before they slid to kneel behind him, pulled his hair into a low pony in their hands, then started a simple braid down the rest.
It didn’t take more than a few moments.
They reached into a pouch on their thigh and spoke, “Just grabbing for a hair tie, Sasuke”