"genius is not the answer to all the questions. it's the question to all the answers." - tablo
Dread stirred in her stomach as she raised her hand into a ball, knocking on the wooden door.
"Temari-san, the Hokage is busy. You need to book an appointment to see-"
She ignored the guard, knocking onto the door again. Gaara had given her a scolding after she had obliterated the previous door to the Hokage's office, therefore she'd try and be patient. Unfortunately, for her, patience had never been her forte.
Temari knocked again. Still no answer. If the Hokage was going to play this way, so be it. She wasn't going to be taken as a fool any longer. She wanted answers, and she wanted them now.
She bent her knees, readying her stance. The guard sprang to the side when she drew her fan out, shaking it open in offence. If the Hokage wasn't going to grant her permission to see him, she'll forcefully enter the office like she had done the last time.
The door clicked open, and the sound was followed by the Hokage's guard letting out a relieved sigh. She smirked, placing her fan back behind her, winking at the pale faced guard as she walked passed him and slipped inside the office.
"Temari-san, it's too soon for me to replace the door again." Elbows resting on the desk, the sixth Hokage propped his head on his hands, eyes studying her. "What brings you barging in here on this fine day? Aren't you scheduled to head off to Suna by dusk?"
She snapped, "You sent Shikamaru on another secret mission again, didn't you?"
"Hm?" While others would be taken back by her presence and tone of voice, Kakashi was not the least bit intimidated by her. Then again, not many things did intimidate the sixth Hokage. He leaned back in his chair and replied, "What makes you think that?"
"Don't lie to me!" Temari lashed out, "Did you at least give him more shinobis, seeing that the last mission you sent him almost got him killed!"
The union meeting was only yesterday, but Shikamaru hadn't sought her out for dinner after it like he usually did. In fact, it was like he had been avoiding her. He hadn't looked her in the eye throughout the whole meeting, and although he was rambling about important topics, she noted the spaced-out, reserved look on his face. She had glimpsed the same look on his face before, and she despised it because it was the same, private look she had seen him wearing before he had disappeared to the Land of Silence.
"Ah, I see." She could see the Hokage's lips tug upwards from the slight movement under the material that disguised the lower part of his face. Kakashi rubbed his chin and deduced, "So you're worried about Shikamaru?"
"I'm not worried about him-"
(Of course she was)
"-I just want to know where he is!"
Temari narrowed her eyebrows when Kakashi tore a piece of parchment. After he had scribbled onto it, he held it out for her to take. "He's here."
She picked it from his grasp, studying the parchment in her hands. They were coordinates. As she studied the location longer, she was certain that Shikamaru was still in Konoha. Temari pocketed the parchment, slightly bowing her head in gratitude to the sixth. She strode out, this time not leaving the Hokage's office in shambles.
.
.
The coordinates led her north, a good thirty-minutes tread from the village's centre. Buildings began to become scarce amongst the grass fields and farmland. Bobbing in the horizon, Temari could see a stretch of greenery, which was most probably forest from what she had recalled when she had previously studied the village. She had long time familiarised herself with the layout of Konoha, as she had once considered it as enemy territory. Regardless, it was her first time to step foot to direction where the coordinates led her, and she couldn't help but feel cautious about it.
Was this a trick? The sixth Hokage was prized for his unpredictability. Temari prided herself at reading people, but Kakashi was one of the few shinobi that she failed to figure out. The same could be said about the particular person whom she was trying to find...
Cackling laughter erupted her thoughts. For instance, she reached for her fan, to only pause when she saw a boy and a girl. The little girl had pigtails in her hair and was riding on top of a deer, while the older boy was at her side, holding her hand in support as they trekked down the cobblestone road. From the similar facial structure, they had to be siblings. She wished she had more moments like this with Kankuro and Gaara. Witnessing children play, laughing carelessly – that's what she had fought for. A carefree world, no war. Peace.
She smiled as they approached. Now that they were closer, she noted the way the boy styled his hair. His hair was a dark brown, tied upwards in exact way Shikamaru did. It must have been pure coincidence, or the boy harboured a strong admiration for Shikamaru. However, it was when she watched them pass, Temari caught onto the same symbol on the back of the younger boy's clothing – the same symbol that Shikamaru wore that represented his family. Could it be possible that they were related?
"Hey! You!" Temari called out to them.
They turned around. It was a subtle movement, but Temari noted that the boy ensured that he stood in front of deer and the younger girl. He was staring at her, and already she knew that he had surmised that she wasn't from there.
"Is there anything I can help you with, lady?" Although the boy looked like Shikamaru, he seemed to have been drilled with manners, voice softer and polite. Temari immediately felt foolish for how she had rudely called out to the boy.
"I'm looking for Nara."
The boy raised an eyebrow at her. "Can you be more specific?"
"What do you mean?" Temari questioned, taken aback by his words.
"I'm a Nara. My sister is a Nara...everybody who lives here possess the same surname. There's over fifty of us living here."
Temari had never known how prominent Shikamaru's clan was to Konoha, and for Kakashi to send her here without warning made her irritable.
What made her more irritable was that Shikamaru to failed to disclose her this crucial detail. Of course, he was never one to brag, but couldn't he at least trust her with more information on his family? They had known each other for a long time and knew that Shikamaru hailed from a distinguished family in Konoha, but to think that his clan contributed to a large portion of Konoha's population still caught her by surprise.
"I'm looking for Shikamaru Nara," Temari spoke up. She displayed the parchment with written coordinates to the younger boy.
"You should have said that earlier that you were looking for the head." The younger boy looked at her, eyes surveying. "It'll take another five minutes to get to the main household. Shikamaru-sama resides in the biggest house so you won't miss it."
She blinked.
Sama? The head? Shikamaru?
With Shikamaru's father gone, she hadn't known that the mantle would be passed to Shikamaru to lead the whole clan.
As instructed, Temari made her way to the largest house that the boy had talked about. It was a simple dwelling, minimal, however in contrast to the other buildings, it was taller and the garden was more maintained.
In fact, there was a woman maintaining it currently. She was kneeling down on the grass, spade in hand. She wore an apron, with her jet black hair tied in a low ponytail. Temari mightn't have known much about plants, but she could see that the herbs the women was harvesting were expensive as they had medicinal properties.
"Are you here to visit Shikamaru?"
Temari's fingers tickled for reaching out for her fan. This woman was somebody not to take lightly for her to immediately notice her presence without turning her head.
She watched as the woman took the gardening gloves off, wiping her hands on the lower part of the apron. The woman stood up, dark eyes returning her stare, waiting for her to reply to the question she had just asked.
"Yes. I wanted to talk to him in regards to the alliance meeting."
"So you decided to trek this far?" The older woman said with a faint, crooked smile materialising on her lips. "It's nice to finally meet the other person, aside from Naruto-kun or myself, behind my son's complaining. Temari-san, isn't it?"
Yes, she wanted to murder the sixth Hokage.
Kakashi had given her the coordinates to the Nara household instead of simply telling her that Shikamaru was home. If Temari had known this vital part of information, she would not sought to him in the first place. Temari was not prepared to be there, nor had she had brought any omiyage to present to Shikamaru's mother for intruding the Nara residence.
Shikamaru's mother placed a hand on her chin as she studied Temari, and spoke on, "Yes, I remember you all the way back from Chunin exams. You were quite an adversary to hold my son's attention. Shikamaru rarely praises anybody. He says that talking and gossiping about people is a waste of breath. So, you must be a skilled kunoichi if he sometimes drops your name at the dining table."
Had Shikamaru really talked about her? Temari's cheeks felt warmer knowing that the woman knew so much about her, while Temari knew little about her.
"I wouldn't say that I'm that skilled," Temari stammered. "But thank you, Mrs…?"
"Nara. Yoshino Nara," she said, standing up from her kneeling position on the grass. "Call me Yoshino."
She bowed. Temari returned the gesture, bending her back and bowing lower. "Sorry for disturbing you, Yoshino-san."
"Oh, darling, it's fine. It's good to have a visitor every now and again. Shikamaru often says I talk too much and that I'm annoying-"
"More like he's the one who is annoying," Temari grumbled, interrupting the older woman before she could help herself.
Temari immediately bit her bottom lip, realising how impolite she must have sounded. She had only just met Shikamaru's mother and she was already insulting him in front of her. She always felt awkward with other females, especially older females. She was constantly surrounded with males, that she didn't know the social norm of interacting with people of the same gender.
Temari calmed down when Shikamaru's mother laughed instead – like she had been impressed that she had mad-mouthed her son.
"Sorry."
"Don't be. I like it when people are honest and it's not a secret how much of a challenge my son can be," Yoshino laughed. "Enough of my babbling, I should probably take you up to see him now."
After taking her shoes and going through a handful of hallways and two flights of stairs, Yoshino stopped leading her when they were in front of the first room adjacent to the staircase.
"Shikamaru?"
"Mm?" It took almost thirty seconds for them to hear the mumbled reply through the closed door.
Yoshino rolled her eyes. "You have a guest."
"Send her in."
Temari was confused as she watched Yoshino open the door to Shikamaru's room. How did he know it was her? Yoshino pushed her into his room, muttering something about making nabe for dinner, before closing the door.
The room was unremarkable. A bed, desk, bedside table, lamp and a closet of clothing. It was not neat, nor was it dirty. Shikamaru didn't own much items, but she knew that the reason behind it was because he probably didn't want to be responsible to own many things because it would be too much of a pain to tidy up.
"I'm outside."
Temari guessed he was considering the windows were open, and considering the owner of the room was nowhere to be seen. She pushed her head out of the window, searching for the shadow wielder. Once she scented the smell of tobacco hovering above her, it didn't take her long to pinpoint his location. She climbed out of the window and heaved herself onto the roof.
The scene wasn't surprising.
Shikamaru was languidly lying with his back on the roof tiles, looking up at the clouds. He always liked high places.
Behind the scowl and continuous complaining, Temari always him to be attractive. His usual uniform was replaced with a loose, navy yutaka that was barely held together by obi. She noted some light stubble on his chin. Additionally, his hair was down. Temari couldn't remember a time when she had seen his hair down and untied. His hair was arguably longer than hers, and even dared to be shinier compared to her dull, straw like colour. Not many men could pull off the long-haired look, but somehow he did.
He took another drag from the cigarette he was holding and murmured, "I was wondering when you'd show up, Temari."
"How did you know it was me?"
He dryly chuckled. "There are only a few people that would make the effort to drop in to visit. Naruto drags me out for ramen, usually barging into my room without my mother's permission. Chouji checks the roof before stepping inside my house, and Ino's voice is so loud that you can hear her from a mile away. She wakes up the whole neighbourhood-"
"-which you own," she remarked.
The flash in his eyes showed that from that one sentence he had picked out that Temari now knew that he was the head of the Nara clan. He stubbed his cigarette and stated, "I don't ownanything or anyone."
Temari noted the bluntness in his tone, and how protective he was of the clan while pretending he wasn't. When push came to shove, Shikamaru would fiercely protect his clan without a second thought. He always said that he didn't care; that he didn't want to partake in anything unnecessary, but his actions proved him otherwise. She had known him too long to understand that sometimes he was all talk, but actually meant well.
Shikamaru grumbled, "If you're here about the alliance, we can save it for our meeting next month. It's my day off today."
"It's not about the alliance." Temari sat next to him.
Shikamaru rolled onto his side, elbow leaning on the roof to have his hand support his head as he stared at her. "Then why…?"
"To find you." She threw the parchment at him, which he easily caught. As he unfolded and studied its contents, she spoke up, "I assumed that you were tasked on another dangerous mission and that you went by yourself again."
"I wasn't on my own last time."
"So what? You didn't tell anybody where you were going - not even Ino and Chouji! What if something had happened to the sixth? Nobody else would have known that you had gone to the Land of Silence. We mightn't have made it in time-"
"That's old news. Can we not talk about that again?" Shikamaru sighed. "What is this really about, Temari?"
"You've been avoiding me." Temari made it clear that it wasn't an assumption; it was a statement.
"No," Shikamaru denied. "I saw you yesterday."
She hated it when she couldn't read him, and at the alliance meeting the day before, he hadn't given her any clues what was racing through his mind. She usually could pick up something from his facial expressions, his words, but the look on his face had made her feel uneasy. She hadn't slept all night because she was certain he was putting himself in danger again...and to find him in no vital situation, talking back to her and lying leisurely on the roof of his house, was the last place she had anticipated.
Suddenly, looking at Shikamaru was a pain. She shifted her gaze upwards towards the blue sky, up at the clouds floating above them, the clouds that Shikamaru often spoke about whenever he was complaining of a difficult task he'd been designated.
Her cheeks felt warmer as she finally said, "We didn't have dinner afterwards."
"So are you implying that we grab dinner after every meeting?" He didn't miss a beat.
She wanted to punch him. It was like she could hear him smirking. For Temari to admit that she had wanted to eat with him was already embarrassing, but for Shikamaru to poke and make fun of her made her more irate.
Temari hissed, "You're an ass."
"Yes, I can be...but you already know that," Shikamaru obnoxiously chuckled. His laughter made her stare back at him, to find that his dark eyes were coolly looking at her.
She stretched her legs out, sighing. "I thought that you were out on another mission. It bothered me because it...well, it seemed like you were hiding something from me. You know what? I'm not letting this slide. I know that you're hiding something from me."
"Am I?" he drawled.
"You are," she responded, certain. Her eyes narrowed as she looked back at him. "And I thought you trusted me enough to tell me when something is going wrong…"
Temari was being foolish. It wasn't like Shikamaru was obliged to tell her everything that he did, but she had thought they were beyond the stage of keeping secrets from each other. She didn't like sounding so fragile, so weak. However, she couldn't hide her concern forever. Why else had she gone out of the way to find him? She wanted to make an excuse that it was about the alliance, but Shikamaru was always good at reading between the lines. There was no point lying when he read her better than she read herself.
"I'm sorry." His tone was quieter.
"Sorry?" Temari repeated, confused. "For what?"
"I should have told you. We should have went for dinner." Shikamaru said, "I…I was giving you an easy way out."
"Easy way- what?"
"You know…" He sat up, crossing his legs to face her. His posture wasn't slouching, for some odd reason he was putting up the effort to sit up straighter. "I thought it was easier for us to end it. I don't see a point if you're going to be in Suna and I'm going to be here. I'm not going to be that type of person to make you leave your hometown to be with me, nor do I see myself abandoning Konoha. I'm not that much of a romantic. I...as you can see-"
He waved his hands in the air, "-people need me here. My clan needs me. My friends need me. Naruto needs me if he wants a shot at being Hokage. And my mother...she needs me too."
She folded her arms. With each word that came out of his mouth, the more piqued she became. "I don't get what you're trying to say."
"We can't be together," Shikamaru said.
"Why?"
He didn't reply.
Of course he had to say it like that. Her hands were scrunched up into fists. Tears threatened to spill from the corner of her eyes, but she wouldn't allow it. It was like Shikamaru to jump to a conclusion like this without consulting with anybody else. He had the tendency to skip things with her because he assumed she knew what he was talking about. They were always on the same page, but sometimes she'd wish they could speak things out loud, to avoid the confusion. However, now, she wished he'd take back all the words he had just spoken.
"That's not fair. You're not being fair, Shikamaru."
She hoped he didn't hear the trembling in her voice. She pointed a finger, pushing it forward and sharply jabbing his chest. Temari's head was slightly angled downwards. From the corner of her eye, she could tell that his lips weren't curved into a smile or a smirk. If she slanted her head upwards, she would see his eyes, and by staring at him, she'd see the expression on his face. It was scare her. It would stop her from saying what was on her mind...so she kept arguing.
"You think you're so smart, huh Shikamaru? Just because you think multiple steps ahead of the game doesn't mean you're right. This time you're wrong! And, you know what, we were never together in the first place! You never asked my opinion, nor have we ever discussed about us! Why? Because you never cared about us to even ask me! You never cared-"
"Temari, it hurts." He had reached out, fingers curling around her wrist. Her finger had jammed past the material of his yutaka, between both his clavicles. His skin was turning an ugly pink from where she had marked him. He withdrew it from his chest, but instead held her hand. "Don't be stupid, woman, of course I care about you."
The last time he had done this was at Naruto and Hinata's wedding. Though, she couldn't let him do this every time they fought. Him holding her hand couldn't resolve everything. She glimpsed away from looking at her hand in his, attention falling back onto his face to confirm that it was true.
"Really?"
"Why do I even have to say it when it's obvious. You already know how I feel about you."
She gave a small smile, lacing her fingers with his. Of course, Shikamaru really knew how to take the romance out of everything. She wouldn't have it any other way.
As he was still holding her hand, he used it to his leverage to yank her forward as their bodies clashed. She felt his arm slide down to her lower back as he held her close, embracing her. It was funny how when they had first met she had been taller and leaner than he, now it was the opposite. She could feel how his muscles had developed under the thin material, and how his broad shoulders fit perfectly for her head to rest against his neck. She closed her eyes, feeling his warmth, his breathing against her chest.
How much they had both changed; although they also hadn't.
Hardships of the war had strengthened them, had forced them to mature quicker. And because of the hardships, Temari soon realised that time was something that shouldn't be taken for granted. That time was a pressing matter. She didn't want to live a life without Shikamaru without trying; and that was what had angered her - that Shikamaru thought that their relationship wouldn't work without talking it out with her. Hadn't they gone through enough together for him not to realise how important he was to her?
"You should have told me earlier," Temari mumbled as she leaned closer into his arms.
"It's too much of a pain. Besides, I don't get why women always have to be the one confessed to. I think that that thought is particularly sexist if you ask me."
Temari laughed at his typical answer. The laughing made him sulk.
"Stop mocking me. You haven't even made it clear enough to tell me that you liked me too."
"But don't you already know how I feel about you?" Temari repeated the same line he had delivered to her. He tensed a bit, and it made her smirk. Served him right. She wrapped her arms around his waist, whispering, "Come one, genius. Why do you think I made Gaara assign me on extra missions in Konoha? Were you that stupid?"
Shikamaru chuckled because she was the only shinobi who dared to insult him in that way. And, in this situation, perhaps he had been stupid. Getting into relationships was something he had intentionally steered away from, it was something that he didn't have time for...but whenever anything related to Temari, it was different. Or at least, he thought it was. She was impactful, and often changed his decision making.
Now that they were no longer engaged in war, there was nothing interrupting them being together anymore. He had run out of excuses to face how he truly felt about Temari, and he had used the avoidance tactic, which had instead backfired because instead, she had appeared at his home. Again, she had been the better person, the braver one to approach the topic head on while he had cowered away.
Although she knew the consequences, she was still here by his side. She hadn't left like he had thought she would.
He placed his head over hers, feeling her hair prick softly against his chin. "I'd be horrible to be with."
"I already know that." Shikamaru hadn't expected no less of an answer.
Temari spoke her mind without hesitation or fear. That's why her opinion always mattered to him. But, in this case, wasn't she thinking straight about this? He didn't want her to be with him if there was a possibility that she'd regret it. He didn't want to pressure her into something that she might not have wanted.
"And you're willing to sacrifice everything to be with me?"
"I wouldn't call it sacrificing," Temari replied. "I know what I'm getting myself into, Shikamaru. I knew from the beginning that if I were ever considered being with you, this would have to happen...that I would have to move here."
Shikamaru pulled back from her. His arms were enveloped around her hips, eyes scrutinising her to see that what she was saying was the truth. "If this is going to work-"
"It will work," Shikamaru said. "We'll make it happen. We're together, aren't we?"
"I guess we are…"
Temari gave a toothy grin. Again, not the most romantic way to confess...but it was Shikamaru. She'd take whatever she could get from him. And now that she was in his arms, her typically stern thoughts were dissipating away. Like everybody else, she wanted the chance to be happy and being with Shikamaru made her happy.
He returned the grin, pulling her onto his lap. His hands went around her neck, breath trickling against her skin. His mouth hovered against hers before stealing a quick kiss on her lips. She smiled, snuggling closer. "If you break my heart, I'm going to pulverise you."
"Noted."
They were together; and that was all she needed.
Everything else could wait.