The path to herself

Bathed in sweat, she was startled high in the middle of the night with a silent cry on her lips. Her breathing went intermittently and the images of her dream danced in front of her inner eye, so that she only slowly became aware of her surroundings. Without realizing it, Sakura had clawed her hands into the sleeping bag and trembled all over her body. A loud snoring ripped her from her mind and instinctively she reached for her weaponbag to pull out a Kunai until she realized what, or rather who, had caused the snoring. Blinking, she looked at the sleeping figure of Naruto lying stretched out over his sleeping bag, almost using Sasuke as a cuddle-pillow.

Just a few days ago she would have made a riot at the sight and ensured that Naruto didn't get too close to her Sasuke-kun, but now the situation was different and Sakura had bigger problems than to get upset about the strange sleeping position of her teammate. She almost reached for a weapon to attack him! And that only because she was plagued by nightmares that made her relive the situation on the bridge over and over again. She was so alert that she couldn't tell the difference between friend and foe! That couldn't happen to her again. Fortunately nobody seemed to have woken up because of her. A good sign, because she didn't want to explain herself to anyone.

Slowly her body calmed down again and she wanted to try to sleep a bit more and turned to her side, which inevitably made her flinch. She had forgotten her wounds. Cursing softly, she lay back on her back and tried to suppress the pain. Naruto's snoring distracted her from both the pain and her thoughts and never in her short life had she been grateful for it. Normally she wouldn't get a wink of sleep from the noise, but now it was a welcome distraction that slowly but surely let her slide back to sleep.

The next time she woke up, she was startled again from her sleep. This time she had also been haunted by a nightmare, but the slamming of a door had caused her to be startled. A little disoriented, the young Kunoichi looked around the room until she noticed that neither Naruto nor Sasuke were in the room. So they were already awake and stood up without bothering to wake her up. Did they even know that she was there? For a moment Sakura shook her head and rose slowly and carefully. It was better that her team wasn't around. She still didn't know how to face the others and she didn't want to explain the bandages that covered her wounds.

After dressing laboriously and replacing her damaged outfit with a new, less conspicuous one, she quietly walked downstairs to the kitchen and realized that nobody was sitting at the dinner table. It couldn't possibly be so late that everyone had left the house, could it? A soft humming was heard and Tazuna's daughter stepped through the back door with a basket of laundry. Both women looked at each other silently for a moment as they became aware of each other, before Tsunami freed herself from her rigidity and closed the door behind her and laid down the basket full of laundry. "You're awake. I told the boys and your sensei that you had a little accident yesterday and that you should take it easy today. Father and I thought that you deserved a day off and I made sure that you could have a good night's sleep. I hope that was in your interest after you insisted yesterday that we don't mention any of the incidents to your team." A sincere smile Tsunami threw to Sakura, who needed a moment to process the information. Without realizing it, her posture relaxed and her shoulders slumped down with a deep exhaler. "Thank you Tsunami-san. It's... It's really in my sense." The woman could not have guessed it, but with her action she saved Sakura another long and possibly cruel day at the bridge and an explanation to her team. Should the boys consider her incompetent and weak for injuring herself while building the bridge. She preferred to be seen this way, rather than that they found out that she had killed someone and had to fight alone. "Can I do anything here Tsunami-san?" She could not do nothing and indulge her thoughts. The nightmares were still deep in her bones and she needed distraction. The help was even quite right for Tsunami, as she found out and the young Kunoichi was sent off with a small shopping list.

There wasn't much going on in the streets. Here and there Sakura saw some children lurking behind house corners and few women were like her on the way to shop. Most of the men were busy building the bridge and those who weren't worked on their houses to protect them from decay or spent time with their families. A deep voice calling Sakura's name ripped the young girl from her observations and with a questioning look, tilting her head a little to the side and looking at the man who had called her. It was none other than the one who had given her a makeshift treatment on the bridge yesterday. "Sakura on your feet again? Hopefully you are doing well so far? Tsunami sewed up the wound, I guess?" As soon as the young man had stopped in front of her, his questions pelted down on her and Sakura had to concentrate not to overhear anything. "Ah... Yes, Tsunami-san treated me and let me sleep in. She also told my team that I should take it easy today, but I couldn't just sit around and do nothing, which is why I'm running errands for Tsunami-san." To support her words, she held up the shopping list she had received from Tazuna's daughter. "That's good. Some workers were worried this morning when you didn't come, but a strangely masked man with silver hair. He said he would watch out today." Sakura was surprised by the news, she hadn't assumed that Kakashi would take care of the safety at the bridge. Was it really him or had he assigned a clone to do the job? Inside she shook her head. There were other things she should worry about instead of her sensei. He would know what he was doing. "The man is according to the description Kakashi-Sensei and under his guard you should be much safer than under mine. Tell the others that I send my greetings and that I am well so far." As well as one can feel after the events, she thought, while she smiled mildly at the man in front of her. The worries he had expressed left a warm and pleasant feeling inside her and she found that strangers she knew for just a few days cared more about her well-being than her own team. After all, neither Naruto nor Sasuke or even Kakashi had asked her about her days, how they had gone and nobody had stayed behind when Tsunami told them she had an accident. "I will tell the others. However, I am sure they will be happy when you replace your Sensei again. It is clearly another working without you. Recover well and see you then !" With these words he waved to her once more and made his way back to the bridge and also Sakura made her way again to do her shopping. Her thoughts were stuck on her latest insight and she couldn't let go.

It didn't take her long to do the errands for Tsunami, but she took her time on her way and strolled leisurely through the village and on the way back to the house she took a somewhat different path than she had taken before. Gato's influence had left its traces clearly visible. The houses looked almost dilapidated, the shops had only few goods and much was relatively expensive, despite lacking quality. The prevailing poverty could also be recognized by how many villagers were dressed and in general the mood on Sakura seemed more than depressed. Here and there she caught fragments of conversations, some with a glimmer of hope, others however clearly more sceptically in view of previous experiences, which concerned the building of the bridge and sometimes fell also the name of Inaris foster father, the hero figure of the village. Her team was also mentioned in some conversations as a sign that everything would go well now that Ninjas would be guarding the construction of the bridge. 

As soon as Sakura had heard this sentence, she stopped as if rooted. Naruto would have been happy with this comment, she could bet her long hair on it. She herself could not deny that the statement affected her and as she continued to listen to the conversation with half her ear, she became more aware of what exactly she was feeling. She had seen how the people lived here, in what circumstances their children grew up and how hopeless some of the people here seemed. Gato's actions had brought the village and its inhabitants into their present state and it was only now that she really realized what the bridge meant and could mean for all these people here. They relied on the bridge to give them a better life and Sakura helped to keep this hope alive. With her action yesterday on the bridge, she had not only done her duty as a ninja, but also maintained the fragile hope of the villagers! This realization hit her unexpectedly, but in a good way. Yes, she had ended a life and it would haunt her for a long time, but without this act, Gato's plan to prevent the construction of the bridge might have been successful and the villagers would continue to suffer. 'You say it, Saku! We cannot allow this Gato to continue to make life difficult for the people here. Tazuna and his family as well as the bridge builders have taken care of us, given us a roof over our head, provided us with food and inquired about our well-being. We cannot let them down!'

Her hands clenched and a determined expression solidified in Sakura's eyes. She may have been behind in her training and certainly was weak, but she would do her best to help people here in Wave for a better future. Even though she was afraid to face such a fight again. Her team was all these people had here to protect the tender hope the bridge promised and Sakura couldn't reconcile it with herself if she didn't give everything to not disappoint them. With new courage she gathered herself and marched back to Tsunami where she gave up the groceries. Even if she was hurt, even if the thought of another fight made her blood freeze and even if she was anything but strong, she couldn't just stand by and do nothing! Therefore, as soon as she had put off her shopping, she left the house, saying that she was going for a walk. No, she wouldn't take a walk, but she didn't want to worry the woman either, so she didn't tell her about her plan to train. Her legs carried her to the clearing by themselves and with a loud snort Sakura dropped her weapon bag to the ground and prepared herself to go through the Katas she had learned in the academy. Kakashi hadn't taught them much yet, nothing at all, so she had to fall back on the knowledge she had so far, it wasn't much, but still better than nothing. She would simply repeat the exercises from the academy over and over again and work on her endurance and strength. She didn't notice she was being watched doing the exercises at the time.

Sweat dripped from her forehead, her muscles hurt and her wound on the side burned like fire. Sakura, breathing heavily, tried to calm down and watched the earth in front of her as she propped her hands on her knees. A few hours had passed since she had arrived at the clearing and she felt like she had a marathon behind her. All she had done was go through the academy katas and the muscle building exercises she knew. With one arm she wiped her wet forehead and slowly stepped up to the river to at least cool off a bit. After rudely washing off the sweat, she drank a few swallows and then briefly distorted her face painfully as a movement hurt her wounds. "Shouldn't you be resting?" she suddenly heard a voice and was startled, her hand reaching for the non-existent bag to pull out a Kunai. "Easy, it's just me." Sakura blinked several times and only slowly her posture relaxed as she recognized her visitor. "Haku. What... What are you doing here?" She had clearly not expected his appearance. "I could ask you the same thing. After what happened yesterday, shouldn't you rest better? The herbs help to regenerate the skin, but they don't do miracles either". Ashamed, the Kunoichi looked to the ground. "I... You're actually right, but I... I can't allow myself to relax and rest." Unconsciously she had clenched her hands to fists and slowly raised her eyes to look at the boy in front of her. "When I do nothing, the dreams come and everything from the bridge happens again and again before my eyes. And when I went shopping for Tsunami-san this morning, I realized how much the people here suffer under Gato and what the bridge means to them. I can't do nothing while my team is training. I'm already hanging back in my training anyway, I can't allow myself to let up for even one day. The people rely on Tazuna and my team and when I... and when I have to push my body to its limits, then that's -" The young Kunoichi couldn't even finish her sentence, when she tipped over exhausted. Just in time she was caught by two arms, before she would have landed on the ground.

Haku looked thoughtfully at the girl in his arms. Shortly after meeting her and her team, he began to observe her. He had observed her nightly training sessions, even her shift on the bridge and also the fight. Zabuza had instructed him to keep an eye on the group while he recovered. But the girl in the group was different from her team, which caused him to keep a closer eye on her. Her chakra control was unique and when he told her about the medicinal plants the day before, she had listened to him and asked intelligent questions. She cared about her team and also about the villagers, although she connected nothing more than the order with them. "Why do you go so far for strangers?" He needed an answer to appease this gnawing feeling.

Sakura moved slowly in Haku's arms as she heard the question and carefully peeled herself out of the boy's warm arms. Irritated, she looked at Haku, not quite understanding why he was asking the question. Yes, why did she go so far for strangers? 'Because it doesn't matter whether they are strangers or not. They have accepted us and put their trust in us. The least we can do is give our best'. Her eyes slightly widened at Inner's thoughts and a shallow but slightly sad smile fell on her lips. "It's my job to take care of Tazuna's safety, but... But it's more than just a job." The confusion was clearly visible from Haku, which is why Sakura tried to find the right words. "Before this mission, I always thought I knew what it meant to be a shinobi, but I was miles away. So far I have been a passive observer as part of my team and have never really put much effort into my training." She confessed meekly and was ashamed of her own naivety. "Tsunami was the first to appreciate my efforts after we arrived here. Even the helpers at the bridge quickly took me in, even though they didn't want to believe that I - a pink haired little girl - was supposed to be a help. The people here rely on my team - on me, but I am nothing more than average compared to my team. I don't come from any clan, have no big chakra reserves, don't know many Jutsus or even own a Kekkei Genkai and yet the people here count on me. They..." Slowly tears came into her eyes and ran unhindered over Sakura's cheeks. "They are more concerned about my well-being than my own team! Although the villagers don't know me, they are like ... like ... I cannot disappoint them. Without knowing it, the people have given me something and I could never face them again if I didn't give my best." Sakura's tears flowed down her cheeks freely and she hated herself for crying in front of Haku at the moment. A ninja showed no emotion, but she could not stop the tears when she realized how true her words were. Her team had hardly interacted with her in the last few days and she felt as if she was air, were it not Tazuna, Tsunami and the others at the bridge. Until now she hadn't even known how lonely she was and how much she needed her team and how disappointed she was of them at the same time. The emotions flooded her as well as the old feelings of the past days and at that moment it was too much for the young Kunoichi from Konoha.

Haku was amazed when he was honest. He would never have expected such an answer and the emotional breakdown that followed. They were not so dissimilar. While he was rejected and almost killed because of his Kekkei Genkai, she was apparently not expected to do anything because she had none. The villagers had given her something he had received from Zabuza. So it was no wonder to him that she wanted to help these people. Maybe he should talk to Zabuza. "That is a good reason and I am sure the villagers will appreciate it. Come I'll take care of your wounds again."

After Haku had taken care of Sakura's wounds, they spent some time in the clearing before Sakura said goodbye with the words that she didn't want to let Tsunami wait too long and Haku disappeared back into the forest. He had learned some things that he wanted to discuss with his master. Sakura was just re-entering Tazuna's house when she was already being pulled into a warm embrace. "I was worried Sakura-chan. You've been away so long!" Tsunami had immediately embraced the Haruno when she had seen her coming through the door and Sakura only brought out a quiet " Sorry " before she explained to her that she had needed time for herself in the forest and had forgotten the time about it. As a small compensation for making the woman so worried, she helped Tsunami with dinner and wasn't really surprised when her sensei showed up and said the boys would train for a while more so they could put the food aside. The examining gaze of Kakashi was not perceived by Sakura during the meal, instead she disappeared early into the room to go to sleep. She wanted to go back to the bridge the next day to face her fear. Half asleep she heard Naruto and Sasuke come back that night, but none of them said a word. On the sixth day she stepped back on the bridge and was warmly welcomed by the workers and in the evening Sasuke and Naruto proudly announced that they had finally made it to the top of the tree. With a smile, she congratulated her boys, only to receive the cold shoulder from Sasuke, while Naruto began to radiate with joy at her recognition. On the seventh day, a thick mist had settled over the bridge as she appeared at the workplace together with Kakashi-sensei, Sasuke and Tazuna, and at the sight she was presented with, an icy shiver ran down her back. Workers with whom she had worked lay bleeding on the floor and no longer moving. "Zabuza" she breathed quietly and as if on command, said man stepped out of the fog with another person and Sakura froze.