Chains

                                                          C          H          A         I         N         S

“We need to talk.”

Those words are so blindingly engrained in my memory, and yet, I can just as easily cast Sasuke’s words aside in lieu of the new situation that’s presented itself. He’s at the door arguing with someone outside on the porch. My heart flutters widely while my mind is drowning in a duality of sane and irrational thinking. On one side I thought this was the way things were going to end. It all went sour and flopped on the employers end and due to this failure Hinata and I were to be buried and our bones burned somewhere in these mountainous woods. Then the other side I was imagining a SWAT team busting through all entry points subduing our assailants and tackling them to the ground in a satisfying arrest putting an end to the brothers. I can’t stand the not knowing. I want to jump out of my skin and see what altercation is happening just on the other side of this thinly veiled wall. Hinata’s hand tightly clings to my own and I feel the weight of the world crushing down on me. She seems just as anxious as I do, she leans in to whisper into my ear.

“Is it the police? Or...?” I shake my head, my word would only be speculation. Itachi doesn’t seem to mind our hushed conversation. His focus is on the problem to his right. Minutes pass and Sasuke strolls back in, the gun tucked back into its holster while he adjusts the hem of his shirt. His expression seems distorted, on one hand he looks mildly irritated, on the other he seems to be relieved. It doesn’t take long for my wonder to dissolve when another person comes trailing in behind him. My knuckles turn white as I hold onto Hinata’s hand for support. I feel the world drop from under my feet. Was this male here to separate us? Is this what Sasuke had wanted to talk about? Was the problem of me being here finally solved and I was to be taken away from Hinata? I felt a well of rage burning inside my chest. I would be damned if I wasn’t going to go down without a fight. I would claw at him until my nails broke or chipped, I would use all the confused, scared, and angry animosity built up inside me the past few weeks to unleash on this unknown person regardless of why he was here. I dared him to take a step towards me. I would lash out before he even knew what was going to hit him.

But he didn’t, and he smiled politely giving us a little wave. Hinata and I exchanged confused glances. How could this guy be so nonchalant about the whole thing? My head was spinning with questions. The three of them talked as if they had always been old friends. I inspected the male making mental notes. He had a boxy build and yet seemed a bit lanky. Sasuke and the man seemed to be the same height as one another save a few cowlicks to give my captor the advantage over the apparent colleague. His hair was the color of soft snow in winter and yet his eyes were a captivating lilac color that bled into violet in the absence of light. His clothing is more casual than the brothers as if he really intended to drop by for a visit. The soft gray tones truly accentuated his features as well as the unique colors of his hair and eyes. His canines seem unusually sharp that its almost unsettling. I watch as Sasuke turns his piercing gaze to the white haired male and as if we were nothing more than odd props in a sitcom. The stranger finally notices us and motions in our direction.

“Who are these two lovely ladies Sasuke? Ya didn’t tell me you were expecting company.” Once more the normalcy of the situation off-puts me and I stare completely dumbfounded by the warped going-ons at hand. I steal a glance at Hinata and I’m glad her expression is mirroring my own because this was far too bizarre to even digest.

“On the left is Hinata, on the right,” He pauses for seconds but they seem to span into minutes. It should be easy. Just say my name and move on. But he doesn’t. His eyes specifically meet my own and that glare makes my skin crawl. What the hell was that look even about? Was it a warning to us not to...no he didn’t even look at Hinata when addressing our names aloud, they were on the male, and now all his attention has shifted onto me and it makes me want to be swallowed up into the floor just to avoid that burning stare. Ever since he whispered that vile promise to me I felt incapable of collecting myself and piecing myself back together. I use my free hand to dig my nails into my knee. I want to scream at him to stop staring at me like that! I want him to go away! I won’t let this asshole see me react. I won’t give him the satisfaction of seeing me buckle under the weight of his disgusting words. I wont let him see how he really affects me. I steel my nerves and lift my head just a little bit higher and give my best smug expression as I possibly can. The passing moment between us disappears and time marches on in its cruel advance but even then there’s an inflection in his voice when he says my name and it puts another needle in my side.

“And Sakura.” The stranger doesn’t seem to notice the tension between us and I pray Itachi hadn’t either. His kindness may have been accepted but I would make no mistake in getting Stockholm syndrome or even allow them to have a semblance of integrity in my minds eye. We were in a den of lions and anything could happen here and until I was safe at home in my bed I wouldn’t forget these were criminals. I could appreciate the kindness shown in these rare moments, but I would be damned if I was going to allow myself to have even a small sliver of thought that perhaps these two weren’t bad men after all. No, they would always be monsters that would haunt me for the rest of my life.

“Oh! I’m Suigetsu! Nice to meet ya.”

Incredulously enough the weirdness doesn’t stop there, he actually extends his hand out towards us and once more we share a look of disbelief that this is transpiring in font of us. Of course he had to know the situation, otherwise how else would he just be nonchalant about the whole thing? Naturally, neither of us feel like playing pretend and offer to accept the outstretched hand which quickly recedes back into his jean pockets. He kicks an open chair out with his foot taking a seat at our fucked up little table of horrors and I suddenly crave wanting to be in my room away from this madness. Itachi stands in one smooth motion clearly uninterested in the company Sasuke keeps and motions us to follow him which we gladly do.

I lay in my bed mulling over the things that happened downstairs. I wish I had a journal, or even a receipt and pencil just to write something down as a source of venting and getting all this bottled up stress onto paper as a way of releasing the emotions bubbling inside me. I ease the tension in my locked frame by tracing patterns and shapes in the ceiling with my eyes. It’s a temporary trick that distracts my mind and keeps me in an odd sort of trance. Ino was always trying to get me into yoga and meditation, I suppose this is the closest experience I have to understanding it. The head is focused, the body at peace, ones breathing in a steady pace while your mind transcends the room and floats into a consciousness of nothing. I blink and it’s gone. I can hear the raucous muffled laughter floating from up the stairs which I block out by pulling a pillow over my head covering both my ears and watching the last bit of light fade away outside.

I open my eyes and the entire room is drowned in black. I blink until my vision adjusts to the dark and my fingers nimbly search for the little beaded cord to my right. I turn on the lamp unleashing a dull orange tinted glow and that’s when I notice something off. A shadow at the end of my bed. My stomach drops, my heart is in my throat, while the rest of my insides squeeze to my spine. I immediately draw into myself pressing my legs close to my chest scrambling as far away from the figure as I can. It doesn’t move. I might be still dreaming but as I squint to see the silouette take its form, I recognize the outline and then the features come into focus. All of my insides coil like a snake in the sunlight. I feel bile in my throat and I take steady silent breaths. Sasuke.

We need to talk.

I think I might throw up. No. This is part of him affecting me, I vowed in the kitchen not to let him see me fold under the mere sweep of his gaze. I build my walls back up and do my best to wear my own mask of him being here doesn’t bother me one bit. Despite him being creepy as hell right now in the middle of the night. The glare I bore into the side of his head is real, however. Every fiber of my being grates liked barbed wire against my innards and skin whenever he’s in the same room as me. Him being this close is like choking on sand while roasting on a spit. Amidst the eerie silence his shoulders slightly hunch and he lets out an exhale before turning his eyes to me. That stare again. I’ve never wanted to smack someone so badly in my life and he even tops the time I had to stay composed while a grieving father spat in my face and assaulted me after I delivered him bad news. I could only imagine the horrible things he’s concocting in his head. I cling to the blanket twisting the fabric in my fists holding it tightly to myself as a way to cope and create a safe barrier for myself. Never mind how stupidly easy it would be for him to merely rip it out of my hands. I shake the thought away keeping a steady eye on him at the opposite end of my bed. Here’s the difference between him and his brother: Itachi never invades in on my space, whereas Sasuke could give a flying fuck. I grit my teeth, hard, and then its back to a one sided glaring war.

“It wasn’t my intention to scare you.” I scoff rolling my eyes at the blatant lie.

“What are you doing here? Get out.” He bats away my demand without so much as offering me a reaction of his own. These two wore masks, I’m assuming their whole lives. I’m a novice at this and I know I cant compete. But I want to rattle him. I want to put my hands on him and slap him until that stupid smug face of his shatters and I see what’s laying underneath. I want to not be here anymore! Waiting, waiting, waiting! I was a busy person, I had order, I was always on the go, on the move and doing something. Now I idle most days and its driving me insane. Hinata was a valuable member of society so why the hell was this thing grinding as slow as it was? I can feel this terrible ache in my chest, this monster I unintentionally created building and building inside me and I was terrified of having it become unchained. I thought Hinata would be the one to break but my resolve is growing more terrible and harder to ignore. I clench my jaw and am ready to just...throttle this asshole because he’s in my wake and I just want to hit something. Anything. He’s saying something but the world drowns out, my vision narrows to tunnel focusing solely on only him. His lips move, but his body remains still and he’s not looking at me. There’s a ringing in my ears but I cant hear anything, its silent, and before I can claw myself out of this pit I dug inside of me, I lash out at him.

I don’t want him in here anymore. I want my sanctuary back. I want to brood in my solitude by myself. I beat against his chest and expect a fight or a blinding backhanded slap. But like this enigma that’s haunted me since coming here I’m taken aback yet again. He doesn’t resist. He doesn’t fight back. He doesn’t even block or defend himself. He lets me lay blow after blow to his chest, I even half heartedly give a slight slap to his hard jaw before feeling terrible guilt roil over me. I tear up. Coward! Fight back! He looks at me with...sympathy? Really? How dare this bastard condescend to me! Does he think I’ve lost my shit?! If he wont fight back then my desire to inflict pain diminishes and I feel the burning sensation redirect itself to my eyes and I stifle a hiccup. I warn myself not to cry. Not to look weak in front of him. I spent half my life feeling just that and its a terrible black hole that burrowed its way into my soul. I’m far from the woman I used to be. I’m not some timid little girl whose too afraid to speak her mind any longer. I bite my lip and I grip the collar of his shirt wanting to have answers.

“You asshole...” I hate how my voice quivers, I hate that I have to hide my face under my bangs so he cant see me crying or that my lip is trembling. “Why...what do you want from me?!” I’m ready for any explanation he has for me. I truly was. But not for what actually happened.

He brings his hand to the level of my eyes and those disgusting willowy slender fingers push past the hair fallen in front of my face and I feel the balls of his fingertips swipe against my cheek brushing away the hot diamonds scorching my cheeks. How—-how can this man whom I dislike so strongly continue to surprise me and evaporate my previous strongly felt emotions? A second ago I was ready to pummel him into a pulp and now he throws me through a loop and I clam up unable to understand what the hell he’s thinking? How can he reshape me effortlessly? I was filled with so much rage I saw red and somehow he managed to smother that by this minor action. He gently tips my head up, angling my face to his so our eye levels meet. My head is an empty slate, my body numb, and I cant fathom what it is I’m feeling. He quelled my anger when really I thought he would spur me on and cause the ugly side of me to surface. Once more I want to put space between me and him but this time its for a different reason. It’s because I don’t know what he’s going to do next. I wish I could turn back the clock and summon the seeded misery I had moments ago.

“Sakura.” No. Don’t you dare say my name like that. Not again. Not in that same breathy tone. The way he said it is foreign to me. I was referred as ‘her’ or ‘she’ and it felt unsettling when he actually called me by my name. It was an odd sort of contact that made me materialize into something real. I was an object in his eyes before and now I was formulating in a solidified form as a person. I pull away but in the same motion he’s snatching my wrist which was just clutched in the fabric of his shirt. Something passes in his eyes.

“I’m sorry.” His words are so sincere. They are honest and utterly true. The creature in my mind is bending back into a man and yet I keep it from happening and then he says it again and I want him to lie. I want him to be a bastard again. Stop trying to plead to my humanity that somehow is still intact. The integrity in this apology rattles me and I just want him gone. To get out.

“Listen to me.” And then I cant stop myself from shaking. The respite gnaws at any retaliation I can think of to yield him from lingering longer. I just want to turn on my auto pilot. To do the motions and move through each day in an ordered fashion like before. But he’s stapling me to the present and I cant even escape into my head. I go to push him away and he keeps my hands where they land against his collarbone. I gasp softly looking up at him.

“I know you’re confused and scared. But I give you my word I’m not going to hurt you. I’m also sorry about what I said the other day.” It renews the memories I buried in the soil of my brain letting the weeds take root from that night. They blossomed terrible images and scenarios that he would make good on that threat. It birthed a creature that took form making me wake at irregular hours of the night in sheens of sweat and tears.

“I can only ask that you don’t put me in a position to have to...do that ever again. Please.”

“Stop...” I utter. He demands my attention again with his thumb and forefinger and I am forced to confront my demons. I hold my breath for a moment before the cracks in my world begin to splinter and grow larger until deep fissures form. Despite all the terrible weight on what I assumed was my fragile soul, makes me question just how resilient it truly was. Because even now it doesn’t shatter. I don’t break like I figured I was going to minutes ago. What exactly was I capable of? What was this experience I was going through doing to me mentally? All those thoughts flush out of my system when he urges me closer by grasping his hands around my thighs dragging me just a few inches closer and my lungs feel like jelly when we come face to face.