Naruto
“Inside your file, I’ve written down your new address; you are expected to finish relocating three days from now. There is also a permission slip allowing you to go to the hospital to learn from one of the medic-nins there.” Iruka informs Sasuke as the boy flips through the folder in his hand. “The first lesson will be tomorrow at 06:00, if you decide to attend. Furthermore, though you have the permission slip, you are not the only one for whom I’ve arranged these extra lessons. Make sure you inform Shino and Shikamaru that they have the option to join you by the end of today.”
It’s true that Iruka could have given the slip to Shino or Shikamaru, or even told them about the lessons, but Iruka really wants to force Sasuke to reach out to them. Out of all the genin that graduated, those two, especially Shino, are the ones most likely to get along with Sasuke and form something of a friendship.
And that won’t work if they go to Sasuke. It’ll only work if Sasuke approaches them of his own volition.
Sasuke nods once in his direction, not even bothering to glance at him, and Iruka forces down his disappointment. He’s not concerned that Sasuke will cause the other two to miss the lessons, he did make a note in their sensei’s file, but he is worried that Sasuke will refuse out of spite.
Hopefully that works itself out.
“Aww, wasn’t that nice of Iruka-sensei, Little Sasuke? He went and got you extra lessons, so you won’t suck so much.” Kakashi’s voice is overly peppy and Iruka isn’t the only one to glare at him.
The asshole doesn’t even look up from his book.
“Do you have anything constructive to add to this meeting?” Iruka snaps, fighting down the urge to get up and punch the man in the face. No point in wasting his energy on a blow that will never connect.
“Constructive? Hmm, let me think?” Kakashi begins humming under his breath, casually turning another page in his book. “Well, I’m not exactly sure if this counts,” his voice switches from singsong to deadly serious in a way that only a veteran shinobi’s can, “but I think Naruto might explode soon.”
He’s not wrong. Naruto is almost vibrating in his seat and Iruka expects to start hearing the chair rattling against the floor.
He’s not wrong. He’s just not very useful.
“So, that’s a no.”
“If you say so.” Kakashi flips the page of his filth in a clear dismissal, giggling in a way no grown man ever should, and Iruka wrestles down the part of his temper that wants to fight this man because there’s no way he’s winning a fight against Hatake Kakashi.
He hates jounin. Iruka really fucking hates them.
Iruka eyes Naruto, tries to plan out the best way to approach this conversation because this is Naruto, and it’s Naruto more than any of his other students who Iruka wants to succeed.
He’s not supposed to have favourites. No good instructor has a favourite. But the reality is that every teacher does. After spending so many hours with the kids, how could Iruka not pick out ones he likes more than others. Ones he has higher expectations of and holds them to a different, harsher, stricter standard.
Iruka knows that Ino, Shino, and Sasuke tend to be the type of students that teachers place on a pedestal: Fast learners, disciplined, driven. Iruka likes students like Hinata, Naruto, and Chouji. Kids who don’t realize just how amazing they are. The ones Iruka must fight to drag out all of their potential just so he can see the look on their face when they finally manage to climb up the hill they’ve been struggling with.
He’s always preferred his fellow underdogs.
He wants Naruto to do well, but Naruto’s unpredictable at the best of times. There’s no guessing how he’ll react to advice. Which means Iruka needs to stop stalling and be brutally honest with Naruto.
“Naruto, four days ago, I failed you during the graduation test. I still firmly believe that another year at the academy would be in your best interest.” He holds up a hand to prevent the massive explosion Naruto’s preparing to unleash. “However, your actions that day demonstrated to me that I should give you a chance, which is why, like Sasuke, you also have a conditional acceptance into the field.”
“Eh? But, Iruka-sensei—”
“This isn’t up for debate, Naruto. If you want to be ninja, you have to fill two requirements.”
Naruto pouts, slouching in his seats. “But I’m going to be an awesome ninja and—”
Sakura swats him over the head, noticeably softer than she would have before this meeting. “Stop complaining. If you want to be a ninja, all you have to do is meet the conditions.”
Naruto blinks for a second and then perks up. “Yeah, yeah! You’re so smart, Sakura! All I’ve gotta do is fill the condition than I can be the most badass ninja there ever was!” He pumps one fist in the air, bouncing in his seat. “So, do I gotta go to therapy or something?”
“No, you don’t need therapy.” Iruka assures him. Naruto is so well-adjusted it’s worrying. It would be normal for a child in his situation to be angry and spiteful, closed-off and withdrawn, untrusting and distant, but Naruto has always been warm, friendly, and forgiving. And Iruka knows he can’t exactly put him in therapy for not showing signs of being disturbed.
Ibiki-sensei had said there weren’t enough therapist around for anyone not showing immediate signs of needing help. Instead, Naruto is on a waiting list and will be moved to priority the first instance his behaviour indicates he needs additional support.
“However, you are required to return to the academy in six months to rewrite the theoretical portion of your graduation exam.” Six months is just far enough away that Naruto can get a lot of studying done if he’s dedicated. “If you don’t answer at least eighty percent of the questions correctly, your genin status will fall under scrutiny and your forehead protector may be revoked.”
Naruto’s confidence flees in an instant and he looks at Iruka with wide terrified eyes. “I have to write a test?” His eyes water into the saddest puppy dog eyes Iruka has ever seen.
Iruka meets them with an unmoved stare because he’s had nightmares about Naruto fighting enemy shinobi, insisting he’d use all of his “‘catchra’ for a super awesome jutsu to scare them off”.
“You have six months to study for it. All your peers wrote and passed this exam. The students who failed the exam, weren’t assigned to a jounin instructor. If you join Team 7 without passing it, some people might take the chance to claim that you never earned your spot.” This isn’t exactly the most honest thing Iruka could say. It’s a few centimetres shy of being a blatant lie. Plenty of exceptions have been made before for students who failed the written portion of the exam to allow them to join genin teams.
But Naruto doesn’t need to know that. He also doesn’t need to know that of the nine students who are now genin, only four of them scored eighty percent or above nor does he need to know nothing will change if he fails. Having Naruto pass the exam isn’t a necessity. It’s something Iruka convinced the Hokage to allow for his own peace of mind. Because Iruka wants to guarantee that Naruto has all the tools available to have a long career.
Naruto scowls. “I totally earned my headband!”
“And you have six months to prove that.”
Naruto nods, a stubborn tilt to his chin. “I’m gonna make everyone who doubted me regret it. And when I’m Hokage, they’re all gonna feel really stupid for looking down on me, believe it!”
“And the second condition?” Sakura prompts while Naruto stews in his seat.
At her words, the blond perks back up, squinting his eyes at Iruka suspiciously. “It’s not another test, is it?”
“No. The second condition is relocation. I’ve decided that living alone is detrimental to your development. Therefore, you are required to move to a new home with a roommate.” Because Iruka’s been to Naruto’s apartment. And while it’s always appeared okay, clean in the way someone with very few belongings keeps their home, there’s been other very concerning signs that Naruto isn’t ready to live alone.
Things like cartons of expired milk. Left out on the table. Beside dirty glasses. Glasses dirtied with residual expired milk.
Naruto is twelve. He shouldn’t be making mistakes like that. But since he is, there’s nothing Iruka can do besides damage control. And in Naruto’s case, damage control looks a lot like a babysitter.
On the upside, the babysitter counts as companionship, something that both boys desperately need.
Naruto freezes for a second. And then anger starts to settle into his feature. Anger isn’t something Iruka is used to seeing on Naruto’s face. The expression looks wrong on a face that usually smiles. It’s not surprising. Naruto’s situation in the village is tenuous at best and Iruka’s sure Naruto has always considered his home a safe haven. A place just for him that no one can meddle with
And Iruka’s taking that away from him.
It’ll be better for them in the long run. But that doesn’t make the immediate situation less scary or undesirable.
“This isn’t up for debate, Naruto. If you want to be a genin, you must relocate and cohabit with a roommate. And while I’m sure the two of you will spend the beginning of your cohabitation fighting, I’m also sure that by the end of it, you’ll see each other as family.” He adds that part to try to soothe the frustration clinging to the edge of his eyes.
It’s a mistake. The second he finishes speaking, Sakura gasps. She turns to glance at Naruto for a second before, to Iruka’s despair, unsubtly turning to look at Sasuke. Unfortunately, Sasuke isn’t Naruto. He doesn’t stare at Sakura with a mixture of confusion and concern; instead, he puts the pieces of the puzzle together.
“I am not living with that idiot!”
Damnit.
He’d really really hoped that neither boys would reveal their new address to each other. He could have had a very vague conversation with them separately after this meeting about their new roommates and sent them on their way. That way he’d be nowhere near the explosion when they found out.
“It’s either live with Naruto or don’t be a ninja.” Iruka retorts, resisting the urge to rub his temples. This conversation has already given him a headache.
Naruto’s face scrunches up and Iruka can almost hear the gears turning into his head. When it clicks, he yelps, “What—Iruka-sensei—you—me—Iruka-sensei—that bastard!”
Iruka thinks about trying to decode that statement, but decides there are too many places he could possibly take it.
“Maa, maa. I hate to interrupt, but I think I agree with Naruto’s concern.” Kakashi chuckles and Iruka feels his headache evolve into a migraine. “After all, Sasuke stole Naruto’s first kiss, who knows how safe Little Naruto’s virtue will be when he’s sleeping. You never know when Little Sasuke’s little Sasuke will seek him out.”
Naruto shrieks in terror and throws himself out of his chair, sprinting for the door, as Sasuke stands up, an enraged snarl on his lips and fingers flying through a jutsu. Sakura sits in her chair, face slowly turning red as she alternates between looking at Sasuke and Naruto.
Iruka doesn’t want to know what she’s thinking.
He fucking hates jounin. What kind of asshole deliberately derails a basic assessment? The jounin sensei are supposed to reconvene after this to book training grounds and at the rate they’re going, Kakashi is going to cause the meeting to start late.
Late.
This asshole.
If Iruka hears one complaint tomorrow that he caused the meeting to run late, he’ll—he doesn’t know what he does, but he will find a way to make Hatake Kakashi regret fucking with him.
Kakashi, far too pleased with the chaos he’s caused, returns to his book, while Sakura grabs Sasuke’s arm to prevent him from setting the chair on fire (again) and Naruto fights with the locked door.
“Naruto, sit back down. Your… virtue is not in danger.” Those are words Iruka should never have to say to a twelve-year-old.
“But—”
“Kakashi just thinks he’s funny.” Honestly, half the shit that’s come out of Kakashi’s mouth was said solely to get a rise out of his genin.
“I’m hilarious.”
Iruka glares at Kakashi with all the disgust and rage that comment deserves while the man turns another page. Team 7 has a mutiny scheduled for somewhere in the near future.
“I only want to say this once: Living together is non-negotiable. It will greatly benefit you both. If you’re not willing to share a home, please hand in your forehead protector now and exit the room.”
In the silence that follow his words, Sakura asks, “So, where will they be living?”
“A four-bedroom apartment near the Jounin Standby Station has been selected for them.”
“Four bedrooms by the Jounin—That’s way too expensive! We’ll blow our entire paycheques on rent and still not cover it.” Sasuke snaps.
He’s not wrong. This apartment is so far out of two genins’ price range it’s laughable to even consider it for a second. But the situation is unique for one reason.
“What’s rent?” Naruto asks, tilting his head to the side.
That’s not the question you want to hear from a boy who’s been living alone since he was six. Not that the question surprises Iruka. He’s investigated Naruto’s finances and the situation is very complicated. For example, someone—and no amount of digging on Iruka’s part has ever narrowed down who—has been paying Naruto’s rent since the boy began living alone.
This has allowed Naruto to live in the nicer part of Konoha and allowed him to live above his means. Further digging—something he was only able to do because of his status as a trusted administrative assistant—revealed that his orphan stipend has been supplemented by Hatake Kakashi who’s donated anywhere from ten to thirty percent of his pay to Naruto, though how much of that money goes to Naruto’s orphan stipend and how much goes to a bank account that Iruka’s positive Naruto doesn’t know about seems to vary every time. When Iruka had investigated even further back, he’d noticed that for some inexplicable reason both Uchiha Mikoto and Hyuuga Himawari had contributed to the bank account and Naruto’s orphan stipend while they’d been alive. They’d also been paying for Naruto’s utilities before their deaths at which point Kakashi took over them.
That doesn’t even account for the quality of equipment Naruto uses. Naruto claims that sometimes he just finds new things in his apartment. Kunai, shuriken, even explosive tags. If it’s useful for the shinobi life, Naruto has a high quality one lying around somewhere and he has no idea where it came from.
Technically, Naruto has a lot of money. The reason he struggles to buy things isn’t because he can’t afford them, but because shops have the right to refuse to sell to someone. And there is a long list of shops that refuse to sell to Naruto, usually citing a prank he pulled on someone as their reason. It’s not illegal to refuse to sell to someone, so there’s nothing that can be done about the issue. Unfortunately, Naruto doesn’t have enough supporters, yet, to make a boycott effective. Because of this, it looks like other people, and Iruka has no idea who they all are, have taken matters into their own hands to provide Naruto with the things he needs. From clothes to tools to groceries.
The situation is messy and complicated and Iruka doesn’t even know how to begin addressing it.
“Rent is money that is paid weekly to the owner of the building you live in; however, Naruto, your rent and utilities, are being covered by a benefactor until you either become a chunin or turn eighteen. Because of this, neither of you will have to worry about rent or utilities for a while.” Iruka looks both boys over, neither looking like they’ll tolerate this arrangement. But Iruka isn’t giving them a choice. Not with their well-being on the line. “Do we have an agreement or will you both be resigning now.”
Both of them clench their fists, glaring at his desk, but Iruka waits patiently for them to accept their fate. He’s not budging on this issue. He knows from personal experience that children should not live alone.
Unsurprisingly, it’s Naruto who breaks the silence. “I’m going to be a ninja,” he declares. “I’m going to be the best ninja and then I’ll be the best Hokage ever. Nothing’s gonna stop me, not even living with a grumpy bastard like him, believe it.”
“What the idiot said,” Sasuke grunts, relaxing in his seat, “but without the stupid.”
“Okay, then.” Iruka nods, feeling some of his tension fade. “There’s just one last thing we need to discuss before I go into your evaluation, Naruto.”
Naruto squints at him, cheeks puffing up. “You said there were only two conditions!”
“I did.”
“And there are no more tests!”
Sakura smacks him, “What’s the last thing you want to discuss, Iruka-sensei?”
“Just like I talked about Sakura’s crush, it’s time we talked about yours, Naruto.” This is going to be another long painful conversation that Iruka doesn’t particularly want to get involved in.
“My what?” Naruto sounds genuinely baffled at those words. It’s genuine enough that Iruka almost starts second guessing himself.
“Your crush on Sakura.”
Naruto blinks confused, looking over at Sakura who’s blushing red and staring at her lap. “I don’t want to crush Sakura.”
Sakura slowly turns to Naruto, her expression a mixture of hurt and confusion. “What do you mean you don’t have a crush on me. You’re always asking me on dates!”
“Well, yeah. Of course, I do. If we go on a date, you’ll be my girl friend.”
“So, you do have a crush on me!”
“I don’t want to crush you!”
“You said that I’m the prettiest girl in the academy!”
“So? What does you being pretty have to do with anything?”
Iruka watches the back and forth, feeling his sanity slowly slipping away. What the fuck is going on right now?
“You’re being ridiculous. If you want me to be your girlfriend, you have a crush on me. I have a crush on Sasuke, which is why I want him to be my boyfriend.”
“So? Sasuke’s going to end up my boy friend and I don’t want to crush him—well, I do. But, that’s only because he’s a bastard!”
There’s a brief silence where every eye is on Naruto who stares at Sakura stubbornly.
What the fuck?
“Ah,” Kakashi snickers, looking up from his book, “I guess I was wrong to worry about Naruto’s virtue. Clearly, it’s Sasuke’s chastity that’s in danger. I should have known after the naughty way Naruto tied Sasuke up.”
What the fuck. Why is this—They’re twelve. Who jokes about twelve-year-olds like that?
Sasuke glares at Naruto, fingers flying through a jutsu, while Kakashi, content with the chaos he’s sown, goes back to his book. “I knew you kissed me—”
“Sasuke,” Iruka interrupts because unlike Kakashi who Iruka couldn’t care less about, Naruto isn’t likely to dodge a fire jutsu from this close, “don’t set your teammate on fire.”
He really shouldn’t have to say that to anyone.
While Sasuke continues to glare at Naruto, the force of which has thankfully cowed Naruto into silence, and Sakura continues to alternate glances at her teammates while blushing, Iruka tries to make sense of his thoughts. Someone is miscommunicating here.
“Naruto, when you say you want Sakura to be your girlfriend, do you mean you want her to be your friend who’s a girl?”
“Obviously, Iruka-sensei.” Naruto grumbles. “I don’t want to crush her or anything weird like that.”
“And when you say Sasuke will be your boyfriend…”
“I mean he’s going to be my friend who’s a boy. But I’ll totally crush him if he doesn’t stop being a jerk!”
“Okay. I understand that.” Sasuke and Sakura both look relieved, settling into their seats. “If you want to be friends with Sakura, why do you keep asking her on dates?”
“What do you mean, Iruka-sensei? Everyone knows that when you play with your girl friends, it’s called a date, and when you play with you boy friends, it’s hanging out.”
That wasn’t even remotely true, but Naruto doesn’t have any parents to correct him. Sakura is staring at Naruto in shock, like she’s seeing him for the first time. “So, you mean all those times you asked me on a date, you just wanted to play?”
Naruto shrugs, staring at the counter. He’s slouching, arms crossed, and for a second, he looks smaller than he really is, almost drowning in his orange jacket. “Well, yeah. Some of the other girls were being mean to you and wouldn’t let you play with them, so I thought you might want to play with me instead.”
“I didn’t know that,” Sakura says gently and there’s a softness in her eyes that wasn’t there before. “If I’d known, I might’ve said yes.”
“How could you not know?” Naruto asks, voice sharp and intense. The seriousness almost makes him unrecognizable. “I asked you to go on a date with me. Just like all of you girls kept asking the bastard to go on a date with you.”
“We weren’t going to play. I didn’t want to be his friend!” Sakura snaps. And then she pauses, eyes wide, and turns to glance at Sasuke. “I didn’t want to be his friend,” she repeats herself softly, eyes dropping down to her lap. After a moment, she shakes her head and turns back to Naruto. “Honestly, Naruto, didn’t your parents ever teach—” She stops again. Her eyes flick over to Sasuke, dimming just a bit. After a moment, she straightens her spine and turns back to Naruto. “Dating is what people do when they’re getting to know someone they think they want to marry. A girlfriend or a boyfriend is what you would call the person you’re dating. So, when you asked me to go on a date, I thought you meant that you wanted to get to know me privately so we can see if we want to get married one day. And when you said Sasuke will be you boyfriend, we thought you meant you might want to marry him one day.”
Iruka doesn’t even try to fight to keep his face straight at the look of horror that overtakes Naruto’s face at those words. “Eh! I wouldn’t marry that bastard if he were the last person on the planet!” There’s something mildly hilarious about the way Naruto’s vehement protests cause Sasuke to finish relaxing in his seat.
“Like I’d ever marry a moron like you!” Sasuke retorts, his expression is probably the closest to happy it’s been in years.
Iruka can attest to the fact that there’s nothing more relieving in the world than knowing your crazy teammate doesn’t want to marry you.
“Well,” Iruka chuckles, “now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, shall we begin your evaluation, Naruto?”
At his words, Naruto grins at him, pumping a fist in the air. “Yeah, Iruka-sensei! Tell me everything I need to know to be the best ninja ever!”
“Naruto, you are spontaneous, creative, and inspirational. Your greatest asset is your willpower. It provides you with a never-ending amount of staying power and the drive to surpass any obstacle. Furthermore, your refusal to give up forces the others around you to do their best and that can be seen in this year’s graduation exam.”
“What do you mean by that, Iruka-sensei?” Sakura asks.
“Don’t you think it’s strange that while twenty-seven out of thirty students successfully passed their exam, only nine of you became genin?”
The genin share a look between them, eyebrows furrowed in thought. “I mean, it was a little weird,” Sakura says, “but Kakashi-sensei said that the survival exercise to become a genin has a sixty-six percent failure rating, so I figured…”
“Beginning from the first day at the academy until the day a jounin sensei administers a team evaluation, there is only a thirty percent chance that a student will become a genin. The majority of students drop out of the academy and the rest take two or three additional remedial years before joining the Genin Corps.”
“Thirty percent? That means most of our class should have left ages ago. Why would you even do that?” Sakura splutters.
“Here in Konoha, we value quality over quantity, especially since we’re in the middle of peace time and have no need to churn out as many genin as possible. The less students in your class, the more individual and specialized attention we can give our students. We’re not interested in subpar genin, we only want the best of the best. And we make sure to periodically thin your numbers with pass/fail exercises like the Leap of Faith; however, those exercises become useless with students like Naruto around.”
The Leap of Faith exercise is one of the simpler culling activities. The students are told to make an impossible jump from one cliff to another. Those who make the jump pass and those who don’t make it fail. To make it harder, the students are given no supplies and the drop is fatal if you fail. To be “fair”, students are told that they don’t have to try if they don’t want to. They can try again at a later date with no consequences. In reality, those who don’t jump are dropped from the academy immediately. What the students don’t know is that they are under a genjutsu and the cliff isn’t real.
“I didn’t do anything!” Naruto protests. “I just jumped!”
“No,” Iruka disagrees, “you gave yourself a very loud pep talk and then you jumped. A little more than half of your peers were going to hold off on jumping, which would have resulted in them being dropped from the academy. Instead, after hearing your words, every single student who was about to fail, gathered their courage and charged after you.” It had been shocking. It had been unbelievable. It had been awe-inspiring. “Believe it or not, Naruto, but when you speak, people tend to listen. Whether they want to be or not, people are drawn to you and inspired to do their best.” Naruto’s mouth has dropped slightly and Iruka resists the urge to chuckle at his shock. “It’s a bit of a double-edged sword, though. The last thing you’d want to do is accidentally give your enemies a pep talk. For example, if you were taking the chunin exams, you wouldn’t want the others from enemy nations suddenly putting their all into it, now would you?”
A startled Sakura stares at Naruto with red cheeks. Not surprising. Sakura had been amongst the students who would have dropped out if not for Naruto’s outburst. Completely oblivious to Sakura’s staring, Naruto purses his lips and Iruka can hear the thoughts going on in his head.
“Naruto, don’t give foreign shinobi pep talks,” Iruka says, stopping that line of thought before it can get truly started. “Moving on, your taijutsu is below average, your ninjutsu is average, and your genjutsu is well above average.”
“I knew it!” Sakura shouts, pointing at Naruto. “I knew it! I knew it! I knew it!”
“Knew what? Wait, what? My genjutsu is—what is going on?” Naruto shouts back.
“How the hell is his genjutsu above average when the moron can’t even manage a simple clone?”
Iruka clears his throat and all three genin instinctively fall quiet. “When you create a clone at the beginner level, the clone mimics you. It should be in the same position that you are in. One of the ways I can identify if a student has a natural talent for genjutsu is based off the positioning of their clone. If it’s different than how the student is positioned, than the student is usually talented. Furthermore, the Clone Jutsu is finicky enough that if you don’t do it exactly right, the jutsu should just fail, not produce abysmal copies collapsed on the ground.”
“Couldn’t it have just been luck?” Sasuke asks, sparing Naruto an unimpressed glance.
“I thought it might have been at first, but not too long ago, Naruto demonstrated his Sexy Jutsu that he’s so proud of.”
“That stupid transformation?” Sakura asks, glaring at Naruto who wisely refuses to look at her.
“It’s not stupid,” he grumbles under his breath.
“It’s not just a transformation,” Iruka sighs. “I assure you, as a chunin, I’ve seen enough naked women that having Naruto suddenly transform into one in the middle of class isn’t going to get a reaction from me. When Naruto transforms, he also places his target under a genjutsu.”
“I do?”
“You do. It’s a very brute force method of using genjutsu, which makes it very obvious what’s happening and easy to dispel. If one is expecting it, it wouldn’t be hard to guard against, but if you’re not expecting it, it will overwhelm you for a moment.”
“How did I put a genjutsu in there?” Naruto asks, scratching the back of his head.
Iruka shakes his head in amusement. “I have no idea how you crafted that jutsu, Naruto. All I know is that it shows you have a natural ability for genjutsu.” Genjutsu is a complicated skill and the thought that Naruto is skilled in it is a little terrifying when Iruka thinks about the pranks Naruto’s pulled without knowing how to apply it. “Anyways, your chakra reserves are well above average and your chakra control is well below average. With your stats spread out the way they are, it’s hard to recommend that you specialize anywhere right now.”
“But you said I have a talent for genjutsu!”
“The vast majority of genjutsu requires very precise chakra control, which you don’t have. And a ninjutsu specialty also requires finer control than you currently possess. Your best bet right now is to work on refining your chakra control for a genjutsu specialty while also improving your taijutsu to an acceptable level. More importantly, I highly recommend that you begin learning fuinjutsu.”
“What’s that?” Naruto shouldn’t be asking that as a graduate of the academy. Every time he asks about basic knowledge, Iruka worries more about sending him out into the field and becomes more adamant that forcing him to return in six months to write the theoretical portion of the graduation exam is the right move.
“Fuinjutsu is the art of sealing. It’s how things like storage scrolls and explosive tags are created. By learning fuinjutsu, you’ll gain the ability to begin crafting your own supplies and modifying them for your own needs. For example, you can change how long the charge on an explosive tag is to suit your needs or change how hot it burns. Being able to craft your own tools will greatly help you exploit your own creativity and help you in the long run.”
“That’s so cool, Iruka-sensei!”
“It’s very cool,” he agrees.
A Naruto proficient in both fuinjutsu and genjutsu on top of his normal pranking shenanigans and the Shadow Clone Jutsu he recently learned is a horrific thought. It gives Naruto too many options to go about terrorizing others, but that’s precisely why Iruka knows he needs to learn them. If you include the basic ninjutsu he’s guaranteed to learn from Kakashi, Naruto will have the skillset of a chunin, even though he’ll lack the mindset of one.
“Moving on,” Iruka flips opens Naruto’s folder and skims it to verify what he’s about to say. “Your greatest weakness is your pride.” He holds up one hand to stop the argument he knows Naruto’s preparing. “When you decide you need to learn something, you learn it. I have seen you sit quietly for hours on end, refusing to budge or look up from a scroll, because you were determined to figure something out. I have seen you practise a skill again and again and again and again until you hit the point where you will never get it wrong. I have seen you put so much efforts into your training that you make even the most disciplined of your classmates, like Sasuke, look lazy.”
He sees a grin on Naruto’s lips and glares at him until it vanishes.
“The problem is that you only put that effort in when you deem it important. The second you decide it’s not important, you write it off and ignore it. You’ve disregarded chakra theory, chakra control, history, geography, politics, mathematics and the list goes on. You’re not an expert, Naruto. You don’t know get to decide what is important to know and what’s not. Everything that’s taught at the academy is taught because it’s important for genin to know. The geography lessons you skipped taught you about the environments in foreign countries and how to prepare for missions there. The history and politic lessons explained the relationship between countries, including countries it’s safe to be seen in and the ones no one can ever know you went to. The high-level mathematic classes would have helped you cut down on most of the trial and error preparations for your pranks by giving you a solid estimate on how tense tripwires and the amount of force needed to launch a paint balloon at Momoski’s Shop.
“In the end, your knowledge base is shoddy and unreliable and there’s no one really to blame but you. I know you, Naruto, I know that it doesn’t matter what obstacles are in your way or who you have to overcome when you want to learn something. But that wasn’t your problem. Your problem was that you didn’t want to learn because you decided it wasn’t important. Well, unfortunately for you, it was important and your going to have six months to study and figure out why. You need to learn to listen to those more experienced around you when they offer advice. Not all advice is good or useful, but it should all be heard, nonetheless.”
The teachers weren’t the problem this time. It’s true that most of them refused to help Naruto in any capacity, but it’s also true that Naruto never approached any of them for help. If Naruto had wanted to learn the coursework, Iruka firmly believes he would have learned it. But, Naruto hadn’t wanted to learn, so now the genin has to play catch up to get where he’s supposed to be.
Naruto’s file comes with three books, one for the basics of fuinjutsu, another on the basics of genjutsu, and the last on beginner-level chakra control exercises, alongside a revision schedule and study guide for the theoretical portion of his exam.
Iruka can’t even pretend it’s not a blatant case of favouritism.
“Along with your file are books on chakra control, genjutsu, and fuinjutsu, as well as a study guide to help you prepare for the test in six months. Read them, study hard, and you’ll be an excellent shinobi before you know it.”
Naruto’s staring at the study guide in his hand with an oddly solemn expression. “Do I really got to learn this stuff, Iruka-sensei? Is it really that important?”
Iruka pauses, thinks about the different ways he could phrase this: The nice ways, the cruel ways, the blunt ways, the subtle ways. “It’s only important if you want to be the best possible shinobi you can be. To reach your full potential, you can’t have anything holding you back, no matter how small.”
Naruto nods. “Alright, then it’s decided. I’m going to learn all this stuff and then I’m going to write the test and get the best grade and then I’ll be the greatest ninja there ever was!” He pumps one fist in the air, waving his crumpled study guide.
“I look forward to that,” Iruka says, flipping open a file on the team formation. “The last thing to discuss is how I designed this team to function. One of the things that went into consideration when I made this team was each of your individual goals.”
“What do you mean you by that?” Sasuke asks, crossing his arms.
“Every year, you took a psychological evaluation, right?” He waits until the genin nod before continuing. “During that exam, we ask what you want to accomplish as a shinobi of Konoha. Your answer does affect the team you end up on.” It’s not a big effect, but it is something that is considered. “Naruto, you want to be Hokage; Sasuke, you want to kill Uchiha Itachi; and Sakura, you want to remind the world of Konoha’s strength.”
Sakura’s goal was textbook and impersonal, but that’s to be expected. At this age, most shinobi don’t have a reason to be shinobi beyond it being an expectation from family or to escape civilian life. Eventually, Sakura will find a reason to fight for Konoha, a reason to be strong, but that will take a few years. Sometimes you have to risk your life a few times, before you know what you’re willing to risk your life for.
“Because of that, this team is designed to be a combat team, able to defeat any target assigned to it. There are multiple ways you can go about this. Naruto has a very strong grounding in traps, which can be supplemented by Sakura’s theoretical knowledge and Sasuke’s practicality for times when you are able to prepare beforehand. In battles of attrition, Naruto’s stamina means he will be able to fight for much longer than the rest of you, which will give Sasuke time to rest while he carefully chips away at the enemy’s defences until Sakura finishes analyzing them for weaknesses and is able to neutralize them with a single strike.”
It’s terrifying how competent this team is on paper. Especially when they’re completely dysfunctional in reality.
“You have Sakura’s methodology and knowledge, Naruto’s creativity and stamina, and Sasuke’s skills and strength, which means you have a method, a madness, and a means. There is no reason why anything should stop you from accomplishing your goals. The three of you weren’t just slapped together randomly.”
They were. After Kakashi had derailed the team placements, Iruka had been fiddling around with the teams and put the three of them together knowing they’d be okay theoretically, but not realistically, just to prove that the teams couldn’t be arranged how the council wanted them.
And then some asshole pointed out Sakura is a civilian and this disaster became permanent.
“The three of you were put together because you’d make a strong team capable of hunting down any bounty. Between the three of you, you have access to all the main shinobi arts, which gives you an edge in most combat situations.” He hands each of the genin a file on the breakdown of their team, hoping that they take his advice and don’t just kill each other the second they walk out of this room. “If you work together, you’ll be unstoppable. If you fight amongst each other, you’ll fail.”
The three of them trade glances, sceptical black, hopeful blue, and analytical green. Iruka waits for them to finish because there’s nothing more he can possibly do for them.
“That’s all I have for you. If you return to the classroom, I’ll be posting the unofficial class rankings after Sakura and Ino finish their discussion.” He rises from his seat and notices that Kakashi is definitely smirking at him from over the top of his book.
He has no idea why. He can’t think of anything he’s done to get a reaction out of the man, but there must be something.
Fucking jounin.
“I wish the three of you the best of luck. Do your best and I hope to see all three of you among the chunin soon.”
He exits the room with Naruto and Sasuke, while Kakashi vanishes because he’s an asshole without any manners. When they step inside the classroom, Ino glares at him until he tilts his head towards the door. She’s on her feet and out the door before Shikamaru can finish straightening his slouching spine. “One moment, please. We’re just waiting on Sakura and Ino and then I’ll be wrapping up this evaluation and posting your unofficial rankings.”
To his immense relief, Sasuke storms over to Shino and then stalks over to Shikamaru, before heading to his own corner to ignore the rest of the world. Naruto hesitates for a second before squaring his shoulders and dropping into the seat beside Sasuke. The two don’t say a word to each other, but the simple act of sitting side-by-side is an improvement in their relationship.
It’s not much, but it’s a step in the right direction.
He turns to the blackboard and writes the numbers one to twenty-seven in two neat columns of fifteen. He fills in the names of the students beside their ranks, a convenient genjutsu preventing the genin in the room from seeing any name beside their own and their teammates. Sakura and Ino walk into the room five minutes later.
That’s not as long as Iruka had thought it would take. He’s not sure how much talking they could have done in five minutes, but both of their eyes are red and both of them are smiling. Ino drags Sakura into a quick one-armed hug that Sakura melts into before the two of them separate, heading towards their teams.
Sakura willingly sits in the open seat beside Naruto. She doesn’t even try to make him switch seats so she can sit next to Sasuke.
That is the real progress of the day.
“What the hell kinda witchcraft did you do, Iruka-sensei?” Kiba yelps, eyes darting between Ino and Sakura.
“Mind your own business, Kiba!” Ino snaps. “Hinata,” she continues, voice switching to something softer and kinder, “Sakura and I need to talk to you after, okay?”
“A-ah! Okay.” Hinata looks like she has more to say, but her eyes drop to the table.
“Now, that we’re all here,” Iruka says, standing in front of his students for the last time, “allow me to say a few final words.” He sweeps his gaze across the students, wondering how they’ll turn out. These are the first ones he’s sending out into the force and it’s hard for him to think logically when he’s being overcome by sentiments. “Three genin can take down a special jounin. Three chunin can defeat a jounin. Three jounin can kill a kage. It is only here in Konoha that you will here this creed. I firmly believe in this creed. I firmly believe that any three of you, working together, have the chance to take down a jounin. We do not preach the benefits and necessity of teamwork for our amusement; we teach it because it will help you survive. Konoha is the only village that has teamwork written into its foundation and history.
“Throughout your career, you will come across many gruelling trials. You will struggle with death, betrayal, pain, and more. You will experience loss and failure and regret. However, you will never experience these things alone. You will always have your comrades and teammates to ease the burden and help you move on. And they will always have you. So long as you work together, no opponent will be too strong; no mission impossible; no challenge insurmountable. The Seven Swordsman of the Mist, the Chunin Exams, missing nins, all of these will barely amount to more than an irritation were you to work together.
“Our time together is finally at an end. The nine of you are no longer my students, but I’m going to leave you with one final question. Consider it the last homework assignment I’ll ever give you. If three genin can defeat a special jounin, what do you think nine genin can do?”
It takes a second for some of them to understand his hint, but he sees the way they begin trading glances with one another. Not just with their teammates, but with the rest of their comrades.
He ends the genjutsu on them, letting them view the names and ranking of their classmates. There’s nothing left to say, so Iruka exits the classroom before he bursts into tears. That is not how he wants his first interaction with his newly graduated students to go.
It’s not until he gets home that he realizes something went wrong. He has Kakashi’s files on Team 7. He doesn’t just have Kakashi’s files. He has Kakashi’s files with a note attached, written in his own handwriting—even though he never wrote it—reminding him to give the file to Kakashi. And to make matters worse, the handwriting Kakashi went out of his way to forge is made inconsequential because the jounin switched back to his intentionally atrocious handwriting to sign the note, Kakashi.
In other words, Kakashi stole the files, forged a note—but didn’t commit to the forgery—for it, and gave it back to Iruka. So that Iruka will be forced to hunt him down to give them to him. He’d keep them out of spite, but that sounds like an excuse for the jounin to break into his apartment.
Iruka really hates jounin.
Unfortunately for Kakashi, Iruka knows exactly where Kakashi will be tomorrow morning. All nine genin will be reporting to the Hokage alongside their jounin-sensei to get their first mission assignment. It’s a tradition. One that guarantees Iruka doesn’t have to waste his time looking for a jounin who will entertain himself by making Iruka’s life difficult. All he has to do is report to the mission’s desk first thing in the morning and shove the files into Kakashi’s face.
There’s a small snag in the plan. Iruka does get to the mission desk first thing in the morning. He had the files in his hand, so he couldn’t forget to hand them over, but things go downhill when Kakashi doesn’t show up on time. All nine genin begin getting fidgety because they can’t get their first missions until everyone is there and that includes Kakashi. In the end, Iruka begins helping around the mission desk because who knows how long it’ll take for the jounin to show up. Naruto complained that he’d been over three hours late to meet them on Team Assignment Day and Iruka doesn’t have it in him to stand around idly for three hours.
When he does finally show up, the following debacle that occurs has Iruka so distracted that he forgets why he’s there. Either that or Kakashi did something to him again. There’s honestly no way for Iruka to know.
But Umino Iruka is nothing if not persistent. He was the one who assigned Team 7 their mission to paint Mrs. Makema’s fence, which means he knows where they are at this exact moment. And since, technically, he isn’t on duty, Iruka abandons the mission desk to those working today and takes off after them. When he finally arrives, Sakura, Sasuke, and Naruto are arguing about something while Kakashi reads his smut off to the side, while Mrs. Makema watches disapprovingly from her porch.
He throws the file at the jounin, smothering his disappointment when the man catches it without looking up. “Ah, I get one as well?” Kakashi asks innocently, turning another page of his book. “I was so jealous that Kurenai and Asuma got one and I didn’t. I was starting to think you didn’t like me.”
That would not be incorrect.
Iruka bites his tongue because he refuses to take the bait and give Kakashi something else to tease him about. He will get his revenge. Maybe not today. Maybe not in the next two decades. But, eventually, eventually he will get that sweet taste of revenge.
Naruto yelps and Sakura shrieks and Sasuke is worriedly quiet, despite the loud splash Iruka hears behind him. Mrs. Makema is sputtering in rage and Iruka catches sight of the briefest glimpse of amusement in Kakashi’s eye before he turns around.
There’s white paint everywhere.
On the fence, on the ground, on the flowers behind the fence. It’s in Sakura’s hair, drenching Sasuke’s feet and hands, coating Naruto’s jacket. All three of them have a hand on the bucket of paint somewhere, so he’s not even sure which of them is to blame for this mess. Iruka has no idea how they managed this in the five seconds he had his back turned to them.
He glances back at Kakashi and realizes the jounin watched that whole scene play out without bothering to intervene. Which means Iruka going to get away scot-free with his plans for revenge.
He steps forward, crossing the distance between him and Mrs. Makema quickly. “Hello, Mrs. Makema. I’m Umino Iruka, I work at the mission assignment desk. I’d like to apologize for the mess our new genin have made. They’re new and untrained and this is their first mission. Hatake Kakashi is their jounin sensei and he will take full responsibility for the mess they have made, and as such, shall pay full reparations for the damage done to your garden and the surrounding area. Please allow me to escort you to the Hokage’s Tower where I will help you fill out the appropriate forms for reparations. As is standard in situations like this, Kakashi will cover the price for new seeds for your garden and paint for the fence and, after we’ve reimbursed you for the mission fee, the genin will fix the damages they’ve caused. Will that be acceptable?”
Naturally, the reimbursement for the mission fee will also come out of Kakashi’s pocket. This does mean, unfortunately, that Team 7 has failed their very first mission, but there’s nothing Iruka can do to remedy that. There is no undoing this mess.
“Can they even be trusted to fix it after failing such a simple task?” Mrs. Makema demands.
No.
Iruka smiles politely. “Of course. Kakashi is a very competent jounin and I assure you, he will keep a closer eye on his genin to prevent another situation like this.”
“Very well, then,” she sniffs.
Iruka hears the loud snap of a book shutting close. He turns to glance at Kakashi who is giving his genin a less than pleased smile. They gulp, taking nervous steps away from him when Kakashi casually strolls over to them. “Maa, maa, my adorable little ducklings. I think we need to have a talk.”
He’s smiling, but he’s not happy.
As Iruka cheerfully abandons the genin to their fate, he comforts himself with the knowledge that justice does exist. No one on this earth deserves to have those three as genin more than Kakashi.