Blood In The Sand

Rage was all that crept through Sansa's mind as she trudged through the sand, her target the Kazekage. She grabbed his wrist, yanking him into the alley before pinning him against the wall, cracks forming where her hand rested beside his head as her deep blue eyes glared at him. Even so, Rasa's cheeks tinted pink. It just made her angrier. "She's back!?" She wasn't restraining her voice, so someone who was particularly nosy would hear and see a shameful scene between the Kazekage and the shinobi. "She's back, and you didn't even tell me!?" Her nails dug into the wall. She hadn't talked to Rasa in a while. Even now, it was hard to be around him. She'd acted before she thought and now, she was trapped in this alley with him. "Tell me why I shouldn't gut you right now." She couldn't touch him, even if she pretended as if she could.

"Because I am your Kazekage." Rasa was relatively calm in this situation, entranced by her gaze. The small, hopeful smile on his face made her want to wipe it off. She held back her need to blush through sheer willpower.

"She's my child!"

"Sansa, listen to me."

Sansa sighed, withdrawing her hand. It was like the pressure had been removed the further away she got from him as she rested her back against the other side of the alley's wall, crossing her arms and glaring at him from a distance. "What?"

"I've been thinking about what you said," He began, tugging at his collar as he looked for anything to fiddle with. He swallowed his fear, knowing full well the potential consequences of what he was about to say. "When you left me. I still don't fully understand it, but I... want you back."

Her eyes had changed. They were ablaze, almost glowing blue as she looked at him, her gaze that of a wild beast who had been disrespected. He swore he could almost see a lick of blue flames igniting in her eyes as she looked at him like he was the lowest of the low, disgust portrayed across her features. "After all these years... you're still the same selfish prick you've always been." Conflict tore into her heart as she searched for more words, any words, to put distance between them. If she couldn't put distance between them, she'd make a mistake, a mistake she couldn't come back from. "You'd betray one of your most loyal friend's trust just to say something like that again?" She took a step forward. It was a mistake. He smelt like ginger tea, and she could feel the heat radiate off of his body. It was a comfortable kind of uncomfortable, one she didn't want to acknowledge. "You know Baki and I are together. You know we're engaged. You know what this does to me! How can you still be so self-absorbed?!"

"I'm sorry, Sansa. You've always been one of my strongest anchors, grounding me when I feel like I can't stay here anymore. You're alive; you're strong. You tell me when I'm wrong. More than anything else, I want you." Tears dripped from the Kazekage's face as he reached for her, gripping her arms and pulling her close, embracing her as his head rested on her shoulder. "I love you."

Sansa was dead-silent. She remained in his arms for a few seconds, taking in his scent, his warmth, lingering, almost wanting to give up on everything she had built. It didn't matter if she wanted the Kazekage or not. It didn't matter if Sansa loved him. Now that Rena was back, Sansa's feelings were irrelevant. The girl needed a strong role model. A father. Someone she could rely on. If someday, a monster came to take her away, the darkness she had hidden her child from in the first place... Rasa wouldn't be enough, no matter how much Sansa wanted it.

And so, as she held back all of her emotions and put on a straight face, she shoved Rasa away. "You can't do this, Rasa. It's not fair to Baki. It's not fair to me." Sansa shook her head as she stepped back, putting some space in between her and the Kazekage. She could feel a web of cracks forming on her heart as she did all she could to keep it together. She had to. "You're the one who chose the path we would take. You did that with your actions. You wouldn't treat your child properly, and he became a monster. All of this could have been solved so easily back then. I left because of what you did to your child. The way you acted. Did you happen to forget that he is your blood?! The last gift your wife—my best friend—gave you before she died?!" She turned away, walking to the edge of the alley and turning before she walked into the light. All he could see was her blue eyes glimmering with emotions he couldn't understand... or maybe he could. He couldn't claim to know everything going on in her head. "I'm leaving for the Hidden Leaf. I don't want to be your bodyguard, so assign someone else. When we get back from the Leaf, we'll finish this conversation for good."

Sansa disappeared from the alley, leaving Rasa standing alone, the wind lightly moving his hair. He knew Sansa most likely wouldn't have reacted well to what he had to say, but he'd wanted to try anyway. Rasa wondered if it was foolish of him to think that now that her child was back, things between them could go back to the way they used to be. He shook his head, turning in the other direction. If Sansa wasn't going to escort him to the Hidden Leaf, he'd have to find a replacement for her quickly.

As Sansa walked away, her mind was clouded by her memories. Her face softened as she looked back at the alley, before looking at the Kazekage's office- the very first thing she had seen when she'd first come to the Hidden Sand.

It'd been a foggy day, similar to what this morning was. She'd been stopped by the Border Patrol, inspected to see if she was pregnant or carrying weapons. The instant they realized that she was, indeed, pregnant, close to childbirth, they guided her inside, right into the Kazekage's office.

It was Karura that had welcomed her with open arms, chastized Rasa whenever he'd said something about being suspicious. Sansa's first opinion of Rasa had been that he was, ultimately, a pretentious cunt. She didn't like him at all and wondered why Karura would've married someone like that.

Temari and Kankuro were still small. They came over now and again to help her get settled. Although Rasa inquired about her origin, Karura chastized him. Sansa would never forget what Karura had done for her and the kindness she had shown in Sansa's time of need.

"Aren't you curious?" Sansa asked as she gently rubbed her swollen stomach, trying to alleviate some of the pressure. "You're probably the only person who hasn't asked me anything about it."

"You would tell me if you felt the need to. I can already see that you're uncomfortable about the subject. Maybe you don't like thinking about it too much, either." Karura poured tea into Sansa's cup, steam wafting out of the ceramic. "I understand what it's like to be judged. Many think I married Rasa for his position. They knew who I was before I became the Kazekage's wife. I married Rasa because I saw the man he could be, and I fell for him before I knew it."

"I don't know what man you see. He seems self-serving and stupid to me."

"That's my husband you're talking about, Sansa."

"Sorry, Karura."

"It's alright. I understand that you don't have much experience with the life of a shinobi. You can't possibly understand what it means to be Kazekage, either. It's not a title to be taken lightly; after all, he has many responsibilities."

"Well, he could spend more time with you…"

"It's all for the Hidden Sand, Sansa. His diligent work makes our home safer." Karura smiled, her expression something Sansa hadn't understood back then. Sansa had been, in many ways, similar to a child. Karura had taught her much about what it meant to be genuinely human… and the monster's teachings had slowly faded from her mind.

Karura had helped Sansa feel safe again…

As Sansa passed the tea shop that Karura had initially taken her to, she turned. It wouldn't hurt for her to take a break, would it? It wasn't the best idea to catch up with Rena yet. She had no idea what she'd say, after all. Beyond that… the preparations in the Hidden Leaf weren't complete. Sansa realized she couldn't even leave the Hidden Sand yet, as she and Baki still had work to do here- soldiers to organize.

She sat down at her table, the server bringing over a teapot. She poured her tea, the scent reminding her of bitter days...

To lose, you can't afford to.

Those words were the only piece of advice that had sat in the back of her mind, even when she'd escaped her master.

Sansa had never been one to act before layers of thinking. Karura had released her of her chains, showed her a world of freedom she hadn't been given before. So when Karura died, her world felt like it had been crushed.

That had been the day Gaara had been born.

At first, all-consuming rage had convinced her that he was a demon, especially after what Rasa had done. She thought that Gaara had purposefully taken away his mother's life and that he deserved to be hated for it. She had every intent to kill him. Karura's body still lay lifeless in the bed, Rasa having cried himself to exhaustion beside it.

She'd crept beside the baby and, with hatred, driven a kunai straight into its heart.

It was her surprise that the sand came to the child's defence, surrounding it, protecting it from her strike. Her tears would wet the material as the sand would crumble, a fragile, untrained wall.

Somehow, she knew.

And she brushed the sand from the baby's chest, who began to cry, with nobody to care for it. Rasa seemed preoccupied, unwilling to awaken for its cries. Sansa picked up Gaara and held him in her arms, the coldness toward him around her heart melting as she realized he was just a defenceless child. She held him to her chest, shushed him.

"It's unfair to judge you now. I, too, have a child like you in my belly, a dormant monster waiting to reawaken. But maybe… it doesn't have to be that way. Maybe I can raise her differently this time. I can save her from the darkness. In her current form, she's just like you. Innocent. Unaware." Sansa's tears dripped down her cheeks, and the child in her arms quieted. "Is it strange that the fact you're Karura's child makes me think that the only thing I want to do is protect you? If I was the person I'd been before I came here… you would have died."

She began to doubt she ever meant to strike lethally in the first place.

Sansa had almost consumed all of the tea she'd poured for herself. She left a few coins on the table, getting up and going. Her shoulder brushed against another's, and the scent of ginger tea filled her senses. She turned around, primed to call his name, but the colour of the person's hair was different.

She kept her mouth shut and walked away.

Her opinion of Rasa began to change with the years. Gaara didn't have anyone save for Yashimaru and in place of Karura, he was a lovely conversationalist. He kept Sansa sane for the longest time. Gaara didn't have a mother. He almost died of starvation, as Yashimaru and Rasa had no idea how to take care of a baby, and Rasa was too prideful to ask for help.

Sansa had stormed in and taken matters into her own hands. "I'll help the child until he can fend without milk." She'd helped Temari and Kankuro as well, but they didn't accept her nearly as much. Kankuro had lashed out at her for attempting to replace his mother, but Temari reprimanded him and thanked her. They'd only been little children then. Temari had become more mature than she could've imagined at a young age, claiming she had two brothers to take care of.

Sansa had gotten close to Rasa. It started via the letters. She knew he was suffering, pouring himself into his work, avoiding his children. She told him to write his feelings. On some off chance the dead could see it, it would be worth it to at least mark their names on the envelopes. He brushed her off, and they never spoke of it again, so she didn't know what he did with her advice- but as she helped him more, cleaning up, with the children, paperwork, their bond grew.

And then he kissed her.

That was the prime point of their relationship, the moment it started. Without knowing it, Sansa had fallen for Rasa, seeing some of the points Karura had highlighted about him. She felt guilty but promised Karura she would take care of her family while standing over her grave. If only she were able to keep that promise…

Four months later, Rena had been born.

Gaara had been weened.

And like that, the life Sansa had gotten so used to crumbled. Yashimaru took Gaara, and Rasa decided to limit his contact with others, even his own siblings. Sansa was told that she would no longer be able to interact with Gaara.

Why?

She wished she'd asked that question. Her guilt was bubbling within her.

Why not?

But all she had said was,

"Alright."

It was logical, wasn't it?

After all, Gaara wasn't her child.

She had Rena now, and the darkness within her was much more significant than a tailed beast. Sansa wanted to apply all of her attention to Rena, make her upbringing perfect, let her become stronger than who she previously was emotionally.

She wanted to make sure Rena would have free will.

So… wouldn't Gaara just get in the way of that?

Sansa felt the guilt consume her as she stepped into the shadows, heading toward her next assignment. She made her way into the secret ANBU department, being pulled back to the past in her mind.

The night her world changed for the worst.

The Shukaku had gone on a rampage. She had thought Rena would be smart enough to evacuate… after all, Rena barely understood what the Shukaku was. Any sane human being would run from a monster, wouldn't they?

The day after the Shukaku attack, Sansa had burst into Rasa's office. He barely paid her any mind. Even as she strode across the room, still, he was buried in his work as always. "I need to be excused from duty. I have to find her."

Rasa sighed, placing his paperwork down before pinching the bridge of his nose. "How arrogant can you be? Our village needs our help, and you're thinking of your daughter. You are needed here, Sansa. You belong here."

"How could you say something like that? You know how important she is to me." And to think, she was almost ready to tell him about her past. To tell him about the darkness she'd been hiding from him.

"I'm not going to entertain this fantasy you have that your child is still alive. She's confirmed dead, murdered by my son."

"They haven't found her body yet!"

"Because it's buried under a mass of sand, Sansa! Stop being so foolish!"

"No! I know! I know in my heart that she's alive, all of my instincts are telling me so!"

"Such an amateur thing to say." Rasa stood up, his glare piercing through her as he stepped toward her. "I thought you were a professional, Sansa. I gave you control of the ANBU because I thought you of all people could handle it. I never thought I'd made a mistake until this moment. You're acting pathetic."

And like that, all of her feelings crumbled to the ground. She had learned how to cry, smile, and live like life could be normal.

Now, she would never cry again. Not for anyone. "I never want to see you again, Rasa. You disgust me. Don't you dare ever show your face to me unless I call on you." Sansa turned, walking toward the door.

"Wait!" She paused, looking back, hoping that Rasa could fix all of this, that he would realize he was making a mistake. "I am your Kazekage. Don't think that just because I'm fucking you, you can talk back to me like that. Where are you going to go, Sansa? Face it. After losing that fatherless child, this village is all you have left. I am all you have left. Nobody will want you after you had a child with no father. I am the only exception. Don't you dare step through that door before I'm done speaking to you."

Sansa's hands tightened. "What are you going to do, Kazekage?" A bitter smile stretched across her face. "Relieve me from duty?" She stepped over the doorframe, turning back, her smile betraying the cold, fierce glare in her eyes. "I didn't think you could sink any lower than you already are. At least I'm a mother to my child. I was more of a parent to your children in the past nine years than you were in your entire life."

Rasa had called for Sansa over and over, tried to find her- in the end, he banned her from leaving the Hidden Sand indefinitely.

She stopped speaking to him for three years. She couldn't bring herself to associate with them after their argument. It was only recently, now that he'd softened his behaviour and become a little more compassionate, that she'd begun to take missions directly from him again.

Had that been a mistake?

X

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh! Three days of walking?! I'll go crazy! Noooo! I can't! No more walking! I can't dooooo it!" Rena gripped her head as they walked through the desert, declaring her hatred for walking anywhere. Kankuro hoisted the bundle he kept over his shoulder, giving Rena a playful smile before nudging her with his arm.

"At least we can go crazy together, right, Rena?"

Rena let out a laugh, a ring of glorious laughter in the ears of Kankuro. How his sweet angel sounded so delectable, something he could take a bite out of! "As much as I'm sure seeing you crazy would be super funny, I'd rather keep my sanity. When we get there, I'm heading to the first shop with tasty desserts that I see!"

"I'm afraid that you won't be getting any if I eat them all first~!"

"Aren't you lactose intolerant?!"

"No! What made you think that?!"

Rena shrugged, giving him an apologetic smile before turning to Temari, who slowed her pace to talk to the girl. "Do you have anyone who you like yet, Temari?" The sand sibling frowned, sighing. "Ah- sorry, did I touch a sore spot?"

Gaara took no interest in this conversation. Romance meant nothing to him, as did girls or marriage. Kankuro wasn't interested in Temari's love life, either. Gross,

"No, it's okay... I've had a few suitors, but nothing special..." Except for the one her father had selected for her. She would have to talk to him when he got to the Hidden Leaf, try to change his mind. Hopefully, she would succeed. "How about you?"

It was at this point that both Gaara and Kankuro were slightly closer to the girls, listening to the conversation as carefully as possible without seeming suspicious. Hearing a twig snap, the two girls turned around to see Gaara crouching and studying a small portion of the ground, moving the dirt between his fingers while Kankuro carved something out of a tree branch. "Well, there is this one guy..."

Foolish. Gaara turned away from the conversation.

OHMYGODWEFEELTHESAME. Kankuro began jumping around, doing his happy dance. It was a mix between dabbing and doing the macarena. Random jerks in all kinds of different directions before he chilled out, sliding to a pause.

"Oh? What's his name? I can set up a blind date if you'd like." Rena knew Temari had no interest in doing that, but she did love helping the people she loved and seeing them happy. She shook her head, putting her hands behind her back and giving Temari a sincere smile.

"It's okay! It's more than enough to see him alive. Even if I can never have my feelings returned, as long as he exists... I'll be happy. I wish that he'd smile more, though. He had the most amazing smile when we were kids..." Rena's cheeks flushed, and Kankuro swore that he'd never do anything but smile ever again. Maybe Rena was so sweet because she loved to eat sweet things...

Gaara, on the other hand, was beside himself with disgust. Whoever she had those feelings for, he'd kill. He'd make them suffer and die. She was talking about that person like they were some saviour like her life didn't matter in place of theirs.

It took a lot of progression and a lot of breaks, but finally, they reached the border between the Land of Wind and the Land of Fire. Rena had been trying to walk beside Gaara for hours, but somehow he always shook her off, walking slower or faster as Kankuro or Temari distracted her from him. As sand turned to dirt, Kankuro tried to get closer, but Tsukiyomi cut off his path to Rena. "Are you interested in cats?"

"...Yes, why?"

"Your hood... it resembles a feline." Tsukiyomi reached up, her fingertips tracing his hood. Distracted, Kankuro couldn't interrupt Rena and Gaara.

"Hey, Gaara."

No response.

"Gaara, talk to me?" She tried again.

"Hello." The response was short, simple and pure.

"Are you excited about the Chuunin exams?"

"No." It was a blatant lie. He was excited. He lived for that moment. He was going to slick the ground in the blood of the Leaf village nin.

"Why not?" No response. Gaara began to walk ahead of her, cutting off whatever she had to say next. Kankuro had finally escaped the clutches of Tsukiyomi and caught up to Rena.

"Hey, Rena, about competing to get to the dessert shop, maybe.. we can go together?" It had taken Kankuro the entire trip, working and pumping himself up to ask her out on a date.

"Oh, okay..."

Kankuro's eyes lit up, his smile stretching across his face. "Yes! Yesss! I won't mess this up, I'll pay for everything, I promise-" He was pushed out of the way by Tsukiyomi, falling into a ditch full of sticky mud. He flailed, trying to get out. "Uh, help, please?"

"After monitoring your behaviour, I have concluded that something is different."

"It's nothing, Tsukiyomi."

"But, your expression is..."

Rena gave Tsukiyomi a sad smile. "It's okay, Tsukiyomi, I swear."

X

Finally. Konoha's main road, with the gate in sight. They were a few minutes away from the village itself when suddenly, Rena was finally acknowledged. Gaara walked beside her for a minute, before finally speaking. "Come visit me tonight. The roof of the inn." His pace slowed, and he fell behind the group, but Rena felt ecstatic. Her heart was bouncing around in her chest.

Kankuro grabbed her hand, breaking her out of her stupor, pointing at the gate. "Come on, Rena! We need to eat dessert. I'm starving!" Kankuro's excitement couldn't be contained as she was dragged into the village. She stole a single glance back, watching Gaara as he got further away. All he did was watch, his eyes devoid of emotion. He wouldn't stop looking at her, and a part of her felt almost guilty.