Preface
-2008-
The feeling should have been entirely new and therefore, quite astonishing to say the least - but much to Naruto’s shock, he finds a visceral familiarity take hold of him as he sees his form slowly...disintegrate from view. There’s no other word he found fit for what is happening right now. He glances up and winces at the sight of horror in Sasuke’s eyes. A flash of a similar expression dances at the edge of his consciousness, and suddenly he is certain of one thing. I’ve been through this before. And somehow, Sasuke knows something about it. Or all of it, judging from the emotions warring on his typically stoic face.
Guilt seems to be the most prominent of all.
“Sasuke,” he whispers. He doesn’t voice out his questions, but the look Sasuke gives him in return lets him know that he gets it. He doesn’t realize that Sasuke has reached up a trembling hand to his face, his nimble fingers tracing the whiskers on his cheek. The very same fingers Naruto had kissed with reverence just an hour ago, when the raven-haired had led him with an almost impatient air at a clearing in the deeper part of the forest. The drive to the secluded place had been long enough to guarantee both of them stiff joints and numbing buttocks, and the sky had already turned into a lovely shade of deeper blue and purple, signaling the coming of dusk. But once Naruto had lain his eyes on the tranquil place, filled with nothing but a green expanse of grass and towering pine trees and a riverbed on the other side, he places an open-mouthed kiss on Sasuke’s lips, and after a minute they find themselves panting and sweating with need. I wanted somewhere else...quiet Sasuke , he remembers telling Sasuke a week ago when the man had asked him on what he wanted for their upcoming monthsary. Far from the city and you know, with lots of trees and an open sky. Naruto hadn’t been sure why the day had mattered to Sasuke. Sure, it’s their 9th monthsary, but there is a a sliver of awe underneath the plain look of utter disbelief in Sasuke’s face when he reminds him that morning, “It’s our 9th monthsary, Naruto. I can’t believe we’ve made it this far.” Naruto doesn’t know if he should be offended or amused at his words, but he doesn’t read much on it when Sasuke kisses him fervently, his hand grasping Naruto’s hip and secures it around him, and Naruto felt his lover’s arousal pressing needily against his own. It had been one of the best mornings in Naruto’s life.
My life , he thinks idly, and he is thrown back to the present. He started feeling weird an hour ago- it had started as a tingling sensation all over his body. He blatantly ignored it, not wanting to ruin the jovial mood - Sasuke had been busy waddling by the river, and he’d invited Naruto to come join him, splashing water on Naruto several times to make his point obvious. But much to Naruto’s disdain, the feeling hadn’t disappered; instead it intensified, bordering on painful as if his body is experiencing electric shocks, so he had declined Sasuke’s offer. That’s when Sasuke’s laugh froze midway, and his dark eyes widened as he took in the sight of Naruto. “What?” He could hear the slight panic in his own voice as he sees Sasuke’s expression. He made the mistake of looking down at his hand, and he noticed for the first time the lines running on the surface of his arm, like fissures appearing on his skin. He scrambled forward to look out at his reflection on the water, and bile rose up in his throat as he saw a thick jagged line on the middle of his forehead, slithering down his nose as if dividing his face in half. For a moment he had sat there, staring stupidly at his grotesque, almost unrecognizable, face. And then strong arms had pulled him up and away from the river. His touch had caused a blanket of serenity to wrap around him, and he wasn’t sure if it’s a normal reaction, given the situation.
It was as if his body and mind had no qualms accepting this strange twist of fate.
“We’ve known each other before,” Sasuke says, retracing his hand back as he takes a deep breath. Naruto recalls the sense of déjà vu that overwhelmed him the first time he’d seen Sasuke. He thought it was love at first sight, as stupid as it may sound. But there had been a sense of rightness, of belonging, as Sasuke had walked towards him, black eyes intense and rooting him on the spot. Something bugged his mind that day.
I’ve seen those eyes before.
“I’m guessing that you don’t mean...on this lifetime,” Naruto replies. Suddenly he doesn’t want to talk anymore. Somehow, deep inside him, he knows the truth . But he doesn’t want to delve deeper into it, because right now there’s another truth much greater than anything else making itself known to him. He couldn’t hold the words back. “I love you.” He speaks it out loud when he still can, because time is running out and if there’s anything he wanted more than anything, it would be this . “I already know it, I don’t know how, but at the same time it feels like I’m only finding it out now.”
What he sees next sends a shot of raw pain through Naruto’s chest - Sasuke silently crying. He tries to move, tries to get closer to give Sasuke reassurance, anything really, but his limbs remain immobile, as if gravity is sucking him in. He sees Sasuke’s hands clenched tight in a fist, and then there’s a voice whispering at the back of his mind. He can’t touch you at your state right now. He learned that the hard way.
“Please don’t cry.” At this point, Naruto can’t feel his body anymore, and his voice sounds so far-off, like an echo. “After all, we’ll see each other again.” There is no bitterness in his voice, just immense gratitude. Thankful that he had been lucky enough to see Sasuke in this lifetime, that he had love the same man all over again, that Sasuke would live. And in the grand scheme of things, that is all that matters.
His eyes starts to close. He remembers everything, floating in the memories of this life. And then there are other memories slipping through, one by one, from his past lives. He is suddenly overcome by the feeling of immense love for this person in front of him, that despite everything, he had the chance to love him in each and every life he had before, that there was Sasuke, alive and breathing and seemingly made for him to love. There is no greater gift.
He hopes that fate would be much kinder to them the next time.
And then there is nothing.