Kindling

Tobirama whimpered tightly, tears dripping down his face and he couldn’t seem to get himself to stop apologizing (“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry”) staring at Madara’s face and the tight confused expression there; god this must be his worst nightmare, to be tied to Guide without his permission of even knowledge. He hadn’t done this right, he thought as he wiped at his cheeks, hopeless trying to stop the tears, he hadn’t kept it to only a sense imprint bond, not completely; this was far to close to a true bond even if it hadn’t tipped over the edge, Madara was never going to be able to choose another Guide (unless Tobirama died, that would break a sense bond and it wasn’t a true bond yet to take Madara with him when he died, so that was something at least). It was Tobirama’s fault, Madara would live and the albino could already tell that he would wake up after his body got over the trauma, he had done as his brother and Izuna had asked and destroyed every promise he had ever made to himself.

Shaking and sobbing Tobirama curled into a tight ball, hands fisting in his white hair and yanking hard, uncertain sharp aches slashing through him sharply (everything was ruined, everything was a hopeless ruin around his feet and he had only himself to blame) “Oh Tobi” the sound of his brother’s voice drew another sob out of his chest and Hashirama’s arms settling around him wasn’t the comfort it normally was (Hashirama’s arms aren’t the one he wanted around him) but he turned into Hashirama anyway, biting his lips bloody to keep the noises in and fighting the uncomfortable distortions of his face as it twisted (had the seals activated accidentally somehow?). “Oh little brother, you didn’t do anything wrong” Hashirama comforted, rubbing at the albino’s back gently; distantly Tobirama realized he was still apologizing and could make himself stop. There was movement near and Tobirama twisted father into his brother to hide from the observers; Hashirama must have responded because Tobirama felt his chest vibrate and then the older Senju shifted, his large haori swamping the slimmer man as it settled around the albino’s shoulders. A moment later Hashirama scooped him up, tucking Tobirama into his arms and standing in a smooth move; movement and a soft sound from behind him almost convinced Tobirama to turn and go back to Madara, (he had to make sure his Sentinel was alright) until he remembered what he had done to the Uchiha and choked back a high sound, curling into his brother and shutting out the world.

Izuna watched Hashirama stride out of the Uchiha house through the back door- planning to take the back-way home and keep others from seeing his brother in this state- and swallowed hard feeling bit ill; he had never…never thought that he would see that. Oh Hashirama had tried to keep him from seeing Tobirama as best he could but there had been no hiding the body language or the sounds he was making, high and thin and heartbroken when he wasn’t apologizing (and god that was something Izuna never wanted to hear again, it made his stomach lurch and ache just remembering it); Izuna hadn’t been able to escape the aftermath of what they had asked of Tobirama and he wished now that he had. Fuck but they needed Madara to wake up so Izuna could convince him that he did want his Guide and he did want Tobirama specifically, after all, Madara had to have the best Guide there was (and Izuna never wanted to hear that sound again).

Izuna nodded sharply to himself, that was the plan, it was a good plan. Madara would wake up and Hikaku would tell him how good a Guide Tobirama was and how he hadn’t pulled Hikaku at all (that was a ‘thing’ apparently), then Izuna would remind Madara that he had to have a Guide and he had almost died and that he should have only the best, and then they would go to Hashirama if they had too. Izuna didn’t think they would; clearly Tobirama did have emotions (god the sound he made) and he was…nice-ish looking, certainly Madara had said once or twice things that indicated that he wasn’t averse to the albino’s looks. So step one; wait for Madara to wake up and hope Hashirama could keep Tobirama together until then, while he was waiting he would prep arguments and get Hikaku (and find the person that attacked his brother’s Guide.

Madara woke slowly, thought creeping in sluggishly preceded by instinct and senses; something was missing. Madara could smellhear everything in a way that he never had before, with a clarity that he had never even dreamed of, but something was missing; he didn’t know what but the bed beside him was cold and empty, no matter how deeply he inhaled he couldn’t smell what he should (vanillamintwatersage, sage?Salt), couldn’t hear anyone but Izuna moving about the house. It ached, deep and painful and hot, a burn in his blood (mine,find,mine,Guide,find) that couldn’t be soothed as it jolted Madara awake; what?! desperate he searched through his mind, for what could be – wait (“you don’t want that ‘dara”) a voice, he had zoned and someone had been with him (Guide) (“I’m sorry, I’m sorry”). Madara threw himself into finding the fading traces of his the Guide trying to find (scentvanillamintsweetwatertastesaltandsweetsoundrichgentalvoicefeellongpowerfulslenderform) the Guide only to real back as soon as he realized what he was doing, no, NO, he didn’t want a Guide he – but, this was his Guide and “I’m sorry, you don’t want that, I will not violate his self” was that true? Had Madara heard right even in a zone? Did he remember correctly? (was it even possible for there to be a Guide that perfect out there for him?)

Izuna cleared his throat at the door, peppermint tea in his hands and plain rice on the tray (like easy tastes that Madara could bare even after a zone, his brother was good about those things) “Madara?” the younger Uchiha asked and Madara could hear his heartrate going a little too fast “Where’s the Guide Izuna?” he asked hoarsely and Izuna shifted his weight uncomfortably, watching Madara closely as he responded carefully “It’s…a bit of a long story Mada” the Sentinel twitched (was he keeping Madara’s guide from him?) and forced himself to take a deep breath and reach for the tea, “Explain” it was only barely not a snarl but Izuna sat slowly on the end of the bed looking relived. “You zoned and a Guide was nearby, it was bad Madara, not one you could ever have come out of on your own and I just-“ Izuna’s voice was wet “I thought you were going to die Mada, I thought I was going to loose you for good. and if that Guide- and that particular Guide- hadn’t been there you would have never come back, you would have died” Madara snarled a little, he knew that, he knew how bad the zone had been and he knew the Guide must have been powerful to pull him out and he wanted to know what was going on! Izuna raised a placating hand “He’s powerful Mada, Hikaku says he’s never met or heard of a Guide this powerful or this controlled, Hikaku says that when the Guide let his presence” Izuna shivered a little at the memory and Madara wanted to purr “he’s never tried to pull or thrall anyone, it’s a big deal to him apparently” “I will not violate his self”  Madara swallowed hard (was it possible that a Guide like this was out there?) and Izuna continued “he almost refused to help you because he said it would form a larger bond – he already had a one-way bond with you apparently, from when he pulled you out of a zone in wind country” Madara, Madara could almost remember that, remember the scentsoundfeel of his Guide and a leopard standing watch by the mouth of a cave.

As if that was a key the other memories connected, all the little things he kept missing around the village, all the things he should have seen- gods, how could he have been so stupid?!- he had a Guide, had had a Guide for years one that was good enough for him, one that wouldn’t try to force him to do anything, and he had left them alone to carry a one-way bond for years. How could he ever make that up to them? Ever “Madara?” he jerked back to look at Izuna who was looking at him with trepidation. “Who is my Guide?” he asked as gently as he could (which wasn’t very), Izuna squirmed “Well that’s – I mean, he – he’s not…normal Madara. he’s damaged” (the idea of anyone speaking ill of his Guide made Madara’s lips pull back from his teeth but he fought the instinct off, he needed to hear this) “I don’t know much about it but there is something in him that is only holding on by a thread, Madara, I don’t – you can’t do anything until your sure, not until your positive that he’s what you want and your not going to push him away. I think - I think it might kill him” Izuna was dead serious too, Madara could put his Guide in danger if he acted without thinking. Snarling the Sentinel fell back on the bed, staring at the ceiling and fighting down his flaring instincts; he would wait, he could wait until tomorrow he should be able to know he was thinking clearly then, and that was only a day. He could wait, he would go find his Guide tomorrow when he was sure his instincts weren’t the problem, he didn’t want to hurt his Guide whatever else he wanted (he wanted more, wanted a true bond not this halfway thing, but he respected how hard it must have been to make sure that Madara wasn’t able to create a true bond given what he could remember and he wanted to respect his Guide’s strength of will. Once he was sure he would find he Guide and then - “not without his consent. And he will never give that to me” oh, what if – what if his Guide wasn’t – but no, Madara was sure he was someone he could care for) (and if white hair flashed through his head he put if out of his mind, that was not a possibility)