part ii
“The truth is, Hokage-sama, if you do not marry within the next thirty days, you will be forced to step down. As Hokage, you should be setting an example, and that means having stable relationships with other people.”
Kakashi growls, pacing across his office because he’s too worked up to think this through behind his desk like the professional he’s supposed to be.
A flicker in his peripheral vision. He signs for the ANBU to speak, stride unimpeded.
“Maybe you should confess, Hokage-sama.” The guard does not move from his position, but he inclines his head at the look Kakashi gives him. Unlike everyone else in the village, Kakashi is privy to the knowledge of his ANBU’s identities, which means he knows exactly why Crow is willing to speak up. Itachi was always loyal to his friends, even if it didn’t seem like it for a long time. “Forgive me, Hokage-sama. It’s just that I know you. You won’t be happy marrying into some clan for the sake of things.”
Itachi’s right, of course, but that doesn’t mean Kakashi has to like it.
He growls, dropping into one of the chairs. “What would I even say ? ‘Hi, I’ve been in love with you since you were sixteen and I have to get married or I can’t be Hokage, so do you want to get hitched?’”
A silent chuckle haunts him from one corner of the room and Kakashi slumps forward to stare at the soft carpet of his office.
“Start with the truth: you never planned on confessing, but you’ve been forced into a corner and you may never get the chance again.”
Now or never, huh? I suppose you’re right, Itachi.
He rises, nodding at his night guard and stepping toward the window. “Thank you, Crow.” With that, he’s leaping from rooftop to rooftop, gliding across the village under the soft glow of a waxing moon.
Kakashi finds Naruto in his apartment, sprawled on the sofa in sweatpants and a plain t-shirt, just returned from a mission to Kiri.
“You really should start trapping your apartment, Naruto,” he murmurs, standing behind his former student and dutifully ignoring the voice in the back of his mind asking him just what the hell does he think he’s doing while sounding suspiciously similar to Minato-sensei.
Naruto tips his head back, giving Kakashi a grin. “I knew it was you, Hokage-sama, dattebayo!”
He blinks down at the cheer on Naruto’s face and wonders what would happen if he just… ran away.
“Ne, Kakashi-sama, what’s wrong?” Naruto rises from his seat, poking Kakashi in the arm.
If he ran away right now, Naruto would be upset, even if he acted like it didn’t bother him. If he ran away right now, he’d hurt the only person he’s ever loved, and would be faced with the same choice he’d been given earlier this evening.
And Flame , he doesn’t want to hurt Naruto.
“Earlier this evening, the Council told me that if I wanted to keep my position as Hokage, I would have to get married.”
The blond immediately goes from concerned to enraged. “ What? What kind of nonsense is that ? Baa-chan wasn’t married and she got to run the place!”
“But she’d been in a stable relationship before she lost her lover, Naruto. The truth is, their proposal makes sense. I have to prove that I can have a stable relationship, even if it ends up being an arranged marriage that they assign me to.” He fights a grimace. “I’m not telling you all of this to upset you.”
The apartment falls silent. He’s manhandled onto Naruto’s sofa and watches helplessly while the man he loves moves around in the kitchen ( tea , Kakashi realizes, he’s making tea ).
How does he know that drinking tea is a comfort of mine? As far as I know, the only person who has ever noticed that doesn’t guard me in the ANBU rotation is my spandex-wearing rival-comrade-friend.
“Here.” Naruto presses a mug into his hand and opts to sit on the floor in front of him with his own, facing away. So he isn’t tempted to look at my face, he concludes, gazing stupidly at the back of Naruto’s head.
An idea steals into his brain, then, and he’s moving before he has even decided, scooting forward to close the few inches between his shins and Naruto’s back. “Thank you,” he murmurs, and Naruto lets out a content sigh, leaning back against him.
“You’re welcome, Hokage-sama.” He lets the mood settle before speaking again. “So, if you didn’t come here to complain about the council--which I feel is completely warranted on your part--, what did you come to me for? It’s been awhile since we’ve had a visit outside of work, you know.”
Kakashi sips his tea, only feeling a little exposed without his mask. He wonders what would happen if he let Naruto see him, but he won’t pile too many surprises on his former student tonight. Maybe another time…
“I’m sorry about that. I never saw myself as Hokage, you know, but I’m good at the work, and since Tsunade-sama appointed me, it would feel wrong if I didn’t give the job everything I have. And that means being glued to it, apparently.” Naruto chuckles, head bobbing up and down. “The truth is, there is somebody precious to me. Somebody that I could see myself marrying even if the council wasn’t pressing matters. Did you know that?”
The blond leans against him a little more. “No, I didn’t, sensei. I mean, there was that one girl when we were still kids, but you didn’t really seem interested in her. So…, why are you… telling me this?”
He pokes Naruto in the back of the head, heaving a lazy sigh. “Because that person is you.”
Unlike when he was a teenager faced with his sensei’s approval, Naruto doesn’t freak out. He doesn’t even move, except to drop his head backwards in order to meet Kakashi’s gaze with wide blue eyes (he’s glad his tea is gone and his mask is back in place, now that his most guarded secret has been exposed). You’ve really grown up, haven’t you, Naruto? And yet, who has noticed aside from me?
“You’re precious to me, Kakashi-sama, but…”
But-
“...I don’t return your feelings.” His eyes are pleading, like there’s too much to say and he doesn’t know how. “I’m really sorry, I--”
“Naruto,” he says, keeping his voice soft. Safe, you’re still safe with me, I’m not mad. “I didn’t expect you to feel the same way as me. If you did, I think I might have noticed, hmm? But you still deserve to know, especially considering I’m going to have to marry into one of the clans in order to keep my seat. I really wouldn’t have burdened you with this under other circumstances.”
“It’s not a burden!” he protests fiercely, and he still hasn’t moved, still uses Kakashi’s legs as a backrest. “Hokage-sama, I’m honored, I just…”
He eye-smiles, ruffling Naruto’s hair with his empty hand. “Thank you, Naruto. I’m going to leave you alone now, okay? I have a decision to make, and it won’t be an easy one.”
Naruto sits up from his lounge, turning around so they’re facing each other again. “Can I ask you to do something, Hokage-sama?”
“Of course.”
“Wait until morning to decide. The council members aren’t foolish enough to only give you one night, so you have time. Rest for tonight, okay?” There’s something new, some unnamed emotion in Naruto’s eyes, but Kakashi cannot place it.
“I… suppose I can wait until morning to decide.” He stands, placing the empty mug in Naruto’s sink and heading back out the way he came in--through the window. “Thank you, again, Naruto.”
Naruto shoots him a grin that doesn’t quite reach his eyes. “Goodnight, Kakashi.”
/
The sun isn’t quite risen when Kakashi sets foot in his office, but his precious few hours of sleep had been restless at best, so when he’d rolled over that last time and saw his alarm clock, he simply decided his time was better spent doing work if it wasn’t spent resting.
He’s not prepared for his sensei’s son to burst into the office ten minutes after he himself has gotten there and ask whether or not he’s made a decision.
(He hasn’t, but he’s leaning towards just handing the hat to the man in question.)
“No? You haven’t?”
“No, Naruto. But you can have my job, if you want it.”
“You’re not getting out of it that easily, Kakashi-sama,” he points out, “because I’ll just end up in the same boat and I’m not going to let them force me to marry Hinata.” He steps forward, door clicking shut behind him, and comes to a stop right in front of Kakashi’s desk. “You’re not going to marry into the clans.”
“No?”
“No, Kakashi-sama.” He grins, something like steely determination turning his eyes a much darker blue. “They can stop forcing you into an arranged marriage, okay? Because if you want to marry me, you’re gonna marry me!”
Uncomprehending, Kakashi can only stare.
“Uh, Hokage-sama?”
Reality comes crashing back down when Naruto pokes him between the eyes, squinting at him.
“Eh?”
“Yeah! You said that I was the person you could see yourself marrying, council or no, am I correct?”
“Y-yes…”
“Good, then it’s settled. My answer is yes, I will marry you.” Naruto’s expression turns deadly serious, such a rare display on a face Kakashi knows so well. He’s seen Naruto look determined, and playful, lost, hurt, scared, betrayed, excited, plus so many more, but he’s never quite seen this look before. It’s new . For the first time, he feels like he’s truly seeing the intelligent mind that Naruto plays down so well. “Please don’t say no, Kakashi-sama,” he murmurs, voice soft like a summer breeze. “I know this isn’t ideal for you, but I think it’s the best decision for this situation. You know I won’t run rough-shot over you like clan members might, and it means you’re keeping your word to Tsunade-sama, so please accept me.”
What else can he do but agree?
(Naruto’s smile when Kakashi nods at him is one that Kakashi’s never seen before, and it’s aimed at him . Small but more sincere than any he’s ever been graced with. What is the reason, Naruto? )
Rules, we need rules. I’m good at following rules.
“Hey, can we buy a house with a garden?”
Not for the first time this morning, Kakashi nearly chokes on his own tongue, glancing up from the paperwork in front of himself to meet Naruto’s hopeful gaze.
“Okay.”
A nod. “Who knew getting married meant so many forms to fill out?” He makes a face, whiskers flashing. “Who am I kidding, there are probably plenty of people who know that. Ne, Kakashi-sama, if I start to get on your nerves, don’t hesitate to tell me. You probably already know this, but I have a tendency to chatter when it’s really quiet, and I know you prefer quiet places, so…”
Kakashi hums, signing his name on yet another line. “Actually, Naruto, I find your ramblings rather soothing. I’ve had plenty of time to get used to them already, it’s not something that I’ve needed to escape since you were still a child.” Thank the Flame I’m finally finished with this contract. My hand is so cramped...
Naruto cocks his head. “You know, now that you mention it, I remember the first time I ever rambled at you. You weren’t cycled back to guard me for almost a month. I never told jiji this, but you were my favorite ANBU when I was a kid. I think he knew it anyway.” He moves his forms around, shuffling through to make sure he’s signed everything he needed to before placing them in a neat stack beside Kakashi’s own.
“I never understood how you always seemed to know where we were.”
The blond huffs a laugh. “Ne, Hokage-sama! My senses are really, really good. Kurama doesn’t just heal me. My sight, my hearing, my sense of smell--all of these things are enhanced. When I’m actually paying attention, I can learn all kinds of things.” He leans a little closer, giving Kakashi a knowing grin. “I recognize at least three of your ANBU by scent alone, even though I’ve never personally met two of them out of uniform.”
I need rules or I’m going to lose my mind!
“And I always know which week to avoid Sakura at all costs.”
Please do not say--
“Sometimes I can hear through soundproofing seals, but I try to avoid it because I overheard the really old couple in the apartment next to mine having sex once and it was kind of really traumatizing. None of the other neighbors heard them, though, or somebody would have complained to the super.”
Thank Kami.
“I won’t reveal any secrets about you, though, Hokage-sama.”
Fuck.
He clears his throat. “Itachi.”
Crow steps forward.
“Naruto and I must inform the council of our marriage.”
As always, Itachi understands what he’s asking and simply nods, gone in an instant. Naruto stares after him for a moment. “You know, I bet I would have been good friends with him if things had been different. Even Sasuke doesn’t know his brother’s here in the village. I can’t complain about that, though, because I’m still not one hundred percent sure he wouldn’t still attempt to murder him.”
“Sadly, I don’t think he’s the only one who would try,” Kakashi finds himself agreeing. He shakes off the somber mood and raps his knuckles once against the desk. “I’m still not sure why you’re doing this, Naruto, but I’m begging you not to do anything you wouldn’t normally do. I’ve already asked far too much of you.”
“Kakashi-sama--”
“Let me finish, okay?” At Naruto’s nod, he continues. “You are not required to change anything about yourself, okay? Yes, we are married now, and no, you do not have to act as a spouse. I don’t want you to do anything that makes you uncomfortable, do you understand?”
“Ne, we can’t pretend everything is the same, either, Kakashi-sama.” Somehow, they find a middle ground: separate bedrooms, shared bathroom, garden, bookshelf, no cup ramen (he has no idea how he won that argument, but he’s not going to dwell on it). By evening, the ground rules have been set and they’re both exhausted, so Kakashi asks if he wants to save the house-hunting for another day and just go back to their respective apartments. He wonders why he sees any sort of reluctance in Naruto’s face when he agrees.
/
Two months.
Two months ago, Kakashi was given an ultimatum. Two months ago, Kakashi made a decision that would come to alter his life indefinitely. Two months ago, he confessed his feelings to a man who would have been a surrogate brother in another life.
Two months ago, Kakashi married a man who doesn’t love him.
(Two months ago, Kakashi married the man he loves.)
No matter which way he looks at it, he cannot for the life of him figure out what possessed Naruto to barge into his office the day after his confession and declare their impending marriage. Why would Naruto choose to marry somebody he doesn’t love? Never, never has the blond done something so life-altering in such a situation. He even had it in his head that he was doing something hurtful. To Kakashi.I know this isn’t ideal for you, he’d said.
But Kakashi has never been normal , and that Naruto has deemed him precious enough is more than he had ever hoped for. Kakashi didn’t have ideals about what would happen if he ever confessed, because he’d never planned on confessing.
(If Naruto had stopped to ask, Kakashi might have even told him exactly how pleased he is with this arrangement.)
Still, he tries not to be pleased that Naruto married him--after all, he thinks he did it for the village, and while he’s honored that Naruto thinks he’s a good Hokage, he doesn’t want to be Naruto’s superior , not like that. He doesn’t want to find out that Naruto only married him because he felt he had a duty to his Hokage. It would feel too much like stripping away Naruto’s identity.
But then why does he call me his husband so often? ‘You’re my husband,’ he offers every time I ask him why he does something for me. What does that mean?
It’s been two months, and somehow, they’ve already fallen into a comfortable routine. Kakashi isn’t naive enough to think Naruto doesn’t mean anything he says--Naruto has always been honest with him, so when he says he doesn’t mind doing the laundry, he really doesn’t mind, and when he says he doesn’t mind living with the ninken, he really isn’t annoyed about all of the dogs in the house.
(And he still thinks this situation isn’t ideal for Kakashi? Who else would have no problems living with eight intelligent ninja dogs?)
With a sigh, the Hokage climbs out of bed, annoyed that the amount of sleep he’s been getting is less than what he’s used to, aware that it’s his own fault for letting his mind dwell on things he can’t quite figure out. It isn’t like this is the first time he’s lost sleep thinking about Naruto, after all.
A quick shower before he shuffles into the kitchen, thoughts muddled and slow, only to find his husband getting up from the table with an empty plate in hand. He looks up at Kakashi, offering a smile that falls away when he takes in the state of the Hokage. “You look like you haven’t slept!” He stomps around the kitchen, manhandling Kakashi into a chair at the table and shoving a plate of food under his nose before turning back toward the sink to wash his dishes.
Breakfast?
A full breakfast, the kind he hasn’t really had time to make himself since before the Fourth Shinobi War, the kind he’s always enjoyed but hasn’t been able to indulge in because he’s too busy (and for awhile, he’d been punishing himself for falling in love with his former student by removing all of his small comforts--Icha Icha, breakfast, soft blankets).
He can smell it now that he’s paying attention, it fills the air around him, and it smells good .
Naruto can cook?
“Uh, Hokage-sama, you might want to eat that soon. I gotta leave, so just put your dishes in the sink and I’ll wash them when I get home around lunchtime, okay?” Before Kakashi can get his mouth to respond so that he can at least say thank you , Naruto is gone and Pakkun is suddenly in one of the other chairs at the table, eyeing the food like he’s going to take it if Kakashi doesn’t eat it soon.
“Okay, boss, I’m still not sure what got you and the kid living together, but I am not gonna complain if he keeps taking care of you like this. At least you’re letting him.”
Naruto is… taking care of me?
But he can’t find it in himself to deny Pakkun’s claim. It kind of seems that way, doesn’t it?
(He washes his dishes. Who cares if he’s a little late for his first meeting, anyway? It’s not like he’s always on time. So he washes his dishes and leaves a note on the table, because if Naruto is always going to disappear before Kakashi can properly thank him, he’s still going to get the appreciation.)
(Naruto makes breakfast the next day, too. And the day after that. And the rest of the week, and the week following. Naruto makes breakfast every day that he’s in the village.)
Two months ago, Kakashi married one of his best friends, and though the future isn’t set, he can be happy with his life in a way he never really was before.
/
“Say, boss, when Naruto took us to Field 8 yesterday, I caught scent of that one chunin that’s been giving you trouble, and--”
“Hold on,” Kakashi interrupts, looking up from the mission scroll in his hands. “When Naruto took you where?”
“Uh, yeah, boss. The kid said he knows you’re really busy, so he wanted to spend time with us.”
Naruto. Taking out his ninken because he’s too busy to spend as much time with them as he wants. Naruto, treating his summons like the intelligent, energetic beings that they are instead of tools. Naruto, finding another way to take care of Kakashi despite all of the things he’d stated were unnecessary considering the circumstances of their marriage.
Not only that, but Pakkun goes on to tell him that Naruto happens to spend time with them every day he’s in the village. Every day . (And every day, Kakashi learns something new about his young husband.)
He wants to say he isn’t surprised, that Naruto’s big heart is easy for him to read, but he didn’t see this coming , because he still can’t figure out why Naruto married him , why his former student threw away his freedom just to keep Kakashi as Hokage, why he did it as if it was easier than breathing.
For whatever reason, instead of taking steps to help keep the line between them, Naruto continues finding ways to jump that line, a line that Kakashi drew for Naruto’s sake , because he will not take advantage of Naruto’s willingness to put aside his future and act on feelings he doesn’t have . No, Naruto apparently doesn’t care about having boundaries, doesn’t care that their marriage was the result of an ultimatum, doesn’t care that he isn’t in love with Kakashi. Apparently, it’s enough for him that Kakashi loves him.
On what planet does this make sense? I’d like to go there so it can be explained to me.
When he gets home that evening, Naruto is back from his mission--he smiles at Kakashi like he’s the best thing Naruto has seen all day and it leaves the Hokage warm all over.
(And somehow, that night develops into a routine: whenever Kakashi gets home from the Tower, he finds Naruto either in the kitchen, or sprawled on the sofa, or lying in the middle of the living room floor with paper and pencil. Every night that Kakashi returns home and Naruto isn’t out of the village. It’s almost… It’s almost like Naruto is waiting for him. And he gives Kakashi that smile , the one he’d received the second he’d agreed to this marriage. And he’s in love.)
/
It’s barely after dawn when Kakashi wakes. He doesn’t know for sure what woke him, but when he shifts, the warm body curled into his side shifts too, and the two of them settle into the peace of the morning.
Wait.
Kakashi doesn’t usually (ever) share his bed. It isn’t that he’s opposed to it, but the fact of the matter is that his husband has his own room and the two of them agreed before they ever moved in together that it made more sense to sleep apart.
But
Kakashi is not alone this morning. It begs the question: when did his husband sneak into his room, and why didn’t he wake up? From the time he was a child, Kakashi was a light sleeper, and his training only added to that constant awareness of his surroundings, so how did Naruto do it? Except..., he didn’t sneak in. Naruto doesn’t sneak , especially not in their house, so how?
The answer is simple, when it occurs to him: Kakashi trusts him. Completely, entirely, astonishingly trusts him. And he doesn’t understand how he didn’t notice it happening. Somehow, the jinchuuriki of Konoha eased past every last layer of Kakashi’s defenses, eased himself into a spot just behind Kakashi’s ribcage, tucked in next to his lungs like he belongs there.
And so the question is no longer how Naruto climbed into his bed, it’s why ? He doubts it was on a whim, or that Naruto’s just trying it out. Comfort? He shifts, testing their position (he tries very hard to not think about the warm skin on the other side of his t-shirt, or the fact that one of Naruto’s legs is tangled with his own, dangerously close to his morning wood, or Naruto’s hot breath fanning across his chest), but each move he makes is mirrored. It seems he must have pulled Naruto closer at some point, but his young husband willingly curled up to him, and isn’t that something?
So he allows himself one thing: to run his fingers through Naruto’s hair, his other hand wrapped loosely around the arm Naruto has pinning him down. While he ponders this new development in their marriage, he gives in to the ache to touch, careful and content in the closeness they seldom indulge in.
Another hour passes before Naruto wakes, blinking sleepily while his eyes search for Kakashi’s own.
“Maa, Naruchan,” he starts, “is something wrong?”
(He does his best to ignore the fact that he’s never sounded this wrecked before.)
“Ne, Kakashi-sama, I couldn’t sleep last night.” And then he shifts, pressing himself more firmly to Kakashi’s side like it’s totally natural and they’ve done it a hundred times. They have not.
And if Kakashi ever thought he’d mind being this vulnerable, this intimate, he was sorely mistaken. His skin crawls with the need to pull Naruto on top of him and lay in bed all day, but he fights those urges like a man with everything to lose, because he cannot risk pushing Naruto away.
I just wanted to be close to you, he says, like he’s not rocking Kakashi’s entire world this morning, and you always make me feel better.
Does he not realize what he’s doing? Does he not understand how sweet he sounds, saying things like that, or how enticing he looks? Does he not notice that he’s acting like a housewife, hopping out of bed like he wasn’t tossing and turning for half the night before slipping into Kakashi’s arms, asking Kakashi what he wants for breakfast as if their relationship is several years old instead of nine months? Like he hadn’t acted on a silent plea from his Hokage when he’d decided to marry him?
When he’s far enough away, Kakashi rolls onto his stomach, burying his face in his pillow to let out a confused (aroused) groan.
(His sheets smell like sunshine and summer and joy.)
/
I must be the worst kind of man. Selfish, I’m selfish, and he’s going to hate me for this. But I have to ask. I have to, because he’s been attacked nearly every time he’s left the village on a mission since we got married--how many times was he attacked on missions before we tied the knot and he didn’t tell me?
When he brings it up to the elders, both Homura and Koharu immediately agree. If he can get his husband to stay off of active duty and out of unnecessary danger, it will be better for the village, because it will be far less likely that he’s out of commission if the village is attacked, and it means he’ll only be half a village away if there’s an incident. Not only that, they also tell him that his husband is only more of a target because of his relation to the Hokage, and really it’s partially Kakashi’s fault that he’s in even more danger now (nevermind the fact that Naruto is the son of a Hokage , apparently that can be overlooked, right?).
He wants Naruto off of active duty, but Kakashi’s reasoning is far more selfish than protecting the village. No, the truth is, all he cares about in making this decision is that he’s not sending Naruto off to his death every time he gives his husband a new mission. It’s not like he can punish him by giving him D-ranks--he’s too valuable for those and could probably complete them without actually lifting a finger, not to mention the simple fact that Naruto isn’t at fault .
Maybe Naruto deserves better than this, and it isn’t like Kakashi doesn’t have faith in his abilities, because he does , but…
But he’s afraid. He’s afraid, because everyone precious to him is dead, everyone but Naruto.
He’s going to hate being cooped up in the village, barred from missions and the chance to blow off steam.
But I’ll give him a choice , Kakashi decides. If he gives Naruto a choice, maybe, just maybe, his husband will not hold his fears against him.
But how does he know he’s making the right decision?
“Good morning sensei, Kushina-sama.” He clears his throat, reaching out his senses to assure himself that he’s alone for miles in every direction. “I married your son. I suppose you already know that, if you’ve been watching over him. I want to protect him. It’s all I’ve ever wanted. And I know he doesn’t need me to, but I can’t help it, you know? I love him. What would you do, if you were here?”
He talks until he runs out of words, and then he stays just a little longer. Naruto’s out on a mission, but it’s not a long one this time. He should be returning by dinner and Kakashi hopes to beat him to the house. It’s rare he has enough time off to cook a meal, and he thinks it will be a nice surprise for Naruto to come back to.
As he turns away from the memorial, he finds himself face-to-face with Tsunade.
“You got married ?” she asks, one perfectly shaped brow quirked. “To Naruto ? How the hell did you get that boy to sit down long enough to ask him?”
He ignores the furious blush making its way toward his cheeks, looking her in the eye like she isn’t the most terrifying being on the planet. “Maa, Tsunade-sama, it didn’t exactly happen like that.” At the look she gives him, Kakashi inclines his head. “After the council members told me I would either have to marry or step down, I confessed my feelings to him. I did not ask him to marry me, because he told me he did not return my feelings, but he asked me to delay my decision until morning. He came to the Tower ten minutes after I’d arrived and told me that he was going to marry me as long as I agreed. I don’t know why he did, and no explanation has been forthcoming.”
But Tsunade has this look in her eyes that tells Kakashi she knows something. What, he isn’t sure, but perhaps in due time he’ll uncover that secret.
“I think Naruto will continue to surprise you, Kakashi. After all, he wasn’t half as respectful to me as he is to you.”
“I don’t actually know how to feel about that,” he admits. “Naruto… just does things, things I explicitly told him were unnecessary under the circumstances. We’re so domestic it’s not even funny, and I don’t understand why he’s choosing to act like…”
“Like your husband?” She puts one hand on her hip, looking unimpressed. “Because he is your husband, Kakashi. When Naruto became a ninja, he took on that role with everything he has. Why is this any different?”
“But if I hadn’t come to him, he wouldn’t have chosen to marry me!”
“And if he wasn’t raised in Konoha, he might not have chosen to become a shinobi. He could have chosen not to marry you, but it’s not his way. Stop thinking about this like it’s some issue you have to solve, stupid-Hokage! Despite the circumstances, Naruto knows that nothing about your marriage is fake.”
Nothing about your marriage is fake.
Kakashi blinks, blood rushing in his ears. Apparently, more than ten months together wasn’t enough to make it click that Naruto married him, really actually married him , Kakashi , the friend killer.
Tsunade smiles at him. “Go home, Kakashi.”
(When Naruto walks through the front door and spies Kakashi in the kitchen, his whole face lights up as if he’s just opened a gift he wasn’t expecting. Before he disappears to get cleaned up, he drags Kakashi into a hug, and it’s all he can do to return it. He whispers a welcome home, Naruto into the blond’s hair before he pulls away.)
/
A part of him wonders if Naruto has been possessed.
When Kakashi had proposed his request to Naruto, his husband didn’t even twitch . No, in fact, Naruto was the only person in the council chamber who seemed to keep his cool, and Kakashi just really wants to know who is this man and what did he do with Naruto?
Because, after hearing Kakashi’s reasoning, his husband did not throw a tantrum, as expected. He did not argue, or even frown.
He simply agreed, reiterating Kakashi’s points and reminding him that he’s useful in other aspects, too. I can be of use to you here, instead, he’d said. He makes it sound like he’s happy to be at Kakashi’s beck and call, like he doesn’t mind being whatever Kakashi needs him to be from one day to the next.
Tsunade was right, Naruto will probably still find ways to surprise him until the day he dies. Maybe even after.
It isn’t as if Kakashi still sees him as the rough-and-tumble, naive genin he was when he was twelve, or even the chunin he was at 16, but even after he’d hit 20, before the council’s ultimatum and their marriage, Naruto wore that goofy, knucklehead persona. It wasn’t until the night of Kakashi’s confession that his act truly fell away.
Wait, Kakashi. Perhaps you’re onto something , he thinks, skimming over the memory of that night.
What if…
What if Naruto wears his knucklehead act like Kakashi wears his mask? To protect himself, to keep himself guarded from anyone who might get too close.
And what if he no longer wears that persona around Kakashi (because he doesn’t, not in the office, or around the tower, or in their house…) because Kakashi’s confession came to him despite that act? He’s aware that Kakashi loves him, loves his loud voice and brash personality just as much as he’s come to love the gentler, more controlled side of Naruto. Is that why, Naruto?
And right after the meeting, after Naruto shocked them all with his easy acceptance, the way he managed the secretary’s surprise and discomfort had Kakashi falling in love all over again! Kami, it isn’t fair.
Kakashi shoves his comforter away, slipping out of his room and down the hall. As he inches Naruto’s door open the rest of the way (the blond never closes it fully, hasn’t closed it all the way once in their ten months together), he wonders whether his husband will wake. Pakkun doesn’t even twitch when Kakashi kneels on the floor beside the bed, watching Naruto sleep.
After several seconds, he lets himself breathe out a sigh, running his fingers through Naruto’s hair. In his sleep, Naruto rolls closer, hand shooting out from under the covers to collect a fistful of Kakashi’s t-shirt. He stifles a laugh, promising himself to earn his place in Naruto’s life. His husband has been living as if their relationship is real all the while Kakashi has been holding back, waiting for the other shoe to drop. No longer. Maybe it will take some effort, and some courage, but Kakashi is going to prove his devotion if it’s the last thing he does. Even if, when all is said and done, and he retires, Naruto asks him to split up. Even then, because he’s been given a precious gift. If he gets to see a side of Naruto that nobody else does, he’s going to make damn sure he’s earned it.
Eventually, he unwinds Naruto’s fingers from his shirt and stands, leaning down to press a soft kiss to his husband’s forehead.
“Nnng’dnighkashiiii.”
He stills, surprised and a little guilty, but when he finally has the guts to lean back, it hits him that Naruto is still sound asleep.
Naruto is sound asleep, yet he’s still aware of Kakashi in the room, and comfortable enough with him that it doesn’t wake him. As he makes his exit, he can’t help but be grateful that Naruto feels safe enough with him to allow his presence. Just another piece of the puzzle that is Naruto Uzumaki…-Hatake.
(It is not the last time that Kakashi visits Naruto’s room to watch him sleep. It is not the last time Naruto talks to him in his sleep, or the last time Naruto’s body reacts by latching onto his shirt, or his arm, or even once his hair--that one was mildly painful… and a nice change of pace.)
/
Kakashi doesn’t think he’s ever been so close to death as he is now, staring at this apartment door, wondering why he didn’t do this sooner. Nevertheless, he feels that this is a conversation he should be the one to have, and he’d rather have it now than after Naruto talks to his first precious person.
Iruka pulls the door open a few moments after Kakashi knocks, brows shooting up when he sees the Hokage standing on his doorstep without a care for the pouring rain ( what an omen on such a day). “Hokage-sama, please come in! What can I do for you?”
He steps inside, debating whether or not it’s too late to bolt. “This is an informal visit, Iruka, please relax. There’s something that you are unaware of when it comes to Naruto, and I thought it was best if it came from me directly.”
Iruka’s expression turns serious as he waves Kakashi into the kitchen, gesturing for him to have a seat at the table. Kakashi chooses to remain standing. “What’s going on? Is he in trouble? Is somebody after him?”
“No. I understand I sound a little tense, Iruka, but Naruto’s perfectly fine. I’m just aware of the fact that you will not like what I’m about to tell you.” He slips his hands into his pockets, feigning a relaxed posture to try and ease the tension between them. “I don’t think you are aware of this, but I’m in love with Naruto.”
Iruka blinks. “That’s it? That’s why you’re here?” He crosses his arms. “That’s not something I can do anything about, Kakashi-sama.”
“No, it’s just a piece of the puzzle. I was never going to tell him, of course, Iruka, not until the council gave me an ultimatum and it was my best option.”
“So you confessed and... he returns your feelings?”
“I confessed and... he told me he did not. However, the next morning he came to see me and we signed a marriage contract regardless.” Kakashi watches several emotions flit across the chunin’s face before it settles on confused rage.
“You married him?! What happened to him not returning your feelings? Are you insane?! Why the fuck are you married to a boy fourteen years your junior !?” Iruka lunges across the room, kunai in hand, and it crosses Kakashi’s mind that the other man might actually attempt to kill him, but before he can make any decisions regarding his own personal safety, he hears the telltale sound of kunai piercing flesh and stares, horrified, at the person in front of him.
“Ne, Kakashi-sama, you shouldn’t let your shinobi attempt to stab you…” Naruto coughs, spurring Kakashi into action. He darts forward, bringing Naruto to lean back against him, looking over his shoulder at the damage.
Iruka stands, unmoving, face blank with the shock of what he’s done.
Kakashi is pissed.
But he can’t deal with Iruka right now, not when Naruto’s been stabbed in the lung, not when he’s coughing up blood and rambling on about the two of them being stupid, as if he wasn’t the one who stepped in front of an attack that Kakashi could have fended off.
(He finds a first aid kit under Iruka’s sink and strips Naruto’s torso to patch him up, ignoring the chunin and Naruto’s ramblings while he ponders the rage cutting through him like a dozen kunai.)
“Kakashi,” Naruto says softly, hand closing around Kakashi’s wrist where he’s putting the finishing touches on the bandages. “Kurama healed up the internal damage already. Please calm down.”
It’s then he realizes his hands are shaking despite all of his training and his years as an active shinobi.
“Why did you step in front of me, Naruto?”
Naruto has that serious look on his face again. “Because I know you. You could have batted his attack away like it was nothing, but you wouldn’t have. You would have let him stab you, and I’m not going to allow that to happen.”
He sighs, dropping his forehead onto Naruto’s thigh, eyes squeezed shut. All I can smell is your blood--on your clothes, on my hands, everywhere. “How did you know I was here?”
His husband tangles his fingers into Kakashi’s hair, tugging gently. “I stopped by the tower to see you, and Murai-chan told me you’d left already, so I followed your scent. I figured you must’ve been telling Iruka about us. What were you thinking , telling him without me!?”
He was thinking that he needed to prove that he could be a good husband, and being honest with the people Naruto considers family is step one, isn’t it?
Before he can come up with an answer, Naruto speaks for him. “Kakashi-sama, if you would have told me that you thought it was a good idea to let Iruka-sensei know about our relationship, we could have done the intelligent thing and told him together. Being married doesn’t have to mean we only do stuff for each other, right? It means we can help each other by doing stuff together.” Kakashi thinks he can hear the smile in Naruto’s voice. “And here I thought we were getting the hang of this.”
Surprised, Kakashi laughs. “I’m sorry, Naruchan. I’ll do better.”
His husband hums, nudging him away and pushing to his feet. “If you don’t mind, Hokage-sama, I’d like to deal with Iruka my own way.”
He meets Naruto’s gaze, curious about the edge to his voice, and nearly chokes on his tongue at the fiercely possessive glint to those blue eyes. Shouldn’t Kakashi be the one who looks that way? After all, it was Naruto who took a kunai to the lung not ten minutes ago. So why does it feel like Naruto’s getting revenge on Kakashi’s behalf?
(Even after considering the events leading up to it, he does not expect Naruto to knock Iruka out in one go--though he’s less surprised that Naruto still patches him up afterward. Before they leave, he sets him on the couch with a glass of water and some aspirin awaiting his return to consciousness. If Kakashi pulls Naruto into a hug before they leave, pressing a reassuring kiss to his temple, only they will know.)
/
Kakashi can admit his faults--it’s actually one of his strong suits. Like how he knows he has every reason to be happy right now, but all he keeps thinking is that he doesn’t deserve this, and what will happen when he passes on the hat? Surely, Naruto won’t stay with him. Why would he? He has no reason to, right? Because he wouldn’t have married Kakashi if it weren’t for the elders, and when the reason is no longer valid, does that make the marriage fruitless?
He wants to be happy, but how can he with his imminent divorce? How can he when the man he loves is always just out of reach? He has never been able to live in the moment; always looking too far ahead or just over his shoulder. How can he be happy when he knows the inevitable truth: he will eventually be lonely again. How can he?
What will become of him when his kitchen is quiet again, and the rooms around him stop smelling like sunshine, and his ninken give him sad, knowing gazes when he comes home alone? What will become of him when Naruto eventually falls in love, or has children, or fights his last fight? What will become of him when his evenings are spent alone, when the sunny presence that hovers just at the edge of his awareness everywhere he goes is devoting his time elsewhere, when all of the habits he’s picked up over the last several months are forced to change? What will he do when he starts to call out a greeting only to realize he has nobody to come home to, or he makes a big dinner before remembering he’ll be eating alone?
How can he be happy with nothing but an empty, hollow future awaiting him?
“Shouldn’t you be sleeping?”
Naruto curls up beside him, warm and inviting in a room that he was certain was cold and desolate just a second ago, but somehow already smells of summer and Konoha’s forests instead of rain and stone and dying grass.
How? How does he do it, Kakashi wants to know. How can he set foot inside of a room and alter its atmosphere in the same instant?
“Do you regret marrying me?”
I’m happier now than I’ve been my entire life, he says, shaking Kakashi all the way down to his core.
The Hokage rolls, settling his weight on top of the blond, sliding his arms underneath Naruto’s back and pressing his nose to the juncture where his shoulder meets his neck in an attempt to hide what he’s feeling (he’s pretty sure it doesn’t work, especially when a few stray tears fall, but... a man can dream).
‘I’m not going to divorce you. I would never.’
(Naruto adjusts their position, bringing his arms around Kakashi’s shoulders and holding him in place, sliding his hands through Kakashi’s hair as if they’ve done this a thousand times. And Kakashi is not ashamed that he cannot get his emotions back under control, because Naruto is the one person in the entire world that he’s happy to be vulnerable with. After all, he’s not sad tonight, not any longer. Because he believes the things that Naruto says. He has no reason not to; Naruto doesn’t ever lie to him.)
/
“I’m sorry, Kakashi-sensei, but I can’t let you in to see him until we’re sure he’s stable. Right now we aren’t able to tell you if he’s going to make it.”
“Sakura, please , you don’t understand--”
“Yes I do,” she interrupts, hugging her clipboard to her chest. “I really do understand, but I need you to cooperate with me right now.”
(Kakashi slices through a water clone, glancing around the surrounding area because he knows Naruto’s already on site and--there!
Two years. Two years and three months since they married. Naruto, why are you giving me that pleading look--oh. Oh . Oh no. I’ve seen that look on his face before, that angry, burning determination.
All at once, the fighting around him stops and Kakashi forces himself to watch Naruto surrender, forces himself to attempt to memorize Naruto’s back as he walks away, because that’s his husband .)
(Kakashi feels the blast while speaking to his advisors. Immediately, Shikamaru ushers everyone out of the office, closing the door behind himself with a final glance inside. Clearly, he knows Kakashi’s about to lose his shit-- nobody would have been able to survive a burst of energy that potent, not even his husband. He thought he was hurting before, but now , with his heart in little broken pieces, Kakashi feels empty. Is this really how it ends? If ever a shinobi is killed, it’s certainly a way to go, like that, but it just doesn’t seem fitting. Kakashi has always been sure that Naruto would outlive the best of his peers. It seems he was wrong.)
He doesn’t leave the hospital. For three days, he waits, ignoring anyone who attempts to approach him with matters that aren’t an immediate concern of his. There’s a market thief? Shikamaru can handle it. There’s a climaxing argument between two clans? Let them battle it out on one of the training fields. Let Gai handle it. Stop pestering me.
(“Hokage-sama! Izumo and Kotetsu were seen carrying Naruto toward the hospital--he’s still alive! He looks like hell, though.”
Naruto… is alive? He’s alive!
For now, whispers the voice in the back of his mind that’s been the most vocal in the last ten hours than ever before.)
Please don’t leave me.
“Kakashi!”
Kakashi flinches, on his feet before he understands what woke him, before he remembers where he is and why. “Maa, Sakura, why are you shouting?” He rubs his eyes, blinking tiredly at the pink-haired kunoichi in front of him.
The grin on her face is practically manic.
“Be grateful I made you shower this morning,” she says. “And that I made you brush your teeth.”
“Huh?”
“He’s awake.” She rocks on her heels, but he’s suddenly much more alert, able to see the glassy eyes and bitten lip he hadn’t noticed before.
“H-he’s…”
“You can go see him now, but please be careful with him. He may look like he’s not in pain, but I can guarantee you that he is, okay?”
It takes everything he has not to fall apart right then and there, relieved beyond relief that Naruto has not fought his last fight. It wouldn’t have made sense. In what world could the man he knows and loves deserve that fate? Surely none of them, right?
(He doesn’t know how it happened, but somehow , constant touches and shared space have become an everyday occurrence. Instead of avoiding contact, instead of holding back and doing his best not to touch too much, Naruto has him trained, accustomed to how they lean into each other’s space, or hold hands, or--Naruto’s favorite-- hug . He never, ever used to do hugs.)
(Kakashi would not have it any other way.)
(He doesn’t fall apart until Naruto promises he won’t break--after that, it’s all he can do to let all of the fear and worry and grief that he’s been bottling up finally escape . At last, he can breathe .)
/
Three years, six months, and eleven days.
Kakashi silently shuts the front door, checking the time on his way into the bedroom to change clothes. It’s a Thursday, and Thursdays are usually reserved for meetings, but after his third meeting of the day, Kakashi had decided that enough was enough--he was going home early. He’d called Murai in, told her to reschedule the rest of his meetings for a later date, no matter their importance, and promptly left through the window.
He finds Naruto in the garden, looking entirely at peace while he takes a flower out of its pot and replaces it in the ground, completely oblivious to the world around him. There’s a smear of dirt across his cheek, just above his whisker marks, and his shirt has been tossed aside in the heat of the late springtime sunshine.
He’s never been home early enough to watch Naruto in the garden before, so when Naruto speaks, he thinks he’s been caught--that is, until he remembers his name isn’t ‘Mr. Yoshi’.
Naruto… talks to his plants?
And, oh flame, it’s so endearing to hear. Naruto, asking a flower if it’s getting enough sun. Naruto, telling a weed that it’s taking up too much space and he’ll replant it away from the other flowers. Naruto, humming that one song about April showers while watering his plants.
He’ll make a fantastic father.
...
Wait.
Oh.
Three years, six months, and eleven days after his confession and their resulting marriage, and Kakashi knows that Naruto loves him, but it hasn’t quite occurred to him all of the possibilities that are now open to him. He’s married to the man he loves, but he’s still living like he’s trying not to suffocate Naruto, even though he’s pretty sure Naruto is thriving more now than he ever was before.
We could be parents, if we wanted.
Is that something that Naruto wants? He’s never said so, but Kakashi knows him, knows his heart and his mind. Even though Naruto is always finding new ways to surprise him, he still understands his husband better than anybody else. Does Naruto want a family?
Yes, I think he does. But he won’t ask, maybe not for a long time.
Well, Kakashi isn’t getting any younger . He’s already thirty-seven years old. It’s time he stops waiting for life to happen and starts living. Besides, in the deepest depths of his heart, he has always wanted to be a father, underneath the layers of fear and guilt and hurt, underneath the walls he built to keep his softest parts safe from the horrors of the life of a shinobi.
But Naruto has broken down those walls, has exposed the vulnerable insides that Kakashi tried so hard to bury for good, and the truth is, he couldn’t be more grateful. He’s more comfortable with himself than he’s been since his father’s death, and it is all thanks to the bright, beautiful man in front of him.
“Naruchan.”
He hums, glancing up from the flower bed. “Ne, Kakashi, are you home early? Did I forget about something?!”
“Yes, I’m home early, and no, you didn't forget anything.” He steps off of the patio, crouching to kiss his husband. “I just missed you.”
The worried expression melts into a smile as Kakashi pulls away. “Hatake Kakashi is willingly taking a half-day off? Isn’t it Thursday?”
“Maa, I think I deserve it, don’t you?”
“I’ve been trying to get you to take a day off since you accepted this job, Kakashi.” He grins. “What’s going on, you look different?”
The Hokage moves to a patch of grass out of Naruto’s way, stretching out under the sun to enjoy it while it lasts--he’s fairly certain that the weather forecast is calling for rain the rest of the week. “If I ask you something, do you promise you’ll tell me the truth?”
He turns, setting his tools aside to look Kakashi in the eyes. “I’m always honest with you, Kakashi.” But he looks serious now, and that’s probably best for this conversation. “What is it? Is there… something wrong?”
Kakashi leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “There’s nothing wrong… Do you want children, Naruto?”
Naruto’s cheeks turn bright red. “Ch-children?”
He nods, feeling his insides turn to mush at the utter yearning in his husband’s eyes. “What do you want out of the future, Naruto?”
Another moment passes, and then the blond takes a deep breath, lifting his gaze. “I’ve always wanted to have kids. I guess I didn’t bring it up because I wasn’t sure if it’s something you wanted, but…”
“But I promised you that I will do everything in my power to give you the things you want, Naruto, didn’t I?”
“It has to be something we both want if it’s going to work.”
It’s a good thing we do, then, isn’t it, Naruto?
“You still don’t get it, do you? Naruchan, if there are things you want, I need you to tell me. Whether or not you think I’m going to want them, too. Because at least we both know where we stand. Right?”
Naruto nods, dropping his eyes. “I’m sorry, Kakashi. I just…”
“Do you want me to cook dinner?”
He makes a face, somewhere between confused and annoyed, but his eyes soften when he meets Kakashi’s own. “Yeah, that sounds good. I’ll clean up out here and then jump in the shower.”
It’s later, after they eat and Naruto does his best to bury himself in Kakashi’s side, that he realizes Naruto still doesn’t understand. He really needs to learn how to express himself. I’m sorry. Don’t look so sad, Naruchan.
“I’m not very good at explaining myself,” he says aloud, lips moving against Naruto’s temple. He’s made a point to move around the house without his mask, because he doesn’t want to hide from Naruto (and he’s perfectly aware that it doesn’t hurt their physical relationship). “I want children, too, Naruto. I always have. I’m sorry I didn’t make that clear earlier.” The arms wrapped around his waist tighten just this side of painfully, but he says nothing else. He can practically feel Naruto working himself up to say something, and he’s nothing if not patient.
“I spend a lot of time with the kids at the orphanage, now that things are different… and people don’t hate me… Most of the kids there are well-adjusted, and they’re happy, but…”
“But there’s somebody who isn’t?”
He nods.
“Well, I suppose I’ll have to meet this child, then, don’t you?”
Naruto shifts, dragging Kakashi into a kiss, and it’s all Kakashi can do to hold onto him while he whispers endearments against Kakashi’s mouth.
(He never thought he’d have this, any of it, and now, with Naruto warm and strong against him, he thinks he knows bliss.)