27 - I Vow To Become The Kazekage!
"No, not here." Sansa stood before a raised patch of sand, her breathing unsteady. "It can't be here, you have to be wrong." Despite her protests, she began clawing at the sand with her hands, slowly and painfully. "You are wrong. It's not right, it has to be wrong." Jikara silently watched as Sansa dug further. "Please, god, Rasa... if I've ever wanted anything, this is all. Please, God! Don't hurt me like you always do, please give me this one thing, please! I beg of you, God!"
Her frantic digging only got worse as choked sobs pushed forth from a facade of strength. "Please...! This is all I need! Just this one thing and I won't ask for anything else! Please! Rasa has to be alive!" She prayed to God, hoping that someone would save her from what she was feeling, holding onto that last sliver of hope.
Jikara stood beside her, sitting down and shifting his paws through the sand beside his master, allowing her to be weak for a mere moment. "Rasa, you can't be dead!" She screamed, her voice going hoarse. "You have to make it up to me! You have to make up ruining our relationship! You have two sons and a daughter, for fuck's sake! You have to help your son. You have to let Gaara know that it's possible his father could love him!"
She felt the cold bite of the desert air more than ever, but it wasn't the breeze anymore, it was inside of her, a freezing darkness spreading through her heart and removing the hope she had. "Please... If there is any God in this damned, lonely and cruel world, don't be cruel. Just for once, do something. Anything other than look down and laugh...!" Her tears dripped down onto her hands. She turned her palms toward herself, watching as the droplets of water from her eyes stained them, washing away small bits of dirt. She silently cried, astonished at her own reaction for a moment, before looking up at the sky, clasping her hands together.
"I'll pray. I'll devote myself to you. I don't even know if you exist. I know I've always ridiculed your existence, but right now, I'm turning to a higher power. If you hear me, if you understand, please..." This prayer gave her more strength to dig despite knowing that there was no god. There was nobody out there who could make her feel better, only some invisible being she was trying to rely on with no knowledge of what it was other than what people seemed to guess. Still, as she saw a tuft of red hair, her eyes widened.
It took a few minutes.
But, pulling on the arm, out came a half-eaten Rasa. Bugs scuttled around the corpse, but she couldn't take it- that he was desecrated like this. "Jikara! Blow these bugs away!"
All of her sadness melted into a soft rage before becoming a full brunt anger. She couldn't save him. All she could do was let Jikara blow the bugs into oblivion, to which she held Rasa close, stroking his hair. The scent didn't matter to her all that much- this was her last chance to embrace him. She wished she had responded. She wished she had gone with him.
There was only one thing left to say.
"It was all my fault." Her eyes were blank as she ran her fingers through his hair. It was as if something had snapped in her. "I vowed that the Hidden Sand would be my new home. I told Karura I would protect you. I swore it as my duty!" As she held him tighter, she felt like she was choking. Her heart squeezed tightly, painfully. "I've had enough of this pain. I've had enough of these lifetimes of suffering! Why do I always fail!?" Her eyes softened, looking upon Rasa. "Nobody can hurt you any more, Rasa. I don't know if you're in a better place now or not, but nobody... can harm you."
She stood, her arms under Rasa's knees and supporting his back so she could carry him. Look around her, Jikara had dug up the entire area. There were a set of corpses. The honor guard. People she had known, worked with, drank with, lived with, she knew their families and friends. And by the time she was done looking, her eyes had an alien look in them. Jikara bowed before his master, the tip of his nose touching the sand.
"You have regained who you were."
Sansa's eyes were filled with a cold, dangerous look. Her pupils were gone; nonexistent. Her retinas were just black circles. As she walked out of the hole Jikara had made, she turned her head to look at him. "Being a person isn't good enough. Being a human gets you nowhere. Regret, sorrow, apologizing, forgiveness, love, hate, sadness, happiness. It serves nobody well. The truth is, I am a weapon. I should have remained a weapon. Now, I will do what I can to make up for my mistake. The Hidden Sand will be protected in Rasa's absence. As for his murderers... I will find them and kill them. Not a single soul has the ability to stop me now, not even the Empress."
As if the sand understood the mixture of feelings and thoughts swelling inside of her, as she made her way back to the camp, she no longer left imprints in the sand. It was as if she was a mere ghost, floating over the dunes.
.com watch
The party stood together, in the morning, as mist settled over the lake they had fallen in. Gai was sobbing almost aggressively, crying over having to leave his temporary companions. "I don't want to say goodbye! Are you sure you don't want to come back to the leaf and visit my star pupil?!"
"No, that's not a good idea for a ton of reasons." Rena shook her head. "Kagura has to get back to the Hidden Sand."
"My clothes are still damp," Kagura muttered.
"The desert heat will fix that," Rena replied, coldly. It seemed like she still hadn't gotten over the past day. He really did it now... acting like a problem child got him nowhere. Gai waved as he walked away, and just as Rena was about to turn around, she stopped. "Hey, Gai?"
"Did you change your mind!? We can start training right now!"
"Uh, no. About Lee... is he alright?" Gaara would probably want to know.
"The Hidden Leaf and Sand are on shaky terms, but since the Hidden Sand offered medicine, they're going to consider it water under the bridge. This is the first step to the Leaf and Sand getting along again."
Rena nodded, smiling lightly. "I see. Well, have a good journey. For all my impatience on this mission, I actually liked it a little, I guess."
"You'll be another one of my proteges in no time!" Gai declared, laughing like a maniac before rushing off in the direction of the Hidden Leaf. Rena watched him until he disappeared, before turning back to Kagura, who was looking at her like a scolded puppy.
"What?"
"Listen, peasant! I understand I'm difficult, and hard to deal with, and sometimes not anyone's favourite person." He wasn't starting off on a good note. "But I... would like to be friends with you! You are the first one to say what you really think, the first person to really take what I want into perspective!"
"Then stop calling me peasant."
"Wha?"
"I want you to call me by my name. Rena! I'm Rena Hikari! And I'll call you Kagura. Drop the lord act!" She pointed at him as if to exaggerate what she was saying. "You are Kagura, right?! Whether you're the son of the Daimyo or not, that's not your identity! You can be so much more than just that, so show me the friend that wants to be a shinobi and will do anything- even rush into danger, not the one who just wants to be some prissy rich kid!"
Kagura was silent for a moment, before nodding. "Yeah! I'm gonna be way stronger than you!"
"Dream on, I have to catch up to Gaara!"
"Then you better watch out, I'll surpass you while you're not looking!"
"I'll race you back to the Hidden Sand!" Rena declared, pushing herself into a head start and tearing up grass as she ran.
"And I'll win!" Kagura did the same, head to head with the purple-haired Genin. "Don't underestimate me!"
As they raced off into the rising sun, the desert reflecting the heat, neither could truly understand the hell-storm that was waiting for them back home. At that moment, the world seemed absolutely perfect, like there was hope to go back to.
The innocence of childhood, the frivolity of one's actions, can only last for so long...
[Song meant for this scene: Yas - Empty Crown.]
The two finally saw the Hidden Sand in sight; a mass of villagers were at the gate. It had to be at least half of the population out there. "I see, so they're here to welcome me!" Kagura declared. The closer they got, however, the more Rena realized; something was wrong. It was only when she saw the body in Sansa's hands that she realized how wrong everything was.
Her eyes moved to find the Sand Siblings. Temari and Kankuro's faces were desolate as they stared in horror at their father's body. She couldn't find Gaara, but she knew- within seconds, she embraced the two, shoving their faces into her chest. "You can cry, or even scream if you want to! Show all the weaknesses you need to and I won't let anyone see. I won't let anyone judge you!" Kankuro's shoulders began to shake. He wondered if it was possible to feel happy and sad at the same time- his feelings were mixed. As he clutched her clothing, sobbing, only Temari could hold back her tears through gritted teeth. Even so, small streaks of tears went down her cheeks- she was much more silent about it. She appreciated Rena's actions, but weakness wasn't something she could show unless she wanted to be eaten alive.
Gaara stood, away from the rest of the crowd, staring at the corpse of his father. He had imagined this many times before, even was amused by the thought; but nothing was there anymore, other than emptiness. Did he feel sad about his father's death? The answer was no. He wondered if his father would even want, or accept his tears. Looking up at the sky, his hair brushed against his cheeks as the wind blew from behind him. If he was still out there, if there was such a thing as life after death, would he look upon Gaara favourably now?
Would he have room for love in his heart?
"Lord Kagura."
"Ah, Shimada. Here to return me to the capital city?"
Shimada's expression was so sour that it made Kagura's mouth taste bitter. "No," Shimada said. "Your father has been assassinated. Your uncle takes his place, he's disinheriting you of all your titles. He says you should live a long, fulfilling life, and that you should not concern yourself with the title of Daimyo."
Kagura's mind began to crack like shattering glass. Plans, the future... the moments he had talked to his father before he left. His knees buckled and painfully struck the ground. He barely registered the pain of his smarting knees. It was nothing compared to the hurricane wrenching through him now as he tried to process what he'd been told. "But I'm... supposed to be the next Daimyo."
"The Daimyo will not be supporting you financially in any way. He officially denounces your family branch from the honourable name of the Daimyo; this is the best he can do for you."
"Hey!" Kagura screamed as the messenger turned away. "How dare you?! How dare he?! Kill my father, strip my titles, that doesn't matter! It doesn't! I'm... I'm Kagura! I'm part of the honourable family that the true Daimyo has created...! I'm... Kagura!" He protested. "He killed my father... Took my home away... and he wants to act like he's doing me some kind of favour?!" Kagura took a handful of sand and flung it at the messenger with an angry, raw screech. "Sending a messenger rather than saying it to my face? Some leader he is!"
"Please, Kagura. Lord Daimyo only wishes you the best-"
"Don't call him that! How dare you address me so informally?!" Kagura was beginning to break down. "You scum...! Where's your loyalty? Where's my birthright?!"
"The truth is, Kagura... you were always a spoiled brat."
Kagura lunged at the messenger, but Baki was there to pull him back. pain and confusion was in the boy's eyes. Baki's voice was low, but loud enough for Kagura to hear. "There's no fighting your uncle right now."
Baki was right. Kagura couldn't do anything... All of his influence, money and prestige were gone. "Fine. Tell my uncle he can have the title of Daimyo... for now." Kagura's eyes were intense enough to make Kagu back away, shocked by his willpower. "But I'm coming for it, someday. None of his descendants will ever see the light of day. I'll lock them in a prison and throw away the key. I'll starve my uncle to death for what he did to my father. Let's consider this a vacation; I'm going to learn what the people want, and I'm going to take my power back! We'll see who's really the real Daimyo then!"
Shimada laughed nervously, stepping backward, almost tripping over a rock. "Y-you're just a kid! Hurtling insults at something you don't understand! If you say one more thing, I'll arrest you on conspiracy to commit a crime against the Lord Daimyo!"
"Let me see you try!" Kagura challenged, but Baki's grip tightening on his shoulder causing him to turn away. "Fine. Leave my presence." The messenger turned away from Kagura, suspicion still lingering in his mind. Kagura's glare could pierce through anything at this point; he slapped Baki's hand off of his shoulder and began to walk away. He took a quick glance at Rena, the way she was embracing those people in pain...
She said she was his friend. Who cared about those other nobodies?! Why wasn't she comforting him right now? He needed her the most! He was... he didn't... his face fell as he truly realized his situation.
Right now, he was alone. There was nothing. Nobody. All that he had was the shaky friendship he'd almost ruined by being the brat that he was.
You are Kagura, right?! Whether you're the son of the Daimyo or not, that's not your identity!
She was right. He was Kagura. Being the son of the Daimyo wasn't his only identity. It hurt. It hurt to know that everything he thought he would have upon leaving was taken away before he could even get back. Tears streamed down his cheeks. He cried silently, his hands shaking as he felt his head pound. He wanted to panic. He wanted to scream. He was afraid. He didn't want to be alone. He didn't want to make a new life. He didn't want any of this!
But he had to. He had to forge ahead, not because he wanted to, but because that's the only way he could live.
Rena glanced up, her eyes widening as she stared directly at her assailant from the other night. His mask, his posture- it was him, she was sure of it. He seemed to be staring at her. She glared back, knowing that he had something to do with this. Why else would he have attacked her? Or tried to get her to leave the Hidden Sand? Was there something she had of his that proved his guilt?
It didn't matter! She'd find out why he killed Rasa and out him. She wouldn't just let this go unsolved!
The past two days had gone by in a blur. Rena hadn't really seen any of the Sand Siblings. They hadn't dropped by to visit. It made sense, of course, as they were preparing for their father's funeral. "Why can't I just be in the same room as Rena?" Kagura had asked, over breakfast. Today was the day of the funeral and Su, Suno, Tsukiyomi, Ikari, Rena, Baki, Sansa and last but not least Kagura sat, dining together.
"You're not a Lord anymore, Kagura. This is my house, and that's my engaged daughter." Sansa's voice was bitter and cold. She'd been different, speaking less, spending more time on her own and buried in her work.
"I haven't seen any ring! Also, she would have told me! And I don't want to share a room with Suno and Ikari! There's another unused room, just begging for an owner! Come on!" Rena had sort of forgotten about her own engagement. She didn't really want to think about it today...
Sansa pinched the bridge of her nose. She wasn't in the mood for this at the moment. "Listen, Kagura. I don't run a fucking orphanage. I'm doing this out of the kindness of my fucking heart, so shut the fuck up and take whatever the fuck I give you."
Kagura turned pale. Nobody really wanted to look up- Sansa had never snapped that hard before. Everyone heard the scrape of a chair as Kagura walked away from the table, quietly and silently, resigned to his fate.
[Emotional Music - A Nostalgic Dream]
The rest of the morning went by without a sound. Even when Sansa decided to take a brush to Rena's hair and finally try to tame the mess that it was, Rena sat patiently for two hours. It was agonizing, but something she understood that she maybe shouldn't speak for. Even the walk to the funeral was morbid; the sun was shining high in the sky as if it was supposed to be a happy day, the mood completely opposite to what it should be. A beautiful day, not too hot, not too cold... and although it was perfect, it felt like it made it even sadder. The kind of thing that you didn't want someone to miss. The kind of day you took off from work so you might go spend it with the people you love... but nobody would be working that day.
That was one of the perks of it being the Kazekage's funeral.
Even standing in the hall, meant for the procession, Rena realized that it was dreary and stuffy, not quite the right place for one, especially today. The Kazekage's body lay covered on a cold slab of stone, two torch-bearers on either side. People walked forward, paying their respects with a single sand-rose each. It would hide the smell of burning remains, giving off a sweet scent instead of a disgusting one.
Although Rena looked around the hall, she could see only Temari and Kankuro at the front, along with all of the members of the Elder Council and the Kazekage's Council. Sansa and Baki were there, but she was given a seat further away. She hoped they were doing okay, but in the front row, there were whispers.
"He doesn't even want to show up to his own father's funeral?"
"He should never have been born."
"It's better that he doesn't show."
Temari's grip tightened around the sand-rose in her hands. There was nothing she could do. Not about what they'd been saying about their father or Gaara. Her father hadn't been weak! He'd just did what he thought was best for the Hidden Sand...! And it had paid off. They had the Daimyo replaced. Maybe not in the best way, but the outrage the Daimyo had caused by giving all of the work that rightfully belonged to them to the Hidden Leaf was the reason there was ever an issue in the first place. She felt as if her father's death meant something, but nobody would pay attention to that.
All they would see was a Kazekage that had failed and died, as everyone else before him did.
She could hear more frantic whispers, the footsteps of people who turned, surprise and sparks raising through the entire hall. Temari's head turned and her eyes widened as Gaara stepped through the door. He was dressed in all black, a basic, yet respectful outfit. She was surprised he knew funeral etiquette, or even that he showed up at all.
He walked down the aisle, solemn. His eyes couldn't be torn away from his father's body. So, this was the place that everyone came to when they wanted to be with someone, or when they died. Sand trickled down from one of the cracks in the stone ceiling, but he ignored that. Even as he felt the small drip of it on his shoulder, he walked on, uncaring, with only one goal in mind. The hall was silent. Everyone was terrified. A mother held her child to her breast, stroking their hair and whispering praise, hoping that Gaara, the Demon of the Sand, wouldn't snap and kill them all at this moment.
Gaara lifted up his hand. Tears pricked in the corners of the mother's eyes. He plucked a sand rose from one of the nearby bouquets, walking up to his father as he held it, gently, as if it had a soul and mind of its own. He placed it down at his father's side, along with the other roses. Where it belonged. "I want to become someone anyone can rely on. I will protect the Hidden Sand with all of my strength. I will change people's minds about me. I vow... to become the Kazekage!"
His voice bounced off of the hallowed halls, a place where both blessings and tears converged. He stepped away, turning to face the crowd- but one of the torch-bearers dropped their torch. As it fell onto Rasa's body, setting it alight with flame, it illuminated Gaara's figure as he looked at them, the ashes and flames consuming his father flickering. The flames reached higher, so high that it seemed like it might jump off of the stone slab- but they never did. As he turned around to watch his father burn, he felt cathartic, yet sad.
Lonely.
The feeling of a hand on his shoulder caused him to whip around, and he gazed into the lilac eyes of one of the only people who seemed to always know what the right and wrong actions were to take. Like it was instinct to know and do exactly what he wanted. Maybe it wasn't right, but the way the light illuminated her face was beautiful. How could he deal with her being with Kankuro...? How could he forge the path ahead without her at his side? It all had to be for her happiness. What he had to do... would be best for her.
Rena's sudden embrace caused his face to flush red. In front of all these people...?! What was she thinking? "It's going to be alright... Gaara. No matter what, I know you'll be the Kazekage."
Kankuro watched, his expression turning darker. As he watched what should've been heartwarming to him, he realized what this meant for him. Gaara was trying to take everything that he was supposed to be. He was supposed to be Kazekage. He was supposed to be one of the last to say his goodbyes to their father. How could he do that, now that he was on fire?! And most of all, right now, Rena was supposed to be comforting him!
Kankuro didn't want to see this. He rationalized with himself. Rena was comforting his brother as a friend, right? And... his brother didn't understand just how much the title of Kazekage meant to him. As for his father, that was an accident of the torch-bearer, not his brother.
And he hoped... that was all it was.
"I wonder what Lady Owari's thoughts are on letting Rena run free like this. Can't mean anything good for us, right?" Kinju sat back in the chair supplied for him back at Kyuden. It had been a quick journey, considering he memorized the right routes and blackmailed a few people for speedy transportation. He couldn't be bothered to walk everywhere as Owari did. Their leader was, after all, quite a stand-out. She always took back paths with all of her fancy clothing that put quite a hit into their budget, which always annoyed him.
"Kinju. Why is that my problem? You're the only one Owari listens to. Why not just tell her to take Rena back?" The man beside him retorted, holding what looked like a turkey baster. In the seat before him sat a girl, tears streaking her face. She struggled as much as she could, but she was strapped to the chair.
"Because you know she gets touchy when it comes to Rena. Anything else, any other subject, and I would right away. But this one... it's a little out of my paygrade." The other man dropped the turkey baster, giving Kinju a glare. "What?"
"Payday, paygrade, it's always about money with you. Why not take a moment to enjoy what you do- to enjoy life? You have one. You live it. Then you die. Time is the true currency. And frankly, you wasting my time with these boring conversations about wanting to do something instead of planning to do it isn't my idea of how I want to spend my life." The man shrugged, before resuming his previous project. "Come back when you have something more interesting to say."
"She doesn't remember any of us. She doesn't know about what, or who, she is. And the funniest part- she has friends now. Emotional. It's kind of strange, to see her like that." Just before the turkey baster reached the struggling girl's eye, the scientist-doctor paused.
"This is something that is worth my time. Take me to her, now."
"Are you sure you want to risk incurring Owari's wrath? I was seen visiting her last time by that spider-bitch."
The doctor raised his eyebrow. "Have I ever said something I don't mean, Kinju? I want to go, so you'll take me." His head turned, as he took a glance at his subject. "I guess I could change my plans for you..." The girl paled, trying to scream out as he reached for her...
The sound of doors swinging open caught the attention of Merui. She thought she was the only one in the bathhouse, tending to the flowers there, but her eyes widened when she saw who it was.
"Let me take the mantle of Kazekage. History doesn't have to remember me, but the Hidden Sand needs protection." The vase of flowers slipped through Merui's fingers, crashing onto the floor. Water washed over her feet as she couldn't hide her surprise. "I won't do anything that puts the Elder Council out of commission."
Merui grinned. "Really? You and I working together? Don't you think that's a bit of a stretch?"
As the sun hit the roof, the person talking to Merui was exposed to the beams. Sansa stood before her, a distant look in her eyes. "Maybe, but don't lie- right now, the village needs somebody."
"So be it, Sansa. You won't be remembered by history, but you can be the temporary, acting Kazekage." Merui brushed a lock of her hair out of her eyes. "But don't blame me when the world falls apart around you. People in the seat of Kazekage find that they can't live normally, without a single care..."
"What makes you think that I lived without a care in the first place?" Although the two were at odds, it was clear neither of them knew enough about each other. Sansa turned away. "I'll make it work until Kankuro takes my place. That is all I am doing this for."
"Good. I like how similar we think." They thought of the same person, for different reasons. Merui wanted her granddaughter to finally end the cycle... And Sansa wanted Rena's life to be perfect.
Will the snake eat its own tail, or will it finally succeed...?