Resolution
Sakura was tired, but she refused to close her eyes for even a moment. Who knew what Ao would do to Zabuza and Haku once she fell asleep. She didn't trust the man, and she didn't trust the young, shy swordsman either. At least not enough to fall asleep carelessly.
Presumably she had become too paranoid over the last weeks, but it didn't change the fact that she didn't want to leave anything to chance anymore. Zabuza and Haku were still unconscious and the two were the only people she really trusted now. As long as neither of them woke up, she would fight against her tiredness and her battered body, even if she had come to some understanding with Ao.
The whole clash was 1 ½ days ago and Sakura could only hope that the two ninjas would wake up soon. She didn't know where her head was at and if she was honest with herself, the whole situation overtaxed her more than she would admit. Ao seemed to know the group which had hired her. He even went so far as to tell her that they were no longer citizens of Kirigakure. The reason why he refused to tell her, however, much to her displeasure. How would she know if he was telling the truth or lying to her to get what he wanted? The whole situation became more and more tangled up and Sakura was caught between the fronts. Nagare claimed that his people were attacked and had to flee unlawfully from Kiri, so they needed help from outsiders. Ao on the other hand claimed that these people were enemies of Kiri and had left the village after a change of power, voluntarily and now tried to harm the village, so they should be treated appropriately.
Alone the phrasing had sent a shiver down Sakura's spine. The subliminal meaning of his words hadn't remained hidden from her, not anymore. The rose-haired woman had taken off her rose-red glasses in Wave, but it didn't make it any easier for her to handle this. Unless the former inhabitants capitulated, they had to be eliminated. The Kirinin kept silent about why and how, and Sakura found it difficult to handle this information. The people she had met at the camp were simple civilians in her eyes. Even if they did not approve of the change of power in Kiri and had left the village, it didn't justify the killing of simple people. So at least she thought. On the other hand, what if those people really were a danger to the village? Would Konoha have done the same? She didn't know, and on top of that, the lives of Haku and Zabuza were resting on her decision and future actions. If she refused to help Ao with the group, no one could guarantee her that Zabuza would not be extradited, and Sakura couldn't allow it under any circumstances. At the same time, when she thought about it, everything inside her cramped up and she felt sick. What she would do if she could talk to Zabuza and Haku about her situation. Hopefully, they woke up quickly before her reflection period was over. She couldn't possibly make that decision alone. Or rather, she didn't want to make it alone.
The rustling of cloth could be heard and one of the figures on the floor began to move carefully. Slowly and cautiously the person straightened up, grasping his head with a groan and opening his eyes timidly. It took a while for his eyes to get used to the light, but he didn't have much time to look around as he was pulled into a tight embrace.
"You are awake!" He heard a female voice next to his ear say in relief and only then did he notice the pink shock of hair hugging him. That's right, they had fought and Sakura had appeared from somewhere. He didn't remember much more, his head buzzed too much as soon as he tried to remember exactly what had happened. Timidly he put his arms around the delicate figure as well, who embraced him tightly, as if he could disappear at any time.
"Ah" he softly confirmed her words spoken before, his voice almost seeming strange to him. "What hap-?" He didn't get to ask what had happened when a painful grunt could be heard next to them and the third person in the covenant sat up somewhat sluggishly. The young ninja couldn't look as quickly as Sakura released his embrace, only to fall around Zabuza's neck in the same breath, and wait, was she crying?
Sobs were coming to their ears, leaving Haku just watching silently, while Zabuza needed a moment to understand what was happening. Irritated, he blinked before he realized that Sakura was hugging him and wept. Grumpy, he pulled a grimace.
"Control yourself. You're showing too much emotion again." Grumbled Zabuza, but the young girl only hugged him harder and shook her head in the bend of his neck.
"I don't care." When he heard her soft, fragile voice and he wanted to teach her another lesson about the display of emotions, she broke away from him and looked at him with tearful, red eyes that spoke of fear but also of relief.
"I don't care if I'm showing weakness right now. I... I thought I might lose you! Zabuza-sama had a fight with the two ninjas, and Haku almost... " Once again tears ran down the cheeks of young Haruno as she tried to put into words what was going on inside her. "All I have now is you two and I have nowhere else to go! What- what am I supposed to do when I don't have you anymore? I can't go through that again." Towards the end, Sakura became more and more silent and turned her gaze to her lap-sitting hands. Zabuza felt a dull feeling in his chest at the words and the sight she offered. He couldn't say exactly what he felt, though. He had not expected that the girl had become so accustomed to them and had suffered so much from being left behind by her team.
Carefully, Haku crawled closer to the rose-haired girl and put his arms around her from behind before gently pulling her towards him. Inevitably, she landed on his lap and Sakura spun a little so that she could bury her face in the crook of his neck. For a while, they all remained silent and gave Sakura time to calm down while the two male ninjas pursued their own thoughts.
"Can you tell us what happened? Even the days we weren't there?" Haku asked cautiously after a few minutes but didn't stop drawing gentle circles over Sakura's back and Sakura nodded slightly into his neck before she started talking.
She told about her job, the things she had experienced and done there, with a slightly absent expression on her face. Zabuza and Haku could imagine that it was a self-protection mechanism of hers to shut herself off from what had happened. It just didn't make things more pleasant for the male ninjas, but they couldn't turn back time to undo what had happened. Sakura then mentioned the encounter with Nagare and that she had been hired with a few days to think it over. She also didn't miss the fight with Ao and her obviously stupid behavior when she had blown up a part of the forest.
"And now, now Ao expects me to take the job to give him access to the camp. I'm supposed to join them and help them, gain their trust, only to betray them by giving him and other ninjas from Kiri access. He was very clear about what he wants to do to the people who don't surrender and... and if I refuse to help him, he will hand you over or collect the bounty from Zabuza-sama! I don't want to kill again, not simple people who have done nothing to me. Even if Nagare is creepy. But I can't let anything happen to you just because I refuse!" Again, Sakura started to cry, this time in desperation because she didn't know what to do. "I mean, even if I agree. I have no experience in infiltrating enemy camps and my skill set is meager. What if I screw up and you guys..." Her breath went intermittently and quickly, while her heart beat faster and faster in her chest, contracting painfully. She almost had the feeling that she could not breathe. Only when two hands lay on her shoulder and shook her slightly did she slowly come to her senses.
"Easy, Sak. Take a deep breath, you'll be fine, ok? Don't worry so much." Haku's voice was calm and lay over her trembling body like a warm blanket. Tired, she closed her eyes, sought the pleasant and soothing closeness of Haku and let him take her out of her hyperventilation bit by bit.
A gruff snort from the side made Sakura open her eyes and looked into the disgruntled eyes of Zabuza.
"Listen, Brat. You can never be sure that something will turn out the way you hope. There's no such thing as 100% certainty as a ninja. So don't worry too much about what if. It'll only make you crazy. Besides, you've gotten better. Why do you make yourself smaller than you are? I've been telling you over the weeks that your progress is appropriate, even Haku sees it that way. Start believing more in yourself. I don't associate with losers, understand?" Still in a mood, Zabuza flicked against Sakura's forehead before drawing his lips to a strange grimace that almost looked like a grin. "You don't need flashy Jutsus to prove you're a good ninja. You're smart and you have something in your pink head, and that's what has always saved you so far. You work with what you have, and more effectively than other genins. So start having more confidence in yourself."
Sakura sat there staring at the Missing Nin with big eyes. Completely baffled by his words, she would later attribute it to her exhaustion as tears ran down her face again. Outside of the academy, no one had praised her for what she had achieved and even Hatake-san's half-hearted praise in Wave was more meant to push her former teammates. She had always had low self-confidence and things didn't get any better with her team. So Zabuza's words were all the more significant for her, even if a small voice in the back of her head refused to accept them and questioned them.
A hand on her head let her attention wander back to Haku and the friendly and sincere smile he gave her warmed her heart. Yes, the two male ninjas were there for her, giving her support and helping her with everything she had to struggle with. A timid smile also fell on her lips and that was exactly the moment when she made her decision. She would make the deal. Zabuza and Haku were more than worth it and they were all she had left. As long as she had them by her side, she could somehow overcome everything. Both believed in her, so why shouldn't she start believing in her own?
"Thank you." Breathed she softly and suppressed a yawn, causing Haku to giggle briefly.
"Sleep Sak. We're up, you deserve to sleep." As soon as she heard these words, a heavy tiredness lay over her limbs and even an approving nod was hard for her.
"Hm. g-n'eight. An' don't worry. I'll take the job." She mumbled already half asleep before she made herself comfortable on the floor and curled up and a few seconds later she had fallen asleep. She didn't realize that Ao had approached and even less did she realize the conversation he had with Zabuza before he led him out of the room. Which left her alone with Haku.
Pleasant darkness was the first thing Sakura immersed herself in after closing her eyes and falling asleep. Thinking of nothing, feeling nothing was a state she welcomed. It had almost something liberating for the young Kunoichi. But unfortunately, this state didnt remain long for her. As she drifted into sleeping unconsciousness, Inner lost more and more control over her consciousness until it finally broke completely. The results were nightmares. As soon as her sleeping rhythm entered the dream phase, they appeared. The faces of those she had on her conscience. They blamed her for their deaths, that they had left other loved ones behind and she was to blame. The question of guilt wasn't what weighed most heavily on Sakura. Rather, it was the visual images her subconscious had put together of what those she had killed might look like now. And then Sasuke, Naruto, and Kakashi came. No matter how much she ran towards them, she never reached any of the three characters. They always stayed out of reach. Instead, she heard what they said. She was too weak, a liability, a monster, because she had killed innocent people. She had no right to call herself a ninja. She should just die and no one would miss her. Each time, Sakura's heart was torn apart and she screamed, begging not to be left alone, which was laughed at. Usually, comments followed, but this time they didn't happen, instead, she was surrounded by the soothing darkness again and Sakura relaxed. Her nightmare was over for now, it seemed.
The crying of a child could be heard. At first very softly, then getting louder and louder. Cloth rushed, but Sakura couldn't recognize anything around her.
"Shhh, my little one. Shhh Kaa-san is here. You'll be all right. Kaa-san will protect you." A deafening roar came to her ears and the crying immediately became louder. A curse came from the woman who had spoken and all of a sudden it became hectic. Sakura could literally feel her being pressed against a breast and the atmosphere pressing down on her like lead.
"We have to get out of here!" she heard a male voice calling out, almost like her father. After that she only heard the roar, which became more and more distant and the air that had to pass her ear. Someone was running. She gathered that from the movements and the airflow. But still she could not see anything, everything was shrouded in darkness.
"Don't worry my darling, we'll soon be safe." Whispered someone with so much love in his voice that the crying gradually subsided and Sakura felt as if this love was directed right at her. Was that possible?
Suddenly it became very bright and Sakura was forced to close her eyes. When she opened her eyes again, she stared at a little girl crouched in a corner. The Haruno blinked briefly and then froze as she recognized who the girl was. That was her! But nothing reminded her of Konoha. The alley where she was was surrounded by ochre-coloured buildings and the ground was sandy. Never in her life had she been in such a place before. She was sure of it. So why did she see the whole thing? Soft sobs were coming to Sakura's ears and she noticed that the younger version of her was crying. Steps sounded behind her and Sakura turned around instantly. She couldn't make out a face, but it was clearly a male person, when she went by the clothes. Without noticing her, the person approached the crying Sakura and gently put a hand on her head.
"Now, now, Saku-chan. That's no reason to run away crying." The words only made young Sakura cry even more and a heavy sigh came from the strange man. "I'll only be gone for a few weeks. After all, this mission is about you. You'll see that I'll be back sooner than you think, and then we'll have an answer for what's happening to you." Despite a hint of tension in his voice, she was still affectionate to testify that the person must know Sakura. She raised her head sniffing and a moment later, young Sakura had hugged the man in question. Sakura hadn't even seen that her younger version had moved at all!
"Nii-san don'to! Sa-chan no' awow it!"
(Nii-san don't go! Sa-chan not allow it)Once again the younger one was patted on the head."I know, Saku-chan. I know. But we have to find out what's wrong with you. Using chakra uncontrollably can be dangerous, and you're not even two years old. I promise when I get back, we'll spend lots of time together, okay?" A hesitant nod was the only thing Sakura could make out as an answer before she was swallowed by the darkness again.
"What the hell was that?" "I have no idea, Sak." Sakura flinched for a moment as she heard the voice of Inner from behind her and was even more shocked when she saw her standing in front of her after she had turned around. Amazed, she rubbed herself over her eyes but Inner didn't disappear. 'You are in your subconscious, where I normally live.' Inner explained, but it didn't take away Sakura's feeling of confusion at all. 'Don't ask me how you got here all of a sudden. I have no answer for that either. It's the first time we've communicated with each other in this way. At least I think it is. These dreams or versions or whatever these scenes are are becoming more and more frequent and I have no idea where they come from. I can't access them like other memories in our heads. In general, I don't have access to all the memories before we were three years old. Which isn't surprising, considering the point at which memory really kicks in with kids, but on the other hand.’ Silently, Sakura stared at Inner and digested what she had seen and now was told.
"But it can't be normal either. It seems important, why else, should these scenes appear. Also, they feel authentic and real. As if they really happened, as if they were a part of me. It's just that none of this makes any sense. This Nii-san... I'm an only child, and I didn't address anyone in my childhood with Nii-san. The area also seems far from familiar, and that woman's voice... Why now? Don't I have enough to worry about right now?! I mean Haku and Zabuza wait and then there's the deal with Ao. I can't keep digging into a possible past that may not even exist!" It was exhausting for the young Kunoichi. And Inner agreed humming. Instead of answers she got more and more questions, which didn't make it easier for her to go ahead in her actions.
'Maybe we should focus on the problem with Ao first. The past does not run away. The present situation, on the other hand...' Inner didn't have to finish speaking and Sakura knew what she was getting at. She was right, as usual. She had to concentrate on the now first and with this thought she slowly woke up again.